DISCLAIMER: NBC owns the rights to Law and Order: SVU. I'm just
burrowing the characters for entertainment. No money is being made,
and no harm is intended. I like to tie in music with my work, so
you'll be seeing a lot of music interlaced with this story.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first attempt at Olivia/Alex fan fic. I hope it's okay.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
The Take Down
Alex and Olivia gave their statements and were checked over by the paramedics. Olivia kept one eye on Alex the whole time. She was worried Alex might be in shock. Finally, they were told they could leave the scene. Olivia had called Elliot and told him she and Alex were fine and to please pass it along to the rest of the squad.
"You okay?" Olivia asked softly as she and Alex made their way out of the courthouse.
"Yeah just a bit shook up you know?"
"I I really don't want to be alone Olivia," Alex said softly.
"Me either," Olivia nodded in understanding. "Why don't we go back to your place and order some pizza maybe watch a movie or something. How does that sound?"
"Wonderful," Alex sighed. "You don't mind staying with me that is?"
"Alex- how can you even ask me that," Olivia said softly as she moved closer and pulled the ADA in for a hug. "Never."
"Thank you," Alex whispered.
"How do you deal with it?" Alex asked as she flicked the remote control to turn on the radio and shut off the TV.
"With your job .with what people expect of you?"
"I don't know?" Olivia said softly. "I just do."
"Have you always wanted to be a police officer?"
"I think on some level yes, always. I always wanted to help people protect them you know?"
"I can see that in you," Alex said watching the soft expression on Olivia's face. "There is this softness to you Olivia. It's amazing and inspiring all at once." Olivia lowered her head at the compliment. "No don't don't be embarrassed," Alex whispered.
She slowly brought her head forward and kissed Olivia. Their eyes locked the entire time, slowly they closed as the delicate kiss took place.
"Alex," Olivia said in a hush. "Are you sure about this?"
"I'm sure," Alex answered.
"I don't want you to have regrets. Not with me. Not with us."
"Okay then," Olivia nodded and brought her lips to Alex's again. Alex pulled away and yawned.
"Sorry," she smiled.
"That bad?" Olivia winked.
"No not at all just tired. Long day." Alex closed her eyes as she felt Olivia shift and lean back. She patted her side as Alex brought her head down to rest on Olivia's shoulder.
Olivia reached behind her and pulled out the blanket that rested next to the couch. She covered them both and blew out the small candle that lit the room.
"This means you'll stay," Alex said softly as she tried to make out Olivia's brown eyes. The lack of light in the room made it difficult.
"Always," Olivia said as she kissed Alex's forehead.
"What do you want?" Olivia asked. She saw the panic and fear on Alex's face.
"Her to pay," the gunman said pointing to Alex. It was only she and Olivia in the courtroom. Olivia watched helpless.
"Not her please."
"Why? Cause she's an ADA? Cause you love her? If I don't hurt her you will," he said hissing. Olivia locked eyes with Alex.
"He's right," Alex said through tears. "You'll hurt me. It's in your blood."
"No Alex I'd never hurt you," Olivia said moving toward the blond.
"She's already dead," the gunman said. Olivia looked down and saw the blood on her hands. She looked back up to see Alex holding her side.
"How could you how could you choose it over me?"
"No Alex No!" Olivia shouted as she jumped from her sleeping position on the couch.
"It's okay," Alex soothed. "It's okay Liv shh."
"God," Olivia mumbled. She could feel the sweat through her shirt. "I'm soaked."
"Come here," Alex said pulling Olivia up. "It was just a dream. Come on I'll get you something more comfortable to sleep in."
"I " Olivia stopped at the door to Alex's room.
"What is it?"
"I won't hurt you," Olivia said seriously.
"Of course you won't " Alex whispered pulling Olivia to her. "What was your dream about?"
"You said I'd hurt you. You said it was in me "
"Olivia," Alex pulled her closer for a hug. "It was a nightmare."
"I know I just want you to know I'd never hurt you. I'd die before I let that happen."
"I know that " Alex soothed Olivia and brought her lips to her own trying to drown out all worries and fears her love might have. Olivia let Alex kiss her. Olivia needed to feel this power, this control she knew Alex had right now.
