DISCLAIMER: The great one JOSS owns them not me and not profit will be made.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Under The Willow Tree
She sits silently in agony, under her willow tree; she found this place a long time ago. It serves her purposes for privacy when she has to hide from those who care about her. Tonight, she definitely needs to hide. Agony, pain, loss...for her none of these words are new in her vocabulary. Hell, how could they be? She is the Slayer. Everything she does helps to end these words for others, but it only seems to compound them in her own life. Agony has become her favorite of late. Here, under her willow tree, she doesn't have to hide it and now she can't hide it from her friends either. They know her agony now. It was laid before them in song. They didn't need to know the pain she suffers, but they do now. They didn't need to see her inner anguish over being torn from what she believes was heaven. They didn't know...didn't know she was at peace, no worries, that she was absolutely loved. What could they do about it now? Nothing...just like her...nothing but suffer and wasn't her suffering supposed to be enough? Isn't that the way it always was...The Slayer suffers so that others do not have to? Well, apparently not this time and she had to run from their guilty, pity filled faces. She could not stand there and see them that way. Suddenly, here she is from heaven into her own life again only this time it really felt like HELL not just unfair, but like Hell. How could she tell them that? She couldn't, but she could see it on all their faces. Well, except Willow's, she avoids her now. She always finds a way to be out of her way...out of her life and yet still there on the outskirts. To her, the most heart wrenching part of being pulled from her paradise was knowing who had called her back. It was the one she loves above all others. How is she supposed to deal with that? Not that she is being given the chance to anyway. To forget...if only she could forget.
Forgetting...she kissed Spike in an attempt to forget and a chance to dive into something else to put her hate and anger there. How fucking ignorant had that been? Can we say VERY? I knew we could. Now, she lets herself feel very little in an attempt to not hurt so much, but she notices everything around her. Willow avoids her like she is some demon spawn either out of fear of her anger, guilt or both. Tara left Willow and all she knows about that is that it was over magic misuse or something like that, because Willow won't tell her. Giles has left again. Dawn...well she is just Dawn...happy to have her sister back, but sad they didn't know she was at peace. The rest of the Scoobs all walk on eggshells around her. Spike keeps trying to win her love. What a joke. Then, the dancing, singing demon...if it wasn't for that little bit of excitement none of this would be happening. She could have kept right on suffering alone as it has always been and should be. All she wants to do is die again.
She hears someone or something beyond the low hanging branches of her willow tree. Perhaps tonight, she will let them have their victory. All it would take is one wrong block, one slow swing, or any defense misplaced and she could be done. It could be believable. After all, she is distracted. Of course, if she did that, she would never see Willow again. She has become the only glimpse of beauty in this insane existence yet seeing her is painful as well. A love that she knows cannot be. Willow could never love her the way she loves Willow. She is in love with Tara. You can see the pain she struggles with everyday knowing that Tara is gone. The intruder is getting closer now. She sits waiting to see if she can let herself be killed knowing that her survival skills will kick in and save her ass even if she doesn't want them to, but there is always hope she can hold them at bay and die tonight. As the intruder parts the branches, Buffy smells Willow's familiar, spicy scent.
"Oh, B-buffy...I didn't know anyone...you still c-came here..." she stammers. Willow's overwhelming guilt shows in her eyes. Truth was, she didn't know if she could call it an error. She couldn't live without Buffy. She didn't know where she went..Heaven or Hell. She just knew she had to have her back. Yeah SHE couldn't live without her...who cared if the world could or not?
"It's fine Willow. I was ...well just here," Buffy doesn't look up; she can't take the pain she knows is in Willow's expression.
"Oh, I ..could l-"
"Willow, why do you avoid me?" Buffy blurts out suddenly. She just has to hear Willow say it. She can't take the silence anymore, "You bring me back, but now you stay far away from me."
"Me? I am not. I live at your house..."
"All the same you do avoid me...Why? Is it because you are afraid? Do I scare you..do you not want to be my friend?"
"Buffy, why would I be afraid of you? You're..."
"I thought maybe you were afraid I was angry at you. I was angry, but never at YOU. I wouldn't hurt you will if you were afr..."
"No! I never thought you would hurt me...Don't ever think that!"
"Then, please tell me why."
"Buffy, I-I c-can't...please..."
