DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I make a good living as a writer, but this is my first foray into fiction! Comments are welcome. Just a note about Point of View: though flashbacks are used, the description of what actually happened is linear and chronological, unlike memories, which tend to be random. One or more points of view are expressed in the past accounts of the events.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Loss.

Unspoken
By Moet

Part 5

The two women gazed at each other for a suspended moment in time, both trembling, both trying not to break into sobs. Alex was still Alex, tall, slender as a reed, but her hair was a slightly darker, more golden shade of blonde and trimmed a bit shorter. Her bangs had grown in and blended in with the rest of her hair. Olivia rushed into her arms and clung to her tightly, running her lips over Alex's face and neck, before burying her face in her hair. They both breathed each other in, the sweet, familiar scents they remembered.

Olivia gently kissed Alex's lips, then pulled back to look into the blue eyes she loved. "Is it really you?" Olivia said, as teary-eyed as the night they last saw each other.

"I'm here, I'm here sweetheart," said Alex. She laughed softly, "I remember you called me sweetheart before I blacked out. I was trying so hard to talk—to tell you it wasn't your fault. I know you so well, I knew you'd try to blame yourself." She hugged Olivia tighter, "I love you so."

"I love you, too. I don't know how you got Hammond to let Elliot and I see you before they took you away. I was in shock that night—I could barely stand or speak. I so wanted to run to you, but I knew I wouldn't be able to let go."

"Me, too," Alex breathed into Olivia's ear then sought her lips again. As the women became lost in their kiss, they didn't hear the door gently open.

Casey could scarcely believe the sight before her eyes. Panicked and embarrassed, she softly pulled the oak door shut making sure to hold the latch so it didn't creak. "Oh--my--God," she said to herself. "Now this really explains everything." Casey had been looking for Branch to introduce her to Alex. She suddenly felt a pang of sorrow and understanding for the women behind the door. "Okay, I'll be a good sport," she thought. Casey planted herself on a nearby bench to look over some notes, ready to head off anyone that might disturb the reunion.

As Alex and Olivia came up for air, Alex looked into her eyes. "Olivia, I won't blame you, but is there anyone in your life?"

"No. Of course not. I found it very hard to move on. Mostly because everything was left in such a state of limbo. I thanked God you were alive, but didn't know if I would ever see you again. That's why I buried myself in work and the Velez case."

"I know love. I know that I'm back here because of you. Will you always save me?" Alex smiled.

"I didn't do a good job of saving you that night, Alex. When I thought you were dead it was horrible enough. But thinking I didn't do enough to stop it almost killed me. I stared at my badge for hours, thinking of turning it in. I stared at my gun--and thought about…."

"Oh no, Olivia. Not that babe." She hugged her tight. "There was no way you could have known that there was still a hit out on me. We all thought it was over. All these months, thinking about you was all I had, the way I got through each day."

"So what have you been doing for the past six months?"

"There's plenty of time to tell you about it. I went through a lot of depression. Tried to focus on work. I was in a God-awful midwest suburb, as you might notice from my hair color. There's nothing like New York City for style."

Olivia smirked—yes this was the snobby Alex she loved. She had noticed the formerly smooth, Swedish-blond colored mane was not the same shade.

"Well, I've seen you naked, remember?" Olivia laughed. Even on Alex's hide-the-roots days, she couldn't imagine Alex as anything but pale blond. Alex chuckled. Here she's back for only a few hours and Olivia was already teasing her.

"So what did you do for a living?"

"I was analyzing evidence for the FBI bureau in Chicago, mostly organized crime. You know, bullying them and playing devil's advocate like I used to do with you. But there were no court appearances and I didn't prosecute cases. I worked from a home office, and mostly let them know when they had enough to go to trial, then they brought it to the DA. I was a professional evidence screener, I guess you'd say. I didn't venture into the city, I still didn't feel safe."

"At least it was related to what you did before instead of being a waitress or sales clerk—I can just see you taking orders!"

"Very funny. As I recall I took some of your orders pretty well," she breathed into Olivia's ear. "When can I see you alone?"

"Tonight. This night is ours and we are celebrating." Olivia touched her forehead to Alex's, stroking her cheek and jaw line.

"That's good because I've asked Cragen to make you my bodyguard. He insisted on a protective detail for the next two weeks, until the agents give him clearance."

"Alex Cabot's bodyguard. What a tough job, but I'm just the gal to do it."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and kissed her lips again. "I will guard your body with every fiber of my being. Hey, if I'm on protective detail, you'd better stay at my place."

"Yeah, we can take my things to your apartment later." Alex gestured to three suitcases against the wall.

Olivia glanced at them sadly. That was all that was left of Alex's possessions except what had been stored at her mother's house.

