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By trancer


Part 1

General Landry fumed. The type of white-hot anger that roiled off him in waves, his face beet-red, veins bulging from his neck, hands clenched into tightly wound fists. He projected that anger at the four members of SG-1 standing before him, as if, at any moment, he would explode in a violent rage.

"Now," he growled. "Is someone going to tell me what the Hell happened?"

There was a long pregnant pause where no one moved, just kept their eyes forward. Landry stepped closer. He approached Teal'c, tilting his head to meet the Jaffa's eyes.

Teal'c looked into the hard, angry gaze of General Landry, then turned his head towards Mitchell. "Colonel Mitchell?"

Mitchell, his left eye twitching from swelling purple and black tissue threatening to permanently close his eye, turned his head towards the man standing next to him. "Daniel?"

Daniel, head tilted back, a hand still pinching his nostrils with red-stained cotton balls that looked like someone had shoved two bleeding cottontails up his nose, turned his head to face Sam. "Sam?"

General Landry walked his way down the line until he stood face to face with the Colonel. "Well?"

"It's a long story, Sir."

"Then give me the short version."

She shrugged her shoulders apologetically, a sheepish grin on her face, cheeks turning several shades of pink. "Vala?"



Sam gingerly poked her head into Daniel's office, an apologetic smile on her face. "Daniel?"


She entered his office, stepping forward until she was on the other side of his desk, rocking back and forth on her heels as if unable to ask what she wanted to ask. "Can I ask you a question?"

He looked up at her sideways, already suspicious. "Sure."

"It's about Vala."



"Whatever it is," he held up his hands, shaking his head vigorously. "I don't want to know. In fact, not only do I not want to know, I'm going to pretend this conversation never existed."


"I'm serious, Sam. Whatever it is, I always wind up saying 'yes' and it always winds up with me being injured, tortured, humiliated, or all of the above."

"Oh, come on," she rolled her eyes. "Now you're exaggerating."

"Telus 4? Vala wanted to try their 'magic elixir'. 'Taste this', she says. I wound up with a 10-hour erection. 10 HOURS, Sam!"

"I know but.."

"Horus and the Dance of Fertility?"


"P4X and their Rite of Passage which somehow involved me being naked, tarred and covered in chicken feathers, chased by a Valmos Beast? Do you know how hard it is to get chicken feathers out of your.."

"A strip club."

Daniel stammered, mouth hanging open, eyes blinking incredulously. "I'm sorry, for a second there it sounded like.."

"Vala wants me to take her to a strip club."

"And, pray tell," his head tilted back, eyes closing trying desperately not imagine the nightmare that would follow. "How does this involve me?"

"I was hoping you could talk her out of it."

"Sam, if I couldn't talk my way out of being tarred and feathered and chased by a giant, two-headed bull with fangs, what makes you think I can talk Vala out of going to a strip club?"

"Whoa!" Mitchell's boots squeaked loudly as the man skidded to a stop, pulled a 180 degree spin before bounding into Daniel's office. Teal'c close on his heels. "Somebody say strippers?"

"Yes," Daniel smiled broadly. "Sam's taking Vala."


Cameron raised his eyebrows, "I had no idea you were into that kinda stuff."

"I'm not."

"There's no shame in it. It's a perfectly legitimate business providing clean, adult fun. Hey, Teal'c, you ever been to a strip club?"

"I have, on occasion, been to such establishments. I am particularly fond of a place called Hooters."

"Great buffalo wings," Mitchell interjected.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Indeed."

"Guys!" Sam blurted. "I am NOT going.."

"There you are." It was Vala's turn to enter Daniel's office. She wore jeans, a tight black shirt. And, had any of the guys paid attention to what Sam wore, they surely would have recognized as one of her own. The buttons were opened dangerously low to show that, yes, she was not wearing anything underneath. It also displayed several hickies that dotted her neck and cleavage. "Are you ready to go? I've decided upon the establishment I wish to see. Some place called 'The Lusty Lady'." She slipped her arm through the crook of Sam's elbow. "Are the rest of you coming along."

Mitchell hopped off of Daniel's desk. "I wouldn't miss this for the world. Teal'c?"

"I," Teal'c noted the crimson coloring Sam's cheeks, the barest hint of a smile curving his lips. "As you say, would also not miss this for the world."

"And," Daniel pulled his jacket from the coatrack, eyes gleaming mischievously. "Neither would I."

To Be Continued

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