Forgotten Conscience
Two roads, one path
By Christopher Andrews


Chapter 36
Chicken soup for the suicidal slayer's soul

Buffy's POV

Kill her? She wants me to kill her?

"Faith, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not gonna kill you."

"But… But Buffy it's the only way."

"Only way…?"

"It's the only way to stop me from hurting anyone else."

Why does she think she's hurt someone?

"Faith you haven't hurt anyone."

"I tried to kill you."

"Yeah but look…"

I pat myself down like I'm checking for all my body parts.

"I'm fine… and besides you trying to kill me is nothing new. You've tried to kill me before and I told you how that turned out. Remember our little coma talk?"

Okay why do I feel like I'm over compensating with the humour?

"I know you're okay now but how long is it gonna last? How long will it be till I can't stop myself from killing you in your sleep? How long will it be until someone gets caught in the crossfire? I'd never be able to live with myself if I hurt someone you cared about and I don't think you'd ever forgive me and I know I couldn't live with THAT."

She cares about me? I knew it wasn't one sided I just… hey, stay focused.

"Faith the truth is I'm not sure how I'd react if you hurt my friends because I'd know it wasn't your fault, not entirely. Anything you've done, anything you might do is because of that damn vampire cult. It's their fault, not yours."

"I know but…"

I take a step towards her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"And besides, you'll have me by your side to stop you if something goes wrong."

She looks down in shame.

"But what if…"

I put my hand under her chin and lift it up till we're eye to eye.

"You'll deal, I know you will."

"How…? How can you know when I don't?"

It's like she's giving up.

"I know because I know you. You always find a way to deal with stuff."

"Maybe I could've if I was the old Faith but I'm not. I don't know how or why the old Faith might've been able to deal with being a threat to everyone around her but I can't… I won't. That's why you have to help me."

She reaches out and hugs me. I can feel her start to cry.

This isn't working. I'm trying to be there for her but she's got herself convinced that there's only one way to stop her, which isn't true. I'm not getting through to her; I may have to give her a little tough love.


I pull her off me.

"How would killing you help you hun?"

She takes a few steps back and tries to wipe the tears from her eyes.


This might be a bad idea but I have to try and get through to her before she becomes some suicidal loser like Spike.

I shove her.

"Didn't you hear me? How is your death gonna help anyone? How is it gonna solve anything?"

I take a step forward and she steps back.

She looks afraid all of the sudden.

"I-I don't know, I'm just… I'm just trying to…"

"Give up? Yeah I noticed. It's kinda pathetic. You're a slayer Faith, slayers don't give up."

"But I'm not a slayer."

"Yes you are Faith. Whether you believe it or not, you are a slayer. We both are and it's time you started acting like one."

"I just… I don't wanna hurt anyone."

You might be hurting her now but it'll be better for her in the long run.

I shove her again and start walking towards her, it's almost like I'm stalking her.

"Wake the fuck up. You put people's lives in danger everyday. It's part of being a slayer Faith. You can't just give up because you might hurt someone. Xander and Willow are in danger all the time, but if I spent all my time worrying about whether they were gonna get hurt we'd all end up dead."

"I-I-B-but… I-I…"

You can do it… I know you wanna say you're sorry and hold her close but you're almost getting through to her.

"God could you BE any more pathetic…?"

I'm starting to sound like Faith, the old Faith.

"W-Why are you saying these things?"

"The truth hurts babe…"

"B-B-but… b-b-but…"

"You sound pathetic… I almost wish you were the old Faith, at least then we'd be able to fight out our problems like we used to."

I see a flash of anger in her but she tries to keep it hidden.

Just a little more Buffy, then everything will be okay.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry I…"

"God Faith now you're sorry? You're even too pathetic to kick your ass."


She hits me with a right cross and knocks me on my ass.

"Shut up!"

There we go.

I get up slowly. She starts to panic.

"Oh B-Buffy I… I'm sorry…"

I readjust my jaw.

"Aw come on Faith…"

I hit her in the face and she's on the floor in seconds.

