DISCLAIMER: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and other related entities are owned, trademarked, and copyrighted by Anthony E. Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS Worldwide Inc., Alliance Atlantis Corporation, CSI Productions and CBS Productions. This is fanfiction and is written purely for the fun and enjoyment of the fans without profits being made what so ever.
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Thrown Away
By Elizabeth Carter
...... "I couldn't do it....." Those words came back to haunt Gil Grissom. 'By the time you do figure it out, it really will be too late.'
There was no denying that in the past Sara had felt something for Gil and he for her. He was simply too much of a coward to say something to her. He had justified himself in that he was too old. His fifty to her thirty three. His square, slightly bow legged body to her young absolutely perfect athletic body. Of course the rank thing - he being her superior as a CSI was too convenient.
Someone young, beautiful had expressed an interest in him, something that was rare. At least to his entomological eyes. She was vitality, he was age and the voice of Victorian reason. She was vibrant and full of wisdom, a fellow geek but he was the ghost and had resigned to forever be the ghost.
'By the time you figure it out it really will be too late.'
Someone had taken her interest, someone had willingly taken the love she offered. Someone had loved her with the same intensity she had given.
Someone was in her life now and it wasn't Gil Grissom, of all the unlikely people it was Catherine Willows. A woman that seemingly was constantly at odds with Sara. Fire and ice. Always. Catherine was the flame to Sara's more scientifically detached ice.
Catherine now laid claim to the bed that Gil had been offered. The man berated himself, hated himself for what he had so stupidly thrown away. Catherine had been sharing that bed for five years, almost to the day Grissom had rejected Sara. And he hated the women he loved, for it… for their marriage. Hated Catherine because she was his son's other parent.
His son..... no, the boy would never be his son. Gil was only a sperm donor, giving his invitro DNA to the woman he still secretly loved, so she could have the child she wanted. A child 'they' wanted. They... of course meaning Catherine.
Grissom watched from the threshold of the break-room as little four year old Vincent Sidle leaned against the dark haired beauty absorbed in the chemistry set before him. He listened to his mother as Sara took out pieces of the set explaining what each item was, and what it was used for, from the chemicals and elements to the equipment and tools. Near the table was a miniature silver case that was a mock CSI evidence kit, in which the little brunette boy carried his chemistry set.
The child was so young, only four years old and yet he showed every ounce of his parents, that is to say his biological parents' intelligence, their almost eidetic memory, concentration, and curiosity. All the reasons Sara had wanted Gil Grissom to be the sperm donor.
Grissom watched with his own sense of pride in his boy as Vincent repeated the names of chemicals Sara was teaching him. 'No he isn't your son,' Gil berated himself yet again. 'He's Sara and Catherine's son.'
Vincent and Grissom were genetically linked, but Catherine was adamant that Grissom take absolutely no parental role in the boy's life despite her motto that 'better a bad father, than no father.' Gil knew the blonde supervisor had her own issues of jealousy concerning Sara. After all her wife had had some pretty heavy feelings concerning Gil. And it took someone in love to see the love loss in another's eyes. And Grissom had plenty of it.
Catherine was concerned over how easily Grissom had complied in donating his sperm so that Sara could conceive. But she knew and felt how deeply Sara loved her. Of course Catherine had agreed if only to her own heart that should Vincent ever wish to know who his daddy was, he would be told. The truth would never be denied him. But for now Grissom was 'Uncle Spider.'
Since the day Vincent found out Grissom had spiders in his office he had been nicknamed Uncle Spider. Despite his aversion to real bugs, the kid, like a lot of young boys, loved Spider-man and of course Disney's 'A Bugs Life', but cartoons and comic heroes weren't wiggly and 'yuckie.'
Both of Vincent's mothers, Grissom, and in fact both the swing shift and the night crew could see traits of Grissom in the lad. Or it was just an exaggeration of Sara's. Vincent was both myopic and shy, he was reclusive and of course exceedingly curious. Already he excelled at math (however rudimentary and basic) and he was fascinated with science. Then again his mothers were both scientists. Vincent wanted to grow up and be a cop like Papa Brass and a CSI like his mothers and all of his uncles.
Vincent however hated bugs. In fact he was absolutely terrified of the creepy-crawlies and would either stomp on them or scream until his Mama or Mommy rescued him. The lanky blue-eyed boy was dead set against going into Uncle Gris' office because he had all sorts of creepy-crawlies in there.
"You going to stand there all night Grissom?" Catherine said as she pushed past the assistant director of the lab. "Or are you coming in?"
"Mama!" Vincent said as he saw his blonde mother coming in. "Looky what Uncle Spider got me for my birthday! It's a Chem'stry set. It's tight."
"Sure is, babe," Catherine answered sitting down next to her wife of whom she offered a slight chaste kiss to the cheek.. "I see your Mommy is having as much fun with your new set as you are." The blonde winked at her wife.
Sara ducked blushing a little, "Sorry we didn't wait for you, but he got excited."
"Mommy knows all the names of everything and stuff," Vincent puffed out his chest in pride for his mother's superior knowledge.
