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(Or the Time the Doctor Found Out His Gaydar Wasn’t As Good As He Had Once Thought)

By gayfortinafey


Seeing how he had been alive 900 years and had travelled through time and space to the corners of the known universe, you would think that the Doctor had seen almost everything. He had not, apparently seen this:

Rose Tyler, lying on the TARDIS console, her top half up her stomach and her hair dishevelled and her jumper on the floor, and K-Tin, a blue-skinned woman from Ravelleus II, on top of her, kissing her way down Rose's chest.

The Doctor wasn't sure if he was imagining this, or if he was hallucinating or if, possibly, this was maybe real, and bringing Rose to the 22nd Century had been a mistake because alcohol seemed a whole load stronger and the men (and women, apparently) a whole load more attractive.

Had his brain been at optimal function ability, he would have been able to deduce that at least one of these scenarios was very likely true. However, his brain was not functioning at the ability it was usually attuned to, because there were two women on his TARDIS console – one of whom he was friends with, and had never even considered being into women (although really, for someone who had lived a good long while, he was still surprised a rather large amount by the contact and intimacy that all races took in one another, and the only creature that rarely surprised him was a certain Captain Jack Harkness, because it was Captain Jack and Captain Jack had a thing for everyone, including the Doctor himself) – and there is no man (and many women) in the known universe that could stop themselves from lowering their brain function in favour of ogling Rose Tyler making out with a blue-skinned woman from the rich lands of Ravelleus II.

There was of course, nothing that the Doctor could –or would – do to stop Rose enjoying her free make-out time in the coolest spaceship in the galaxy. Sure, it was the Doctor's TARDIS, but who was he to complain?

Using the small part of his brain that had not been completely consumed by testosterone and other such hormones in his blood that were pumping around his body at quadruple the normal human rate and half the normal Time Lord rate, the Doctor decided to leave the two women to it. Slipping out quietly from the TARDIS door, he locked it behind him and walked wistfully away, through the bright Ravelleus daylight, along the shores of the warm, clean, river that ran through the heart of Kinping, the capital of Ravelleus II. There were children playing in the water, which, unlike the water on Earth was still clean enough to swim in, and adults doing their daily allotted laps in certain marked off areas. It was like a public swimming pool. At least, that is what it reminded the Doctor of. Back on Earth, he had had the misfortune of being accosted and nearly killed at one such public pool and he no longer believed they were a good way to spend any free time he found himself with, when he was not travelling around the galaxy with Rose, being followed by every and any kind of trouble.

As such, he was not heading towards the beach/play area/public swimming baths-like area of the river, but for the bar on the river, the Royal Physicist, in need of a stiff drink to knock him out for two.

Three Hours Earlier

"Two shots of the strongest drink you have, please," Rose ordered as she slid into the bar stool and looked towards the bartender. Slowly but surely, she was becoming used to the new and exciting races she was meeting and now, as she mentally prepared herself for what was very likely a strong drink, she didn't even find herself remotely interested in the fact that the woman serving her had skin the colour of electric-blue with mismatched blonde hair like her own to go with it. Rose took a swig of the drink that was placed in front of her – rusty, the colour of Bourbon, she wasn't sure what exactly to expect, but something that strong it wasn't. A cough and a choking sound escaped from her throat and the bartender chuckled "It's stronger than you'd think, first time around. Where're you from?" She asked, knowing that Rose was obviously not a local girl.


"Where's that?"

"Far, far away from here. With much weaker alcohol. Not as good though – that stuff is amazing." Rose's lungs has calmed down considerably since the brew had first burnt its way down her oesophagus. "Doctor, try this." She turned to the man who has accompanied her into the bar, a young-looking man with a suit on, who was staring at each and every other customer in the bar before turning back to look at Rose.

"Oh go on then, it won't bother me. I have two hearts see. Nothing bothers me." Picking up the shot glass, he swallowed and soon a pained face followed. "Wow," he croaked, "that is strong stuff. I was wrong. I do not want any more of that. And you shouldn't either, Rose, that stuff will knock you dead for two if you're not careful."

"You can't tell me what to do, Doctor, you're not running the show here." Rose sounded angry to the bartender, who immediately lifted her hand to the bottle of unmistakable liquid.

"Another?" She asked, with a smirk on her lips: she knew bad boyfriends when she saw them. Rose nodded and another shot was poured, no questions asked.

