DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
SERIES: This story is the second in the 'Secrets and Lies' series following Bell's Dilemma.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
The Thing You Most Desire
By Ruby
Part Three
Hailing a cab as she left the building the ADA settled in for the short drive to Little Italy, Josh had rung her earlier and was insistent that they meet for lunch, Alex had not liked his tone and wondered what was so important. He stood as she approached and smiled, walking round and pulling her chair out he said, "thank you for coming."
"What's so important?" she queried
"Let's eat first" he said signaling the waiter. The next hour seemed interminable to the blonde, and she was glad when coffee finally arrived.
"I think we know each other reasonably well" Josh began "We have the same background, the same aims, the same…"
"What are you getting at Josh?" Alex cut in, not liking where this seemed to be heading.
"Alex" he said pulling a box from his jacket and putting it in front of her, "Will you marry me?"
Alex sat stunned; he couldn't possibly believe she'd say yes. She avoided him whenever possible, and when she couldn't she was polite but hardly encouraging.
"You're not serious?" she said, thinking it must be some sort of joke.
"Of course I am" Josh said, a frown appearing on his face.
"Well I'm sorry but the answer is no. My mother may have been encouraging you, bur I haven't, Josh I've said before now that I'm not interested."
He picked up the unopened box and put it back in his pocket. Then still saying nothing he signaled the waiter. Josh paid the bill and Alex was about to leave when he leaned over, "I know what you want Alex" he whispered, "what you've always wanted…" sitting back he said scornfully, "do you really think anyone will accept a dyke as DA?"
Alex sat without moving; processing what had just been said.
"Oh" he said reaching for his briefcase, "just in case you think I can't prove it," he removed a brown envelope and put it on the table in front of her. Alex made no move to pick it up. "I'm sure you'll find them entertaining" he continued "and I see the cottage is particularly beautiful at this time of year." Still she made no move.
"It's really very simple Alex, you marry me you keep your career" he shrugged, "Hell I'm liberal you can even keep your girlfriend if you're discreet."
Finally she spoke, "What's in it for you?"
"I would have thought that was obvious. Daddy will do anything to keep his little girl happy won't he? I have you, I have him. Don't flatter yourself that it's because I want you Alex, I can have any woman I want, your father is the one with the power."
Alex sat regarding the man for a moment, how could he ever have fooled anyone? "No" she said, "now if you'll excuse me," Alex got up and headed for the bathroom, nausea overwhelming her.
Josh clenched his jaw and put the photo's in his pocket, he had been so sure, his fists bunched in his lap, then he got up and walked across the room.
Alex was splashing water on her face when the door crashed open, she turned quickly but Josh grabbed hold of her hair and pulled her to face him. "No-one says no to me," he said through clenched teeth "I suggest you rethink your answer" then pushing her head sharply down he smashed it into the sink and stalked out as Alex fell to the floor. A few moments later a cubicle door unlocked and a head peered furtively out, a woman screamed then rushed into the restaurant.
Cragen walked slowly out of his office, "listen up" he said, "any contact you need to make with the DA's office goes through Elizabeth Donnelly until further notice."
"What's happened to Alex" Olivia said getting up quickly.
Cragen turned, "she's in the hospital, concussion, it's not serious but she'll have to take it easy for a few days."
"How?"
"I don't know, but whatever it is the fifth are dealing with it."
"Not anymore they're not" Olivia said preparing to leave.
"It's not our case detective."
"We should at least see what's going on," Munch said, backing her up.
Cragen sighed, in reality he wanted to make sure the ADA was alright as well, "Ok, you two go see what happened."
"Thanks for backing me up" Olivia said as they reached the hospital.
"Hey, I like Alex" Munch replied, "Besides Donnelly scares me!"
Locating the ADA proved a problem, someone had threatened the hospital with a very large lawsuit if they did not protect their patient's privacy and it was only by showing their badges and saying they had some questions to ask her, that they were eventually told where she was. Seeing Olivia hesitate outside the room, Munch said, "I'll go get us some coffee" and wandered down the hall. Taking a deep breath the detective entered.
