DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Cross posted on Incandescentfire.com. I think this is a bit more angsty and a bit more than just kissing than the other one-shots have been. Enjoy!
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
There she was.
Natalia sat silently sobbing on the floor outside of Olivia's Beacon suite. The sight took Olivia's breath away. Long, dark hair spilled down her shoulders. A deep purple shirt hugged her growing pregnant body. A black skirt clung to the curve of her hips and showed off the strength of her legs. Wide, brown eyes and full, pink lips adorned her face.
God, she's beautiful.
It was a prayer of thanksgiving, a curse of heartbreak.
Olivia's heart ached to be near her. Olivia's body ached to hold her. Olivia's mind told her she was a fool.
She broke your heart.
But, Olivia couldn't help herself. She rushed to be at Natalia's side. "Natalia, are you okay?"
Natalia responded, "It's not me. It's not me. It's Rafe."
"Okay, well what happened?" Olivia asked concerned.
"He joined the Army. And, he's gonna go away, " Natalia said. Olivia listened intently as Natalia continued. "And, I can't stop him because he's old enough to go. And, I'm supposed to be letting him make his own decisions." Natalia's voice broke, "But, I'm so scared. I'm not asking you to fix it. I just...I really need someone. I really need you." Her voice was softer, full of love, "I feel really alone. And, I feel really helpless. And, I need you to hold me, and lie to me and tell me that he's going to be okay. And, I need you to look into my eyes and tell me I've been a good mom." She placed her hand on Olivia's as she cried softly. "I just...I need you."
Taking a deep breath, Olivia placed her hand on Natalia's. "Oh Sweetie. I can't even imagine what you're going through. And, I wanna help you. I really..." Her voice broke in a whisper, "Oh god, I wanna help you." Once she regained her composure, she continued. "But, if you need me to write a letter for someone, to a congre...I can call a congressman. I can give you money for the plane. I can...I can do a lot of things for you."
Natalia took her hand away and started crying again.
Olivia's voice broke again. Emotions coursed through her veins. "But, I can't...I can't hold you. And, I can't stroke your hair. And, I can't tell you that I love you. Because you need me now, but what if something goes wrong, and then you leave me again?"
Natalia sniffled, "No..but..."
"I will do anything in the world for you...as a friend" Olivia spoke in a whisper. "I will do anything...for you as a friend." Tears came to Olivia's green eyes, sadness bubbling to the surface. "But, I can't. I can't do anything more than that. I can't...I can't be anything more than that."
Natalia wiped at her eyes, trying to keep the heartbreak at bay. First, her son was leaving. Now, things with Olivia would never get better. The pain was too much. And, so she cried. Tears stained her cheeks, sorrow stained her heart.
Olivia watched as Natalia crumpled into herself on the floor. Against her better judgment, Olivia spoke again. "Here...let's get you some tea." I can do that for my friend. Friends have tea together. Olivia held out her hand, which Natalia promptly grabbed. After helping her to her feet, Olivia led Natalia into her room and sat her down on the bed.
As she strode over to the phone on the nightstand, Olivia spoke out, "Would you like peppermint or lemon tea?"
Sniffling, Natalia replied, "Peppermint please."
After placing an order for some tea and muffins, Olivia grabbed a small handful of tissues. She sat next to Natalia and placed them in her hand.
"Thanks," Natalia managed, slightly smiling.
Olivia shrugged. "What are friends for?"
Natalia wiped her face and blew her nose. "Geez, I forgot how hormonal being pregnant makes you."
"It's okay, Natalia. You have had a lot to deal with recently. The baby, Rafe..." Us.
'There is no us.'
The silence stretched out. Natalia began crying again. She choked out through her sobs, "What if he dies, Olivia? What if..." You can never forgive me? Will you stop loving me?
Olivia's heart broke and her mind shut off.
I love her.
Without a second thought, Olivia gathered Natalia into her arms. It felt too good, too right. Silently, Natalia cried onto Olivia's chest, feeling the steady beat of her heart while her own was breaking. Olivia held her. Olivia stroked her hair. Olivia loved her.
She broke every promise she made to herself.
Realizing she was doing exactly what she swore she wouldn't, couldn't do, Olivia abruptly sat back. She looked down into those brown depths, smoky and sweet and sad. How many tears have you cried? How many tears have you cried because of me? Her fingertips began tracing the planes of Natalia's face. Her eyelids. Her cheeks. Her nose. Her lips.
Her lips teased and tortured her. How many nights had she dreamed about those lips? How many days had she argued and talked and loved with those lips? How many times have those lips lied to her? Hated her? Loved her?
Olivia wouldn't, couldn't resist. She leaned closer and closer. Natalia's eyes fluttered closed as she felt Olivia's warm breath against her cheek and then her lips.
A soft meeting of plump flesh.
A first kiss so sweet and tender. It was full of fear, lost with longing, and wound with wonder. Moving slowly against each other, their lips danced and delighted. Natalia angled her head to the side, opening her mouth to Olivia's curious tongue. Wet warmth flickered inside her mouth as delicious desire flowed through her body.
Olivia moaned as she felt Natalia tangle her fingers hard into her hair, pulling the older woman on top of her. The hunger grew inside of Olivia. She began to devour the other woman's lips, Natalia's soft whimpering urging her on. Her hands grabbed Natalia's face holding her still as she sucked on her tongue and nibbled at her lips.
Natalia was on fire. Passion burned and boiled through her blood. She couldn't get close enough. Her hands began to wander up underneath Olivia's top. She felt her shiver under her touch.
Olivia was on fire. Desire danced and delighted through her veins. She couldn't get close enough. Her legs moved, wrapping themselves around Natalia's thighs. One of her own settled between Natalia's center, and she ground into her body. She felt her shiver under her touch.
Their love, their longing, their lust was consuming them. Olivia's top was now removed, tossed to the side. Natalia's skirt had ridden up, exposing her tantalizing thighs. Olivia's teeth skimmed along Natalia's neck, slightly biting into the flesh. Natalia's fingernails skimmed along Olivia's back, slightly digging into the flesh.
It would be so easy just to fuck her and leave her. I should do it. But...but I want to make love with her. I'll never get over her.
Too far. Too fast.
Olivia knew they should stop. Hell, they shouldn't even have started. It's all my fault. It's all her fault. It's all our fault.
'There is no us.'
Panting, Olivia sat up suddenly. "I can't...I can't Natalia, " she said in a whisper.
Dazed, Natalia sat up, reaching for Olivia's arm. "Olivia, please..."
Frantically, Olivia stood, throwing her top back on. "No...just leave..." She opened the door, holding it open for Natalia to pass. She couldn't, wouldn't open her eyes, her heart. She couldn't, wouldn't see Natalia's silent tears as she left the room, her heart.
Olivia shut the door, crying softly against the wood as Natalia walked away.
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