"I know," Alex nodded and led Olivia to her bed. "Fast too fast."
"It's not that I don't want to believe me, I want to."
"It's just "
"It's okay," Alex nodded. "We have all the time in the world."
"You're not mad?"
"How can you ask me that?" Alex said softly pulling Olivia's shirt off and gently putting on the Old Navy t-shirt she had bought for a trip last year.
"It smells like you," Olivia smiled taking in the scent she no longer needed to dream about.
"I have a smell?"
"Oh yeah," Olivia nodded and blushed. "Not that I smell you or anything "
"Or how did Munch put this check out my ass?"
"You heard that huh?"
"Oh yeah," Alex chuckled and got into bed making room for Olivia.
"Why? I'm not," Alex said seriously.
"No it made my night. Well right up till the part where you kissed that woman."
"Mel," Olivia said softly. "She's an old friend."
"Can I tell you something and you promise not to make fun of me?"
"I can't promise anything," Olivia smiled.
"I don't get jealous very often but "
"Counselor, you telling me you got jealous?" Olivia smiled flattered.
"I think that's cute," Olivia said softly leaning her head closer to Alex's and touching her forehead with her own.
Her cell phone rang. "Hello?"
"Liv, it's me."
"Elliot, hey. What's going on?"
"Fin and Munch got her."
"Her?" Olivia asked confused.
"Lang's wife's killer."
"I'll be right in."
Alex sat behind the two-way glass with Cragen next to her. She hoped Olivia and Elliot could get some form of a confession out of the man.
"Come on Jake," Olivia huffed. "We know you killed her."
"I can't blame him," Elliot chimed in. "Someone took advantage of me and my wife like Lang did to you I'd go out for revenge too. Make the bastard pay for what he did."
"Elliot," Olivia said tilting her head. "You can't be serious."
"Sure I am," Elliot nodded. "Hell I'd cut her up make her suffer. The more she suffered the more Lang suffered."
"She didn't suffer," he said softly.
"She didn't?" Elliot asked shocked, "why not? Why not make her pay."
"I didn't want her to die," he cried. "I I only wanted to take away his child like he had taken mine."
From behind the glass Cragen looked at Alex. "Sounded like a confession to me."
"That it did," Alex nodded. "Nice work Captain."
"It was all them," Cragen said pointing to the glass. "They make quite the team huh?"
"Yes they do," Alex nodded.
"How are you holding up?" Cragen asked shifting his attention to Alex fully. "Olivia isn't talking about it really."
"I can't blame her," Alex said softly. "I know she's beating herself up over killing him. That can't be easy."
"It was a choice," the Captain said looking back at Olivia. "She'd choose death over you any day."
Alex paused and looked at Cragen. "Sir?"
"I'm just saying she'd never let anything happen to you."
"I'd never let anything happen to her," Alex answered.
"Good," Cragen said. "Olivia she's special to me Alex. She doesn't let many in. So when it happens hold on to it with both hands."
Alex nodded as the door opened and Elliot and Olivia stepped out. "Nice work guys," the Captain said smiling.
"Free toaster time?" Elliot asked. "That's like 999 isn't it? Oh wait we need a thousand for the toaster."
Olivia smiled as she watched Alex who suddenly appeared to be very uncomfortable. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Long day."
"Tell me about it," Olivia smiled. "You up for dinner?"
"Sure. Dinner sounds wonderful. I'm going to head back to the office to get started on processing this paperwork. Want to pick me up in half an hour?"
"Sounds perfect. See you then."
"Bye," Alex smiled.
"So?" Olivia raised an eyebrow and wondered where Elliot was going. "What?" Elliot just watched her and smiled.
"I know you Liv something's up. What is it? You can share," he smiled.
"I bet you'd love that huh?" Olivia snickered.
"Fine. Don't share. It is selfish-but I would understand. Whatever you want."
"Lord Elliot- I'm not your wife. Guilt doesn't work on me like that."
"Good point," Elliot nodded. "So no juicy details."
"Not really any to share. We're just taking it slow and seeing where it goes."
"Slow slow is good."
"That's what we thought."