Alex was sitting fully clothed on top of the bed, a dressing on her head, poring over some files with another blonde who was sitting in the visitor's chair. They looked up when the door opened. "I'm sorry you can't come in here..."
"It's alright Serena" Alex stopped her, noticing Olivia bristling, "This is detective Benson of SVU."
"Oh."
"And you are?" Olivia said unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.
"ADA Southerlyn is going into court for me tomorrow" Alex said before continuing irritably, "although I don't know why, I could only have been out a couple of minutes, I'll be perfectly alright in an hour or two."
"Sorry" Serena said, "instructions from Elizabeth."
Munch came through the door bearing coffee, "It's like Grand Central!" Alex said, watching him give a cup to Olivia.
"So have we established what happened?" he said turning to Olivia.
"We haven't quite got round to that yet" Olivia replied and they both turned towards Alex.
"I slipped and fell, now can you please leave so I can finish this," she said shaking the file.
"We can wait." Olivia said shrugging, determined not to leave until she had found out what was going on.
Alex sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing that Olivia meant it.
"Counselor" Munch said looking at Serena, "This coffee is terrible, what say we go and find some decent stuff. I'm sure the file can wait ten minutes."
Serena, feeling the tension in the room agreed, and left with Munch, having told Alex she would be back soon.
"How are you?" Olivia said sitting on the bed and kissing her lightly.
"I just have a really, really, bad headache" Alex responded, kissing her back.
"So what happened?"
"It's nothing really."
"Alex, what happened? You know I can go down to the fifth and find out."
The blonde sighed, "Josh and I had a difference of opinion and his temper got out of hand."
"He hit you?"
Alex could hear the anger in her voice, "No, he pushed me and I hit my head."
"But you're pressing charges?" the detective ground out.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"Look I just don't know and my head is starting to hurt badly, can we talk about this later?"
"Alex?"
"I need to think about it ok?"
"The man assaulted you and put you in hospital. What's to think about?"
"Liv, It's not as simple as that."
"Then explain it to me" Olivia said as gently as she could.
The door opened and Elizabeth Donnelly walked in, "Alex, detective" Olivia nodded at her and got up from the bed, wishing she'd had the presence of mind to bar the door somehow to prevent interruptions. "Do you want to tell me what happened so I can word the warrant correctly?"
"She's not pressing charges," Olivia said.
"What do you mean she's not pressing charges?"
"That's what I asked just before you walked in" Olivia replied through gritted teeth.
"When did you join the law firm of peace, love and understanding counselor?" Elizabeth said sardonically, walking around to the visitor's chair and sitting down.
Alex wished everyone would leave her alone so she could wait in the quiet of her room for the little man using the jackhammer in her head to finally break his way through her skull. "It's not that simple."
"Somehow I didn't think it was going to be, is it something that might bite us in the future?" Elizabeth inquired.
"There are more important things than the DA's office!" Olivia exploded.
"Calm down detective, I was thinking of Alex's well being as well, possibly I expressed myself badly. I suggest we let her tell us what happened and then we can find the best way to help."
Alex shut her eyes and thought about lying, but this was Elizabeth, she wouldn't get away with it. "A man I know, Josh, asked me to marry him" she began, Olivia was about to say something when the look she got from Elizabeth stopped her. "I said no, he didn't like it" she stopped.
"You still haven't told us why you won't press charges" Elizabeth said gently, quelling Olivia with her eyes.
Taking a deep breath Alex said, "He brought up something in my personal life, he said if I didn't marry him, he'd make it very public."
Elizabeth, thinking back to when she had walked in to the room, realized what Alex wasn't saying.
"I still don't understand why you won't press charges?" Olivia said.
"I assume Josh knows about the two of you?" Elizabeth queried tactfully.
"Yes" Alex said quietly.
"So?" Olivia said
"So if I press charges he'll make it public."
"And?"
"I don't want to be coming out in a court room and I don't think you do either."
"I'd rather not" Olivia conceded, "But I'd prefer to do that than see him get away with assaulting you." Alex was silent. "Alex?"
"Detective, can you give us a minute please," Elizabeth said as all the pieces fell into place.
About to object she saw the misery on Alex's face, "I'll be outside" she said.