"Well your Mommy is very smart, even if she is a little impatient."
"Hey little man!" Warrick said as he came into the room tailed by Nick and Greg. "How's it hanging?" the tall man held out his hand palm out.
Vincent slapped into it giving five, as Warrick did the same, they then held their hand side ways and again lightly slapped each other's hands, which now clenched into fists which they hit their knuckles together. Following one striking the other's fist over the other, and lastly touching thumbs together. A ritual greeting between the two males.
Warrick would always rub Vincent's head as he had Lindsey years ago, all he could see was a miniature version of Sara all-be-it a male version of the beautiful brunette. Though his eyes were a deep blue rather than the rich brown. "You taking good care of your moms kiddo?"
The boy nodded eagerly, "Yes of course," he tried to smooth out his forever unruly dark sable locks, that resembled the mane of a dark haired lion rather than a child's. "You messed my hair," he grumbled.
Catherine snickered and leaned to kiss her son's chubby cheek. "But you're still a handsome boy."
"Even if your hair makes you look like a thistle," this came from Greg.
"Not helping Grego," Sara warned as she smoothed out her son's locks but soon gave up. Sometimes there was just no hope. Of course she knew the curly-waviness came from her boy's father, but kept it to herself. She loved Vincent's curly locks.
Vincent's answer to Sander's comment was to stick out his tongue and blow a raspberry. "Mommy says your hair is a thistle too."
"Aw Sara," Greg placed his hand over his heart, "You hurt me, it takes me an hour to get my hair this perfect," the young CSI-2 mockingly fluffed his hair.
Causing the others to laugh good naturedly.
"Save yourself the time and just roll out of bed," came Nick's comment.
Grissom moved into the room wanting to take part in his son's life even if he could never be 'daddy'. He longed to hear that single word from the boy's lips, but it was never to be. Still it had never stopped Gil form being a father figure. At least he tried to be, as much as Catherine and Sara would allow him to be.
Depression set deeply into the man watching the small family. A Family he had thrown away, because he wouldn't cross the imaginary line of fraternization. He could have transferred Sara to Catherine's shift and have been free to date the gorgeous brunette, but he hadn't trusted his heart. Now he lost out. Grissom had wanted nothing more than to tear apart the happiness Sara had found with Catherine, but he couldn't bring himself to do that either. He cared for both ladies too much. He cared about the four year old boy that he would never call son.
Vincent had turned four today. And like Lindsey before him, the team had wanted to celebrate with the little celebrity.
Sara nuzzled her son's neck smiling at him in the purest of a mother's love before she relinquished her hold on him to her wife. Grissom watched silently as Sara glided across the room to his side. "It isn't polite to lurk in the doorways, someone might think you're up to something." She took his hand and squeezed it "Griss....Gil" she used his first name, something Sara rarely ever did. "Thank you for helping Catherine and I have him. He's so special to me. I never thought....well you know my family's history. I never thought I could have a good one. Catherine, Lindsey and now Vincent.... I do. And you helped me have that."
Grissom didn't know what to say. "Sara...." He stopped unable to think of anything to say to that. He only shrugged and smiled. "I...am glad you have your family. You deserve to have something special in your life," Grissom watched as the boy giggled at something Nick had said. "He has your beautiful smile, he looks so much like you," Grissom said softly.
"But he has your mind, Griss. Sometimes he gets so locked into something he's doing he doesn't notice anything else."
"His hearing?" Grissom asked gently.
"Checked regularly, so far he has perfect hearing as is his eye sight. And we're learning Sign as you know, just in case. No he just gets myopic."
"Like his mother." Grissom said.
"Well he doesn't chase rabbits. And since he came along I've stopped." Sara flashed a smile to her boss before she started moving for the table and the cake that was decorated like Sponge Bob Square Pants. "Join the party 'Uncle Spider.'" Sara winked. "Be a part of his life."
"I want to be, I want to be Daddy."
Sara stopped in her tracks and turned slowly, Grissom hadn't realized he had spoken aloud until Sara gave him a queer look that was more like regret. Her hand touched his arm, "That is something that is still on the table with Catherine and I. But you realize the title won't give you parental rights. But right now, just be a part of his birthday."
Grissom could only nod as he stepped into the room. Vincent detangled himself from his mama's lap and launched himself to Grissom. "Thank you Uncle Spider!" he yelped, "The kit is super cool! Now I can be a real CSI like my moms. I got invet'gator kits, and a chem kit like the labs. Uncle Nicky gave me a chem kit too, and I got more spy stuff from Grego and Warrick... I'm gonna grow up and be a scientist, but not bugs, bugs are gross." He made a face.
Grissom shrugged. "Well your Mommy thought bugs were gruesome too, now she knows quite a bit about entomology." This time blue eyes met blue eyes. Catherine stayed silent, "People change their mind all the time."
"Sponge Bob is cooler than bugs, Uncle Spider. Come on have some cake."
Grissom set the boy down and for a moment he pretended to be a part of the family as he sat down near Catherine and Sara and their son.
The End