DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters therein are the property of Dick Wolf and Wolf Films in association with Universal Network Television. I just borrowed the characters for the story. No money comes my way for this.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first attempt. I'm a slow starter.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Coming Together, Finding Home
By Lauren
Part 1
It was 7:45 a.m. and Alex sat at her desk, which was piled high with pleadings and motions requiring her signature. She thought about the conversation she had with her mother the night before.
"Alex, have you even attempted to make any friends in New York?"
"Mom, I've been really busy and haven't had a lot of time to think about it," said Alex as she rolled her eyes and prepared herself for the inevitable lecture about being such a loner and what a shame it was that she didn't have any friends….
"Honey, you always use that as an excuse. You know, it wouldn't kill you to have dinner out of your apartment with another person every now and then. You could try not to be such a recluse."
"Look, Mom, I'm really busy. I have closing arguments tomorrow and an arraignment in the morning. Can we do this another time?" Alex pleaded, hoping her mother would let it drop for once.
"All right, I'll let you go, but you remember what I said."
"I know, I know," replied Alex, realizing with surprise that her mother was actually going to hang up.
"I'll call you over the weekend, Alex. Good luck in court tomorrow," said her mother.
"Thanks, Mom. I'll talk to you later."
If she were to be honest, Alex would have to admit that she didn't socialize much in her circle. Since joining the SVU unit, Alex hadn't socialized with the detectives either. This was a change from her last position where she'd have drinks with investigators to discuss a difficult case or after a victory. She had been out to some of the more formal events, to keep up her social contacts, but couldn't remember the last time she went out to dinner with a friend. Occasionally she felt lonely, but on the whole, she was content. The sharp tapping of the pen roused Alex from her thoughts.
Tackling the paperwork again, Alex read through the case file for the arraignment. Benson and Stabler were the investigating officers. She read the police report and smiled at the detailed statement given by the victim. She had no doubt Olivia had something to do with it.
Alex was intrigued. Olivia was absolutely beautiful with her exotic dark features. She was passionate (she "was" the job just as much as Alex "was" the job) and had an innate sense of how to deal with victims of sex crimes. Alex had watched her in the interrogation room a couple of times and her compassion for the victims was amazing. On the other hand, she also had a way of manipulating suspects (under the guise of compassion and understanding) and getting them to confess. Alex was impressed that the daily stresses of being a sex crimes detective didn't seem to harden Olivia.
Alex was determined to get to know this woman on a more personal level (a fact she absolutely kept hidden from her mother). She was attracted to Olivia and wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with her, but had a feeling it was not going to be that simple. There was something about the detective that seemed closed off and Alex wondered what it was all about. One thing she did know. Alex wanted to be involved with Olivia Benson - on whatever level she could.
Alex heard the knock on the door and looked up as her secretary poked her head in, reminding her about the 10:00 a.m. arraignment. Alex glanced at the clock. It was 9:45 a.m. The case involved Detectives Benson and Stabler and would give her the opportunity to speak to Olivia. Alex put on her jacket, grabbed her briefcase and headed over to the courthouse.
Olivia walked silently up the courthouse stairs with Elliot and thought about the arraignment. It seemed simple enough. The perp was observed at the scene of the rape and the victim ID'd him in a photo line-up, once she regained consciousness. Alex charged him with aggravated felonious sexual assault: cut and dry, or so she hoped. Olivia was really tired of the way defense attorneys tried to manipulate the system to get their clients off. She was glad Alex Cabot was the ADA. Alex didn't let any of the defense attorneys get away with their crap in the courtroom. She was zealous and Olivia smiled as she remembered the many times she had seen Alex cut the defense attorney down a peg or two with her knowledge of the law.
As Olivia and Elliot headed into the courtroom, Olivia saw Alex approaching. She caught her breath - she always did when she saw Alex. The woman was stunning and had a command presence that most people found intimidating. Olivia found it compelling. Shaking her head, she shut down her emotional response and smiled slightly as Alex caught up with them.
"Detectives," Alex said, trying not to be obvious in her appraisal of Olivia.
"ADA Cabot," said Stabler and Benson at the same time. Olivia thought she noticed that Alex was checking her out and made a mental note, as Alex's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"I appreciate you being here. I'm asking for remand and the defense will probably ask for ROR. I don't want this guy on the streets. I'm hoping that Judge Petrovsky will see it our way. At the very least, the defendant sees you two again."
"No problem," Elliot said, "I like to keep 'em squirming."
