DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SERIES: First part of the Drinks series.
"It's not fair." Olivia whispered. Leaning against the sink she felt herself begin to sway, unsteady on her feet. The bottle of vodka sat open on the table in front of her. She'd only had a few drinks but she could feel the effects already. She shook her head quickly trying to stop the images that were flashing through her mind. Natalia looking so proud as she watched Emma's presentation, choked with emotion that shone through her brown eyes. Emma smiling as they celebrated Christmas together, knowing they were staying into the New Year. Natalia telling Olivia that she die for Emma when asked why she cared. More images assaulted her and she carefully lowered herself into a kitchen chair. What the hell am I going to do? Olivia thought. It took a few seconds to realise she was crying. She left her tears unchecked knowing she was alone, Emma was at a slumber party and Natalia was off somewhere with Frank. She felt sick with jealously at the thought then quickly pushed it down. She had no right to feel jealous, had no right to Natalia. It had taken awhile but Olivia was now very aware of what she was feeling. Olivia loved to be in love, loved everything about it but she had always made a decision to do so. It had always been her choice to let herself feel. Now she felt adrift at not only finding herself in love against her best efforts, but finding herself in love with a woman who could never feel the same. Natalia was everything she wanted and everything she could never have and it made her heart ache in her chest which felt ironic to Olivia considering who the heart had belonged to before her. Olivia held one hand over her heart and one over her mouth to try and control her sobs. She could feel herself losing control as her sobs got louder and she could no longer keep her emotions in check. Giving in to emotion she buried her head in her hands and let herself cry. She was so caught up that she didn't hear Natalia let herself in.
The sight of Olivia sat at the table stopped Natalia momentarily, but the sounds of sobbing propelled her to Olivia's side. Placing a hand on Olivia's back, Natalia's heart broke as she took in the shattered state of her friend. "Olivia what's wrong? Oh my god is it Emma? Is she ok? Is it your heart? Should I call 911?!" She felt the panic rise as she tried to think of what could have affected her friend like this. Olivia didn't answer her verbally, she just shook her head and tried to keep herself together now she was no longer alone. "So Emma's fine? You're fine?" At Olivia's nods she settled herself into the chair next to Olivia, concern overriding any other emotion she was feeling.
"Olivia what's going on? You're scaring me" She'd spied the bottle on the table, but decided to hold the lecture until she knew what was wrong.
Natalia's reply made Olivia quirk an eyebrow, it seemed her sarcasm was catching. She couldn't deny that what Frank had said was true. Natalia was being a good influence on her and even she could see that her good traits were rubbing off on Natalia too.
"I'm just having a bad day. What are you doing here anyway?"
Natalia saw the exact moment Olivia threw her walls up. Something was definitely up and she was going to find out what it was.
"I live here. And don't change the subject. This isn't a bad day this is a meltdown. I'm here to help but I can't if you don't talk to me."
She placed her hands on Olivia's on the table and couldn't stop the flash of hurt on her face as Olivia ripped them away, but even through the brief contact both women had felt it. The connection, almost electrical in nature. Olivia stood quickly but had to hold onto the table to prevent herself from falling. Smooth escape, Olivia She mentally chided herself. Her earlier plan of pretending everything was normal to Natalia had quickly gone up in flames and the woman's mere presence was undoing her quicker than she ever thought possible.
Seeing Natalia rise to help her she tried to move away only to back herself against the sink. Before she could move Natalia had situated herself in front of her with a hand on either side of Olivia's body. Natalia opened her mouth to speak but stopped at the look on Olivia's face. She hadn't realised how close she was to the woman in front of her, she was so close she could smell a small trace of alcohol and the scent of Olivia's perfume. The other woman's discomfort was clearly evident but as she tried to step back, Olivia held Natalia's hands where they where against her waist. She barely heard Olivia's whisper.
"Don't go please."
She said it so quietly but Natalia heard the pain in the plea.
"I'm not going anywhere Liv."
Olivia couldn't help but smile at the nickname. Not many people had ever got away with shortening her name, but on the rare occasions Natalia used the nickname she couldn't stop herself feeling warm at the level of comfort Natalia obviously felt in using it. The brief smile reassured Natalia that whatever was bothering Olivia wasn't life threatening but she was still concerned. As the smile faded Natalia saw Olivia put on what Natalia referred to as her 'determined face'. She was finding it hard to keep up with the gauntlet of emotions Olivia was obviously going through.
"Liv are you drunk?"
"Enough to what?"
"Enough to possibly have a much-needed conversation with you."
"So you're going to tell me what's wrong?"
"Maybe? What does that mean? Olivia you can tell me anything, you know that."