The phone rang. "Benson. Yeah- we'll be right there."
"We got a Jane Doe down on 67th. She's not answering any questions and she has no ID on her. Looks like a rape."
Elliot grabbed his coat and followed Olivia's lead.
Alex sighed as she sunk further down in her chair. She had given notice to Liz that she would be taking a week off. She only came in to clear up some paperwork. She needed sometime to think things through. So much was changing in her life and she wasn't sure about anything anymore.
"Hey," Serena said peeking her head in through the door. "How you doing?"
"Yeah," Serena nodded. "Thank God for Olivia."
"I know. If she hadn't been there I don't think I'd be here."
"Is she doing okay?"
"Yeah. I mean I guess she's more used to it but still killing someone." Alex felt a chill run through her. "She didn't even question it. She knew what she had to do and she did it. I wish I could be more like her."
Serena noticed the change in Alex's demeanor as she spoke about Olivia.
"So how are things between you two?"
"Good," Alex smiled and caught Serena's amused expression. "What?"
"Nothing I'd never ask you to kiss and tell," Serena held her hands up in mock surrender. Alex felt a blush come to her cheeks.
"Yes we kissed. Or really- to be technical," Alex smiled, "I kissed her."
"So I take it this means you've reevaluated your position of Detective Benson?"
"Yes," Alex nodded. "It does."
"So what exactly is your 'position' of the Detective?" Serena asked smiling and emphasizing the word position.
"Get out of here," Alex swatted her away.
"What?" Serena asked shocked. "What did I say?"
There was a soft knock at the closed door. "Come in."
"Alex," came the concerned voice. "I've been trying to call you. Are you okay?"
"Richard," Alex said looking at Serena for a moment. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to call you I've been super busy with work and everything."
"Hi," Richard said to the still seated Serena.
"Hi," Serena said waving. She knew it was about to get interesting.
Richard brought flowers and gave them to Alex. "I was so worried. I'm just glad you're okay."
"I am so no worries," Alex smiled. She saw Richard move in closer to her and pull her into a hug. He leaned forward and kissed her. Alex tried to pull away but wasn't sure what the appropriate action would be in a situation like this. She allowed Richard the kiss and held the flowers he gave her, 2 dozen red roses, in her left hand.
Olivia stood in the doorway watching the scene. She thought a nice lunch would be a welcomed break from the work she'd been doing all morning. She felt her heart rip a little but willed herself to do the right thing .for Alex.
"Excuse me," Olivia said softly as she stood in the doorway. "I don't mean to interrupt."
Alex pulled away from Richard like she had just been caught doing something she knew she shouldn't. Serena almost gasped.
"Olivia " Alex said moving closer to Olivia. She needed some form of contact to let her know what she'd seen wasn't what it looked like.
"Oh don't worry. This won't be long," Olivia smiled and noticed the red roses in Alex's hand. "Red roses?"
"Yes they're her favorite," Richard smiled. "I'm Richard, Alex's fiancé."
"Fiancé?" Serena and Olivia both said out loud and in the same shocked tone. Olivia looked down and tried to collect her wits.
"Well congratulations counselor," Olivia smiled. "You must be proud."
"Olivia," Alex said softly placing the flowers on the desk. "Let me explain "
"It's okay," Olivia smiled.
"Benson Benson you're the cop that saved Alex and that judge," Richard spoke up. He approached Olivia and shook her hand. "I can't thank you enough. What you did you saved her."
"Just doing my job," Olivia said. She could feel the room growing smaller. "I have to go I can talk to Cragen about this. It's no biggie."
"Wait," Alex said capturing Olivia's hand in her own. It dawned on Alex how perfectly it fit. Alex quickly realized everything about Olivia seemed to fit perfectly with her life everything except Alex's own narrow mind she'd had. "Why did you really come?"
"Really?" Olivia whispered. "I wanted to see if you would join me for lunch. I thought given the day I've had you could be there for me but," Olivia spoke a bit louder, "You're already there for someone else."
"Olivia it's not what it looks like please," Alex continued to move closer. Olivia looked down to see Serena sitting in the chair and quite uncomfortably at that.