"Alex" Elizabeth said sharply when the door had closed, "I know you've been hit on the head, but you need to think very carefully about what you're doing."
"Meaning?"
"Not to be indelicate, but I think I know how your mind works, and I assume you're not pressing charges because you think coming out will hurt your career?" Alex opened her mouth to speak but Elizabeth held up her hand, "I don't know whether it will or it won't, even in this day and age there are plenty of bigots around. However, if that is the case, you'd better decide how serious you are about the relationship you're in."
"What do you mean?"
"Think it through Alex" she sighed, "Detective Benson is extremely protective of her privacy, correct?"
"Yes."
"Yet she just stood there and said she would rather the whole world knew about her private life than someone get away with hurting you." Alex opened her mouth then changed her mind and closed it again. "That gives me some idea of how she feels about you. How do you feel about her? Are you really going to say thank you very much but you don't need to worry because my career is more important to me?"
"I wasn't…" Alex began
"I haven't finished, you said no originally, what's changed?"
"I don't know… It's just…at the restaurant it was a gut reaction to being blackmailed. I've worked hard to get where I am, I don't want people's decisions about me to be based on who I sleep with!"
"That's understandable, and no-one likes to be forced into something like this, but letting him get away with assault and blackmail to avoid it? Alex what would you think if someone went to those lengths to avoid admitting to a relationship with you?"
"Elizabeth, I love her and she knows it, she doesn't want to be outed anymore than I do" Alex said, wondering why they were having this conversation and trying to concentrate on her boss rather than the tap-dancing extravaganza that was going on in her head.
"No Alex, she knew you loved her before things got a little tricky and there was a possibility someone else might find out. She may not want to be outed, but it appears she's decided that protecting you is more important to her. Of course, she thinks that protecting you means getting Josh whatever the consequences, while you apparently think protecting you means burying your head and it will all be ok. That's not like you Alex, if you decide not to press charges you need to think how far your willing to give in to this man, because if he knows he's got you, he'll just keep taking, what are you willing to do to stop him talking? Marry him after all?"
"No" Alex said.
"If I sat and thought about it" Elizabeth continued gently, "I could pin point when you two got together, everyone at work has already noticed how much happier you've been lately. People knowing may or may not affect your career, it certainly won't while your working for me but after that who knows? You need to decide, if it came down to it, which would you rather have, the possibility of being DA or Olivia Benson? Because I don't know about her, but I wouldn't stay with someone who would give in to blackmail rather than admit she was having a relationship with me."
Hearing a ruckus outside, Elizabeth walked over to the door and opened it to find that detective Benson, having sent Munch back to the station, was not only just outside, but that she was actively keeping Serena, a doctor and both Alex's parents from entering the room."
"I'll have your badge for this detective" Alex's father was saying as the door opened, "That won't be necessary sir" Elizabeth cut in, "detective Benson was under instruction from me so if you have a problem, take it up with the DA." Allowing everyone to get in to the room, she stopped them all from talking at once by saying, "I believe the doctor wants to say something."
"I was going to say, that as all your scans are clear you can go home," he said to Alex. "However you have mild concussion and you need to take it easy for a few days. The bedlam I have just witnessed makes me inclined to say you should stay here."
"That's quite alright doctor" Marjorie Cabot said, "She can come home with us, it will be perfectly quiet."
"No mother, I'm going back to my apartment."
"Darling, you have concussion, you can't be left on your own, I really think it would be best if…"
"That won't be a problem" Elizabeth cut in, "We've already arranged that I'm moving into her spare room for a couple of days." Everyone, including Alex, turned and looked at her. "Serena, detective, I'm in serious need of caffine," turning to Alex she continued, "We'll be back in half an hour ok?"
"Thank you" Alex said gratefully.
"I'll arrange the paperwork" the doctor said as he left her on her own with her parents.
"Alexandra, I really think..."
"Hush Marjorie, it's her decision."
"That woman railroaded her into it!"
"She did no such thing, mother."
"And ordering a detective to keep everyone out, I've a good mind to…"
"Marjorie" Gerald Cabot said sharply noticing the pain on Alex's face, "leave it." Waiting until his wife had settled into the visitor's chair, an unbecoming scowl on her face, he sat on the bed and looked at the wound. "How are you feeling kitten?"
