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What You Need Me To Be
"I don't think I can be what you need me to be."
The words echo and linger long after the fact, long after they have left my lips, and will continue to do so long after you have left my side. I don't mean to hurt you, I never do, but somehow it always ends up that way.
My mind flashes back to the shower this morning, your body pressed against mine. Water droplets slowly trickle down your back to kiss the gentle swell of your ass and I can't stop myself from following it, licking and sucking my way along your body and back up again. Your moans urge me on, your hair slicked back, eyes closed, full gorgeous lips parted, gasping and calling my name, as I slowly enter you, claiming you as my own.
Slick and tight, clenching around my fingers, I moan and move with you, pressing against you, thrusting and flicking as water flows hot and wet between us, over us. And soon I feel it, your body arching, rolling against me, your face tilted up. So beautiful. One last twitch of my thumb and I dip my head to swallow your cry as you come, kissing you hard as you shake and shudder in my arms, taking you all in. Making you mine.
In this one instance, this single, perfect moment, I am exactly what you need me to be. Finally.
Then the moment passes, like it always does, falling away from me, like a sandcastle on the beach succumbing to the incoming tide and I know it's not enough. I'm not enough. The water from the shower hides my tears from you, as my earlier words ring loud in my own ears.
I watch you now, walking away from me in the bright sunshine, your long hair flowing and your body swaying, I wish for the millionth time that I could figure it out. That somehow I could be what you need me to be. That I could be enough.
And Ani just keeps walking away.
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