"Is that all you got? You're supposed to be a slayer."

She gets up.

"I-I don't want to hurt you."

"Come on Faith, you're supposed to be a slayer. You and me remember, The Chosen Two?"

She tries to punch me but I dodge it and send her stumbling a couple steps but she keeps her balance.

She's remembering, whether she knows it or not she's remembering.

"I was gonna train you Faith, help you remember how to be a slayer."

"I'm not a slayer."

She takes a swing at me but she misses and I take a step back.

"I noticed that. I was gonna help, but if you're just gonna GIVE up…"

I take a swing at her but she grabs my arm and bends it until I'm literally bending over backwards. She's holding me up by my arm and we're standing inches from each other. Suddenly my adrenaline starts pumping and I start breathing heavy.

Don't… I know you want to but you can't. That's not what you need right now, you don't want to complicate things this way.

"See… Faith…?"

She's staring at me, almost like she's staring into me. Then she blinks and it's like she snaps back to reality. She lets go and I drop to the floor, flat on my back.

I think she feels something. She wouldn't have looked at me the way she did if she didn't feel something.

"You are a slayer, whether you want to admit it or not you're a slayer…"

She takes a few moments to think, running her fingers through her hair as I get up.

She knows I'm right.

"I'm trying to help you Faith, but I can't help you if all you want is to give up."

She turns to face me.

"I know… I'm sorry I… I shouldn't give up, you're right. I'm just… I'm not sure how to deal with being a threat."

I take a few steps toward her and put my hands at her shoulders.

"I told you you'll deal with it, and I'll be there to help you."

I pull her to me and she puts her arms around me. I put my arms around her and hold her close.

"T-Thank you Buffy, you don't know how much this means to me."

We stand there together, her head on my shoulder.

"I know… I know…"

The two guards on the floor start to wake up. I let go of Faith.

"But right now, we have to get out of here before those guys wake up."

We break our hug and she takes a step back.


"I'll explain it later right now, we have to go."

She looks down at the guards and then back at me.

"O-Okay, let's go."

She takes my hand and I lead her out, down the hall.

Chapter 37
Mixed signals of the confusing kind

Faith's POV

So what do I do now? I mean, I though there was something between us but after the way she went nuts on me back at that initiative place I'm just not sure.

I look over at her, walking a few steps ahead of me to that Giles guy's house.

She kept telling me how much she wanted to help me and then she went psycho on me. I know most couples get into fight and all but I'm pretty sure normal people don't resort to hand to hand to resolve their differences.

I rub my jaw, it's still a little sore.

Buffy said we used to kick each other's asses all the time, that kinda lends weight to the idea that we were never involved… but then there was that moment. Right after I got the best of her, I don't know where the hell that came from, but then… it was almost like that time when she woke me from that dream thing I had, it was like there was some kind of connection between us.

We turn a corner and continue walking.

But what kind of connection is it? It's not like I can draw on old relationships to figure it out or current relationships as the case may be. Oh god, what if I'm already in a relationship? What if I was involved with Buffy and then left her for some guy who turned out to be evil? That would explain why all her friends hate me, and the weird connection between us. What am I doing? I have no proof of anything… but what if I'm right? What do I do? Should I ask her about it? What if nothing I'm thinking is true? What if it's all just in my screwed up, lack of a past head? Maybe Buffy was just shocked that I got the best of her. Yeah, it was all just the surprise. But then what was with the whole feeling thing? I should ask her.


She stops and turns to me.


This is a bad idea.


This is a very bad idea. I'm not sure what to say.

"Is everything okay?"

'I… well… I-I just, I wanted to thank you for what, for what you did back there."

"You mean getting you out of the initiative alive? I told you, they were gonna lock you in some room and do experiments on you. I couldn't let them do that to you it just… it wouldn't be right."

"No I… that's not what I… well yes, thank you but, well… what I meant was what you did for me. You really helped me."

She takes a few steps, trying to go back to our path.

"Don't mention it."


She stops again.

