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Utter Nunsense
By Ann


"Psst, Olivia? Are you in here?" A male voice whispers into the seemingly empty room.

"Yes, Elliott, I'm here, but the better question would be why are you here?" Olivia sarcastically replies to her partner from the middle stall of the women's restroom.

Stepping inside, Elliott slowly makes his way into the room and comes to a stop just outside the closed door.

Seeing a pair of men's dress shoes from her seated position, Olivia reflexively crosses her arms over her chest and presses her knees tightly together.

"Elliott! I'm busy at the moment. Can you come back later, or better yet, can you wait outside until I'm finished in here?" Olivia protests in a loud whisper.

Looking left and right to be certain no one else has magically appeared, Elliott quietly responds, "It's about Alex."

The sound of a flushing toilet echoes in the room, and a half dressed Olivia flies through the door knocking Elliott ass over teakettle. She quickly tucks her shirt in and zips up her pants before offering any assistance to her partner who has already managed to remove himself from the tile floor.

"What about Alex?" Olivia asks in concern as Elliott goes through the motion of brushing off the back of his pants with both hands.

"Not here. Let's go over to the park across the street," Elliott insists as he ushers his worried partner out of the ladies room amid whistles and cat calls from their fellow officers.

The two detectives exit the building and quickly make their way to the other side of the street. Olivia heads straight for the empty merry-go-round where she takes a seat on its edge, and clasping her hands together to stop the slight tremor, she looks up at her partner and impatiently waits for information about her lover, but the only sound she hears is that of a passing car.

"What the hell is going on, Elliott?" Olivia blurts out when the other detective doesn't immediately offer any explanation.

"Agent Hammond called and said something is going down in the next couple of days involving Valez. He believes it will put an end to the problem permanently, and Alex will be able to come home for good," Elliott softly informs his fidgety partner.

Upon hearing the wonderful news, Olivia immediately jumps from her perch and hugs Elliott in joy. That is until he whispers some additional information in her ear.

"Hammond wants to keep Alex close. He believes she will be safer in the city than anywhere else."

Letting go of her partner, Olivia shouts as loudly as one possibly can in a whispered voice, "What? That's crazy. How can she be safe in the same city where all the action is going to take place?"

Smiling, Elliott answers, "That's where you come in."

He puts his arm around his partner and escorts her back to the station as he reveals Hammond's plan.

Two hours later, Sister Mary Katherine walks into the convent carrying a suitcase, and she is greeted by the Mother Superior who immediately shows her to her cell. The new nun's head snaps up at the word cell, but the Mother Superior assures her everything will be to her liking as she opens the door and ushers her inside.

Sister Mary Katherine scans the room and notes the two single beds with the small table located between them as well as an extremely small, private bathroom in the corner which is equipped with a toilet, sink, and shower stall. There are no windows in the room and the only door besides the one she just entered belongs to a single closet.

While the new nun takes in her surroundings, Mother Superior purposefully walks over to the closet, opens the door, and points to the covered floor. Sister Mary Katherine nods her head in understanding as the head of the convent promptly leaves the room.

The nun quickly strides to the cell door and slides the bolt in place keeping the area safe from any surprise visitors. Reaching under her habit, she pulls out a service revolver from her ankle holster as she makes her way to the closet. Moving the large box, she gets down on her knees and tries to lift the trap door without any success.

Gently knocking on the floor, she whispers, "Alex, it's me. Open up."

The sound of a key in a padlock is heard followed by the lifting of a hasp signaling Olivia to try the door once more. This time it easily lifts up and blonde hair is revealed. She doesn't hesitate to reach down and pull her lover up into her arms.

The two embrace for the longest time before Olivia finally lets go and cradles Alex's face in her hands. Leaning forward she softly kisses her lover's lips as they both revel in a feeling neither was certain they would ever experience again.

When the sweet kiss comes to an end, the two women stand in the middle of the cramped space smiling at each other like a couple of lovesick fools, and Alex is the first to come out of the stupor.

"Wow, I've never kissed a nun before. That was hot," Alex says as she tries to get her hands under Olivia's habit.

"You better not have because I'm pretty sure it's a mortal sin and you'd go straight to hell," Olivia teasingly replies as she has no trouble sliding her unarmed hand under her lover's shirt.

Frustrated with not being able to touch anything but Olivia's face and neck, Alex states in her best authoritative voice, "Sister Mary Katherine, I want you out of this habit right now."

Olivia begins to laugh, and Alex manages to steer them out of the closet and toward the small beds. Pushing her lover down, Alex climbs on top and begins to look for buttons or zippers or anything that will help her remove the black habit.