"When your life has almost been taken, they don't seem so important," she said, reading Olivia's mind. "Hey my mom's coming down day after tomorrow. She was in a state of shock and just so happy she couldn't stop crying. And she told me how you comforted her. I think she adores you."

"She's the one who comforted me, Alex. I needed to hold on to her, she's so much a part of you."

Alex smiled at the thought of Olivia and her mother bonding. "Now that I know I have a date tonight," she said seductively, "I guess we better get the `Alex is back' thing over with. Do you mind if I greet all of my cronies, then we can head over to the squad?"

"Okay babe. Do you know how much I love you and have missed you?"

"Yes, because I feel the same. I felt like I was in some sort of self-imposed purgatory." She leaned in to kiss Olivia again.

As they reluctantly pulled apart, Olivia motioned toward the luggage. "I can grab two of these, if you grab the other. I think you will need to call it an early day, you must be emotionally exhausted."

"I'm okay sweetheart," she said picking up a carry-on. "You know, if they told me I could only take one thing and leave these bags behind, guess what it would be?"

"The necklace," Olivia whispered, just as Alex lifted it from inside her blouse. Olivia touched hers at the same time. "For six months, I never took it off."

"Neither did I," Alex said, as they headed for the door.

Branch had decided to give Alex a temporary office until she eased into her new Bureau Chief position downtown. First, they went through the fanfare and endless questions of her "coming back to life," explaining it all to judges, lawyers, clerks and detectives. Alex waved off being taken to lunch at least a dozen times. Media calls were being handled by the public affairs staff and all interviews would be delayed until Alex was settled in.

Finally, Alex and Olivia staggered into Alex's temporary digs, a stark office but not unlike her old one. Alex plunked down into a chair, throwing her feet up on the empty desk, as Olivia sat in a facing armchair that seemed to swallow her up.

"My God, being reincarnated is really exhausting," Alex sighed.

"Try being the bodyguard of the Second Coming of Alex," Olivia laughed.

"Second coming of Alex, I sense there's a promise in there somewhere. How about a third, maybe fourth?"

"Hey I'm trying not to jump you as it is. Don't get me going."

"I understand you're all mine for two weeks. I'm just making plans."

"Speaking of plans, do they expect you to go right back to work?"

"No, Branch told me to take a few days to get settled. Then I'm to try to clear up some old case files that were left hanging. I need to brief Casey on those. Eventually, I get an office downtown."

"I'm so proud of you," Olivia grinned. "When I heard Branch was promoting you, I was glowing inside. No one deserves it more."

"Nearly having my guts splattered on the sidewalk has really taken me places," she smiled wryly. "Olivia, the former Alex would be ecstatic. The new Alex is taking it in stride, with a vow not to become jaded, cruel or bitter like another Bureau Chief we know."

"That could never happen."

"Why not, you've seen my rather icy side."

"I never saw an icy side to you Alex. If you were a man, you'd simply be a brilliant prosecutor. I only saw a consummate professional who also had compassion for the victims and sometimes even the criminal."

"You opened my eyes and gave me that balance, Olivia. Your relatedness to other human beings touched me--it made me feel things I had not allowed myself to feel before."

Olivia rose from her oversized chair and tenderly kissed Alex, her warm, moist tongue caressing the inside of Alex's mouth. Alex pulled her closer and easing from their kiss whispered, "You've made me feel so many things I never felt before. Come on. Let's get out of here."

Olivia walked into the living room. Alex was grinning as she skipped the CD ahead to the song she wanted.

"You ready? This is for you. And I want you to dance with me."

Olivia chewed her lower lip in dismay. "Cabot, you haven't seen me dance. Besides, who leads?"

"I'll lead. Come over here sexy."

Alex hit play and wrapped her arms around the reluctant brunette. Olivia tucked her head into Alex's neck and shoulder, as the old Gershwin tune filled the air.

There's a saying old says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "Seek and you shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain girl I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found her yet

She's the big affair I cannot forget
Only girl I ever think of with regret
I'd like to add her initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

"I'm your lost lamb and you found me," Alex whispered into Olivia's ear.

"Yeah, I'm a regular border collie. Seriously though, I'm not prepared to lose you again, sweetheart." Olivia caressed Alex's neck with her lips.

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that she turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
Someone who'll watch over me

Alex and Olivia clung tightly to each other as they slow danced. Alex thought she felt tears on her neck. Olivia pulled back and wiped them away. "Sorry. I was just thinking that maybe we could watch over each other. I think we could both use some tenderness in our lives. Ya know, I don't know how much longer I could have stayed on the job if you hadn't come back."

"I'm here for you now, Liv."

Olivia grinned that incredible, infectious grin. As the song ended, she said, "That was beautiful. I guess we officially have a song."