"Really, I was ready to give up. I was about ready to shoot myself with one of those army boys' guns, but you stopped me."

"I couldn't let you kill yourself."

I should do something, give her something.

"But really I mean, I wanna thank you some how. I feel like I should do something or say something to pay you back for everything you've done for me."

"It's okay Faith."

I move toward her.

"But you… I mean.... you gave me a reason to go on living…"

She puts one hand on my shoulder and the other on my cheek. I tilt my head into her touch. It's warm and inviting.

"Yes and that's the kind of thing you can't pay back, and I don't expect you to."

"Well I… I have to do something."

She's got this look in her eyes like, like she wants to say something but she's trying not to.

"Okay look, if you really want to pay me back you can stay alive long enough to help me kill Adam and stop this prophecy thing…"

Prophecy thing...?

"What prophecy thing?"

"There's a prophecy."

"Yeah, I got that. What kind of prophecy?"

"Well, we're not sure yet but we're working on it. You know those vampires who attacked us?"

"The ones who made me go all Lizzie Borden on you? Yeah I think I remember them."

"They said something kinda weird…"

"Right… something about, one into two, two into three or something…"

"Two into one…"


"Well we think it's some sort of prophecy of some kind."

"Why's that?"

"Well they seemed to wanna stop whatever it is, plus it doesn't really sound like a battle cry."

"Okay so do we know why they're trying to kill you?"

"US Faith, they're trying to kill US. And no, we don't know but we're working on it… we work on a lot of things."

"I'm getting that."

"That's why we're going to see Giles. He's good with research and prophecies and stuff. He figured out the prophecy about the time I died. Now come on, his place is around the corner."

Um… she died?

"Whoa, wait… you died?"

"Yeah but I'm okay, I was only dead for a few minutes."

"Yeah but, you were dead."

"Yeah, how do you think you became a slayer in the first place? The only way a new slayer is called is when the old slayer dies. How else did you think it happened?"

Well I dunno.

"I-I guess I thought maybe I was the slayer first and then I died or something."

"Nope, it was the other way around. I died, you became a slayer. It's pretty simple concept really. Come on now we should get to Giles'."


I follow her around the corner and up the few feet to Mr. Giles' house.

Is that why she feels so responsible? Because what's happening to me is her fault in more ways than one, if it hadn't been for her I wouldn't be in this situation. If it hadn't been for her I wouldn't have become a slayer.

We climb the stairs and I look over at her.

God, what a burden for her to carry, not only does she have to worry about saving the world but she has to deal with the idea that every bad thing that I do is her fault. What if that's all I've been feeling? Maybe that's all and I'm just being paranoid...

We reach the front door and Buffy opens the door. As we walk in, everyone turns around and looks at us.

Wow, did the temperature just drop in here?

Chapter 38
Musical stools

John's POV

With Adam on our side I'm sure we'll find a way to kill those god damn slayers. It's only a matter of time.

Someone runs into my office.


I look up and Dave is standing at the other end of my desk.

"What is it?"

"Sir… we may have located it."

Located it? What the fuck is he talking about?

"Located what exactly?"

"The book, we've located the book."

"The book…? Which book are you talking about? There happen to be a number of them in the world."

"The Book of Karameth sir…. The Book of Karameth…"

"The Book of Karameth, I thought it was lost in the dark ages?"

"Yes sir, but we believe we have located it."

"Okay then, why the hell isn't it sitting right here on my desk?"

"Well sir, we don't know exactly where it is but we believe it to have ended up somewhere in Sunnydale."

God damn it do I have to do everything?

"All right, you keep searching for it. Meanwhile, send our forces watching the slayers to 'distract' them while we search for the book."

"Yes sir."

He turns and runs out the door.

That book is crucial.

Faith's POV

Yeah, it's definitely gotten colder in here.

Buffy walks inside but I stand at the door.

They're looking at me with this cold stare like they don't know what to think.

"Hey guys, how's it…?"

She turns around and sees her friends staring at me in the doorway.

