DISCLAIMER: Grey's Anatomy is the property of ABC.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SEQUEL: To Stevens' Anatomy.
The Vagina Monster
"Okay," Christina stopped munching her apple, holding it inches from her mouth as she glared back and forth between Izzie and George. "Will somebody tell me what the Hell's going on?"
They sat at their usual table outside. The two roommates sat across from Christina. Compared to her, they looked listless, with large bags under their eyes, pale skin, and constant yawning. Like either hadn't slept in ages.
"You guys had a party didn't you?" Christina squinted, wagging an accusatory finger.
"No," Izzie yawned, leaning back in her chair to stretch her arms above her head languidly. George listlessly stirred a French fry in a large pool of ketchup.
Christina tossed her apple onto her plate, picking up a plastic butter knife and waving it threateningly. "Okay, someone talk or someone loses an eye."
George picked up his fry, stared at it like it was some alien lifeform suddenly appearing in his hand. "Meredith's a vagina monster."
"George!" Izzie gasped, slapping him on the arm.
"Ow," he dropped his fry on his plate, using the hand to rub the now sore spot on his other arms. Eyes fired a surprised/hurt/what the Hell was that for look towards Izzie. "What?"
"A vagina monster?" Christina squinted in a confused disbelieving manner.
"Yeah," George rubbed his arm. "Remember when she was going through her slutty getting over McDreamy phase? Well, it's not a phase. She is just that slutty."
"George!" Izzie whacked him across the arm again.
"Hey," he winced. "It's not my fault our roommate has turned into a giant pussy hound."
"Wait," Christina shook her head, gesticulating with her hands. "You mean to tell me that Meredith, our Meredith, is gettin' jiggy with it."
"With the ladies," George added, waving his spoon. "She's getting more play than Motley Crue at post concert groupie orgy."
"How long has this been going on?"
Izzie sighed, rubbing the palms of her hands over her eyes. "Almost a month. I think I liked it better when she was sleeping with guys. I actually got to sleep back then. Now, it's like two screaming banshees jumping up and down on a trampoline in her room."
"Every night," George interjected.
"Every night," Izzie propped her elbows onto the table, slumping forward. Suddenly, her eyes lit up, staring at Christina. "Can I stay at your place?"
"Oooh," George looked up from his pudding cup. "Me too?"
"What makes you two think me and Burke aren't hitting it every night?"
Izzie sneered. "You look like you've slept, that's what."
Meredith approached their table, carrying a tray overloaded with food. Unlike her two roommates, she appeared refreshed. She sat down, immediately pulling out her silver ware, slicing into her meat loaf. She could feel the eyes of her friends upon her. "What?"
"Am I not your best friend?" Christina asked.
"And you couldn't tell me about your current state of Sapphic self-discovery?"
"George!" Meredith whacked him on the arm.
"Hey!" he yelped, rubbing the matching bruise on his other arm. "It's not my fault you're a slut."
"I am not a slut. Well, okay, I am. But that's beside the point."
"Yeah," Christina interjected. "The point is you didn't tell me."
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be mad."
"You're damn right I'm mad. You're passing out orgasms like they're candy and you haven't offered me any?"
"See," Meredith lowered her utensils down to her plate. "I knew this would happen. I didn't tell you because you'd get all pouty. If you got pouty, I'd feel obligated to unpout you and wind up breaking my rules. The last thing I want to do right now is break the rules."
Christina slumped back into her chair, arms folded across her chest. "A slut with rules. That's just great."
"Hey, sluts have ethics too. And rules," she held up her index finger. "Rule number one, no more bed buddies from Seattle Grace, or any hospital for that matter. Except for Izzie, she's exempt from the rules."
"I'm special," Izzie beamed, wiggling triumphantly in her seat, Christina retorted by sticking her tongue, pointing it childishly at Izzie.
"You slept with Meredith?" George asked, face pale as if all the blood had left his head, the slightest of whimpers escaping his throat.
Izzie held up her hand, waving four fingers.
"Four times?" Christina growled. Aimed her heated glare from Izzie to Meredith. "You slept with her four times and you won't even sleep with me once?"
"I'm sorry, Christina. I could break rule number one but I'd still be breaking rule number two - don't sleep with anyone in a relationship. I've already been the other woman once. I'm not doing it again."
"I'm not in a relationship," Christina huffed. "It's an arrangement. You know, one where we date, live together, have sex, stuff like that."
"Correct me if I'm wrong," George slid his chair back a couple inches from Christina, certain he was out of arms length. "But, isn't that the definition of a relationship."
"Shut up, George," Christina hissed. She picked up her butter knife again. Gripped it tightly in her hand, waving it menacingly at Meredith. "How much time do you have left on your break?"
