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The Sum of Contradictions: 28 Trust
By beurre blanc


Olivia turned herself in the passenger seat, bending her left knee against the center console, ankle hooked behind her right. She leaned lazily into the backrest, and unobtrusively studied her companion as she drove. Alex's movements were balletic, and, to Olivia, hypnotic. Even dressed in jeans and a casual light knit top she seemed invested with an air of elegant refinement. Olivia wondered to herself whether it was the expensive designer cut of the clothing, or the carefully chosen accessories, but in the end decided they were merely that – accessories. Alex's grace was innate – after all, Olivia knew she was every bit as poised when naked, eating, showering, arguing. Even making love she possessed a certain grace, no matter how athletic or adventurous the activity…

She watched as the lawyer stretched her hand forward to select a new CD, then reached up to hook a stray lock of hair behind her ear, the movements unhurried, and inexplicably alluring. The vehicle headed steadily eastwards, having left the steel and glass of the city far behind. As the car emerged from the dappled light beneath a small stand of maples the late afternoon sunlight struck the small pendant hanging around Alex's neck, glinting and sparkling as she breathed.

Olivia chewed on her bottom lip, mesmerized.

"Well, are you going to open it?"

"No, not yet." I'm going to savor the moment.

Olivia looked momentarily troubled.

Alex watched her, taking in the briefest flicker of shy inadequacy, succeeded by the mask of practiced nonchalance. Her heart constricted, the surge of affection nearly overwhelming her. She shook her head slowly and smiled as she stepped right into Olivia's personal space.

"I've got something else I want – I need - to do first," she breathed, the last words forming the first touch of a kiss. Her tongue sought its partner, the complex and intoxicating dance bringing the still-simmering mutual arousal right back to its former level within seconds.

"Now who's the cliché, Cabot?"


Olivia smiled as she felt Alex leaning into her, pushing her backwards. She allowed her own impatience to take over, reaching for Alex's hand and pulling her along the hallway and into the bedroom. She stooped to turn on a bedside lamp, not letting go of her lover's hand, but as she turned back Olivia was rendered suddenly speechless. The world tilted – a paradox of spinning immobility – and a soft gasp escaped her lips. Illuminated by soft lamplight, framed from behind by the brighter lights of the hallway spilling in through the bedroom door, and gazing at her with an expression of undiluted desire, Alex was a vision.

Olivia approached slowly, lifting both hands to cradle Alex's face. She gazed reverently into Alex's eyes, and in a moment of exquisite sensibility both felt the extraordinary sensation of their heartbeats synchronizing, their souls swinging into alignment. Their kiss served merely to make tangible the fusion of their emotions, lips and tongues, teeth and breath, fingertips and palms, and, within moments, breasts and thighs, naked skin against naked skin.

Olivia pulled away, knees straddling Alex's hips, and reached for the attorney's wrists. "Lie back," she instructed, and leaned in again to kiss her, simultaneously pushing Alex's arms upwards, and urging her to place her hands beneath her head.


The detective silenced her with an index finger placed gently across her lips, a lazy grin, and a wink. "Trust me."

Alex nodded slowly, eyes twinkling, and extended her tongue suggestively, licking at Olivia's fingertip.

Olivia hovered, body poised over her lover, then dropped the lightest of kisses on her lips, the first of a series of feathery caresses, deliberately echoing the brush of fingertips moving sensuously across Alex's flushed warm skin. As she moved down over Alex's collarbones she opened her mouth, now sucking and tasting, deliberately, and hungrily. I had no idea how much I could crave the taste of your skin. She kissed her way across to one pink nipple, tense with arousal, and closed her mouth over the top, tongue flicking rapidly against the pebbled skin.

Alex arched. "Ohhh, oh Liv," she groaned, "too much… too sensitive."