"… Going…"

Maybe I should just go, let her have her meeting with her friends.

"Look, guys, I know it's an awkward situation and we all have things we'd like to say to Faith…"

Oh good that'll make things MUCH better.

"… But whatever's happening affects her too and whether you guys like it or not that means she's involved so can we TRY and get along?"

Slowly, most of Buffy's friends go back to what they were doing moments before I walked in, everyone but Buffy and that Mr. Giles guy.

"Faith you don't have to stand there like a human doorstop."

"Yes Faith, please come in."

That Mr. Giles guy turns and goes over to an easy chair.

Right, walking… I think I remember how to do that, course I guess no one would blame me if I forgot.

Slowly I start walking into the living room.

What am I doing? I can't sit with these people, they all hate me.

Buffy walks over to a row of stools and picks up two stools which she carries over to join the group. She sits down on one and then looks over at me, standing a few steps from the door.

"It's okay Faith…"

She pats the stool next to her.

"You can sit here."

Um, okay…


I start towards the stool and Buffy turns her attention to her friends.

Um… okay talk about my need to get a clue.

I sit down on the stool and look over at her.

Did she want me to sit here because she wanted to sit next to me?

She looks at me and smiles before going back to her friends.

Or did she want me to sit here because she knew no one else would wanna sit with me?

I take a look around the room.

Everyone's trying to act like its okay but it's not, they don't want me here.

"Okay, so what do we know?"

"Not much, I've been researching this prophecy you mentioned, this 'Two into One' thing… I've uncovered small references to some sort of joining, a melding of two forces, but like most prophecies there don't seem to be any references to any specifics, such as how or when or even why."

"And the news keeps getting better I bet. What about Wesley? What does he say?"

Right, I forgot about him.

"Well I left a couple messages but he hasn't returned any of my calls, however we have a theory…"

All these people wanna kill me, I should make a list.

"A theory…?"

I should be paying attention instead of worrying about myself.

"Well, Willow did some checking and apparently there's some big buzz in the demon world, something about a slayer prophecy."

"That's great, cause the last time there was a slayer prophecy my life went all peaches and cream."

There was a last slayer prophecy?

"What… what happened last time?"

Buffy turns to me.

"Oh, that was the time I died."



"Wait what? She remembers?"

That guy who attacked me, I think his name is Xander, stands up quickly.

"She remembers about you dying? She got her memory back… quick we have to tie her up before she can get us alone."

I stand up and back away a few steps in retreat.

"Hey whoa, hold up a sec."

He takes a few steps to me and I put up my hands.

"I knew we couldn't trust her."

Buffy steps in as he gets a little closer.

"Whoa over-react much, Xander? She knows because I told her about it a few minutes ago on our way here, okay so just calm down all right?"

He backs off and goes back to his seat.

God, tense much?

Buffy sits down on her stool and after a few seconds I do too.

"All right, now that Xander's insanity is over can we please get back to the end of the world?"

"Yes… Please… Let's…"

"Now let's hear about this prophecy."

Chapter 39
Lies that make the world go round

Faith's POV

'Now let's hear about this slayer prophecy."

She's very determined, and somehow, I think it's because she's trying to help me.

"Well when we considered the idea that it was a slayer prophecy, I decided it was a good idea to look it up in The Codex and I found something rather odd."


"What was that?"

Mr. Giles looks over at me for a second and… I don't know, I don't see the hint of anger I see in everyone but Buffy.

He doesn't look angry but I don't think he's happy I'm here; I guess you could call it confused.

"I found it refers to the prophecy written in The Book of Karameth…"

"So? What's so weird about that?"

"Well it's the only one."


She took the words right out of my mouth.

"It's the only reference in The Codex."

"Again I say hun?"

"Buffy this book has existed almost as long as the slayers. It contains every slayer prophecy ever written by man, demon, and everything in between. Not to mention a number of non-slayer prophecies."

"But this prophecy gets its own section in the slayer library."


"All right, so what do we know about this Book of Karmadeath?"