"No, we've always been honest with each other. Tell me. I need to know."
"Oh yeah we've always been honest...that's why you never told us about us pulling you out of heaven..honesty...you didn't even tell me and ... and.. I am the one who did it..."
"I am here now...nothing can be done about that unless I do it...I just didn't want you to suffer knowing...I am the one who protects...so I was trying to protect...you...I can't leave. Tara leaves...Giles leaves...everyone walks on glass around me and now you leave in your own way, too and yet I can't leave. I know if it isn't fear then it has to be guilt. I know that, but why?!" Buffy pleads sternly and Willow bends.
"I..me..I took away your heaven. No one else did that...I did... ME! I can't fix it...I wouldn't if I could...I am guilty of destroying my best friend's peace. I know you must hate me..." Willow sighs, " It was selfish...purely selfish..."
"Willow, you thought I was in Hell. You thought the world needed me. You brought me back to save me how could I hate YOU for that. I just hate that there was no way for you to know I was safe. You couldn't have known. How is that selfish? I don't hate you...never could."
"Don't say that Buffy when you hear the truth you will feel...you will hate me. I did..yo..I thought you were in Hell, but..." Willow swallows, "I didn't want to know where you went...it wouldn't have mattered..I didn't care about anyone else...I..."
"What? You what?! I don't understand..just tell me. Don't you see? I have lost everything, but you..you're still here..make me understand...please we can still be honest with each other...we can still have that if we want it. What do you mean you didn't care about anyone else?" Buffy runs her hands through her hair, "I'm sorry for yelling..."
"It's okay. I deserve it. I pulled you back. I did it because I need you... I wanted you here..I didn't think I..no..I didn't care if what I was doing was wrong..." she whispers.
"You wanted me here?" Buffy looks up.
"Yes, I just couldn't be without you here. I did magik no one should touch..and just for me...I'm so sorry.."
"I...even if I was in Hell. You shouldn't have risked all that."
"I...DAMN IT! I can't tell you..It's why Tara left me..it's why..I did everything," the last part was barely a whisper.
"Tara left you over magik. I know that Willow. You thought I was suffering...you thought I was needed. You shouldn't feel guilty."
"You don't understand. I didn't care. I was suffering here without...without you. Tara left over magik, but not because of the type of magik it was. She left because I used it to get you back..she knew why I did it..She left because she knew how much I...I did the magik for me not for the good of others, but for me and...Why" Willow's figure slumps at the shoulders admitting defeat and knowing she must tell the truth no matter what the cost. The price now for her selfishness was so high that it needed to be finished, "See, she knew it all and just let me go knowing I wouldn't stop until you were back. She helped me even and then she left. I hurt her terribly. I am guilty of so much pain.
So,hereiswhyandthenyoucanhatemeforeverandiwilllivewiththat.." she babbles quickly and breathes deep, "You left me and I..needed you..I needed you not the world..the world could be DAMNED for all I cared. I couldn't survive without you. You left me without me being able to tell you I loved you, needed you, and I couldn't be without you...you just left...I'm sorry I took away your reward, your peace...I am so sorry..." her shoulders quaking as she puts her hands up to her face to cover her sobbing.
Buffy stands and takes small steps to stand in front of Willow, "Say it again, Willow," she touches Willow's hair, "Say it again."
"I'm sorry," Willow mutters.
"No," Buffy runs her hand softly along Willow's hair, "tell me again why you called me back..please.." Buffy's voice cracks as tears fill her eyes.
"I l-love you..I didn't mean to fall in love with y-you, but..." Willow drops her hands, but refuses to look at Buffy.
"Ssshhhh..." Buffy moves Willow's face to be able to see her eyes, "How do you l-love me?"
Willow looks into Buffy's eyes knowing she can't lie anymore, "I love you with v-very core of m-my being..with all that I am and all that I will ever be...so much that I couldn't let death stand in the way.." she shudders at her confession.
Buffy's hands grip Willow's shoulders tightly as she pushes Willow against the tree. She sees Willow's eyes go wide with fear just before she captures her lips in a soul searing kiss. The next feeling Buffy has is Willow's fingers digging into her back trying to pull Buffy even closer to her as if she wants to accept all of Buffy's rage, anguish, and sorrow into her.