As they exited the courtroom, Alex thought the arraignment proceeded almost as she had hoped. The defendant was not remanded, however, the judge did set a million dollar bond that he would have incredible difficulty posting. She hoped it was high enough.
She turned to the detectives and said, "I'm sorry to have wasted your time."
"It wasn't a problem," Olivia replied. "We didn't have anything going on this morning anyway."
"Well, thank you anyway," said Alex.
As they walked down the courthouse steps, Elliot turned to Olivia, "I'll go get the car and meet you in a minute. Bye, Alex."
"Detective," Alex said to Elliot as he left. Seeing an opportunity, Alex turned to Olivia and said, "Are you free this evening detective?"
Olivia was taken by surprise and turned to face Alex. "Huh?"
Smiling, Alex repeated, "I asked if you were free this evening, as in, do you have any plans after work?"
"Um, no, why?"
"I was hoping that you would join me for dinner and maybe a drink after work," said Alex as she tried to read Olivia's facial expressions.
"I…, ah…, sure," stuttered Olivia, wondering why she was suddenly tongue-tied.
"Great. You want to meet me at my office after work or at the restaurant? I was thinking Le Madri?" said Alex.
"That sounds good. Why don't I call you when I finish up and then I'll meet you at your office?" Olivia replied.
"It's a date," Alex slipped as she smiled at Olivia. She thought about amending her statement, but didn't want to make matters worse. She was a little stunned that Olivia agreed to go, thinking it was going to be a lot harder to get the detective out socially.
"Okay, then I'll see you later," Olivia said as she walked over to the car where Elliot was waiting. A date, Olivia thought. Did she just say we were going on a date? As she got into the car, Elliot asked her what was up.
"Huh? Oh, nothing, I'm just…, Alex invited me for dinner after work."
"Really? Hmm. "'Bout time you had a social life," Elliot said as he drove toward the precinct.
"Hey! I have a social life."
"I meant besides me and the family during holidays."
Olivia remained silent, And turned to look out the window. Date?
Alex's phone rang at 5:15 p.m. "Cabot."
"Hey, it's Olivia."
"Hi."
"I'm just finishing up some paperwork. I should be over there in about a half an hour. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, actually, I'm just about done here anyway. I'll see you in a bit."
"Okay, see ya."
Olivia arrived thirty-five minutes later and knocked softly on Alex's door.
Alex looked up and smiled when she saw Olivia. "Hey, I just need to put this stuff away and I'm ready to go."
"Your desk looks a lot better than mine. When I get involved in a case, it looks like a cyclone hit it," said Olivia as she watched Alex pick up.
"I can't function unless it's neat. I have this thing about clutter when I'm trying to work. My house, on the other hand, that's an entirely different story," Alex chuckled as she grabbed her coat and purse and headed out the door.
Olivia followed Alex and as they went down in the elevator, she began to get a little apprehensive. She remembered that Alex had mentioned "date" and she wasn't ready for that. The question of Alex's gender was certainly not the issue. She liked Alex, and sure liked looking at her, but she was not in any hurry to have a relationship. It left her too vulnerable and open to more pain. She'd had enough of that to last her a lifetime.
Alex noticed that Olivia seemed lost in thought, so she said, "Hey, you in there?"
"Hmm, yeah, just thinking."
"Anything interesting?" asked Alex as they got out of the elevator and went out the door. She hailed a cab and as they got in, gave the driver the address for the restaurant.
Getting into the taxi, Olivia replied, "I was wondering what this was, I mean, you, me, out on a date as you called it. Is that what this is, a date?"
"It's whatever you want it to be, Olivia. I like you and I want to get to know you better. I thought a good way to do that was to see each other outside of work. If the word 'date' scares you, then no, it's not a date. If it doesn't, then I'd like it to be," Alex answered as she watched Olivia for signs of…. what, she was not sure.
"I'm not really dating at the moment. I mean, I like you too, but I'm not, I mean…" Olivia hesitated, not sure of what she was trying to say. She wanted to see Alex more, but not in a dating relationship.
"Are you bothered because I'm a woman?" asked Alex, wondering if she had made a mistake.
"No, it's just that I haven't had much luck in the dating department and I don't want to jump back into it anytime soon. I haven't had great experiences and quite frankly, I suck at it," Olivia wondered why she was telling Alex such a thing when she barely knew her. She was feeling incredibly uncomfortable and wanted to crawl under the seat.
