DISCLAIMER: CSI is the property of CBS and Jerry Bruckheimer.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SERIES: Third part of the 'Stuck' series.
Stuck On You
Sex, she thought behind the doleful face. If the stealing doesn't do it,
and the my-parents-didn't-understand-me, then the sex, the sex always does.
She carried on talking.
~ Ali Smith, 'The Hotel World'
I snapped open my cell phone.
Wendy. That's a surprise. Not.
"Hey, Cath. I just wanted to tell you the results haven't come back yet..."
I thought I'd told her not to call me 'Cath'.
"You got a minute?"
"Well, actually -"
But she started yapping away, like she always does, on and on.
I put the phone down on the ground and continued with the task at hand. I could hear her droning on and I knew what it was all about: how she's never felt like this before, how special I made her feel, how's she's been feeling lonely her whole life and never even realized it, how easy I am to talk to and how she feels and why she feels and feels and feels...
With those eyes and that smile, who would've thought she'd be so DULL?
I picked up the phone again.
...and I'm such a good listener and she feels so close, and she's blossomed, and she's been lying to everybody but mostly to herself, snd now everything feels so yada yada.
"Hey!" I raised my voice, "Wendy, listen. I need to get back to the lab, I'll come see you, OK?"
I shut her out, shut her off, and cursed my own stupidity of getting involved with someone at work. But the way I see it? If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
The drive back was uneventful, no calls. I parked the car and walked inside.
As I rounded the corner I saw Sara at the other end of the corridor.
I looked at her and smiled and she didn't look away, and that's when friendship turned into something else.
I've waited six fucking years for her to look at me like that.
"It took you long enough, Sidle." And right then I knew I could stay like this for hours; watching her mess up the napkin, push some stray locks behind her ear, she have such small ears, sipping that ridiculous Ginger Ale. "I'd almost used up all my tricks, all my moves..."
"I don't respond well to games, or challenges."
Maybe not, honey, but I sure do.
"I'll make sure to remember that."
And then I started talking.
The thing about seduction, the thing most people just don't get? Is that you need to make them not only think, no, they have to be absolutely certain they're special. And not by talking about them, any hillbilly cowboy can do that. No, the trick is to talk about you. Make them believe you trust them, that you are telling them something no one else has ever heard, that they make you feel safe, sexy, smart, funny - whatever rocks their boat.
With Sara, I wanted her to believe she made me feel secure, open, nothing-held-back available. Nothing else would work, I knew it in my bones.
For hours we stayed at the bar, laughing, drinking. Me talking and her listening, her listening carefully.
In the car back to my place, I turned on her radio and searched for a station worth my time.
"I'm not going to limit myself just because people won't accept the fact that I can do something else."
She looked at me with that smile of hers, and I reached over and squeezed her thigh.
When she walked me to my door, I realized I was eager for her to kiss me.
She leaned closer and let her lips brush my cheek.
"You know, Cath, for all your talking? You sure don't say much."
"Honey, that depends on who's listening."
"Or maybe it depends on who you're talking to?"
That arrogant bi-
"That's what I said, wasn't it? Maybe it depends on how you're listening."
For that, you're going to have to wait for it, babe.
I went straight to the bathroom and carefully wiped off my make-up, and then I stepped into the shower. Wrapped up in a robe, I brushed out my hair and daubed on my night cream. Then I made myself a cup of tea and peeked in at Lindsey sleeping. Just yesterday she was my little baby girl, and look at her now, all grown up, with Eddie's temper and my brains and something in between that is her and only her. She could do worse I guess.
The next day found me standing in the break room, fixing coffee, and suddenly Sara was there. Not close enough for me to feel her, but close enough for me to know she was there. Suddenly my mouth was dry, and I had a hard time breathing.
"When can I see you again?" she croaked and I could feel her eyes travel my backside, up and down, and up again.
"You sure you want to?"
"Thought so..." I chuckled. "Breakfast after shift? Maybe we can make it to go and finish this..."
She leaned in just so that her nose touched my hair, I heard her inhale and I knew, right then and there that I had her. Just like that. I could follow every wave of emotion; rush in terrified and whoosh out excited. I could smell it.
God damn Grissom who chose this moment to step in with the others to hand out assignments.
Sara, Greg, and I got a DB at The Flamingo.
"You'll meet Sofia there. She's been there for hours already."
Sara went to the locker room and I followed her. No way she could get close to Curtis now, I wasn't done yet.
"You know, Sidle, you surprised me back there," I leaned back against the door. I didn't want an audience for what I had in mind.
She looked everywhere but at me, like a caged animal. She knew what was coming and she loved it: broody miss superior all wobble-kneed for little 'ol me.