"Hey Serena," she smiled.
"Well I got to run Cabot I'll see you around," she smiled and moved as fast as her legs would carry her down the hall and out the doors of the building.
"Damn," Alex sighed.
"Was she okay?" Richard asked.
"No she wasn't" Serena spoke up for the first time really. "I'm late for an appointment."
"Don't," Serena shook her head. "You should have stopped her."
"She didn't want to listen."
"You should have made her. You owe her that much Alex," Serena said as she rounded the corner and closed the door.
"Someone want to tell me what's going on?" Richard asked looking at Alex.
"I think we need to talk," Alex said with regret and worry. She hoped to get through this and find Olivia as quickly as possible. She had much that needed to be said.
"I tried with all my might but still don't understand why we ever let it get so out of hand. My arms are reaching out and holding on tight, to what has always felt so right."
Olivia sat on the bench to think. Her thinking bench never failed her and now she needed it more then ever. She sipped her coffee and closed her eyes. She'd been on overdrive these last few days and she was feeling the burn now more then ever before.
She had just once again been burnt by Alex. She laughed at the silly situation she had put herself in. She wasn't sure why she was not surprised by events that had unfolded. It was almost as though she played truth or dare and sadly got the truth.
"Now I'm glad I didn't " she said softly letting the sentence hang in the air.
"Glad you didn't what?" Serena asked sitting next to Olivia on the bench. "Mind if I join you?"
"If you were sent here by her .please don't say anything."
"No. She has no idea I'm here right now. And for what it's worth," Serena held her breath a moment and locked eyes with Olivia. "I'm truly sorry she hurt you."
"Again," Olivia added.
"It's hard to figure out the answers to the questions when both our lives are going in separate directions. One is breaking into two and my heart is turning blue. You still don't get it, do you? Thought, we had all the love to go it for the long run so before that damage is done let's start back over at one."
"So that's it then?" Richard said not able to look Alex in the eyes.
"I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you," Alex whispered leaning forward and hugging him. "It just happened."
"I see," Richard nodded. "Well then. I guess I should go."
"Please understand," Alex pleaded.
"What's to understand Alex. I proposed to you the night of the ball. You were all to willing to say yes. And then you tell me that you think you're falling for someone else?"
"I know this is difficult."
"You have no idea," Richard stood up. "I've got to get some air." He walked out of the office slamming the door behind him. Alex just let him go.
"Lights out, when every evening used to get so hot. Now, we got so damn distracted we forgot how to lock the world away and just get lost in where you end and where I began. Love is wrong when it's so easy to divide. So let's make a vow how much is on the line. One is breaking into two and my heart is turning blue, and you still don't get it, do you? Do you? I thought, we had all the love to go it for the long run so before that damage is done let's start back over at one."
Serena slowly brought her hands up to Olivia's face, touching the side of her cheek and wiping the small tear. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Olivia laughed cynically. "You didn't break my heart twice."
"Maybe there is more to the story," Serena offered.
"Well sorry, but I wasn't in the mood to stick around and find out."
"Yeah," Serena nodded. "Me either."
"I feel like such a fool," Olivia sighed.
"Don't," Serena shook her head. "Don't say that."
"Well it's true isn't it? I always do this to myself. I always fall for the ones I can't have."
"Maybe you're not looking in the right spot," Serena offered.
"That's what I thought," Olivia said. "Look where that got me."
Serena leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Olivia's shoulder. She pulled her close and enjoyed the warmth and honesty she felt with the Detective. "It'll be okay Liv."
One is breaking into two. My heart is turning blue and you still don't get it, do you? Do you? I thought, we had all the love to go it for the long run so before that damage is done. Let's start back over at one.
Alex tried Olivia's cell but it had been shut off. She stopped by the station but no luck there. Finally, she thought back to the place this thing between them seemed to have started. Olivia's "thinking" place. She walked the short path through the isolated woods and found Olivia sitting across from her. Alex held her breath as she saw Serena laugh at something Olivia had said and lean forward closing the distance between them.
Serena kissing Olivia.
Olivia kissing Serena.
Her best friend kissing wait what was Olivia exactly? After the scene in the office and what she was witnessing now she wasn't sure anymore. Alex put the flowers down and walked away.