"Like I was hit by a train."
"What happened?"
"I just slipped and fell" Alex said, praying they hadn't heard differently. Her father frowned.
"You should be more careful" her mother said, "Josh rang me, he was most concerned." Alex flinched, her father caught it but said nothing.
"Marjorie, why don't you go home? Alex is ok and I have to go back to the office."
"You're always at the office!" she said feeling hard done by.
"Don't we have that party at the Franzens tonight?"
"Oh my lord, I completely forgot!" she looked at her watch, "I have a hair appointment in 10 minutes. Now are you sure you're going to be ok darling?" she said getting up.
"Yes mother, I'll be fine."
Marjorie Cabot pecked her on the cheek, "Call me if you need anything. Gerald, I expect you home by seven at the latest." She rushed out and the two other occupants of the room smiled amusedly at each other.
"Now, tell me what really happened?" her father said sternly.
"I told you."
"Alex, I'm not entirely stupid."
Alex shut her eyes, "I know but I just need to deal with it on my own for the moment, please daddy."
Her father sighed, wondering when they had drifted so far apart, he nodded, "but let me know if there's anything I can do." He moved around the bed to sit next to her, putting his arm around her as she leant on his shoulder.
They stayed that way until a discreet knock on the door told them that it was time to get moving.
Getting up, he picked up her shoes and put them on her feet, before helping her off the bed. Standing she felt dizzy for a moment but it passed and she made her way over to the door. Opening it she saw Olivia, the frown on her face turning to a smile as she saw her. "Ok?"
"I'll live."
"I apologize for earlier, sir" Olivia said, spotting Alex's father.
"That's alright detective. I realize everyone feels very protective towards my daughter. Ms. Donnelly, can I have a word?"
"Certainly. Serena can you drive Alex home? You can continue going over the case, I'll be there in a little while."
"Of course" Serena said.
"Detective" Elizabeth continued, "would you mind waiting for me?"
Olivia nodded and after watching Alex and Serena walk slowly down the hall she leant against the wall and waited for Alex's boss.
Alex was ensconced on her couch with her feet up when Elizabeth brought her some tea. Serena had gone and her head was starting to hurt again. "Can I have some more pills yet?"
Elizabeth looked at the clock, "not for another 45 minutes" she said, mindful of the doctor. Sitting in an armchair she continued, "Have you thought any more about what you're going to say to Olivia?"
"No" Alex sighed.
"Well you'd better, because she'll be back soon."
Alex sipped her drink, "perhaps I can just be asleep" she said only half jokingly.
"Alex, you would be surprised at how many gay people work in the DA's office. Now while I'll admit very few of them are out to the general populace, I don't believe it would hurt their careers if they were. District Attorney of course is different, but does it really mean more to you than Olivia?" Elizabeth asked.
"It's been what I've been aiming at so long it's difficult to see anything else" Alex admitted, "obviously Josh thought it did."
"Josh we can handle, if he thinks he can blackmail any part of the legal system he's got another thing coming. I can't however stop him shooting his mouth off, and I assume he can back it up."
"He wouldn't risk not being able to, he said he had photos, I didn't look at them."
"So, you need to decide. Either you prosecute and take whatever consequences come with it or you don't and see what he does next. I have to say I prefer the Josh in jail version, but it's up to you."
Before she could answer Alex heard a key turn in the lock and Olivia entered. "How are you feeling?" she said crossing over to the couch.
"I'd feel much better if my head weren't attached to my body." Alex replied.
"We'll I'm leaving" Elizabeth said getting up and giving the detective a questioning look over Alex's head.
Olivia nodded, before saying "Night" and walking over to the door.
"Thanks for everything" Alex said sincerely.
Elizabeth nodded, "I'll see you in the morning" she said on her way out.
Olivia shut the door and went back to the couch, sitting down with Alex's feet in her lap.
"We need to talk" Alex said quietly.
"Tomorrow" Olivia replied, "what you need now is rest."
"Liv…"
"Tomorrow" she repeated, not wanting to hear her say she would not press charges.