DISCLAIMER: Not mine . . . wish it was. :p
WARNING: Anyone who knows me will tell you I lean toward the darker side of the spectrum.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for beta'ing . . you know who you are. :D
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I'm yours at night. Alone, together I can give you all I am. I can love you and be loved by you. I can lock the door and darken the windows and make sure that the world can't get in, can't interfere with the fire between us.
During the moon's day I leave my mask behind, throw it to the wind, feed it to the stray dogs that hang around your house. They too know of your kindness.
And I, stray dog that I am, know your kindness and so much more. You allowed me in your house, in your heart, on your furniture. You fed me with your hands on my body, and washed me with your unrelenting eyes. Made this unwanted mutt feel pure and loved and even, dare I say it, desired. I would sleep at your feet if that was what you wanted, would eat on the floor by your legs to prove my gratitude. But you treat me as an equal, and make me feel as though maybe, just maybe, I am.
But only when we're alone. At night, but not alone together, it's even worse. My mask gone I have nothing to hide behind and they see, your friends, they see me as the lost stray and they wonder, just as I do, why you bother. What makes me worthy of your attentions? At night, with your friends, I am worthless.
But only at night. During the day the light hides more than it reveals. Do you know that? Do you know how I hide behind reflected light particles? Or do you just wonder at the change from a stray pup to a competent doctor who earns respect and even fear, but never acceptance? Do you even notice?
During the day I lock myself in an iron maiden of my own making,. Do you like it Kim? It took me years to develop, to seal every hole, to discover and strengthen every weakness, to make it impenetrable. And I had help see? This spike, my mother gave me that when she abandoned me, threw me out in the street like an unwanted dog. No wonder they call me a bitch. This one, that's my ex-husband. I thought he would take me in, thought I had found a home. All these nails and tacks? These are from all those who laughed, who pointed, who ignored me, from those who just walked away. Every sharp point in this torture chamber of my memories has a reason, even if I have forgotten it.
What do you think of my suit Kim? Do you hate it as much as I do? Do you see me trying to reach out to you from behind this smooth shiny metal? Do you fear it as well? Do you see how it will be the cause of our destruction?
I'd destroy it if I could Kim. I would melt it down or sell it for scrap if I could. I would give up my protection for you Kim, would walk around naked and vulnerable for you. If I could, if I knew how.
During the day I want your help but can't ask. During the night I can ask but I don't know how.
Can you teach this stray dog to beg Kim? Before its too late?
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