"Willow..." she growls into the redhead's neck after breaking the kiss, "Is this what you wanted? Is this why you brought me back?"
"N-no...Y-yes..I j-just you is all I wanted...n-not s-sex...you I want you..yes like this, but for love...for you to just be here...I do you want you like this...Goddess help me is it wrong?...I'm sorry. I just l-love YOU..." Willow cringes away as a tear falls.
"No...Not wrong..." Buffy pulls her into her embrace, "Wonderful..it's beyond Wonderful!" Buffy kisses the tears away, "Willow, I ...I want...so badly, Willow and ... I...I need.." she stammers out as her hands roam Willow's curves, "please?" she pleads as her desires become undeniable. Her hands roam upwards to cup Willow's breasts.
"Yes...Goddess, YES!..whatever you need...want..take whatever you need.."
"MINE!" Buffy growls throatily as she rips open Willow's shirt sending buttons flying everywhere. She raises the redhead's skirt sensually running her fingertips along her thighs until she reaches her panties tearing them away. Willow's breath catches in a gasp at Buffy's wantonness.
Willow's breasts bare in the moonlight filtering through the branches absorb all the Slayer's attention. She gently runs her fingertips over the small but firm peaks causing a moan from Willow.
"So long..." Buffy breathes out right before leaning into devour almost an entire peak into her mouth. She teases the nipple taut, her hands reaching around to hold Willow by the small of her back close to her. Willow reaches into Buffy's blonde tresses holding her closer as if the Slayer might change her mind and leave her wanting. Buffy transfers her attention from one lovely breast to the other sliding upward to claim Willow's lips in a bruising passionate kiss. Their tongues duel for dominance, but Buffy wins as her passion long denied and ignored returns to her with her beautiful witch in her arms. She sucks on Willow's tongue causing the little witch to grind her hips up into Buffy's. Buffy pulls away looking into those fiery green eyes seeing such passion and love there that her desire can wait no more. She drops to her knees in front of her love pulling at the skirt frantically until Willow grabs her hands and undoes the buckling for the Slayer. Buffy smiles for the first time since her return as the skirt falls and Willow's hand caress her cheek. Her Willow, Buffy loses her self to Willow's flesh, creamy, soft, as she runs her tongue around Willow's navel she finds out delicious as well. Her hands creep up to playfully tease nipples as she licks slowly, sensually along hipbones, navel, and down her thighs. Willow is reduced to moaning incoherently as Buffy continues her assault. As Buffy closes in on the source of Willow's need, the redhead involuntarily bucks her hips up to meet Buffy. This causes the Slayer to smile as a child on their birthday, but then this is her birthday finally alive again. She blows a cool breeze across short red curls trying to remember what she likes since her passion is screaming at her regardless of her not having any experience. Noting the slight hesitation, Willow moves her hands back to Buffy's hair stroking lovingly. The contact is all she needs, Buffy moves Willow's legs wider then slowly runs her tongue along her love's outer lips reveling in the flavor wanting to devour her Willow whole. She moves her hands from hard nipples down Willow's ribcage to grab Willow's hips, sliding around to hold tight to Willow's cheeks as she dives desperately into her lover.
"Oh GODDESS!!!! Buffy...oh...mmmmm" Willow digs her hands into Buffy's hair tightly holding on as the Slayer voraciously attacks her core.
Buffy can't get enough of Willow's taste. It is spicy, hot...lovely; sweet...she realizes this is 'home'. Willow is her home. She runs her tongue through each fold of her lover's sex not leaving any part untouched...She lavishes long passes over Willow's bud loving the moans and writhing she gets as she does this. Wanting to taste the source of Willow's flavor, she moves to her lover's opening moving her tongue in a lazy circle around it before plunging her tongue as deep as she can into her Willow. This cause Willow to raise and wrap one leg around Buffy's shoulder as Buffy keeps rhythmically moving her tongue in and out of her lover trying to taste all her depths. As Willow's hips buck in time to Buffy's questing tongue, Buffy brings one hand around slowly to glide up the inside of Willow's thigh as she quickly replaces her tongue with two fingers deep inside her lover.
Willow jerks fast to Buffy's pounding fingers as Buffy places her lips over Willow's clit sucking hard while racing her tongue over it in it quick hard flicks. Willow's hips try to keep time but now she is simply in a mindless bucking state as Buffy uses her strength to control both girls balance and bring Willow over the edge.