Olivia pushed her bottom lip between her teeth and started to nibble, clearly nervous. Natalia recognised it for what it was and set about putting her at ease. Her hands automatically came up to Olivia's face. Using her thumbs she wiped at Olivia's tears then pushed on her bottom lip to release it from between sharp teeth before she hurt herself. At Olivia's sharp inhalation she finally paid attention to how they were stood and how she was touching her. She knew this was going to happen. Had felt the elephant in the room and knew that Olivia had too. Had known that they were staring much longer then they should, that they were always touching. She lived for Olivia touching her. She'd been aware recently that Olivia had caught on much quicker than she had and had felt bad at not addressing the situation and reassuring the woman. Then it dawned on her that it was more than likely her causing the hurt in Olivia. She'd hidden her feelings so much better than Olivia, had even hidden behind Frank like he was some sort of cover story. Whatever happened between her and Olivia, Frank deserved the truth and to stop being used. The thought that she had put the pained look on Olivia's face caused a pain deep in her chest as her heart constricted and she felt her tight resolve snap. She looked from Olivia's face, down to the tiny space between their bodies. Slowly she closed the remaining distance and felt them both gasp as their entire bodies came into contact. Natalia's mind briefly flashed to church and images of Jesus and bible passages, but one look at the beautiful woman in front of her and she knew that the outcome was inevitable. She truly believed that God had sent Olivia to her, and why would he do that if he didn't want them to be together? She was drawn to Olivia and knew she couldn't stop. She remembered Olivia saying they needed a conversation but she couldn't think being so close to Olivia. She took a deep breath before she began to talk.
Olivia had to clear her throat before she could reply. She was too busy, caught between staring at Natalia's lips and watching the myriad of emotions play over Natalia's face.
If Olivia couldn't feel Natalia's hands on her face she'd think she was dreaming. As it was she was having a hard time believing she'd heard right. Before she could question, Natalia spoke.
"You heard me right Olivia. Kiss me Please."
Olivia didn't hesitate this time. One hand wound itself in long dark hair as the other held Natalia to her by her lower back. She had meant it to be chaste, so as not to overwhelm the other woman. It seemed Natalia had other ideas. As she felt Olivia begin to pull away she held her face and continued the kiss. When they'd both run out of air they reluctantly parted, foreheads naturally coming to lean against each other. Natalia was the first to speak.
"Wow. Remind me why we waited so long?"
Olivia stifled a giggle as she replied.
"Well I was under the misapprehension that my feelings were unrequited. Unless you're just feeling sorry for a slightly drunken lady."
She was almost completely joking and Natalia caught the hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Lifting Olivia's head up by her chin, she looked her straight in the eye.
"I am feeling sorry for you." Natalia felt Olivia tense and begin to pull away so she quickly continued.
"I'm sorry for hurting you and making you deal with this without letting you know how I feel."
Olivia couldn't help the face-splitting grin she knew she was sporting, and she couldn't help but ask for clarification.
"How do you feel?"
"Do you really have to ask after that? I don't just kiss anybody you know."
"You kissed Frank."
"Not like that. Nothing like that."
"So I'm special huh?"
Olivia meant it to be teasing but she felt the atmosphere grow serious.
"You, Olivia Spencer are the most special person I have ever kissed. And will ever kiss. I know this is going to be hard. I'm me and well you're . you but I want this. I want you. I want the family Emma wrote about."
"So I'm worth the hard work then?"
"You're worth everything Olivia."
Olivia felt her sore eyes tear up again and realised she must look a mess. Her clothes were rumpled and her make-up had undoubtedly run.
"Oh my god I must look like crap!"
"You look beautiful."
The sincerity she heard in Natalia's words took her breath away. She leant forward and once again claimed Natalia's lips. Things quickly got heated and Olivia pulled away.
"We need to go slow. I'm not going to rush you, or this. I really want this to work. I can't mess this up."
Natalia couldn't help but feel touched.
"I'd appreciate that."
Natalia couldn't help but throw in a teasing comment to lighten the mood.
"Although I thought you didn't do glacial?"
Olivia didn't even think before she pulled Natalia close and whispered in her ear.
"I'd do anything for you. I love you."
Natalia couldn't stop the tears as she replied just as quietly.
"I love you too Olivia, so much."
Olivia couldn't stop the yawn. Her day coupled with the alcohol had finally caught up with her. She was now feeling sleepy when she wanted nothing more than to stay awake. Natalia knew Olivia must be tired, as was she. They'd gone through about 2 months of emotions in less than 10 minutes.
"Time for bed?"
As soon as the words came out of her mouth she knew she was in for trouble. Olivia smiled and leaned in until her nose touched Natalia's.
"What about glacial?"
"Just to sleep Olivia. Mind out of the gutter."
Olivia's face adopted a pout but she was too happy to maintain the sulking face for too long. After another long kiss she pulled back and watched as Natalia licked her lips. She could feel her temperature rising at the action but repeated the word slow through her mind several times. At Natalia's thoughtful face she couldn't help the puzzled look cross her face. Natalia looked over and smiled shyly. Olivia couldn't help but inquire.
"What were you thinking about just then?"
"I was just thinking that I hate vodka normally, but it tastes really good on you."
"Hey you can't hate vodka! If it wasn't for the vodka I'd have probably stormed out as soon as you came in."
Her voice was once again teasing and she knew that Natalia knew there was no malice in the statement.
"Well then, I really, really love vodka now."
Olivia giggled then gently pushed Natalia back so they were separated for the first time in what felt like hours. She held out her right hand and asked casually.
"Your bed or mine?"
"Yours. It has the nicest sheets. I know how much of a princess you are about your sheets."
Olivia smiled at the thoughtful gesture and quickly recognised it as one of the thousands of things she loved about the woman in front of her. Natalia gently held Olivia's hand as she began leading them to the stairs, the open bottle left forgotten on the table.
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