DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All characters property of Dick Wolf & co.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrote this right after seeing the CI episode called "players" which recently aired. There are some spoilers for that episode. I was watching and at the end it occurred to me that Wheeler should have someone to go to for comfort... Casey was my first choice. The only SVU spoilers are to do mainly with character stuff mentioned in the recent eps. Nothing too obvious though.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I couldn't help it there wasn't a thought in my head right then beyond what Rodgers had told me. They were still digging in a mob graveyard full of bodies one of which could turn out to be the father who abandoned me and my mom when I was a kid. I got to my car without really knowing how I got it running and drove away from the site. Away from Rodgers and Logan, both looking at me like I was going to shatter at any moment. I didn't even know where I was driving to until I parked the car on the street outside a now familiar apartment building. When I recognized where I was, I actually managed to smile. Apparently, my heart knew what it wanted even if my brain wasn't aware enough to admit it.
I got out of the car and walked into the building. Somehow I just knew she'd be home or at least I hoped. I bypassed the elevator and took the stairs to the second floor. I walked down the hallway, slightly out of breath but not too much. When I came to her door, I faltered for the first time.
What if she isn't home? What if she is but she's not alone? What if she turns me away? What if? My brain stops there when another voice cuts in, what if you stop worrying and just knock on the door?
I raise my hand and knock, hoping she's home and yet, also kinda hoping she isn't. I can hear sounds from the other side of the door. Yep, she's home. I take a deep breath as I hear the locks disengage and see the door opening.
I keep my head down, trying to work up the nerve to say something, anything to her as she stands in her doorway, probably waiting for me to say something. I hear her clear her throat, oh yeah she's still mad at me from last time. The last time when I accused her of having a thing for one of the detectives she worked with. After all, she's with me and I am a detective so I already know she likes cops.
But I was just being stupid. I had let my insecurities and my jealousy to take control and I lashed out. That was a week ago and after a week of the silent treatment I was more than ready to grovel until my throat hurt if I had to but tonight I really just needed my girlfriend to hold me.
I hear her clear her throat againand I finally look up at her. I get lost in her green eyes and before I know it I am in her arms. She had reached out to me and pulled me close. I hang on to her for dear life as she closes the door behind us and leads me to the couch. Without a word she sits us down and I snuggle against her. I sigh as I register that I am finally where I need to be to feel safe and I let the tears finally flow. Tears for my father, who even though he left me and my mom so long ago, I still loved him deep down. And knowing he might be one of the bodies dug up is too much for me to handle right now. I am so glad though that she can hold me without asking questions.
The last thing I remember is her arms around me as I drift off to sleep. My last thought being how much I love my girlfriend, ADA Casey Novak.
I was at home, alone, just watching the time waste away. I knew that if I could just get past my pride I could have Megan here with me. Just here, in the same apartment, the same room, breathing the same air. But I was still mad at her. I can't believe she accused me of having a thing for Elliot. I mean, yeah I go both ways but he's married, or he was and I know Kathy too. I would never do anything to place a reconciliation between them at risk.
Besides, if I was going to have a thing for one of the cops I worked with then it wouldn't be Elliot it would be Olivia. But I met Megan a few months before I transferred to SVU and she's been the only one I've wanted since then. I just wish she'd believe me.
So here I was, in my apartment thinking about Megan when the phone rang. It was Dr. Rodgers, one of the medical examiners who works with Warner. She told me about what Megan was going through. She told me about the graveyard they found and how Megan's father might be one of the bodies they end up finding. Once she explained what had been going on I knew that my anger would have to wait. I knew Megan would need me.
Rodgers knew about me and Megan. Ever since she'd walked in on us in the bathroom of a lesbian bar making out, Rodgers had taken to keeping an eye on us. It was almost like we were two wayward kids who needed looking out for. I didn't really mind as long as she remained discreet. But Megan was blissfully unaware of the 'supervision'.
So when she showed up at my door tonight, I knew what she wanted. I knew but I was also wary. Yes, she'd come to me tonight, for comfort maybe or something more but a small part of me was worried that she'd only ever come to me from now on for comfort. Out of habit or something less than love and I wanted more than that. So she stood there, silent with eyes cast down to the ground, maybe waiting for me to say something. So I wait a bit then clear my throat to invite her inside but when she looks up and I see her blue eyes and the sadness in them I know that words are not what she needs right now.
So I pull her towards me and just wrap my arms around her, holding her. It's been a week since I held her last and it surprises me how much I've missed itmissed her. In silence I lead her to the couch, closing the door behind us and just curl up on the couch with my lover in my arms. I feel her sigh, then I hear the almost silent crying as she lets loose and just lets out all the emotions I know she's been holding in this week.
When her breathing evens out I know she's asleep, and I smile, just like I always do when she falls asleep in my arms. The trust inherent in that simple act of falling asleep in another's arms is enough to humble me and keep me sane.
Detective Megan Wheeler of the Major Case Squad is the only thing I need to keep me sane and keep the horrors I see in SVU from dragging me down, and I love her for that and for the thousand little things she does for me, most of which she's totally unaware she's doing. I am in love with her and have been for four years now. I just wish I had the nerve to give her that ring that sits at the bottom of the desk drawer in my home office
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