Alex smiled and said, "Maybe you just haven't dated the right person?" Before Olivia could reply, Alex said, "Look, Olivia, no pressure, okay? Why don't we just get to know each other as friends and take it from there? I promise I won't mention the "D" word again and we can just go out, have some laughs, and I can tell my mother I made a new friend."
"That sounds good…. Wait, tell your mother you made a new friend?"
"Long story. I'll tell you over dinner."
Part 2
They arrived at the restaurant and Alex was thankful she had called ahead. As usual, there was a line waiting to be seated. She gave the maitre'd her name and he told her it would be a couple of minutes. Olivia took a look around and wondered if Alex took all of her "friends" to dinner at such expensive restaurants.
"Have you been here before?" Alex asked Olivia as they waited.
"Ah, no. I usually hit the local deli or grab something from one of the street vendors. This is pretty nice," Olivia said as she looked around again. "I'm not sure my digestive system can handle real food."
Alex laughed and stifled a retort. The maitre'd returned and led them to a table by the window. The table was set with white linens, impressive stemware and crystal. The green and white high back chairs were comfortable. The lighting was soft and provided warmth and intimacy. As they were seated, Alex asked Olivia if she wanted a drink.
"Ah, yeah, a bordeaux would be nice," Olivia replied. Alex smiled to herself. This woman was more sophisticated than she let on. Street vendors and deli's indeed, she almost laughed out loud, coughing slightly as a cover. Olivia was a mystery that Alex intended to unravel.
The waiter appeared with menus and Alex ordered a bottle of Malesan Bordeaux. Olivia looked over the menu and decided on the Polletto al Forno; Alex decided on Osso Buco. When the waiter returned, he poured the wine for Alex and after she had approved, poured a glass for Olivia. She took a sip and nodded, indicating that the wine was acceptable. They placed their orders and Alex smiled at Olivia, wondering if she might still be a little uncomfortable. Alex was determined to do her best to make Olivia feel at ease so that evenings out would be repeated.
Olivia felt torn about being out with Alex. She noticed both men and women gave Alex more than a casual glance and also, the envious glances that came her way. This caused a small pang of… what was that… in her chest, as her heart constricted slightly. What a strange reaction to have, thought Olivia. She played with the stem of her glass, aware that she was a bit nervous. She liked the way that Alex looked at her when she spoke, as if she were really interested in what she had to say. It almost made her want to share more of herself. Olivia found that, on some level, she wanted to get closer to Alex, but was determined not to open herself up to heartache again. It was too hard to get her emotions back in check once she let them out. No, she decided that she would keep a lid on her emotions and enjoy Alex's company – as friends.
"So, Alex, what's the story with your mother?" asked Olivia as she sipped her wine.
"Oh that," Alex replied, laughing. "My mother is convinced that I'm a hermit and have no social life. She thinks that's the same as being a social outcast. I had a conversation with her last night and she began her lecture on 'getting out more and making friends,' blah, blah, blah. I actually got off pretty easy last night. Usually, she goes on and on."
"I see, so now that we're having dinner, you get to tell her that you're out and about and not in seclusion. Is that why you asked me out Ms. Cabot?" Olivia deadpanned, with a glint in her eye.
"Ah, I see I've been found out. Yes, I must confess, it was only to get my mother off my back." Alex was happy to have some bantering back and forth. She appreciated wit and humor, along with intelligence and strength, all traits that Olivia Benson possessed.
Olivia laughed softly and said, "Well, all the better for me. I'll at least get a good meal out of it."
"Sucks to be you," Alex replied as her face split into a huge grin. "Anyway, I really did ask you because I think you're an amazing woman. I confess that I have been paying attention." Alex watched Olivia's surprised expression. She was not sure if she had pushed too far.
Olivia felt the warm rush flood her body and the color rose in her cheeks. Alex had been aware of her? She found this pleased her and almost immediately, the warning bell went off in her head, reminding her not to open herself up. She ignored the nagging thought and asked, "What exactly have you been paying attention to?" wondering if she really wanted to know.
"Just how you are with victims and perps. You just seem to get it with the victims. You get them to open up and tell you what you need to know. I see the comfort that you offer and they accept. There's a depth of compassion and understanding with you that is not present with most detectives. I see the victims respond to it. They feel safe with you; safe enough to give the horrific details of their attack. With the perps, I notice that you see right through them – like a laser. You get them to trust you and they're confessing before they realize it." After a short pause, "Like I said, you're pretty amazing," Alex replied.