This is what Rose needed – alcohol, and lots of it. She liked the Doctor, but once every so often he got too much, and he needed stopping. Whether that was with a gag (Rose had tried it) or the minding-numbing of some strong alcohol, Rose didn't care. But she needed some quiet. As Rose sat at the bar, nursing the re-filled drink in her hands, the Doctor set his own shot glass down on the side of the bar next to her, and set off to mingle in the filled bar, with people from all across the galaxy, few of whom he had ever met before (at least, in his current body. The likelihood of recognising someone and then embarrassing them when they could not seem to remember him in his current form was often high in such social situations, which is the reason the Doctor often introduced himself as Robert Smith.)

"So, he your boyfriend?" The bartender asked, frankly, watching the Doctor's back as he walked off.

"It's...complicated," Rose replied, sipping the strong drink slower than before, not wanting a repeat of the burning sensation that was the aftertaste of this particular drink. "We're not going out of anything but...there's something. I think. I'm not sure. It's kind of blurry. And he's not exactly the easiest of people to get close to." Rose continued speaking, even as the bartender turned to the man sitting next to Rose at the bar, and got him a drink.

"I'm sorry, I don't know your name," Rose apologised to the bartender, as she signalled that another shot would be appreciated. "I'm Rose, and that's the Doctor." She introduced herself and then pointed in the general direction of everyone else in the bar, hoping to point in some vague way towards the Doctor.

"I'm K-Tin. Nice to make your acquaintance," she replied, and Rose was taken aback by the way the bartender had replied. Not because of her name (she had come across many weirder names on her trips with the Doctor) but because of the second part of what she had said – like K-Tin was not a bartender at all, but rather a posh businesswoman, or a rich socialite.

"Can I ask what you're doing here?" Rose downed some more of the mysterious drink, unaware of the fact that it was in fact one of the strongest drinks on the planet (the man sat next to her was watching as she downed each drink with admiration – and wondered how long it would take until she passed out) and answered the question. "After the Doctor landed here to do some work on our TA – ship – I decided it would be nice to get a drink. Which is why I am here, right now, in your bar, drinking---" Rose held up the empty glass to the artificial lighting over the bar "---or rather, was drinking this drink."

The alcohol was beginning to run faster through Rose's veins, and she was starting to feel the effects of the drink. "Wow. That stuff is good. Could I have some more?" She asked angelically, not entirely sure why she started drinking, and not entirely sure why she doesn't want to stop.

"Sure, if you want to be on the floor in 5 minutes," K-Tin replied with a smirk. "Why not have something a little less likely to knock you out?" Rose nodded and smiled in appreciation at the bartender's thoughtfulness over Rose's health – and not just the money that would be made if Rose had more of the strong drink (which, Rose came to realise as she sipped the lemonade that K-Tin had served her, she still did not know the name of). The man who had been sitting almost in Rose's personal space stood up and walked away, leaving Rose alone at the bar with this interesting new woman.

"So, you like working in a bar?" She asked, trying to start up a conversation with the woman as she tidied up the bar where the man who liked invading people's personal space (the woman that had been sitting on his other side had walked off long ago) had been sitting.

"It's alright. It's just money, I guess. And I do get to meet some interesting people." K-Tin answered, looking up to smile at Rose, who felt something – she wasn't sure what, but it was definitely something – deep in her core at the beautiful smiled that graced K-Tin's face, meant for her.

"I worked in a bar once. It was a mistake. All the sleazy men got drunk and leered at me," Rose said.

K-Tin laughed slightly, before stopping the cleaning, and walking back towards Rose and said seriously; "If the men in here do that to me, they're tossed out on the street before they can think about what's happened to them." Rose smirked and was almost (almost, because this woman was beautiful and there was nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with checking out a beautiful woman) surprised to find that she was checking out the guns on K-Tin. Looking – staring, maybe even down-and-out ogling – at her toned, muscle-y arms, Rose realised that it was K-Tin that was chucking these rude men out of the bar, not some scary behind-the-scenes body-builder who came out whenever K-Tin whistled or rang a bell or shouted out.

The two women talked for a while, about anything and everything, and the two realised they had more in common than they thought. As they talked more, Rose opened up about her travels with the Doctor, and talked about how they travelled in the coolest ship ever – large on the inside, tiny on the outside, like an old Earth police box. Eventually, when almost half of the people who had originally been in the bar had left, and the other half had crowded around the Doctor, listening to him talking about something or other, K-Tin told Rose that her shift at the bar was over. "Do you want to...-" Rose wasn't sure what she was doing; she wasn't used to asking people out, especially not women of unknown races on a strange yet beautiful planet where Rose had never been before, but she found herself unwilling to stop, "Go take a look at the TARDIS?" Rose said and smiled as K-Tin's face lit up.