Karmadeath..? That's so cute. Why is that cute?

"Karameth Buffy, Willow has had some success in that area. Willow?"

Willow glances over at me with this angry glare.

Okay, I dunno if that's a bad thing because of the prophecy or just in general because she hates me, uh-oh, no time to worry about that.

"Well, according what I could dig up… The Book of Karameth has been around for a while, it's said that it contains a lot of powerful magics and apparently a number of prophecies…"


"You mean prophecies like this 'Two into one' thing that these vampires hate so much?"

I get another angry look.

Okay maybe I'll just shut up and let her talk; I don't want to give her any more reasons to hate me.

I look over at Buffy and she's already looking back at me. She sorta half smiles at me for a second with worry and then her face changes to a weird look before she goes back to her friends.

Okay um, hun?

"Do we have the book?"

"No, over the years there have been a number of references to it appearing places with no discernable pattern but it hasn't been seen in over a century. The last reference to it was somewhere here in North America…"

"But let me guess, we have no idea where."

"Not for the moment, no… but we're working on narrowing it down."

"Good, okay good so we're making progress. You guys keep working on that and I'll hit the streets with Faith and see what I can dig up before I start helping her remember her training."

"All right…"

"Before we go though, any word on Adam?"

Who's this Adam guy?

"Not a word, there haven't been any sightings since… well since…"

"Since Faith came back…"

Whoa wait a second; this might not be a good thing.

"I hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking are you Xander?"

"Well you have to admit, it can't just be coincidence that a big powerful killing machine goes into hiding right after your little slayer sister makes her reappearance in our lives."

Buffy's my sister? No… no, we don't look anything alike. I wouldn't be feeling the way I do if we were sisters. He said we were slayer sisters, not actual sisters.

"Xander she is NOT part of Adam's plan she's been in a coma since before Adam existed."

"But this might be part of that vampire cult's plan."

"I said it before Xander and I'll say it as many times as I have to, to get it in your head. Faith is NOT part of any evil plans and even if she was she wouldn't remember anyway… SHE HAS, AMNESIA!"

They're fighting again, I should say something.

"So you keep saying."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I can't let them keep fighting like this, I should say something, or do something.

"It's just… there's no real way for us to know that she really has amnesia but you've just gone ahead and accepted it like it's no big deal. It's like you're trying to forget what she did to us, like you tried to do with…"

"Don't you dare bring him into this...?"

Yes… I should definitely say something.

"I'm sorry to have to be the one to say it but…"

"Then don't…"


They turn and look at me.

"Look, I know you all don't trust me and… from what Buffy's told me about the things I did I wouldn't blame you, and I'm sure there are all sorts of things that I did that I don't know about that would make you hate me. But I promise you, if you guys find out I'm a willing part in some evil plan to hurt Buffy, or anyone else… I won't fight you. I'll give up, I'll surrender, and I'll do whatever you think is right, okay?"

Everyone sorta half stares at me, thinking about what I just said.

Oh good, a horribly uncomfortable silence is exactly the response I wanted.

Buffy, mercifully, breaks the silence finally.

"See Xander it's gonna be okay. Now we have more important things to worry about. Willow, have you figured out what those herbs do?"

"Yes, well sorta, I mean, yes and no."

Yes and no?

"Yes and no?"

She took the words right out of my mouth.

"Well, according to my research, it's some kind of obsession spell…"

They put some sort of obsession spell on me?

"What kind of obsession spell is it?"

"We're not sure… we've never seen this kind of obsession spell, anywhere."

"Okay, so what do we do?"

"Well I'm working on a way to break the spell but in order to stop a spell like this I'd usually need to know what the trigger is."

A trigger…?

"Okay, any idea what the trigger could be?"

What does she mean what the trigger could be?

"Well it could be any number of things…"

Or it could be just one thing.

I shift in my stool and look over at Buffy.

"It could be set to go off during an important battle or just before it. For all we know she could be programmed to go off at a specific smell, taste, or even a sound. We just can't know for sure."

