DISCLAIMER: The L Word and its characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
THANKS: To fewthistle for the beta read.
SPOILERS: Episode 4x04 'Lez Girls'.

A Little Sympathy, Please?
By ralst


With a roll of the eyes Helena effortlessly conveyed her feelings on the subject of all things Phyllis. She had listened, reluctantly, to Alice's description of her encounter with the older woman, but she couldn't bring herself to offer much in the way of sympathy.

"It's your own fault, Alice. Bette told you that she was new to the whole lesbian thing -"

"Thing? Isn't that a little dismissive of -"

"Don't try and change the subject." Helena relaxed back into the sofa, her aching shoulders protesting at the hours of unaccustomed labour, and begging for a massage. "You're the first women she's been with in over fifty years. She was bound to form an attachment."

"She practically glued herself to my life."

"The poor woman is probably heart broken."

Pushing Helena's feet to the floor, Alice took up her own lounging pose on the sofa, a look of petulance etched into her normally sunny features. "It was a hell of a day."

"You're telling me."

Alice had come home in search of sympathy and, although her Phyllis story had failed to produce the emotion, she was sure her Jenny story would at least lighten the mood. "Jenny saw the vagina-wig at the club."


"Stacey Merkin, the woman that reviewed her book, she was at the club with her girlfriend."

"Did Jenny make a scene?"

It was always a safe bet to assume that Jenny would make a scene and Helena didn't seem that interested in the details of Ms. Schecter's latest bout of crazy.

"You could say that." Alice waited a moment until Helena peered in her direction. "She made me kiss her."

"She did what?"

"She begged me to kiss her." Alice was pretty pleased with herself. The looked on Helena's face could only be described as flabbergasted and oddly, it was a look that suited her. "Promised me Starbucks for a week."

"You kissed her?" Alice nodded. "Jenny and you?"

"It was just a kiss."

"A kiss between you and Jenny." The ache between Helena's shoulder blades flared into life as her body tensed. "Why would you want to kiss her? Not that there's anything wrong with Jenny, I mean nothing beyond the obvious, but I just didn't think she was your type."

"Hello! So not my type." The conversation had somehow veered from its intended course, straight to sympathy-land, and headed in a direction Alice couldn't quite fathom. "I was just doing her a favour."

"By kissing her?"


Helena looked dubious.

"It was nothing."

The look remained.

"Haven't you ever kissed a friend?"

"You mean a peck on the cheek?"

"Yeah, precisely."

"So the kiss you gave Jenny was nothing more than a peck?"

"Yes." Alice lasted a full three seconds before she caved. "Not exactly."

"How 'not exactly'?"

Alice wanted to pace but she was pretty sure Helena would see it as a sign of guilt. It was, Alice thought, almost like having a girlfriend.

"It lasted a little longer than a peck," she admitted, "but without tongues."

Helena pulled a face. "I should hope not."

"See, it was nothing."

"It was a kiss."

Alice revised her 'girlfriend' thought. This was more like being married, but without the benefits.

"Are you jealous?" It was the only thing that made sense. "Is that why you're giving me the third degree?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"You are, you're jealous." Alice realised that jealousy far outweighed sympathy in the 'make me feel better' stakes. "You want me all for yourself."

"That is ridiculous!"

"You're hot for my bod," Alice crooned. "You think I'm sexy, you want to..."

"I swear, if you go into your Sandra Bullock impersonation I'm going to throttle you." Helena closed her eyes and tried to pretend she was back in her luxury beach house, surrounded by servants and women desperate to fulfil her every need. "Besides, what makes you think it's your body I'm interested in?"

Alice's jaw dropped and, if she hadn't been fighting a headache, Helena would have found the sight rather amusing.

"You like Jenny?" Incredulity coloured Alice's words to such an extent that they were almost unrecognisable. "Doily wearing Jenny?"

"She's very pretty."

"Hello? She's Jenny!" Alice would have normally thought twice before trashing one of her friends but she'd been fighting with Jenny all evening and, besides, it was Jenny. "She's so not your type."

"I don't have a type," Helena disagreed.

"Everybody has a type," Alice countered, "and she's not yours."

"She could be."

"She isn't." With a sinking feeling Alice realised that she didn't really know what Helena's type might be; besides Tina and Dylan she'd never actually seen any of the women in Helena's life. "I'm much more your type."

"You think so?" There had been a fleeting moment, before she'd met Dylan, when Helena had seriously considered making a move on Alice. Not that she was about to admit to any such insanity under the present circumstances.

Alice's bravado began to slip under the weight of Helena's amused glance. "I'm a better kisser than Jenny."

Helena arched a brow.

"I am!" Alice insisted. "The second I started to kiss her Jenny began using me like a jungle gym. I'm telling you, it was freaky."

The edges of Helena's mouth started to turn up but she refused to succumb to the smile that was forming. "Sounds delightful."

"Delightful? Fine, have it your way." Arms crossed and a scowl firmly in place, Alice waited for Helena's retraction, but none was forthcoming. It was almost as if, Alice considered, Helena actually believed that Jenny was the better kisser. She quickly turned to her friend, "Kiss me!"

"Excuse me?"

"You've got to kiss me," Alice insisted.

"No, I don't."

"I'll give you Starbucks for a month."

As Alice crawled closer and closer to her on the sofa, Helena began to feel decidedly uncomfortable. It was one thing to tease and flirt with your friends but it was quite another to have one of them, especially the one you were living with, suddenly start demanding you follow through on your actions.

"Alice, I don't think -"

"Just shut up and kiss me!"

After a command like that there was nothing that Helena could do but comply. The kiss was hot, wet and decidedly more than friendly, and by the time they came up for air Alice had positioned herself astride her friend's body.

Helena blushed. "That was -"


"I should -"


They quickly moved apart, neither quite sure what had just happened, but both desperate for a little solitude so they could figure it out without interruption or temptation.

"I'm gonna go to -" Alice waved in the direction of her bedroom before turning to flee from the room, a hasty "Goodnight Helena," following her out.

Helena slumped down in the sofa and wondered, not for the first time, if living in LA could get any stranger.

The End

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