"Every couple needs a song." There I go again, she thought.

Olivia pecked Alex on the lips and gently pulled away. "I better check on dinner."

Both women ate heartily and sipped their cabernet, planning and giggling through dinner. Then each took turns showering and grooming themselves, before settling on the couch and becoming entwined in each other's arms. Olivia had put on a sexy, silver nighty and Alex borrowed a short lavender one with matching thong from Olivia.

"I felt like this was—this is embarrassing. I felt like I was primping for my wedding night. I wanted it to be special," Alex said nuzzling against Olivia.

"Oh, Alex it's going to be a lot hotter than any wedding night," Olivia cooed. Olivia was on her in seconds, kissing her deeply before trailing her tongue along Alex's throat. She moved to her shoulder and lowered the straps of her nighty with her teeth. Alex was breathing rapidly. Olivia moaned softly as she peeled the nightgown down and found Alex's breast. She swirled her tongue around her nipple and gently sucked on it, as Alex started to gasp.

"I told myself I wouldn't rush you," she said moving to the other breast and spreading her lips over it, "but I lied."

"It's a lie that I will forgive," Alex said, arching her head back in pleasure. She felt the undeniable ache between her legs and hints of wetness. Olivia resolved again not to rush. She slid her tongue ever downward, slowly and deliberately, marking her trail with a wet path. When she got to the delicate string of the thong, she poked her tongue under and around it, tugging on it and making Alex crazy. Olivia breathed her hot breath into Alex's core.

"Liv, please it's been so long."

"And—we—have—lots—of " Olivia said between tiny licks.

"Time." She dipped inside the thong into the midst of Alex's heat.

"Oh my God!" Alex's body spasmed upward as Olivia's soft mouth continued its satiny assault.

Tired of teasing with the thong, she pulled it down. Gripping Alex's slender thighs for leverage, she thrust her tongue deep inside the blond as Alex writhed uncontrollably. "Olivia!" she growled deep in her throat. Thrusting in and out time after time, she felt Alex's body rocking and saw sweat start to form on her upper chest. Olivia removed her tongue and started to lap over Alex's distended clit, sucking it into her mouth and creating a vacuum like seal over the entire engorged organ. As Olivia sucked, her tongue darted between the pink folds and she knew Alex was close- - her hips were pumping and her legs were trembling. She saw Alex grip the sheets and with each thrust she let out a sharp cry. Then her back arched and she cried out, "Olivia!" Alex lay exhausted and still, whimpering soft sounds as she tried to catch her breath.

After letting her rest a moment, Olivia moved up Alex's body to lay on top of her. Alex took Olivia's face in her palms and pulled her down into a tender kiss. "You're incredible," she breathed into her mouth. Alex could feel Olivia's excitement building as her tongue wrapped around hers and her wetness touched the top of Alex's thigh. "I think it's time we released all of this tension," Alex whispered, reaching down to easily enter Olivia with two long, slender fingers. Alex used gentle force to urge them into Olivia, who rose up on her knees for better entry. Olivia's body thrust downward to meet Alex's fingers and take them deeper inside her, moaning with pleasure with each contact. As Olivia's movements grew more frantic and her breathing more intense, Alex motioned for her to move up to straddle her at chin level. Keeping her fingers inside, Alex devoured Olivia's pulsating clit, sucking hard, until Olivia had to grip the headboard to steady herself. She let out a long wailing, shaking scream as her entire body uncoiled, bucking against Alex's face, leaving it soaked. "Oh my God," she rasped, "Alex, you okay?" She carefully climbed off the blond beneath her.

"Well, they say drowning is the most pleasant way to die. I can attest to that."

Olivia smiled broadly and lay on her back next to Alex. She reached for her hand and pressed it to her lips. "I have a feeling I'm going to have the best night's sleep ever."

"Don't count on it Detective", Alex said slyly. "The night is young."

On a tropical island, on a white sand beach, Alex was wrapped around Olivia as gentle waves lapped at their naked, oiled bodies. Olivia could smell the coconut mixing with the musky scent of Alex's wetness, which she was rubbing busily with one free hand. She heard the blare of a ship's horn off in the distance. Then it got louder. And LOUDER.

"Oh shit!" Olivia was startled awake by her cell phone—but where the hell was it? She reached up to the nightstand and felt around, finally wrapping her hands around the damn thing.

"Benson. Munch! Why are you calling me so early? The folder is in Cragen's office, he didn't give it back to me yet. Yeah. Ask him. Bye." She snapped it closed annoyed, then shook her head as she took in the scene. Her hand was wet and she realized it really had been between Alex's legs. All of the blankets and even the bottom sheet were torn from the bed, as the two women lay on the floor in a pile of pillows and linens. One small corner of fitted sheet still clung to the bottom of the mattress. It looked like a crime scene, minus the blood, Olivia thought, amazed and now amused. Alex, her head on Olivia's stomach, was groggily waking from her deep slumber, her blond hair matted around her face.