I glance over at Buffy.

Yes there is.

"Is there any way for us to stop the spell?"

"Like I said I'm working on a way to break the spell but without the specifics on what the trigger is…"


"Well I'll let you know as soon as we figure it out."

What does she mean as soon as we figure it out? I thought we figured it out already.

"All right I believe we've covered everything."

"Right… so Faith and I will go see what we can find out and then I'll do a quick patrol before bed…"

She lied to them.

"… and I'll start Faith's retraining tomorrow."

She gets up and I decide to get up too.

"You guys will let me know if you find anything else."

"You know we will Buff."

"Thanks, I'll see you all later."

She puts her hand on my back, gently leading me toward the door. We leave Mr. Giles' place and all I can think is… She lied to her best friends.

Chapter 40
The Seventh Deadly Sin

Someone's POV

Kill… Kill the slayer... Gotta kill the slayer… Have to kill the slayer… Have to… Someone's coming. It's someone big, someone REALLY big. This is gonna be fun.

I grab his arm as it comes overhead.

"By the sound of those massive mud flaps I'd peg you as a demon, which means you're in for a world of…"

I open my eyes and look up at whatever stupid demon…

Oh crap…

"… Pain..."

Adam, get up before he butchers you.

"Spike, I want you to come with me."

Oh yeah that's a good idea.

"Do you? Well let's go then."

I turn around long enough to pull a fist back. I punch him in the stomach.


Okay I don't fancy trying that again.


He takes a step forward and I take a couple back.

"You're going to help me with my problem."

Right and that's gonna happen.

"And why's that exactly?"

"I'm going to help you with yours."

My problem…? What problem do I have that he can…? Oh, I knew this was gonna be fun.

Buffy's POV

She's been real quiet.

I unlock the door to my dorm room and we walk in.

I don't think she's said a word since we left Giles'. Even when we went patrolling for the complete lack of vampires we found. It's probably a bad thing that we didn't find any vamps but oddly enough I'm more concerned about Faith.

I close the door behind Faith as she walks into the middle of the room.

She's just standing in the middle of the room, it's almost like she's uncomfortable around me. Oh god, I'm not making her uncomfortable cause I have feelings for her am I? I mean I know I've sorta been half staring at her since we left Giles', but that wasn't because I think she's hot. I mean I do think she's hot but then how does she know that unless I tell her… God… I resist the urge to slap myself in the face that would probably bring up too many more questions than I'm willing to answer.

I can't keep doing this to myself. Just cause I have this uncontrollable urge to suck on her bottom lip doesn't mean I should just blurt out how I feel about her, especially with her condition. What am I talking about, her condition? It's not like she's diseased and gangrene or something, she's got amnesia. It's not contagious. She's still standing there, still uncomfortable, shifting her weight but never actually moving. Something's wrong, I should ask her what's wrong.


She turns and looks at me with those big brown eyes of hers.


"Is everything okay?"

She starts pacing slowly and rubbing the back of her head.

"Um… yeah… um…"

Why don't I believe her?

I take a few steps toward her.

"Are you sure?"

She rubs a hand down her chest.

STOP staring at her chest!

"Well there is one thing…"

Don't even think it.

"What's that?"

You know you're thinking about it but you just have to stop.

"I'm feeling kinda dirty."

I'm sorry what? Did she say she felt dirty?

"I'm sorry what?"

Get your mind out of the gutter Buffy, she's not talking about that kind of dirty.

"I've been wearing these same clothes for at least a few days now and I've been sweating and rolling around in the dirt and everything. Would you mind if I took a shower if you have one? And maybe I could borrow something to sleep in?"

Yeah I'm sure I could find SOMETHING for her to sleeping… stop it Buffy, you're trying NOT to think that way remember?


"Hmm…? Oh, yeah…"

I walk over to my dresser, pick out some clothes. I walk back across the room and hand them to her.

"Here, these should fit well enough."


She smiles at me and I feel all tingly down south.

"N-No problem, the showers over in the bathroom, there should be soap and shampoo in there for you."