"I would absolutely love to. Let me just get my bag, yeah?" She said, heading off towards the back of the bar. Rose stood up and pulled on her jacket, and thought about telling the Doctor where she was heading. Instead, she found herself unwilling to tell the Doctor anything. She was completely unsure why, as she was normally willing to tell him anything.

The two women left the bar and walked in the direction of where Rose knew the TARDIS had been expertly landed by the Doctor. They talked as they walked, although the talking was kept to a minimum as Rose nearly tripped over a couple of times, the alcohol in her system making her feel a little happy. Eventually, they arrived at the TARDIS and Rose used the emergency key the Doctor had given to her to unlock the door. Taking hold of K-Tin's hand, she led the beautiful blue-skinned woman into the room which apparently expanded as they walked inside. "Wow" K-Tin said as she looked around the TARDIS, taking in the sight of it. "That's...amazing," she said, obviously astounded at the sight around her. But at least Rose has told her that it was bigger on the inside – she was going to think she was crazy, or run out of the TARDIS and then back in and back out and back in again (that had happened several times and Rose was beginning to realise how it was a completely crazy way to take in the fact that it was larger on the inside, seeing as it was no different each time the person walked in and then out and then in again).

"It's pretty cool, yeah," Rose said, taking off her jacket and resting against the console, where she knew it was safe to sit (the Doctor had countless rules about who was allowed where, and Rose had specific parts where she was never allowed), and smiled at the wondrous look on K-Tin's face.

"Pretty cool?" She asked incredulously and laughed slightly, before walking up to stand in front of Rose, whose smile faltered as K-Tin's hand landed softly on her leg. "It's amazing. Just...wow." K-Tin had a look of pure excitement on her face – like Rose had when she had first met the Doctor and the TARDIS.

Rose and K-Tin continued to chat amicably about anything and everything, and as they continued to chat, Rose realised that K-Tin's hand hadn't moved off her leg. She would have normally expected that to make her uncomfortable (she wasn't the sort of person who was prudish and anyway an innocent touch on the leg would never usually bring about weird feelings) but she was – she wasn't sure why or even how she uncomfortable: it just felt weird. And there was nothing she could do about it, however, because there was a small part of her that didn't want to move K-Tin's hand. That liked the feeling of the warmth of her hand on her lower thigh, or the feeling of having the warmth of anyone near her, or having anyone even want to touch her at all. Tentatively she looked into K-Tin's beautiful brown-black eyes; "What is this?" She quietly asked, refusing to break the eye-contact, even as an awkward silence followed her question.

"This can't be...anything," K-Tin admitted, with a saddened look on her face. "You're a traveller, and I'm not leaving my job at the bar right now. You travel with the Doctor in this amazing thing, and I work my job every day, and we both have people relying on us." K-Tin made sense Rose knew, even through the haze that was her alcohol and lust-addled brain, but she didn't want to leave right now. Not when she was here, with K-Tin standing so close to her, with the heat of her hand radiating through Rose's jeans to her skin.

"I know but this..." Rose sighed, "-this feels like something more..." she stopped talking as K-Tin leant in and brushed her lips against Rose's.

It was her first, albeit brief, kiss with a woman, and Rose couldn't help but think how soft K-Tin's lips were. But before Rose could further the kiss, K-Tin pulled her lips back with a small, ironic smile; "If we do this, it can't – won't – happen again. We have...life, we have to live it." Rose swallowed the lump in her throat that had gathered as K-Tin had spoken, and Rose has watched, mesmerised, as her lips moved delicately. Then she nodded eagerly, registering what K-Tin had said: one night – day, hour, whatever it would be – would be more enough to satisfy Rose's curiosity for all things Sapphic. K-Tin smiled again and leant in to kiss Rose again.

Their tongues and lips battled for dominance, and the two women found themselves lying on the console, with Rose on her back, her skin being scratched against the knobs and buttons in a way that was more pleasurable than painful.

And that was how the Doctor had found them, when he had walked into the TARDIS expecting to see Rose waiting and ready to go travelling off to another country, another planet, another time, another life-or-death problem. Instead, he had found her against the TARDIS console (he was never going to be able to look at it the same way again) with the woman from the bar on top of her, their lips locked together and their hands all over each other.

Just like that, the Doctor had left the women to get on with whatever they were going to do (he didn't want to think about it, not because he was jealous of the blue-skinned woman – although he was, he was so, so jealous – but because that was not the sort of image one could get out of their head very easily, and there were things going on in the Doctor's mind that were of more importance than the two women making out and groping each other in his TARDIS, which he himself had once used as a way of pulling the girls), and had walked off, with a small smile on his face.

The End

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