"Oh GODDESS...I...mmmmm...BUFFY!!!" Willow cries out as her orgasm overtakes her sending her soaring.
Buffy continues to push into Willow as she crests over the edge and begins to come back down her legs shaking, her breathing labored and Buffy slows almost pulling out of her lover. Then, with gentle flicks of her tongue she immediately pumps in and out of her lover high speed pushing Willow to another heart stopping explosion. As Willow returns to earth, Buffy rests her head on the red head's thigh smiling slowly she removes her fingers form her lover. She holds Willow standing as the girls legs tremble and her breathing slows. Buffy moves slowly bringing Willow into her lap. She touches her cheek lovingly having spent her urgency she holds Willow as the red head weeps lightly.
"Willow, I'm sorry...did I hurt you?" She asks suddenly concerned.
"n-no...I...you..." Willow stammers overcome.
"I am sorry...I" Buffy blushes.
"Oh..B-buffy ... if you didn't w-want t-to..." Willow tries to move away.
"God..no Wills, I'm not sorry about .. about this..It was so...there are no words...I'm sorry I didn't say something first..before we.."
"Uh..I see." Willow's face cringes.
"No..Willow..I just should have told that ... I...before I took you I should have said I love you, too. I do and I should have said it before I...so you would no it wasn't just..."
"Oh Buffy, I didn't think that...I didn't, but could you say it again?" her face turns crimson.
"Willow, I love you. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul."
She hugs the redhead tight to her.
"Then, you forgive me?" Willow asks her voice shaking with fear.
"My God, Wills there is nothing to forgive...not one damn thing. What should I forgive you for bringing me back to be loved? Loving me enough to want me at whatever cost? Why would I need to forgive you for that? Willow, I feel again..the cold is receding..the pain is slowly going with you here in my arms. Yes, it will take longer to forget the peace of that place, but you are my heart, and you can give me peace...please Willow forgive yourself for I have nothing to forgive you for. I would have done the same thing for you if I could have. I need you now just as you needed me...maybe we can be peace for each other? Just love me Wills...hold me..you are my heaven on earth Wills and don't you forget it, as if I would let you. I love you, My Willow...forever. I wanted to die tonight," Willow cringes, "Sshh, but now I have a reason to want to live. I live because of you and I love because you are here." Willow shivers," Oh Wills, you have to be cold. I demolished your shirt...I..."
"I am not cold, baby. I just can't believe all you said. I never thought..I only hoped...Buffy I love you so much..I can try to be your peace for you, but will I be enough?" Willow moves so she can gather together her clothes. She begins to slide on her skirt.
Buffy reaches out and helps her buckle it, "You have always been enough, Willow. I could just never tell you."
Buffy reaches down and picks up the tattered shirt holding it so Willow can slide into it, "I jumped on purpose, Willow. You should know. I want us to be truthful from now on so," Buffy wraps the shirt around Willow from behind her arms holding her against Buffy tightly as she whispers in Willow's ear, " I jumped on purpose. I was so tired, Wills. I couldn't take it anymore. Mom was gone, Riley left even though that was right he still left. Xander was doing well, you had Tara and as far as I knew were happy, Dawn, well, I knew you would take care of her. I just couldn't go on anymore. I wanted to tell you everything before I left, but I couldn't. How would that have been fair after you found someone so special? I just didn't want to fight anymore. I was so tired, Wills...so tired. Will you forgive me, Willow for making you have to bring me back and go through all that guilt? Please Willow?" She turns to tears.
Willow turns in her arms and kisses Buffy with love and a kindling passion, "Buffy, you should have come to me. All the time we lost..all the pain..we could have..of course you are forgiven, love, of course. We should get home. I love you, Buffy Anne Summers. Let's get home before we both freeze." She gives Buffy a big hug.
"I love you, Willow Summers..if you will have me?" Buffy holds Willow closer waiting frightened.
"I already do love...I already have you and I am never letting go. Walk me home?" Willow moves holding her shirt together as Buffy places her arm around her holding her close.
"Thank Heaven," Buffy smiles and kisses Willow softly as they begin life together out from under the Willow Tree.
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