Olivia deflected the compliment and said, "You ever consider becoming a detective? Your powers of observation would come in handy."
Alex laughed, "No way, Olivia. I'll leave that to you and your squad. I definitely do not have what it takes to be a sex crimes detective. I just see the end results and have the satisfaction of seeing them put away. You guys are first on scene, seeing all of the horror of it first-hand. I would fall apart at the seams. No, thanks, you can have it."
"Hey, I couldn't do your job either, the way those defense attorneys manipulate the facts and the system, trying to find some obscure law to get their clients off. Failing that, they go after the detectives, trying to nit-pick the whole investigation apart, as if our failure to bag a piece of evidence the right way would make the difference between the guilt or innocence of their client. THAT, is absolutely maddening."
Alex smiled at Olivia and said, "Yeah, I love that stuff – especially when it doesn't go their way. I enjoy the challenge of trying to outsmart them, anticipating what they might do and finding the law to support it. I guess we're both suited to our jobs."
Alex looked at Olivia and then glanced around the restaurant. She returned her gaze to Olivia and said, "Hey, can I ask why you got involved in sex crimes? I mean, it's probably one of the most stressful jobs on the department, barring, maybe homicide. How do you not let it get to you?"
Alex thought she saw a cloud briefly descend over Olivia's face and just as quickly, it was gone. I wonder what that was all about, Alex thought. Olivia's reply would have to wait as the waiter appeared with their meals. Olivia wondered how she was going to answer that question without spilling her guts. Alex waited for Olivia, not wanting to push for an answer, but sensing that it was a complicated one.
"I've seen a lot of crap since I've been on the department. This just seemed to be the place that I could do the most good." Olivia hoped it was a satisfactory answer so she wouldn't have to be more specific. She had a hard time dealing with the guilt and shame she felt about the circumstances of her conception and birth. Sometimes it threatened to overwhelm her and she barely kept it under control. Other times, she could successfully push it away and not think much about it. Brushing those thoughts away, Olivia looked at Alex and smiled, desperately wanting to change the subject.
"So what do you do in your spare time? I'm sure you're not as much of a hermit as your mother says."
Alex was not unaware of the deft change in subject. She decided to let Olivia off the hook.
"Actually, I read, go to the museum or symphony on occasion. I like the arts. They're somehow relaxing and soothing after the carnage we see all the time. What about you?"
Olivia replied, "I like baseball and football so I try to keep up with the games when I'm home. I occasionally attend a Yankees games, but I must confess that I'm a Red Sox fan." Olivia raised her hand to stop Alex's retort, seeing her eyebrows raised. "I know, I know, how can I live in New York and like the Red Sox? I admire their perseverance. When I can get away, I like to spend a weekend in Boston and go to Fenway Park for a game. There's nothing like a hot dog and a couple of beers at the ballpark. It's old, but it's got a lot of character. You should come with me some time. I think you'd like it." The offer was on the table before Olivia had a chance to think. What the hell was that?
Leaning toward Olivia, Alex confessed, "I like football too and the Patriots are my team. I would love to go and see a Red Sox game with you, detective. Can I wear my Yankees cap?" Alex laughed and winked at Olivia.
"Absolutely. I'm sure you'd be welcomed with open arms," Olivia said, joining Alex in her laughter. This woman was certainly very interesting.
Both women finished their meals and talked more as they finished the bottle of wine. They continued talking and bantering back and forth, soon realizing that it was getting late. Their time together was coming to an end - all too quickly for Alex and Olivia, though neither was going to admit to it. Alex insisted on paying for dinner since she asked Olivia. Olivia had no problem letting Alex pay because she knew they would definitely be doing this again and she would reciprocate.
As they left the restaurant, Alex turned to Olivia, "I had a great time. Thanks for agreeing to have dinner."
"Thanks for asking me. I had fun too." Olivia hailed a taxi and after a short discussion, they decided to have the driver take Alex home first. Alex gave her address and they sat in comfortable silence for most of the ride.
As they approached her apartment, Alex turned to Olivia, placing her left hand gently on Olivia's right arm. "This was nice. I hope we can do it again soon."
"Me too," Olivia replied, willing her body not to respond to Alex's fleeting touch. "We could even invite your Mom so that she could see first-hand that you have a friend."
Alex laughed and protested, "No way, detective. You haven't seen anything about interrogation techniques until you sit under the force that is my mother. I think I'll spare you the experience."