Serena pulled away and smiled. She just wanted to cheer Olivia up and comfort her in any way she could. The hug didn't seem like enough. "You really do love her don't you?" she asked smiling softly. "She is a lucky woman."
"I love her like I've never loved anyone before in my life Serena," Olivia sighed. "And it doesn't seem to matter how hard I try to make her see it. She just can't seem to accept me or us."
"Maybe if you tried talking to her," Serena offered again. "Love is something special Olivia, when it comes along don't toss it aside at the first obstacle."
"I'm not the one tossing it aside."
"No not entirely but you're partly responsible."
"You need to get off this bench and find Alex. You need to make her make you understand why she did what she did."
Olivia ran her fingers through her hair. "Isn't it pointless."
"It never is when your heart is on the line Olivia."
Olivia considered Serena's words as well as her own. She nodded and stood. "I got to go."
"Thanks Serena," Olivia smiled. "I owe you one."
"Just make it right Olivia."
"I'm going to try."
'When the world wasn't upside down I could take all the time I had. But I'm not going to wait when a moment can vanish so fast. Every kiss is a kiss you can never take back. Lift me up in your eyes. If you told me that is where heaven is you'd be right. I've been waiting forever for this. This is the night.'
Olivia knocked lightly at the door. Alex barely heard it. She walked to the peephole and saw Olivia standing outside the door looking down at the ground. Alex took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hi," she said softly.
"Can I come in?" Olivia asked.
"Please," Alex said standing aside and letting Olivia in. "I'm glad you came by actually."
"Yeah I wanted to talk with you. I feel as though I owe you an explanation," Alex said.
"No I owe you the explanation," Olivia spoke up. "I'm sorry I let my pride get in the way this afternoon. I had no right jumping to any conclusions before I let you speak."
"You were caught off guard," Alex spoke up. "You had every right to be upset. I'm just sorry I put you in that situation."
"Alex I'm not great with this," Olivia said indicating the two of them. "This is new for me last time God it was so long ago I can't even remember." Alex just smiled as Olivia took a seat on the couch. "I'm going to make mistakes Alex. But I just need you to know I do care about you. I care about you more then I've cared about anyone in my life."
"I know," Alex nodded.
"It's just like life seems to be happening so fast these last few months first there was you and me and then my accident and then the whole court room incident. I mean I feel like we've been thrust into fast forward. I don't think we were given much time to evaluate our feelings let alone each others."
"But I don't need to evaluate my feelings Alex. I know how I feel. I love you and if that scares you I'm sorry," Olivia rushed out as she paced the room. Alex drew in a breath and smiled.
"I love you too."
"And you can think I'm crazy. You can think I am rushing that's okay if wait what?" Olivia finally stopped talking and grasped the conversation.
"I love you too," Alex spoke again softly and stood to move closer to Olivia. "I was a fool Olivia. I'm sure I'll be a fool again. But you're right, I don't need to evaluate my feelings or your feelings to know this thing between us is right." Alex brought her lips to Olivia's and kissed her softly and slowly. She pulled away to see Olivia standing with her eyes still closed.
"I think that was the best kiss I've ever had in my life," Olivia said as she slowly opened her eyes.
"I hope there's room for more?"
"Always," Olivia nodded and leaned in for another kiss. She pulled away.
'When the answer to all my dreams is as close as a touch away. Why am I here holding back what I'm trying to say? Life me up in your eyes, if you told me that is where heaven is you'd be right. Hold me close to your heart. I could go with you to the ends of the earth and we'll fly. This is the night.'
"It's scary," Olivia whispered.
"How right this feels I know," Alex nodded and caressed Olivia's face. "I'm sorry Olivia for putting you through what I did."
"Alex there is no place else in the world I'd rather be right now then here with you."
Alex smiled and felt a tear run down her cheek. "No more tears," Olivia said again and kissed her tear away.
'This is the night where we capture forever and all our tomorrows begin. After tonight we will never be lonely again. Life me up in your eyes. If you told me that is where heaven is you'd be right.'
Return to Law & Order Fiction
Return to Main Page