"And the only thing I find hotter than being surprised," I continued. "You know what that is?"
She shook her head.
"The way you'll look at me right... Now."
"Like you'd want to rip my clothes off and fuck me blind."
Her eyes sank to my hands as I started unbuttoning my top.
"I kind of like this shirt," I shrugged. And I do, it was darn expensive too. "Come here..."
She came to me slowly but without hesitation.
"Don't worry," I whispered, "this won't take long. I'm ready for you."
And I was. Oh God, I was.
And when she went down to her knees, I heard her whisper. "I have to know what you taste like."
And then she
"Maybe it was something you ate?" Sofia asked.
Sara excused herself and ran to the bathroom.
"Everything's just a laugh for you, Catherine, is it?"
It is when your girlfriend's just fucked me senseless.
"Yeah, well... If you can't laugh at life, honey..."
"What if she's seriously ill or something?"
"I bet when she's done in there, she'll come out, tell us she's fine, and get right back to work."
I couldn't for the life of me understand what Sara saw in this ... bleached, starched piece of cardboard. With that ridiculous butch macho strut that didn't fool anybody. Hell, I'd take her down with both hands tied behind my back, sleeping. God, dykes are so EASY. And what's up with that so called cleavage? Jeez, I'd rather have a look down Jim's shirt, then at least I'd see something.
"I bet you a dollar..."
"I don't respond well to games, or challenges."
"Funny, that's exactly what Sara said the other day."
Sara came out, told us she was fine, and got right back to work.
I told you so. Sucker.
The next few weeks were hilarious. I had so much fun catching her off guard, to literally take her by surprise. I played her like a fiddle, no, like a what's it called ... a Stradovarian.
Like that one time, Sara and Curtis were in the break room. As soon as she noticed me Sara started gathering her things, ignoring me.
"I'm going to get some lunch, you want me to bring you something?"
Curtis said she'd have a tuna on rye, please, and then Sara turned to me.
"You want anything Cath?"
I looked at her and thought that the game of guilt and desire is exciting, but how it grows tired fast.
Something flickered over Sara's face and I instantly recognized it: our next five minutes alone she'd be all over me. She kissed Sofia on the mouth and stalked out of the room without a word of goodbye.
I looked at Curtis apologetically, "Sara is so good at surprises, detective. Don't you think?"
She didn't say anything. She didn't trust me for a second, and she shouldn't. But the sad thing was she didn't realize why she couldn't trust me. Silly cow. And she thinks she's so much smarter than me. They both do.
"We get confused by contradictions," I continued. "And you know what else?"
She shook her head, no.
"When I'm lost, simple juxtapositions feel like sense," I put on my glasses. "Like truth feels."
I can't help you with more than that. You figure it out.
I started flipping through a paper willing her to go. This wasn't as fun as it used to be.
I looked at her as she leaned forward, a little bit too close.
"For all your talking? You sure don't say much."
Finally. I didn't think you'd have it in you.
"I wonder what else you two have in common..."
And when I grew tired of the locker room, the car, my office, I took her home. I've got more toys there, and not being in a bed isn't adventurous or thrilling anymore, simply uncomfortable.
But I only took her home when Lindsey wasn't around.
And I talked about being close, of intimacy, of sharing secrets, longing, of me.
"When wanting someone at a distance... Fantasizing? So much of life has to be invented."
Oh, fuck, now she'll think -
"Did you use to fantasize about me?"
- for Christ's sake.
"Everything's allowed," I said instead. "As long as you're not boring."
I started rooting through my bedside drawer, I knew I had a... There.
"Shh... Trust me, baby, you'll love it..."
Yeah. Just like that.
"I'll... It's just a scarf babe, just say the word and I'll..."
She was beautiful.
"You're like a lost little child, Sar'" I said aome time later with her face cradled to my breast. "My very own little orphan, abandoned, adrift..."
"Not with you," she mumbled. "You've found me, made me..."
I put a finger under her chin to look into her face.
"Don't hurt me, Sara."
Please, baby, maybe...?
"I won't. I can't."
"We'll see about that."
"Catherine, I... I think I'm -"
Here we go.
"Shh. Don't." I tried to remember that cool line, "Cherie, don't be tÓdieuce..."
"But, Cath, I need to..."
Please, baby, say it.
"What? You need to do what exactly?"
She didn't answer.
Didn't think she would.
"Why do you want this to change?"
They always want it to change, but they won't...
"Remember, Sara, I eat little girls like you for breakfast."
Now get the fuck out of my house.
She put her clothes back on and started towards the door.
"I'll see you later then?"
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