"Hey, I'm pretty a pretty good interrogator. Maybe I'd find out some more stuff about you," Olivia replied.
"That's what I'm afraid of," Alex said.
Olivia touched Alex's hand, which was resting on her arm and gave a gentle squeeze. "I think this is your stop."
"Yeah, it is. I'll see you around, detective," Alex said as she paid the driver, got out and walked toward her building.
"Count on it," Olivia said under her breath as she watched Alex go into the building. She chastised herself as soon as it left her mouth. For the second time that evening she wondered what the hell she was thinking. All she did know was that she was attracted to the gorgeous blond attorney and wanted to spend more time with her. She found the conversation stimulating and could have talked with Alex all night. She gave the driver her address and, remembering her self-imposed celibacy, almost chanted all the way home, "I won't get involved. I won't get involved." Right, she thought as she shook her head to clear away thoughts of Alex. This was going to be harder than she thought.
For her part, Alex had been replaying the evening with Olivia. She thought was getting some signals from Olivia, but she had been clear that she did not want to date. Alex smiled as she remembered Olivia's brief squeeze, which sent a tingle down her arm. She was definitely attracted to the striking woman. Alex imagined that there was deep sorrow hidden in Olivia's heart, born, perhaps of broken promises. She had a feeling that when Olivia Benson loved, she loved whole-heartedly. Alex wanted to be at the receiving end of Olivia's passion and she was willing to wait as long as it took to get there.
Over the course of the next few months, as the season changed from fall to the beginnings of winter, Alex and Olivia had been able to meet for dinner and a few stolen lunches. They spent a few Saturdays together, exploring the city. They found an easy camaraderie and had quite a few things in common. Both remained extremely busy and found that in their down time, they liked to get together. The subject of work inevitably came up and on a few occasions, either one or the other found themselves on the receiving end of a tirade. They each seemed to have an understanding that the outbursts were not personal and they did not let it affect their professional relationship – at least that is what they told themselves. There were times when, in the heat of a particularly difficult case, words would be exchanged which left the other a bit peeved, but, for the most part, they were able to work things out. It was understood that each was passionate about their job and they got personally involved in their cases.
Early one December morning while sitting at her desk, Alex's thoughts turned toward Olivia. She kept her word and did not pressure Olivia about dating, although, she desperately wanted to move forward. The more she knew about Olivia Benson, the more she wanted to spend time with her. She was smart, had a quick wit and held an air of power that Alex found intoxicating. Alex had been told on numerous occasions, that she possessed those same qualities, a fact that she found amusing. She did not necessarily think of herself as being powerful. She knew how to make things happen. That was just who she was. Olivia, on the other hand, carried her presence with authority. She knew who she was and was not afraid to flex her proverbial muscles to get what she wanted. Olivia could be an intimidating person to those who do not know her on a personal level. Alex, however, saw the tenderness underneath. She shook the thoughts away and got back to the pile of paperwork on her desk.
In the SVU squad room, Olivia's thoughts drifted, as they often did, to her relationship with Alex. She found that she was enjoying the attorney's presence and was grateful that Alex had not pushed for more. The conflict within her seemed to increase each time they got together. It was getting more and more difficult for Olivia to leave Alex's presence, wanting to stay and just "be" with her. She found it calming – a new experience for Olivia. There was a quiet strength about the blond attorney, as if there was nothing she couldn't handle. Olivia found that the ease with which they formed their friendship was both disconcerting and comforting. She was never sure which. She had occasional doubts about her decision to remain "date free", because she thought that maybe she wanted to have something more with Alex. However, she was just not willing to try, and unable to admit that she was having a difficult time keeping her feelings suppressed.
The one thing that Olivia had managed to keep from Alex was the reason she had been born. She always found a way to deflect any inquiries Alex made about her childhood or parentage. Olivia did share that her Mom was an alcoholic, but didn't say much more than that.
Olivia was sitting at her desk, going over a file when Captain Cragen motioned for her to come into his office. Olivia got up and went into the office, wondering why he had shut the door. Am I in trouble? Olivia thought. Why did Cragen look like he just lost his best friend?
"Uh, Olivia…," Cragen began.