She turns and starts walking to the bathroom.

"I appreciate it."

Her ass sways as she goes in.

STOP looking at her ass.

I lie down on my bed.

Oh man, I think I really got it bad for her.

I hear the door creak slowly to a close.

I wonder what this all means about me. I mean, am I some kind of lesbian? Am I gonna start checking out chicks at The Bronze or something? I was kind of checking Faith out a second ago. Okay maybe kinda is the wrong word. I was totally checking her out a second ago. But is it just Faith that I have feelings for? Cause that would be different than being a lesbian, course I'm not sure what that difference is but I'm pretty sure there is one… I think. I know the way I feel about Faith is different than the way I felt about Angel, and it's definitely different than the way I feel about Riley. In fact, I'm not sure how I feel about Riley anymore.

I hear Faith walking around in the bathroom.

I suddenly realize I never heard the door completely close.

I sit up on my bed and look to the bathroom room.

She didn't close the door all the way. There's just enough room that I can see Faith as she walks over and stand, back to the door in front of the crack in the door. Stop temping yourself Buffy, you're just gonna end up kicking yourself, or more likely fucking yourself later on. I know I should look away as she pulls her shirt over her head and throws it away, revealing her nearly blemish free skin. I get all flushed as I run my hand down my chest. I bet she's got really smooth skin.

I take a deep breath as the warm tingly sensation in my nether regions makes me rub my thighs together. My head gets lighter and my blood runs south as I see her turn and pull her pants down to her ankles. She steps out of view as she steps out of her pants. I lie down on the bed again as I hear the shower turn on.

God, now I know I got it bad for this girl. I've gone so low I've actually resorted to becoming a peeping Tom, or should I say a peeping Tanya? I'm never gonna get to sleep tonight. I hear the steady stream of water interrupted and I know she's gotten in. My head is filled with thoughts and feelings of water trickling down her body. Down her chest, over what I can only assume are her firm yet supple young breasts. I think I can almost feel her washing herself with my soap. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes as I run my fingers through my hair.

I need to stop doing this. She's not interested, and even if she was eventually she'll get her memory back and the other Faith isn't interested and probably never will be. Get some and get gone, that's always been her motto. Even if she could be interested in me she'd only be interested in me long enough to get what she wants from me and I don't think I could deal if that's all she wanted from me. Whoa!

I sit up and open my eyes.

Maybe it's the lack of blood in my brain, but did I just realize I want more than just sex out of her?

I pull my hair back out of my face.

Oh god, I just made this whole situation worse didn't I? I should really figure out where I stand with Faith, before I do something that'll make everything worse.

The shower water stops running but I don't notice.

I can't go back to Riley and find out; we're on thin ice as it is. I should, I should find someone neutral, someone who I don't care about so I can figure out how I really feel, whether this is about women in general or just about Faith.

The bathroom door opens, speak of the devil. I stand up and turn to face her. I suddenly regret giving her those clothes. The sweat pants hang off her showing nothing off, but the muscle shirt I gave her looks like it's at least 2 sizes too small.

Then again she does have a better rack than me… a better rack than me? God I'm starting to sound like a guy. STOP LOOKING at her chest.

I look up at her face and I still see a look of uncomfortable silence on her face.

Something's still wrong.

"Do you feel better?"

She takes a deep breath and for a second and I'm worried that she's gonna burst out of her shirt.

"Yeah, I think so."

The look on her face says different.

"Are you sure?"

She takes a second.

"Yeah… I'm fine."

You know it's late, I'm tired, I'm not gonna push her into a conversation that might get me killed.

"All right well we should probably get some sleep. We've got work to do tomorrow."

"Yeah, I am kinda tired."

I walk around to one side of my bed while Faith walks over to her bed on the floor, between the twin beds. She lies down as I climb into bed and pull the covers over me.

"Goodnight, Faith."

"Um… Goodnight Buffy."

I lie there wide awake.

There's no way I'm gonna sleep tonight.

Part 41

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