"I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "Another twenty minutes."
Christina jerked her chair back, rising quickly to her feet. "Fine. Let's go."
"You mean, right now?"
"Yes, I mean right now," she stood next to Meredith, bending over so her mouth was close to Meredith's ear. Spoke in a low menacing growl. "How am I supposed go about the rest of my day knowing there's a can of Uber-Orgasm with my name all over it. You're going to fuck me, and you're going to fuck me right now."
"But, I haven't finished my lunch," she answered in a tinny whine.
"Meredith," she grabbed Meredith by the jacket now, pulling the woman up from her chair and back towards the hospital. "Believe me, once you've had my pussy, you'll never eat food again."
"Great, The vagina monster strikes again." George reached over the table grabbing Meredith's pudding cup. He stuffed a spoonful into his mouth, mumbling under his breath. "I can't believe you slept with Meredith."
She smirked, turning her attentions to her own pudding cup. "You're just jealous."
"More like you're just easy," he flinched, his hand immediately covering the already bruising portion of his arm. "Please don't hit me."
She waited until he settled back into his seat, certain she'd lulled him into a false sense of security. Then, whacked him across the arm anyway. "I'm not easy."
Izzie sat on the bench in the locker room, tying her shoes. Her hair was still damp from her shower. She'd been relieved early for once, and in an attempt to get out of Seattle Grace as quickly as possible, she'd cut her usual shower time by half. Figured what she didn't get clean at the hospital she could do at home.
Meredith entered the locker room. She wore jeans and a long coat. Leaned against the lockers, arms folded across her chest, staring casually at Izzie.
"What?" Feeling Meredith's stare, Izzie finally acknowledged her presence.
"Do you wanna have sex?"
"Don't you have the day off?"
"And you couldn't find anyone else in the greater Seattle area to have sex with?"
"It's not that, it's just," her voice trailed off, her eyes suddenly finding something of interest down around her shoes. She lifted her eyes, a nervous smirk on her face. "You've had sex.. with women before, right?"
"I think we've established that fact already."
"Yeah," Meredith nodded her head. "But, when you were having sex with these women did you," she shifted nervously, "use accessories?"
Izzie sat up straight. Meredith was blushing. Hard. Izzie tilted her head. A large smile spreading across her lips as the full meaning of Meredith's words became clear. "Are you talking sex toys?"
"I was bored and went to that store up on Capitol Hill and this cute girl behind the counter starting talking to me. And she started talking about," she tilted her head as if pointing at something out of their vision, "this thing. And she made it sound, well, hot. So, I bought one. But, I've never done the whole toy thing. I mean, sure, I've got a vibe and everything but not, well, you know."
"No, Meredith, I don't know."
Meredith yanked open the buttons on her jacket. She grabbed the waist of her jeans, jerked at the hem a couple of tugs, emphasizing the rather prodigious bulge protruding from her crotch. "This!"
"You bought a strap-on?"
"Hey! I'm a sexually liberated 21st Century woman. I allowed to experiment with my sexuality."
"And what, pray tell, does your 21st century liberated woman have to do with me."
"Well," Meredith began rebuttoning her jacket in an effort to cover her newly found toy. "I was hoping you'd help me break it in."
"God," Izzie rolled her eyes. "You're incorrigible."
"Is that a yes?" Meredith pleaded with her eyes. "C'mon Izzie, please? You have no idea how horny I am. I've been wearing this damn thing all afternoon, and it's like, I don't wanna say empowering but, you know what I mean. There's like this clit stimulator and it feels soo good. And, like, I'm sitting at Starbuck's sipping my double tall, double fat mocha with my plastic dick pressed against my thigh, staring at all these women, wanting all these women and it's taking everything I have not to run up to some woman and start humping her leg like a damn dog."
"Christ, George is right. You are a vagina monster."
"Does that mean you'll do it?"
Izzie gave Meredith the once over with her eyes. She was kinda cute when she was begging, and it wasn't very often Izzie had the one up on the intern. Plus, there was something tantalizingly erotic knowing what Meredith had on beneath her jeans. About being the first to 'break it in'. The experts were wrong, one could be a virgin all over again. She rose from the bench. "Fine," she rolled her eyes. "I'll have sex with you."
"Oh thank God," Meredith practically leapt onto Izzie, wrapping her arms around the blonde in a tight hug. "You're the best, Izzie."
"I know," Izzie beamed. She stopped in her tracks, turning on her heel to face Meredith. "But I am NOT sucking you off."
"Wait," Meredith stood, staring at Izzie's retreating form. She gave a quick glance down at her crotch before breaking into a jog to catch up with the blonde. "Women do that with these things?"
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