As the information Captain Cragen gave tried to enter her brain, Olivia immediately dismissed it. Looking away, trying to comprehend his words. Her mother wouldn't have been anywhere near that part of the city. She said that out loud to Cragen. What did he say? She couldn't get up? Something about falling? Stairs? When Olivia looked back at Cragen and saw the concern and compassion on his face, she knew he was telling the truth. The tears fell slowly down her face. She was stunned. She knew there had always been the possibility of finding her mother like this one day, and she mentally prepared herself for it. Now that it had actually happened, it hit her like a truck. Olivia left Cragen's office, vaguely aware of him telling her to take some time off. She left the precinct without a word.
Olivia walked and walked, only vaguely aware of where she was going. She knew she had to take care of the arrangements, ID the body, and all that crap, so she got her bearings and headed over to the medical examiners office. As she walked, she was vaguely aware of how cold it was as the wind whipped around her. She wondered if there was anyone she needed to call, but the truth was, Olivia was all she had. She pulled her coat more tightly around her and continued on her way.
Alex walked into the SVU unit at about 4:30 p.m., looking for Olivia. They were supposed to meet for an early dinner. She spotted Elliot sitting has his desk and went over to him.
"Hey, Elliot, how's it going?"
"Alex. Hi. What can I do for you?"
"I'm looking for Olivia. Is she here? We were supposed to have dinner."
"Alex, have you talked to Olivia today?"
"Yeah, I talked to her this morning, why?"
"Um, her mother died. They found her about mid-day."
"Oh my God, where's Olivia now?"
"I have no idea. She left without saying a word. I assume she went home, but I really don't know. I tried calling her, but she hasn't answered any of my calls."
"Thanks, Elliot. I'll try her at home." Alex left the squad room and wondered where Olivia might be. As she headed outside, she tried Olivia at home and there was no answer. She left a message and told her to call when she got in. Next, she tried Olivia's cell. When she got her voice mail, Alex left another message and then hailed a taxi. She thought for a minute, and then gave Olivia's address. Olivia might be home and just didn't feel like answering the phone.
Alex thought about Olivia as the taxi made its way through the streets. She didn't know a whole lot about Olivia's mother. For that matter, she didn't know much about her father either. Every time the subject came up, Olivia changed the subject or gave a vague answer. She wondered what the mystery was all about. The taxi pulled up in front of Olivia's apartment. She paid the fare and she asked him to wait.
Alex rang the buzzer. A tenant was coming out of the building as she was waiting and she took advantage of the open door and went in. Reaching Olivia's apartment, she knocked on the door. "Olivia? Hey, it's Alex. You in there?"
Olivia, who had been sitting on the couch in the darkened apartment sipping a drink, heard Alex outside her door and wondered how she got in. She ignored Alex and continued staring out the window.
Alex knocked again. "Olivia?" Alex turned to head back outside, when she heard movement coming from inside the apartment. "Olivia?" Alex called again.
She heard the lock click and the door opened. Olivia turned without saying a word and sat back down on the couch. She picked up her drink and took another sip, staring back out the window. Alex entered the darkened apartment and closed the door. She watched Olivia on the couch and saw her hunched shoulders, almost feeling the heaviness that washed over her friend.
"Hey. Elliot told me about your mother. I'm so sorry."
Olivia nodded and continued staring in silence. Alex was at a loss for words, something that did not happen often. She walked over and sat on the chair opposite the couch, waiting for Olivia to say something. There was nothing but silence. Alex leaned back in the chair and suddenly remembered the taxi waiting downstairs.
"Shit, Olivia, I left the taxi waiting downstairs. I'll be right back, ok? The words startled Olivia, but she didn't reply as Alex flew out the door. About a minute later, Olivia heard the buzzer sound and realized Alex must have locked herself out. She got up and pressed the buzzer, letting Alex back in. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to Alex, but she didn't want to be alone. That was a strange feeling. Usually she preferred isolation. She returned to her spot on the couch.
Alex entered the apartment again, closed and locked the door and went to sit next to Olivia on the couch. She was careful not to get too close, but placed her hand on Olivia's knee, offering support. Alex remained silent, hoping her presence would be welcomed.
Olivia looked briefly at Alex and back out the window. She had no idea what to do. She had ID'd her mother's body and notified the funeral home. There wasn't going to be a wake and only a small gathering so that she could say goodbye to her mother. It wasn't like there were lines of people waiting to offer their condolences. She thought about her mother and how many times she found her drunk and passed out. Finally, it became too much and she stopped dropping by her house. She hated to see her mother in such a condition.
Alex leaned back on the couch, resting her arm on the back of the couch, head in hand. Finally breaking the silence, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Olivia shook her head, but said. "It was inevitable given her drinking binges. I'm just surprised that it didn't happen any sooner."
