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If You Don't Ask
By Angie


"What's it like?"

Kaylee looked over at Jayne, forehead scrunched in confusion.

"What's what like?"

"Ya know, ruttin' with a bona-fide companion."

Kaylee rolled her eyes. The question was not entirely unexpected. She sighed before answering.

"I wouldn't know. I ain't ever 'rutted' with a 'companion'."

She took care to emphasise the words she objected to.

"No? From my room it sure sounds like there's some ruttin' goin' on. Pretty regular too."

Kaylee's mouth thinned into a stern line and she shook her head slowly.

"What 'Nara and I do is none of your business. But for the record, it ain't 'ruttin' and she ain't on the clock when it happens so she ain't a companion."

She held her hand out.


Jayne dug around in the tool bag and found the desired item. He handed it over and Kaylee's head disappeared back into the depths of Serenity's engine. Jayne watched for a few minutes before continuing his line of questioning.

"C'mon, Kaylee, I ain't askin' for a blow-by-blow account of how she sexes ya…"

"Good! Cuz you ain't getting' one!"

"I jus' was wonderin' if it's all kinda different…I ain't ever been with a real companion…been with plenty a whores in my time…but a companion's gotta know some fancy tricks and such."

Kaylee reappeared and handed the tool she'd been using back to Jayne. She fixed him with a hard stare.

"Jayne, you ever hear that it's not polite to ask about a lady's sex-life?"

Jayne thought for a moment.

"Uh, I thought it weren't polite to ask about a lady's age."

"That too. But I'm tellin' you now, sex-life is just about as dangerous a subject."

"You was never shy about it before. Hell, used to be you couldn't shut up about all them boys you'd bring on here."

"That was different."

"How come?"

"Just is. That was just layin' with people. This is…different…it's more…"

"I don't wanna hear about no gorram mushy feelin's! I was askin' about the sexin'!"

Kaylee raised her eyebrows.

"So, you ever ask 'Nara about this stuff?"

"Tyen shiao-duh! Are you kiddin' me?"

"So how come you ask me and you don't ask her?"

"Cuz she don't tell me nothin'. And she'd have my hide. Probably get Mal to skin me and make me into a throw pillow."

"Probably. And you'd deserve it too. But I think you'd make a very pretty pillow, if it's a comfort to ya."

"Anyways, I couldn't ask Inara what it's like to sleep with a companion, now could I? That's why I'm askin' you."

"An' for the last time, I ain't tellin' you. What were you expectin' me to say exactly? 'Well Jayne, it really is mind-blowin', the sex Inara and I have on a nightly, and daily, basis.'"

"Gorramit, woman! How many times do I gotta tell you that I don't want any knowledge of your carnal encounters inside my head?"

Kaylee and Jayne turned to see Mal exiting the engine room, his hands firmly over his ears, muttering to himself. Kaylee turned back to Jayne.

"If he tells 'Nara about this and I gotta tell her what you been askin' me I wouldn't wanna be in your boots. 'Specially if she's holdin' that bow a hers at the time."

Jayne unconsciously crossed his legs.

"Point taken."

The End

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