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FANDOMS/PAIRING: Gilmore Girls/Law & Order: SVU Lorelai/Alex(Claire)
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Behind the Drawn Shade
Lorelai sat in the kitchen, stirring hot tea with a cinnamon stick. Alex came in. She was wearing Lorelai's favorite bedshirt, washed-out blue with a button missing at the belly, and Luke's sweatpants. Lorelai dropped her cinnamon in the mug and tried to remember why Luke's sweatpants were in her house.
Alex went to the kitchen window and pulled down the shade.
Lorelai snorted. "Who's going to be peeping in at three A.M?"
Alex didn't answer, just got a glass from the dishwasher and filled it with water. She leaned against the counter, looking tired and young without her glasses.
Lorelai sipped her tea. "Couldn't sleep?"
"You were tossing and turning."
Alex took a sip of water, and wiped her mouth on her sleeve. "Sorry if I kicked you out of bed."
"Who's Olivia?" Lorelai leaned back.
Alex's eyes widened. She looked at the window. The shade made the view blank.
"Because you were calling her name."
"Oliv--" Alex coughed, and started again. "She was a mistake."
Lorelai looked into her mug.
Alex sighed heavily and closed her eyes.
"Why do you have that scar on your shoulder? The one shaped like a bullet?"
"It's three A.M."
Alex seemed to sink against the counter. "Car accident."
"Yeah. That explains the exit wound. I looked at pictures on the internet. I could probably make a guess as to the caliber."
Alex slammed her glass of water onto the counter. "Look--"
"And then there's that." Lorelai gestured at the glass. "Why don't you ever get mad? Afraid of what you might say?"
Lorelai stood. She set her mug on the table. "I admit, I didn't notice the first time we made love. Or the tenth time my mouth caressed your shoulder and you jerked away. Or the time you filled out that bank application and wrote a birthday that doesn't match your driver's license."
Alex's breaths were coming in short bursts. Her chest heaved inside Lorelai's shirt. She stared straight ahead. Thinking of the next lie.
"Why do you always hesitate when I call your name, Claire?"
"What do you want?"
Lorelai began to pace the kitchen, avoiding Alex, walking in wide circles. "I thought it was romantic. Your secrets. Your scars. The way you made ordinary an art form. As if you had to work at it. But it's not. It isn't funny. I have a daughter, Claire."
"I have friends. I have parents." Lorelai walked to Alex and grabbed her arms. Shook her. "What did you bring into my house?"
Alex looked away.
"Who are you?"
"No one!" Alex shoved Lorelai, escaping from her hold. "I was always nobody. Just your typical white, upper middle class nobody with a boring job, who wanted to be someone. Who wanted to see her name in the paper. Who wanted to do something that mattered. But it never did matter. I'm no one. I'm so weak... "
Alex squeezed her eyes shut. She might have been weeping, but she never wept, so she was really just gasping, holding onto the counter.
Lorelai wondered if Claire could see very well without her glasses. Wondered if she wore glasses instead of contacts because it disguised her face. Wondered when she started coloring her hair.
"Are we in danger?"
Alex pushed off the counter. "I'll go. Let me get my clothes."
"No." Lorelai darted into her path, blocking her from the staircase. "You're not leaving."
"Lorelai, didn't you hear what you just said?"
"I don't, no, not usually."
"Let me go." Alex tried to move around her, but didn't touch her.
"No. You'll stay here. You're safe here."
"You whispered it to me. When you thought I was asleep."
"You were supposed to be asleep."
"And white rich girls are supposed to get through life without getting shot. I think I read that somewhere." Lorelai moved forward, and took Alex's face in her hands. "Don't go."
"What if something happens?"
"What if it doesn't? Then we'll feel pretty stupid."
"Lorelai..." Alex gripped Lorelai's right wrist, and gave it a half-hearted tug, away from her face, but Lorelai resisted.
"Do you think if you could control the things in your life, you'd have ended up here?"
"Not really." Lorelai leaned closer, so Alex had to go cross-eyed to see her.
"Tell me everything."
"No. If I stay, it has to be your lie, too."
"It's not okay."
"It's okay enough." Lorelai kissed her face.
Alex wrinkled her nose. "What the hell does 'okay enough' mean?"
Lorelai dropped her hands. "Can we just go to bed?"
"Only if I can use your pillow."
"Stealing my pillow is not 'okay enough.'" Lorelai rolled her eyes and started up the stairs.
"What makes you the arbitrator?"
"I live here."
"Oh, very mature."
"You don't get to be the arbitrator without being mature..."
They left the lights on in the kitchen, and the glasses half full of water and empty of tea, and the window shade drawn.
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