Olivia ignored her. She simply smiled, knowing this was just the opening move - the first play - and allowed her tongue to continue its sensual assault. As Alex moved to protest again Olivia lifted her mouth, and immediately grasped the slick nipple with her fingers, alternately pressing and rolling, as she moved her mouth to the other breast. The sharp intake of breath accompanying this new level of stimulation drew not a moan but a squeal from Alex's throat, and a fine sheen of perspiration broke out across her chest. By the time Olivia again replaced her lips with fingertips, and began the slow journey down Alex's abdomen, the lawyer was almost writhing, knees bent, thighs widely apart, offering herself up, desperate to feel Olivia inside her. Olivia shifted gears – her fingers slowed, and began to massage Alex's breasts, each sweeping caress culminating in strong rolling strokes to the nipples, never resting still long enough for the intensity to subside. She began to map Alex's lower abdomen with open-mouthed kisses, her tongue flicking at the skin within the circle of her lips in a maddening contrast, hesitating between kisses just long enough for her breath to raise goosebumps on the cooling skin before lowering her mouth to taste Alex's skin again. Alex was reduced to guttural moans, and it was left to her body to articulate its desires. She pushed flat feet into the mattress, her pelvis tilting up towards Olivia's teasing tongue, the invitation none too subtle, but still Olivia denied her, distracted her, now sucking and tasting the skin of her inner thighs.

Olivia edged closer, allowing her tongue to snake its way through Alex's curls, then licking her outer labia before beginning a series if lightly-biting, sucking caresses, drawing each into her mouth in turn, all the while avoiding the ultimate prize, the one both she and Alex craved. Her fingers continued their increasingly firm twisting and pulling motion, and she extended a moist tongue-tip and ran it along the very edges of Alex's inner lips, one after the other, the touch exquisitely, excruciatingly light. Alex almost screamed as the delicate rapid flicking started again, Olivia's mouth moving quickly now, unpredictably, except for the deliberate teasing avoidance of Alex's clit. The sheen of sweat spread to Alex's belly and thighs, and her swollen outer lips seemed to pulse with her racing heart. At last it was Olivia who could stand it no more, and she sank onto Alex's sex, mouth open and enveloping, tongue plunging deeply into her lover then sliding back out to lick and suck at her clit. Alex's hips literally bucked off the bed. Olivia finally released her nipples so she could begin to stroke in and around Alex's sex, tickling, swirling, probing, and finally stroking deeply inside, drawing back, stroking in again, and again. Her tongue and lips sucked, pulled and swiped at Alex's clit, the rhythm relentless, mercilessly driving Alex towards climax.

Alex's orgasm, when it hit, was shattering – it eclipsed anything she'd ever experienced, with Olivia or any other lover… and Olivia knew it.

She moved slowly up Alex's body, now limp and exhausted, her skin slick with perspiration. Alex's eyes were closed, unnoticed tears graced her cheeks, and her breathing was ragged and deep. Olivia smoothed a lock of blonde hair away from Alex's face, running soothing fingers back across her scalp.

After a minute or so she lowered herself down to the pillow, and whispered smugly, "Have I just rendered ADA Cabot speechless?"

Alex opened her eyes briefly, and murmured something unintelligible, before the lids slid shut again, a hugely satisfied smile on her face.

"Did you just say 'touché'?" whispered the detective.

Alex shook her head slowly. "I said, 'cliché'." She lifted an arm and pulled Olivia into a deep kiss. Releasing the brunette at last, she breathed, "Thank you."

"Happy birthday."


Alex bent her elbow, and rested her head on her left hand, while she drew meaningless designs on Olivia's chest and belly with the fingertips of the right.

"How are you, really?"

"I'm fine. Well, I'm fine now." Olivia sighed, and turned her head towards Alex, capturing the wandering hand, and holding it over her heart. "Better than fine." She squeezed Alex's hand briefly. "I'm so sorry about last week."

"I know, Liv. Look, I'm not trying to push you… only to stop you from pushing me away. It's an important distinction."

Olivia blinked slowly, and swallowed, her expression pained. "It's just that…"


"It's just… I'm used to being self-sufficient, I guess." She swallowed again, and looked away from Alex, staring at the ceiling, but focusing inwards. "Another thing I've got to thank my Mom for," she added bitterly, more to herself than to her companion.


