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Want & Need
By Aurora


Esther needs her and Vero wants her. And Maca knows there are miles of difference between the two; because she wants Esther, but needs Vero.

Esther needs her because they've been together for so long. They're married, have children, share a house and share all the bills. Without Maca, Esther would be alone and she can't be alone. She needs Maca to be the strong one of the family and forgive her mistakes, because Lord knows she makes so many. She needs Maca to help look after the children, to be the mother she promised to be. She needs Maca more than she could ever explain.

But Maca knows that even though Esther needs her, it has been a long time since she's been wanted. So long in fact, Maca doesn't remember the last time Esther regarded her with anything but a fondness borne of familiarity. The passion, spontaneity and undeniable craving they had once shared for each other has now petered out into nothingness.

She's loved dearly, Maca has never doubted that. Not even in the thick of Esther's sickening affair with Raul did Maca believe that Esther no longer loved her. Her wife's love for her is obvious in the way she looks at her over dinner, eyes alight with a brightness that is almost unearthly. It's in the gentle touches and unspoken support they pass between each other every day. It's also written all over Esther's face, her every action and every thought. Though Esther may have succumbed to loneliness, Maca knows she loved.

Maca knew she hadn't been around after Pedro was born, she knew that the intoxication of finally being welcome in her own home had gone to her head. She was big enough to stand up and take account of her absence. But that didn't make anything undone.

Vero, on the other hand, wants Maca more than she can handle. Just the way she smiles at her is enough to send a shiver down her spine, taken aback by how good it feels to be wanted again. And Vero has made it abundantly clear how she feels about Maca; she can't get enough of her. She wants to be with her for every moment and steal her away from the undeserving wife that has made Maca's smile shrivel.

They share the same hobbies and interests, and Vero attacks everything in her life with the same kind of dogged determination that Maca does. Vero is exactly Maca's speed. But the best thing about Vero is that she doesn't work with her at the hospital. Maca doesn't spend every waking moment next to her, so when they meet after so long apart it's intense and like coming up for air under a lake; it's being wanted.

Maca knows she's doing wrong; is no better than Esther and Raul as a matter of fact, but she's just as caught in this as anyone. Because even though Maca wants Esther to want her, to the point of being so desperate that it steals her heart away, she needs Vero to keep wanting her, just to keep her alive.

More than anything, Maca wants to go back to days long passed and steal away secret kisses in bathrooms, closets and anywhere she happens to be alone with Esther. She wants to be caught off-guard by just how comfortable Esther is with being her lover, despite years of being 'straight'. Maca wants Esther to just turn on her, right in the middle of the ER waiting lobby, take her face in her palms and kiss her so deeply that Maca forgets everything.

But Esther never will, and Maca knows that.

So when Vero sneaks into the hospital, comes up behind her and places gentle fingers over her eyes, whispering a teasing 'Guess who?' in her ear, Maca falls headlong. For a brief moment she can almost imagine Esther, the way they used to be. But it's gone before it even really appears and instead there is this woman, all curves and shocking brown eyes, and she can't breathe.

She knows it's bad. She even surprises herself by telling Vero she's crazy coming to the hospital, and not in a nice way. Maca knows her anger is only a pathetic disguise for fear; she's still frightened enough to be caught having this tawdry affair to feel guilty about it. But the guilt just evaporates in the heat of Vero's eyes as she reaches out with questing fingers, gaze gone dark and heavy with want.

Maca knows she can't fight that because it just feels too good.

Somewhere in the blur of her own arousal, Maca manages to stumble away with a hasty promise to call Vero later. She's on fire, burning from the inside out with equal parts passion and the desire to suppress it. Any minute it'll claim her and she just wants to act on it. Just to finally feel good about herself once more, like she's too good to be cheated on, would take years off her.

More than anything she would've loved for Esther to be the one to change her from a glowing ember into a raging inferno. But when Esther lays an arm around her waist, the touch is like being doused with frigid ice water.

But maybe, Vero can light her up again…

The End

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