DISCLAIMER: Gossip Girl and its characters are the property of Cecily von Ziegesar and Warner Bros. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Through Ep. 1.03
Trust in Me
Serena took the proffered hand, exited the car and tried to stop the desire that threatened to spread like wildfire through her limbs at Blair's not-so-innocent sounding invitation. Like the elevator ride down to start the evening, the return trip was just as silent, with each of them lost in their private thoughts.
"What the hell was I thinking? Declaring undying love on the first date; so much for going slow. At least Blair didn't get spooked..."
Blair leaned against the elevator wall, Serena's words on a repeat loop in her mind. "I'm so in love with you." She looked down at her shaking hands and willed her pounding heart to slow. Nate had told her he loved her too many times to count, but it took Serena's quiet expression to truly breach the carefully constructed wall she kept around her heart. It both thrilled and frightened her.
A part of her brain had told her to run, to end the fledgling relationship before the opportunities to hurt or be hurt by Serena grew exponentially. Instead she had followed her heart by asking Serena to stay. She said a silent prayer for both of them that she had chosen the right path.
The doors opened and Serena followed Blair out, immediately reaching for her hand and pulling her to a stop and then a little closer. She rested her forehead against Blair's and spoke softly, "I need you to know that you asking me to spend the night I don't have any expectations other than getting to spend more time with you..." Blair felt Serena's warm breath on her face. "I'm not in a rush to take things to another level."
Blair leaned forward an inch and captured Serena's lips in an easy kiss. "S, if I thought you said you loved me just to I would have never invited you up, much less asked you to spend the night." She kissed her again and lingered until she felt Serena's hands start a gentle caress on her bare arms; Blair shivered at the contact and broke away.
"Do you want some more wine?" Serena's hands were still running slowly up and down her arms making it hard to talk. "I think Eleanor has a bottle of what we had with dinner already chilled."
"I'd love some, in a minute though, okay?" Serena looked down into darkening brown eyes. "Right now I need to kiss you again." She didn't give Blair more than a few seconds to object before she seized the lips still so very close to her own. She thrilled at the tentative answering touch of Blair's tongue against her own.
Blair didn't know how long they stayed that way. All she knew was Serena's mouth against her own, the stroke of their tongues against one another, and Serena's hands on her back holding her close. The need for a lungful of air finally made her wrench her mouth away.
"Where did you learn to kiss like that?" Blair buried her face in Serena's neck and inhaled her perfume. "Scratch that, I really don't want to know."
Serena's long arms drifted down around Blair's waist and held her closer, savoring the feel of their bodies touching. "I've never kissed anyone the way I kiss you, B." She kissed the top of her head. "I haven't wanted to kiss anyone like this."
"Really?" Blair murmured the question against the pulse beating double time in Serena's throat. She brought her fingertips to the pulse point and caressed the silken skin.
Serena took in a shaky breath. Blair's touch had taken on an intimate quality and she struggled to answer. "The way we kiss," she swallowed hard, "the way you're touching me right now it's us it feels really right because it's you and me." She stopped talking when Blair pressed full lips to her jaw before traveling back toward her ear and down her neck.
"Is this okay?" Blair, mesmerized by how soft Serena's skin was under her lips, didn't immediately notice the blonde's breathing shorten.
Serena, eyes closed, tilted her head to give Blair greater access. "If this is the way we're going to go slow " she couldn't finish the thought because she felt the warmth of Blair's mouth on her earlobe.
Blair snapped back into awareness beyond the physical when she heard Serena gasp. She pulled back and realized that they had somehow moved from the foyer. Blair took stock of their position; she had Serena pinned against the wall. She quickly stepped back.
"God, S. I'm sorry." She expected to feel the anxiety that would normally accompany the lack of control she just experienced and was surprised when it didn't materialize. "I don't know what happened."
Blair took another step back until the only physical connection between them was their joined hands. "I didn't intend to send you mixed signals." She could barely meet the shining green eyes staring back at her. "Am I making you crazy?"
Serena smiled at her best friend tenderly. "You aren't sending me mixed signals. And yes, you're making me a little crazy." When Blair's eyes fell to the floor, Serena continued quickly, "In a very good, very pleasurable way."
When Blair looked up with uncertainty, Serena's smile broadened. "You won't hear me complaining because you want to kiss me or to touch me."
Blair felt the blush rise on her face. She cleared her throat and tried to regain some semblance of control. "Do you want that wine now?"
Serena released her hands and nodded, understanding that Blair had just crossed an invisible line in her head and needed a few moments to process it.
Blair turned to leave then turned back around. "I'm not running away."
"I know, B." Serena smiled what she hoped was reassuring smile. "Do you feel like listening to music?"
"That sounds nice. One of my iPods is in the living room, just hook it into the sound system."
Blair took her time selecting two crystal wine glasses, opening the wine and filling them with wine from the same vintner Serena had brought to dinner. The distinctive voice of Etta James drew Blair's attention to the living room. She could tell before turning the corner that Serena had dimmed the lights and lit the candles in the corners of the room leaving Blair to take in the romantic ambience.