"Who was that?" she croaked.

"Munch."

"Is that an order?"

"No silly, John Munch, being a pain in the ass," Olivia giggled.

"Good because I think I've lost all feeling in my jaw. And my arms—and my legs." Alex tried to get up and then plopped back down on the pillows. "What on earth did you do to me?"

"I think I fucked your brains out. I hope you don't have to use them today."

"You're very funny, Detective. I recall returning the favor. C'mon help me up. I will make you my famous peach pancakes. I don't what it is about peaches, they remind me of something."

"I can't imagine what," Olivia grinned, watching the naked Cabot slink into the bathroom.

Later that day, the two worked at desks side by side, Olivia catching up on paper work and Alex reviewing case files. Cragen had told Olivia not to let Alex out of her sight. Hah! Fat chance. Every so often she'd look over and stare, wondering how someone so beautiful could love her. Sometimes they'd catch each others eye and smile. Remembering the passion of the night before made it hard to concentrate.

Then Alex found a familiar file. "Oh God, it's the Cheryl Avery file, it's been updated recently." Alex winced. That had been a tough one for her and Olivia and was a turning point in their friendship. Alex pictured Cheryl, a transgender man to woman, who looked and talked like a pretty young woman, but hadn't had surgery yet. She killed her boyfriend's brother for threatening to expose her secret, but then the lines blurred as to whether she felt he was about to rape or even kill her. Her publicity hound lawyer convinced her to go to trial and she ended up sentenced to a man's prison. She had been brutally raped at Riker's and Alex felt she didn't do enough to help her.

"Before I open this, please tell me they didn't kill her."

"No, Alex, Casey was able to prove that Cheryl's situation was cruel and unusual. Her sister came through with the extra money she needed and they let her get her surgery. She's at a women's facility now."

Alex looked over the file and smiled sadly. "Thank God. That one haunted me."

"I would have told you, but we've had quite a bit going on."

"I know. And there are so many cases like it—the ones that stay with us," Alex said wistfully.

There was a tap at the door. It was Munch.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything ladies, like a pillow fight or painting each other's toenails—"

"What is it Munch?" Olivia said, not amused. The pillow fight comment struck a little too close to home.

"I thought you'd like to know the stripper case has been solved. The guy that Mandi saw was our guy."

"Great," Olivia said, hoping that Munch would hold the wisecracks.

"Ya know, Mandi really had the hots for you Olivia." He suddenly had Alex's undivided attention. "Who is Mandi?" she asked in a rather annoyed tone.

"She's this hot blonde, kinda looks like you Alex with huge knockers. She kept calling Olivia and bugging her and asking her out—"

"Munch, shut the hell up," Olivia glared at him.

"And so what did you do about this Mandi, Detective?" Alex said with mock innocence.

"I handed her over to Munch on a silver platter, but he couldn't exactly close the deal," Olivia taunted, giving it right back to him.

"I simply wasn't her type," he humphed. "And with that, I will take my deflated ego back to the squad room. Later, ladies."

Alex glared at Olivia accusingly for a second, then both burst out laughing.

"Detective, I better take you home before you get into deeper trouble."

Olivia liked the sound of Alex calling her apartment home. "Oh there may be some deeper trouble I can get into at home, Cabot."

"Speaking of home, I guess I should start looking in the ads for a new place."

Olivia felt sad at the thought of being apart from Alex. "Can you put that off for a while Alex? Even beyond the two weeks? You'll have an easy commute from my place when you move downtown. I mean our place."

"Sure, sweetie. We will take it one day at a time." Yes! Alex celebrated inwardly. They were a couple. And Alex didn't even have to bring it up.

Later that evening, after putting the dishes away, Alex put their favorite song on the CD player again. Olivia closed her eyes as they cuddled on the couch. "I can't imagine being here without you Alex. I keep feeling like I've dreamed this, because I've fantasized about it for so long. You told me there was a place for me in your life and I hung on to that."

Alex curled into Olivia's body and wrapping her leg around Olivia's. "My love, I've learned that sometimes you have to "die" to learn how to live. And, if I may be so profound, it may take losing your identity in order to find yourself." Olivia felt the weight of Alex's words. Her priorities and what had true meaning in her life had shifted. The two women would be a stabilizing, loving factor in each other's lives. Olivia and Alex both knew that to do their jobs, they needed each other, as much as loved each other. "No matter what happens, I will never lose you again, Alex." With that, Alex pulled her incredibly close and kissed her hungrily, vowing to herself that she would never let Olivia go.

The End

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