Just as she has found a set of snaps that will remove the white collar, a knock sounds on the door, and Alex puts her head down on her partner's shoulder and curses the bad timing.

Back in protector mode, Olivia motions for Alex to go back down the hidden stairway and lock the trap door behind her. Grudgingly, Alex acquiesces to her lover's wishes and locks herself back in the basement.

Holding her gun behind her back, Olivia silently moves to the door. She calls out and asks for identification, and a muted response lets her know it's okay to unlock the bolt.

She opens the door to admit Sister Josephine who is carrying a tray with two bowls of soup and a loaf of bread. There are two glasses of water and two sets of silverware as well. Olivia thanks the nun and makes small talk before ushering her back to the cell door.

By the time she has secured the bolt, Alex has climbed back out of the closet and is standing in the middle of the room.

"Damn it, Alex. You need to wait until I let you know it's safe to come out. Only Mother Superior and Sister Josephine know what's going on. What if it had been one of the other nuns? What if one of them is an undercover hitwoman?" An obviously upset Olivia questions her lover.

"An undercover hitwoman dressed as a nun? C'mon Olivia. I've only been here an hour. How would she have gotten in here so fast?" Alex asks in a 'you've got to be kidding me' tone.

"Alex, I've known since this morning that you were going to be here. There could have easily been a leak of some kind. And look at me, an undercover cop dressed as a nun. What makes you think no one else can do it?" Olivia replies with a raised voice.

Properly chastised, Alex goes over and sits on the bed next to the food in the classic pout position. She reaches over and takes a sip of water without offering a reply of any kind.

With hands on hips, Olivia exhales deeply and then moves to sit beside her lover. Reaching out, she takes Alex's hand.

"Alex, I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's just that we are finally so close to the end of this horrible nightmare, and I don't want to take any chances that something could go wrong. I love you, and I am going to do everything in my power to keep you safe until the all clear signal has sounded," Olivia states as she rubs her thumb over her partner's hand.

Alex places a quick kiss on Olivia's lips and then turns her attention back to the food.

"C'mon, Sister. Let's eat this soup before it gets cold."

The two women sit side by side and consume their meal as the conversation shifts to Olivia's stories about everything Alex has missed since she's been gone.

As they begin to get ready for bed, Alex has to help Olivia out of her habit since the detective is unable to figure out how to remove the clothing.

"Damn, this thing was a hell of a lot easier to put on," Olivia grumbles as Alex tries to decide where to start.

It seems there are zippers, snaps, and even Velcro that has to be undone, and Olivia is very relieved when the two finally remove the last piece of clothing and she is comfortably dressed in her tank top and boxers.

With both women now dressed for bed, Olivia crawls into the bed closest to the door, and Alex immediately starts to follow.

"Alex, you can't sleep with me. The bed is too tiny," Olivia states the obvious.

"Sweetie, I don't plan to get much sleep tonight," Alex replies in a sexy voice.

"Alex! We're in a convent. We can't have sex in a convent. God will strike us dead," Olivia nervously responds as she pulls the cover up to her neck.

"Olivia, do you realize how many nights I've stayed awake imagining you were lying beside me, touching me, kissing me, making love to me?" Alex asks in a soft voice.

Olivia nods her head and replies, "Yes, because I did too."

"So you're telling me that now that you have the real thing right here in the same room with you that you're not going to make love to me?" Alex asks as she removes her top leaving her naked from the waist up.

Swallowing, Olivia licks her lips and without any hesitation, moves over holding back the covers in invitation.

As Alex turns out the lamp and crawls into bed with her partner, Olivia slides her hands under Alex's t-shirt and begins to nuzzle her neck.

"You'll be quiet, right?" Olivia whispers to her lover as she moves one hand further south.

The next morning, the two sated women are awakened by a soft knock on the door, and Alex immediately climbs out of bed and grabs her clothes on the way to her hiding place. Olivia pulls on her shirt and boxers and waits until Alex is out of sight before calling out to the visitor.

Once again, the correct answer is given, and Sister Josephine enters with two plates filled with eggs and toast. This time the glasses contain milk.

"Sister Mary Katherine, I mean Olivia, Mother Superior wanted me to ask you if everything is okay. She said she heard moaning off and on during the night and was afraid one of you had gotten sick," Sister Josephine says in a very concerned voice.

With a beet red face, Olivia stutters, "Um, Alex did feel a little ill last night, but she's much better now."

