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SEQUEL: To This is Not the Way She Would Spend Her Christmas.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
This is the Way She Would Spend Her New Year’s
(To Fix Christmas)
Izzie doesn't know what her New Year's resolution this year should be. It shouldn't be this difficult to think of one, especially not for someone like her, but it is anyway. She's managed to come up with a long list of resolutions for Meredith (because she has a lot of things to resolve), and she's come up with a couple for George (because he has less to resolve), but she really can't come up with anything for herself. And it's not for a lack of trying; she's trying her best to come up with something because she's Izzie, and Izzie doesn't like to go into the New Year without having resolutions. She hasn't had a new year without at least one resolution, and it seems wrong somehow to start now.
The truth is she used to have a resolution. In fact, she'd had a very good resolution until Christmas on Monday last week, because before Christmas last week, she hadn't kissed Addison Montgomery. Before Christmas last week, she hadn't kissed Addison Montgomery. She had been a stable, functioning person with a resolution until Christmas last week. Before she kissed Addison Montgomery, her resolution had been to move on from Denny. But after kissing Addison Montgomery, that resolution was thrown out the window, because Izzie couldn't have a resolution that she'd already resolved. That took the whole fun out of the resolution part of New Year's resolution.
It's now a day shy of a week later and the New Year is the very next day. And still Izzie hasn't come up with a resolution. She's a little panicky now, and even though she's trying not to show her alarm she's sure it shows through anyway. Bailey certainly notices, because before Izzie knows it she's back to watching Meredith care for patients, and she's taken off the on-call list for tonight because Bailey doesn't think she can function properly. She doesn't even bother to argue, because, well, she really needs a resolution now. Otherwise she would've been kicked off duty the entire day for nothing. She tries to help Meredith as she checks on patients, but as she's not allowed to touch anything patient-related again she finds that she's not much of a help.
She does have an idea for a resolution, but she's not sure she really wants it to be her official resolution, because it has to do with her not ignoring Addison Montgomery, and Izzie doesn't really need to talk to her, does she? She's mentioned it to George once, and after he got over his initial surprise he told her that resolutions weren't supposed to be things that she wanted to do, but rather should do. Wasn't that the point of resolutions? And then he'd told her that she should stop ignoring Dr. Montgomery (because he could call her that, but Izzie can't anymore) and start talking to her instead. The thing is that Izzie knows he's right; she just doesn't want to listen because it's not what she wants to hear.
What she wants to hear is that it's perfectly all right for her to ignore Addison, because seriously, she kissed her on Christmas Eve-turning-Christmas, and that should be a good enough reason for anyone to ignore anyone. She's pretty sure (ninety-nine percent) that Addison's hiding from her as well, because she quite literally ran into her yesterday and although she ran away before Addison could get a word out, she could tell when their eyes met that Addison was just as surprised to see her. But then later on that day she'd heard Addison call her name and she picked up her pace and turned the corner so maybe Addison wasn't ignoring her, but she doesn't want to hear that either.
Izzie knows deep down that sooner or later she'll come face-to-face with Addison, and she's thought of so many things she could say that she just gives up and refuses to think another second on the subject. She figures that dealing with it as it presents itself can sometimes be the best way to go, but when she finally gets ready to leave the hospital that night (and it's really late), she finds herself stuck in an elevator with Addison. She usually thinks that things like this only happen to people like Meredith, but she's obviously wrong. Or maybe she's becoming someone like Meredith, and these things are starting to happen to her as well because of that. Maybe if she just hadn't kissed Addison, then this wouldn't be happening to her. And she would still have a resolution.
She really shouldn't have kissed Addison.
"It's almost midnight."
Izzie glances sideways at Addison. "What?" is what she says, although the tone she uses is more of a 'So?'
Addison seems to pick up on that, but she smiles anyway. She glances down at her watch, which makes Izzie wonder for a moment why it's always Addison that has a watch and not her. When she looks back up at Izzie, her smile widens slightly, "Happy New Year."
It takes Izzie a moment, and then she says, "Happy New Year."
And this is awkward, really, because she doesn't want to be here wishing Addison a Happy New Year as though nothing's happened because she wants to wish Addison a Happy New Year as though something's happened. Or perhaps even better yet (though she's not sure about this), she doesn't want to be wishing Addison a Happy-Anything at all. Even though theoretically it's her fault for kissing Addison first, she likes to push the blame on Addison because that makes ignoring her easier. She's way past that now, of course, because she's already spoken to Addison, no matter how awkwardly or grudgingly.
"Izzie. Are you forgetting something?"
Izzie looks at Addison, confused, and manages, "I am? Am I?"
Addison grins, presses a finger to her lips.
And Izzie suddenly smiles, but shakes her head, "I don't think so."
Addison pouts, and Izzie can't resist. She takes a step forward, backing Addison up to the elevator wall, leans in close, and kisses Addison again. Whoever said that first kisses were the best is clearly wrong, because Izzie thinks that this kiss the second kiss is a lot better than the first. There's even a bit of tongue, and Izzie has to try and keep upright when Addison nibbles at her lip while pulling away. Izzie's vaguely aware of the elevator's ding as it arrives on the main floor, and she knows she should be getting out but somehow she just can't move. In the end, Addison has to pull her out of the elevator because her legs won't work, and she's half-enjoying, half-grateful for the hand on her elbow that's supporting her because seriously? Izzie's thinking that if Addison lets go, she'll just fall over.
She allows herself to be led outside, and then watches as Addison checks her watch again.
"Happy New Year."
Izzie blinks, confused again. "You already-"
"I know. I was lying," Addison says with a grin.
Suddenly Izzie gets it, and she thinks that for her resolution she should teach Addison not to cheat kisses from innocent girls. Or maybe it's more of a resolution to get a watch so she won't be cheated of kisses even though she doesn't mind being cheated of kisses, not from Addison, at least. She smiles. "Happy New Year, liar."
And this time it's Addison who kisses her first.
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