Serena turned as Blair entered the room. "Is this music okay? I'm in the mood for jazz and I found the 'Blair Bear's Jazz' playlist and assumed it was something your dad did for you."
"Dad is really into this and the blues and he thinks if he shares playlists with me, composed solely of strong women artists I'll fall in love with it, too." Her voice held a tone of irritation as she handed Serena a glass of wine.
Serena started to bring up the playlist menu on the device but Blair's touch stopped her actions. "As much as it irritates me, he's right. I am becoming quite fond of it."
They sat together on the chaise and let the music act as a cocoon around them. Blair laced her fingers through Serena's and she realized in that moment that she had been the one to initiate most of the physical contact between them this night. It came together in her mind like the pieces of a puzzle; Serena was letting her set the pace.
She was fascinated with the side of Serena she was coming to know. Blair had always thought that deep down inside the blonde was a romantic at heart; that she was the person bringing it to the surface was a gift.
"I'm crazy about you, B," echoed through her mind, making her knees weak and immensely grateful that she was already sitting on the chaise. She was only pulled from her reverie when Serena asked, "Will you dance with me?"
Blair smiled and answered without thought or hesitation, "I'd love to." She sat her glass on the coffee table beside Serena's. She took the hand Serena offered and followed her to part of the living room that was a bit more open.
She settled her hands around Serena's neck and had a fleeting thought that it wasn't all that different than dancing with Nate since he and Serena were nearly the same height. And then it was nothing like dancing with Nate. Serena was all grace, and curves and softness and Blair felt like she was dancing for the first time.
Serena's hands were warm as they stroked her bare arms and Blair found the touch was soothing and exciting at the same time. She tucked her head against Serena's shoulder and wrapped her arm around her waist. They were dating. Serena van der Woodsen was her girlfriend. Though she didn't say it out loud, Blair tasted the word on her tongue. Girlfriend. It was sweet and protective and perfectly described Serena and the way she treated Blair.
Serena was distantly aware that Etta had given way to Dinah Washington to Billie Holiday. She felt the subtle press of Blair's fingertips at the base of her spine urging her closer. She shifted her weight and their bodies touched along their length and Blair shuddered at the contact. She lowered her mouth to Blair's ear, "You feel so good in my arms."
Blair had been following as Serena slowly moved them across the room, but she had to stop when Serena pressed closer. She wasn't yet used to the sensations skittering throughout her body that their closeness created.
Serena eased her hold on Blair and gently tipped her head back until their eyes met. "Is this still okay?"
Blair had to close her eyes against the physical sensations. Nate had never made her feel so so bothered. Serena's hands were wandering her back and arms making her skin tingle everywhere she touched and the way their bodies molded together left her short of breath as they kissed.
Blair pulled her mouth away. "Please tell me you're feeling this, too," she whispered hoarsely.
Serena's thumbs rested under her jaw and Blair found herself staring into concerned eyes when Serena gently tipped her face up. "Open your eyes, B." Serena smiled at her tenderly. "I do. I'm right here with you."
The clock in the foyer sounded. Twelve bells for midnight. Blair closed her eyes and opened them again. As much as it had felt like one, it wasn't a dream.
Wordlessly, Blair stepped out of Serena's embrace and led her to the staircase. "Do you still want to stay?"
Serena brought the hand she was holding to her mouth and brushed her lips over the back of it. "Absolutely." Her smile matched Blair's as they ascended the stairs.
Blair closed the door behind Serena and walked to her dresser. She pulled a worn Yale t-shirt and matching boxers from the bottom of the drawer and tossed them to her friend.
"I don't think I can handle the amount of flesh that will be showing if you try to wear my clothes tonight, so you get to wear my Dad's instead."
Serena watched her blush furiously and tried very hard to keep a neutral face. It was the first time Blair had spoken of a physical attraction. "Fair enough. I'll go down the hall and change," even though she managed to keep her voice even, she left the room quickly.
Blair picked up the silk nightie she would normally wear and laid it back across her dressing chair. "Not tonight." She went back to the dresser and selected a soft t-shirt and a pair of shorts for herself.
She had just settled on the bed when Serena knocked on the door and entered with her hands covering her eyes. "Are you decent?"
"Depends on who you ask."
Serena overtly peeked between her fingers. "Tell me you aren't wearing an apron."
Blair snorted. "You wish."
Serena bit her tongue from blurting something that resembled, "Hell yes!"
Instead she pulled back the covers and sat on the bed. "I went back down and shut off the music and blew out the candles." She lay beside Blair and turned on her side to face her. "I had a great time with you tonight."
She smiled when Blair touched her face with her fingertips. "I did, too. You planned a wonderful first date." Blair pressed a kiss to her cheek, before moving to her mouth. She lingered there for a moment before she turned onto her side.
Serena felt Blair's hand grasp hers and tug slightly. She rolled and pressed snuggly against Blair's back and settled her arm across her waist.
The moonlight streamed through the window, casting shadow and light on the would-be-lovers as sleep claimed them for the night.
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