DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended.
SPOILER: Divide & Conquer, Upgrades, Need.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Divide & Conquer 3
Only One Kiss, I Swear
By Celievamp

P4X639. If Jack O'Neill heard that designation one more time he was gonna scream. Or Carter's lecture on the ion storms that made the planet so treacherous. One of the worst things about this freakin' situation was the time it took to persuade the rest of the team, Hammond and especially Doc Fraiser that he wasn't nuts, suffering from some alien disease or possessed by some alien entity. He was just living the same ten hours over and over and over again.

He'd have to check with Teal'c just how many loops they'd gone through now. Certainly enough to know that if Fraiser, lovely woman that she was, shone that light in his eyes one more time he was going to shove it where the sun didn't shine.

"So this time loop you claim you're experiencing – how many times have you been through it now?"

"Fifty… sixty… I kind of lost count a while back. Teal'c knows."

"This ith the sixthy theventh loop, O'Neill," came the indistinct reply of a very annoyed Jaffa with a thermometer in his mouth. Again.

"So what have you been doing with yourselves? I mean, knowing what's going to happen every time – for example, how many times have we had this conversation?" Janet made a few notations on her chart. "You must be getting pretty bored with it all by now."

"Well, apart from learning Latin and memorizing the translation we took a few loops off, you know, got a little shut-eye, played some golf, done a little redecorating, learnt to throw pots, maimed a few people on my shit-list, umm…"

"Daniel mentioned your 'no consequences' conversation. He was surprised you hadn't thought of it yourself," Janet said.

"Oh, yeah, that, I…" a thermometer was thrust in his mouth. The taste of disinfectant numbed his tongue.

"Now, just in case you get any ideas, Colonel." He knew better than to take the thermometer out of his mouth even though the taste of it made him want to gag. His eyes tracked her diminutive frame as she walked to a side bench and brought over a covered tray. "If I find out you've been breaking or even bending certain regulations," she uncovered the tray and watched in satisfaction as his eyes widened, "regarding fraternization with a certain Major. Taking advantage of the situation… Well, let's just say that sitting down will be a problem for a long, long time." The needle was at least six inches long and thick enough to leave a sizeable hole in his hide. "Do we have an understanding?"

He nodded solemnly.

"You know the Colonel gave me a really funny look this morning."

"Well, he's just come out of however many time loops where the same ten hours repeated over and over again. I'm sure than anything new is quite exciting for him."

"Yeah, Daniel had just asked him what he had got up to given the fact that time pressed a reset button every ten hours. Something about the freedom of no consequences."

Janet dropped her fork and stared at Sam. "He wouldn't dare. Not after I…"

"Not after you what?" Sam asked.

"Nothing. Just a conversation I probably should have had with the Colonel. Maybe I did in one of those other loops."

"Well, only he and Teal'c would know," Sam said.

Janet smiled. "Yes he would, wouldn't he?"

SG1 had a pre-mission medical examination. Janet had prepared in advance. She was almost certain that O'Neill had been trying to avoid her these last few days. It only fuelled her suspicions. Teal'c had pulled the noble warrior stunt and not given her the information she wanted. So she had to go direct to the horse's as… mouth.

"Hi Doc," O'Neill said. "I thought I had Dr Warner…"

"We swapped. He's with Dr Jackson," Janet said. "I noticed from your records that certain of your shots were out of date."

O'Neill paled visibly. She maintained an innocent expression. Janet knew very well what O'Neill thought of her and needles in any sort of combination.

"Now one or two of these are intramuscular so…" She removed the cover from the tray revealing the biggest needle in her collection.

"Doc, you gotta be kidding me. There's no way…" he stared at her, slightly wild eyed. There was no way she could know, no way she could have remembered what happened during the loops. And if she knew then Carter knew and he was definitely a dead man. Better to confess, make any deal he could.

"Only once, I promise. One kiss, I swear. And I resigned first. I… Aaagh… Jesu, woman, could ya have made it any blunter! No, don't answer that."

O'Neill readjusted his clothing as Dr Fraiser swept back the curtain. He turned to be confronted with the rest of his team. Carter's eyes glinted dangerously, her face set and pale apart from two spots of colour high on her cheeks. Oh yeah, she was pissed.

"One kiss?" she asked softly. "With respect sir, you're an idiot!" She walked off. After a moment's hesitation, Daniel and Teal'c made themselves scarce as well.

O'Neill smacked his hand across his forehead. "Doh!" he said softly. Fraiser watched him, a smirk on her face. "You're never ever going to let me forget this, are you?" he asked.

"'Fraid not," Janet said. She picked up the tray and started to walk away.

"Well, there's something you should think about, Doc. All those loops. Both you and Carter heard the 'no consequences' thing as well. There are some tales I could tell about the two of you…I'll never look at jello in quite the same way for starters." He grinned as the Doc stopped walking and turned to look at him, a distinct deer in headlights look on her face.

'Sweet,' he thought.

The End

Sequel Divide & Conquer 4

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