"Is there anything I can do?" Alex asked as she observed Olivia's seeming cool detachment. She knew Olivia must still be in shock.
"No, I'm fine. You want a drink? There's stuff in the kitchen."
"No, I'm all set. Thanks."
Olivia felt her composure slipping as she thought about her mom. As the tears rolled down her cheeks, she started playing with the back of the sofa. Alex took Olivia's hand and squeezed gently. She didn't want to intrude on Olivia's space, but seeing her friend in such pain was heart wrenching. What she wanted to do was take Olivia in her arms and offer comfort. At Alex's touch, Olivia let out a stifled sob. It was as if Alex had opened the floodgates of her emotions with her hand. Olivia felt it from the depth of her soul and it wracked her body. She put her head down and held onto her legs for dear life. Alex moved closed to Olivia and putting a hand under her chin, lifted Olivia's face. When she had Olivia's attention, she motioned for her to come into her arms, fully expecting Olivia to refuse. She was surprised when Olivia reached out and clung to her. Alex held on tightly as Olivia continued to cry. Alex gently rubbed her back and put her cheek to Olivia's temple. She lightly kissed the top of her head, running her free hand on the back of Olivia's neck.
They sat that way for several minutes, until Olivia's tears finally began to subside. "Sorry about that. It's been a rough day." Olivia said as she reached for some tissues on the table beside the couch. Too tired to be upset that she had just lost all sense of control in front of Alex.
"Hey, no apologies. I'm just glad I could be here for you." Alex leaned back on the couch, her arm still protectively resting on Olivia's back. Olivia cleaned off her face and leaned back, partly in Alex's embrace.
They sat quietly like that for a little while and Alex again broke the silence. "Hey, Liv, have you had anything to eat today?"
"I think so. No. Yeah. This morning sometime."
"How about I get us something to eat."
Olivia was about to protest, but decided it wouldn't be so bad to eat something. "Ok, but there's not really anything in the cupboards. I don't cook much."
"Ok, then how about ordering in? Pizza?"
"Pizza's fine; just no anchovies. There's a menu on the fridge."
Alex grabbed the phone and went into the kitchen. After she ordered a veggie pizza, she returned to the couch beside Olivia. "Feel like talking now?"
"Not really. I don't even want to think about it. The funeral's on Friday, no wake. There's no one really who'd be interested. Cremated afterward."
"Uh huh, what time's the funeral?"
"10:00 a.m. at the funeral home. Alex, you don't have to go. I'll be fine."
"Look, I can clear my morning schedule and I'll be there. No arguments."
"Really, it's no big deal. I'll…" Olivia began, but Alex interrupted.
"I'm going and you can't stop me. So shut up already."
A small smile crept over Olivia's face. "Are you always this bossy?"
Alex chuckled. "Hey, you know I am. Why are you even surprised?"
Olivia smiled at Alex, "I'm really not." After a short pause, "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"Glad to do it. I'm just sorry about the circumstances."
The pizza arrived about ten minutes later and after Alex had paid the man, set the pizza on the coffee table. She got some napkins out of the kitchen and after turning on some lights, sat down beside Olivia to eat. They continued to remain quiet, Alex sensing that Olivia wasn't up for their usual bantering.
"Hey, you mind if I put on some music or something?" Alex asked as she picked up the remnants of the pizza.
"Yeah, just nothing noisy. I'm not up for any head banging crap."
Alex laughed as she went over to the stereo and found a classical station, setting the volume low.
"Alex, you don't have to stay here. You can go. I'll be ok."
"We were supposed to get together tonight for dinner anyway. So unless you're kicking me out, I'm staying."
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. I forgot."
"Ya think? Maybe you had a little bit on your mind?"
"Good point. I'm not much for talking."
Alex returned to her spot on the couch and said, "Listen, I'm here for you, ok? Whatever you need. Talking. No talking. I'm just fine so don't worry about it."
Olivia smiled her thanks and leaned back on the couch, resting her head back. She felt like shit and the pizza wasn't sitting well in her stomach. Running her fingers through her hair, she wondered if things could get any worse. Her thoughts returned to her mother and she started to cry softly.
Alex hated to see her friend in such pain. Alex was about to reach out to her, when Olivia suddenly bolted off the couch and ran into the bathroom. Alex heard her retching and winced. This was going to be a long night. When Alex heard the water running in the bathroom, she went over to Olivia. "Are you ok?"