Satisfied that neither woman needs medical assistance, Sister Josephine nods her head and walks toward the door, promising to return later to check on Alex. Olivia opens it just enough for the nun to exit with the tray from last night. Closing it behind her, she locks the bolt and heads for the closet to retrieve her 'sick' lover.

The two women repeat the routine for the next two days with no word from Elliott or Agent Hammond. Olivia begins to get a little worried that something has gone wrong, but Alex explains that they have to be patient which is a virtue she has learned the hard way through this entire ordeal.

Immediately following the moaning incident, Alex decided to ask Sister Josephine to dine with her and Olivia at each meal in hopes of learning any bit of information as to what is going on in the outside world. Neither woman has stepped foot out of the cell since Olivia first arrived, and Sister Josephine is the only contact they have.

The nun has also kept Olivia abreast of the major league baseball standings much to Alex's dismay. It seems the two women are die hard Yankees fans, and once they start talking about baseball, Alex can't get a word in edgewise.

On a positive note, Sister Josephine hasn't asked about the moans anymore since Olivia warned her lover that there would be no more love making unless they were both quiet as mice. Alex muttered how she couldn't wait to finally get home where she'll be able to scream to her heart's content.

At the end of the fourth day, a knock sounds on the door, and Olivia and Alex routinely go through the security ritual for what seems like the hundredth time. When Olivia hears Elliott's voice on the other side, she flings the door open and pulls him into the room by the front of his shirt.

"They got him, Olivia. Agent Hammond has given the all clear," Elliott explains as Olivia begins to cry, and Elliott pulls her into a comforting hug.

Seconds later, the trapdoor flies open, and Alex's head pokes out of the hole to see what all the excitement is about. Seeing her lover crying, she leaps up the wooden stairway and joins in on the group hug. An ecstatic Elliott pulls both of his girls closer saying a prayer of thanks that everything will return to normal soon.

Amid all the joy, a rather large problem develops when they learn the press somehow managed to follow Elliott to the convent, and now there are dozens of reporters and several news vans parked out front. A pissed off Elliott promises to clear a path to the car even if he has to take out a few newsmen in the process.

Olivia and Alex each give Mother Superior and Sister Josephine a hug before they leave the convent gate, and Alex promises to come back and visit as well as donate money to fix the nearby children's home. Turning toward the car, the two detectives and their former ADA take a deep breath and sprint to Elliott's car while reporters join in the chase.

Watching from the gate, Mother Superior shakes her head as she watches all the media people swarm the three. She breathes a sigh of relief when she sees the trio reach the car and slam the doors, but is again upset when she notices the news people all running to their cars to follow.

"Lord, please let those poor women have some peace and quiet," the elderly nun quietly prays.

Several seconds later, she acts astonished when every one of the news trucks and cars still stand in their original parking space, and she laughs as each driver gets out and kicks their front tire cursing aloud.

"God truly works in mysterious ways, Reverend Mother," Sister Josephine states as the two nuns walk back into their convent where each go their separate way, one to the chapel and the other to place the wire cutters back into the tool drawer.

Elliott can't believe that he was able to lose the reporters so quickly, but he decides to chalk it up to divine intervention as he pulls in front of a luxury hotel.

Olivia and Alex glance at the tall building and are perplexed by the reason for their stop, but Elliott explains that Agent Hammond thought that Alex should lay low for a couple of days to let the press die down some. He also mentions that Captain Cragen has given strict orders for Olivia to take all the time she needs to acclimate Alex back into her life.

Not waiting for any more explanations, each woman climbs out of the car as Elliott presses a key into Olivia's hand. They each give Elliott one last hug before retrieving their luggage from the back seat and walking to the front entrance.

The two women head straight for the elevator and when the doors close, Alex glances down the key in Olivia's hand and lets out a chuckle. Confused, Olivia looks at her lover as Alex takes the key and places it in one of the slots. The elevator immediately heads to the penthouse floor.

Both women marvel at the size of the room in comparison to their cell at the convent, and Alex decides to advantage of the spacious master bath since she wasn't able to shower before they left the convent. Olivia offers to unpack and tells her lover to take her time.

Freshly shower and naked save for the loosely tied hotel robe, Alex returns to the master bedroom and finds Olivia patiently sitting at the end of the bed dressed in her nun's habit.

Moving forward like a predator stalking her prey, Alex strides toward the bed with a cocky grin as she allows the robe to fall to the floor mid-journey.

"Sister Mary Katherine, I'm so glad you decided to join me, but I do have to warn you; one night with me, and you'll lose your religion," Alex purrs as she reaches for the all too willing nun.

The End

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