Olivia shook her head, trying to rid herself of unwelcome memories, and the attendant dent to her self esteem. She looked back at Alex. "I'm just not used to having someone to go to - for comfort. Someone I can trust."

"What about Elliot?"

"He's different."


"Well, let me see… He's a guy."

"Very funny. You know what I mean. You two are partners. More than that, you guys have some kind of… 'sympathy' – in the classical sense. And I can see the way you guys back each other up – Lord knows you've teamed up against me more than once!"

Olivia laughed. "Well, you're hardly an easy target… takes two of us to get anywhere! Of course, I think I might have the inside running when it comes to persuading Alexandra Cabot to let me have things my way."

"You still bring back-up, though."

"You jealous?" Definitely.

Alex smiled, aware of – and resisting – Olivia's attempt to divert the conversation.

"But don't you guys talk about things, debrief each other?"

"Of course, but that's different. There's still this unspoken 'code'. Cops don't admit their weaknesses, not even to their partners. You can talk about family issues, and office politics, and whatever else, but there is this line… things you just don't say. That's not to say they don't know when you're stressed or whatever – they usually see it first. You just handle it differently." She gave a frustrated sigh. "I don't think I'm explaining this all that well…"

"May I try?"

Olivia looked skeptical.

"Liv, you remember when you had that nightmare?"

Olivia nodded.

"After you woke up properly, do you remember me holding you?"


"At the time, it felt like I was holding the 'real' Olivia Benson – the part of you that is just you. No masks, no trying to live up to other people's expectations – or your own, for that matter, no trying to hide. It felt like… like you were trusting me with your heart."

"I was," Olivia whispered, throat tight around the words, "I did." She rested her head back on the pillow.

"Not really the sort of thing you share with Elliot, though. Am I right?"

Olivia nodded.

"But then you took that trust away." Alex blinked suddenly, trying to ward off unexpected tears which pricked at her eyelids. "And then, in the park a couple of days later, you trusted me enough to offer some insight into your life, your childhood – and then you took that back, too. It was a rejection I wasn't expecting, and it hurt so much. I could barely breathe…"

"I'm sorry…"

"Olivia, this is so… The last week has been hell for me." She huffed. "So much for the emotionless 'ADA Ice Princess', huh? But do you understand what I mean about not pushing? I will listen to whatever you want to tell me, and I won't demand more than you're willing to offer. But, once you offer me your trust, please don't insult me by taking it away and pretending things never happened. I don't like being manipulated, Liv."

Olivia felt humbled. She reached out and lifted up the small gold pendant now hanging around Alex's neck, watching how the lamplight glimmered across its surface. "Does that mean you don't want to be told that I insisted the Cap ask you along tonight?" It was a reluctant admission.

"You did that? Really?"


"Well at least you have the good grace to look sheepish."

"Baaaa. Forgive me?"

"I think I did that already… I'm pretty sure I forgave you just about every transgression ever committed. I might've even tried to say it, but I was having trouble speaking at the time…"

They both chuckled, each remembering the moment.

Olivia held Alex's gaze. I love you.

I know.

"Liv, will you do something for me?"

"Have I not done enough this evening?" Olivia pretended to be miffed – and failed.

"Will you come on vacation with me?"

"I um… it's… when?"

"End of July. I've got a small place, on the beach, up in Connecticut. Quiet, secluded. It's just… I just want the chance to spend some time with you without cell phones, and crime scenes, and judges and courtrooms and having to be so… so guarded all the time."

"I dunno, Alex…"


"Ok, ok, I'll go. D'you think we can go to sleep now?"

"Benson, you are such a romantic!"

Alex sensed Olivia's scrutiny, and took her eyes off the road briefly to glance at the brunette as she reached over to place a hand on her thigh.


"Oh, nothing…"

"What sort of 'nothing'?"

"Just remembering stuff, that's all. We almost there?" I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you…

The End

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