Wiping her face in a towel, "Yeah." she replied as she left the bathroom.
Alex followed her to the couch and watched Olivia, waiting for her to say something. Alex got an idea.
"Liv." Olivia turned her attention to Alex. "Why don't you get changed into something comfortable. I'll clean up this stuff. We can watch a movie or something."
"Ok." Olivia lost all will to argue. She got up off the couch and went into the bedroom to change. Alex cleared off the pizza mess and turned off the stereo. Sitting back down on the couch she found the remote and surfed the channels.
Olivia returned a short time later and sat next to Alex. "You want to change into comfortable clothes? I have some sweats and shirts you could borrow."
"Good plan. I'd love to change out of work clothes."
"In my bedroom, second drawer on the left. There's stuff in there."
"Thanks. I'll be right back." Alex went into the bedroom and realized it was the first time she had seen it. There was a dresser with two sets of three drawers with a large mirror on top. A queen size bed with lots of pillows and blankets, and not much else. She found what she was looking for, changed quickly, leaving her clothes at the bottom of the bed. When she returned to the living room, she saw Olivia lying on the couch. Her head was in the middle, with her legs curled up near the end. Alex smiled as she realized Olivia left room for her on the couch.
"Hey, you got a blanket around here?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, in the trunk next to the chair."
Alex grabbed the blanket and sat on the couch next to Olivia, putting her feet on the table. She motioned for Olivia to rest her head in her lap and then Alex covered Olivia with the blanket. Olivia found the gesture comforting and settled into the feel of Alex next to her.
Picking up the remote, Alex found a channel playing The American President. She left it there and settled into watch. About ten minutes later, she could hear Olivia's breathing, slow and steady, indicating that she had fallen asleep. Alex gently brushed her hand in Olivia's hair, wanting to comfort her even as she slept. They remained like that for a long time, as movies changed. Alex looked at the clock. It was almost 11:30 p.m. She had to think about getting some sleep too. Hating to wake Olivia, Alex rustled her and said, "Hey, sleepy head. Can I have my leg back?"
Olivia woke with a start, feeling a little disoriented. She relaxed when she felt Alex next to her. The feeling was short-lived as the memory of what happened that day came back to her in a rush.
"Huh, yeah. Oh man. Alex, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."
"Olivia, relax, it's ok. I just need to think about getting some sleep too."
"What time is it?"
"Almost 11:30."
"How long was I asleep?"
"Few hours. You know, you're cute when you're asleep," Alex said as she winked at Olivia.
"And I'm not cute when I'm awake? Olivia paused, "You gotta get going?" Olivia sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"Unless you want me to stay?" Alex offered.
"No, really. I'm all right. You need to be home in your own bed. Besides you have to work tomorrow."
"Are you going in tomorrow?"
"Yeah. I took care of everything I need to today. I'd just go crazy sitting around here."
"I'm going to get changed." Alex got up and went into the bedroom. After changing, she returned to the living room, grabbed the phone and called a cab.
Olivia watched Alex from her position on the couch. She was very glad that Alex had come over. She felt almost peaceful being in this woman's presence. It was a new feeling to her tortured soul and she wanted it to continue. "Listen, Alex, thanks for being here with me."
Alex smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you it's ok?" she said as she sat back down on the couch.
"Ah, until I get it through my thick head?" Olivia grinned.
"That could be a long time," Alex replied.
Olivia grinned, grabbed the remote and shut off the television.
"So what are your plans for tomorrow night?" Alex asked Olivia.
"Don't have any, why?"
"You want to come over to my place for dinner?"
"Special occasion, counselor? Dinner? What's that all about?"
"Just feel like it and since I spend entirely too much time alone, I thought you could enjoy it with me."
"Depends on how the day goes. Can I let you know tomorrow?"
"Sounds good," Alex said as she heard the buzzer announcing the arrival of her cab.
"That's my cue." Both women rose from the couch and Olivia helped Alex with her coat.
"Look, if you can't sleep and want to talk, give me a call."
"Thanks for the offer, but I'll be fine."
"Okay, as long as you know you can. I don't care what time it is."
"All right, all right. I get it, now go before someone steals your taxi."
"At this time of night? No way."
Alex turned to Olivia, pulling her into a hug. She held on for a minute, wanting to pass on some of her strength and feeling. Olivia responded in kind. They broke the embrace and Olivia watched as Alex went down the hall. Closing the door, Olivia went to the bedroom and attempted to go back to sleep.