Forgotten Conscience
Two roads, one path
By Christopher Andrews


Chapter 41
Sleepless in Slayattle

Faith's POV

She lied to her friends. I still can't get over it. I'm lying here on the floor and I'm still not really sure how I feel about it. I've been lying here for hours, my eyes closed, trying to decide how I feel about what she did.

I turn and lie on my side.

They've done so much together saved the world at least more times than I probably have. They are such good friends and I've done nothing but cause them pain and anguish. Why would she lie to protect me? If anything, telling them the truth would only help us in the long run. She heard what I heard in that meeting, they need to know the trigger in order to break the spell, and she's the trigger so… wait… is that why she didn't tell them, because she's the target? They pretty much hate me with a vengeance already, even after my big speech and I still have no idea where the hell that came from, anyway, one more reason to hate me isn't really gonna make a difference so why didn't she tell them?

I turn over and lie on my other side.

Telling them is the right thing to do and it seems to me that doing the right thing is an important part of being a slayer. So why didn't she tell them? I've been going over it again and again since it happened and the only thing I can come up with is that she's trying to protect me, and the only reason I can think of that she would do that is if she had feelings for me. And I don't feel the same way, at least… I don't think I do.

I squirm between my sheets.

I know I feel something for her, what happened back at that initiative place wouldn't have happened if I didn't feel something.

But how do I know how I really feel about her? I mean I can pretty much guess that with everything I've been told I did, me and Buffy weren't the best of friends. Chances are I hated her. But maybe the reason I hated her was because I was in love with her. Okay so maybe there's a flaw in there somewhere but… don't people over compensate for their feelings by acting like they hate the people they secretly have feelings for? At least I think that's how it works.

What if whatever's going on between Buffy and me is because I used to have feelings for her? And maybe now that I have amnesia, maybe it's coming out without me knowing it. There's no way for me to know for sure. God… maybe I should just ask her. I have no idea how long it's gonna be until I get my memory back and there's no telling what could happen between now and then.

I try and get comfortable as I lie on my back.

This is gonna keep me up all night.

Buffy's POV

STOP thinking about her... You're gonna keep yourself up all night if you keep thinking about her that way, the thought of her in the shower soaping herself up washing every part of her. Stop it; you've got more important things to think about, like what you're doing to make Faith so uncomfortable around you. I have a hard time believing that she was uncomfortable because she wasn't clean. Especially since she was still acting kinda weird after her shower, where she rubbed the soap over her breasts, across her stomach, and between her… STOP IT.

I roll over on my front and take a deep breath. I bury my head in my pillow, trying to stop thinking about her.

You know you'd think if the Powers That Be were gonna send me those dreams to make me fall for Faith they'd at least leave us alone long enough to deal with the potentially life threatening situation they've gotten us into.

Speaking of which, I should really be getting some sleep. Faith has to start her training tomorrow and if I'm not awake and alert… accidents might happen, not to mention one of us might get hurt. Faith is acting totally on instinct when it comes to fighting. I guess what I should try and do is get her to start thinking about what she's doing when she's fighting. Heh…

I roll over on my back and stare at the ceiling.

It's almost ironic. Faith's philosophy has always been slay first and ask questions later. She's always hated my wait, stop, think attitude towards well… everything, and now I'm teaching it to her. I wonder what'll happen when she gets her memory back. Will she go back to the person she was or will spending this time with me help her become a better person?

I hope I can help her. Okay sleep… I need to get some sleep. Sleep is good. If I don't sleep something will go wrong and the world will come to an end. You know, I gotta be the only person who can say that and it may actually come true. All right sleep… Gotta get some sleep. Sleep… sleep… must sleep… I wonder if Faith is asleep… okay sleep, must sleep.

This is gonna keep me awake all night.

Chapter 42
Summit of Evil

Spike's POV

"Two slayers…?"

I love telling people about this.

"That's right."

They're always so impressed.

"And you killed them both?"

Slayers are supposed to be something to fear in the demon world.

"Yeah, I killed the hell out of them."

And not only did I go up against not just one but two of them and live but I actually managed to kill both.

"Yet you fear this one?"

Whoa, hold up.

"Hey, hold on. I don't fear anyone."

"Then why haven't you killed them yet?"


Because well um…

"Stinking rotten luck is why…"

Them? There's a them now?

"What do you mean them?"

"The slayers…"

"Since there were two of them…"

Two of them, oh great…

"Oh great, that's gonna make things about as fun as getting staked through the heart."

I get up.

"You fear the slayers?"

This is getting old.

"Look, it's like I said. I don't fear anyone. The word 'ONE' being the important part there, one slayer I can handle, I've proven that more than once, twice actually in case you've forgotten, but two slayers… that's something I want no part of… not for any price."

I turn to leave.

"Good old Spike, always willing to run at the first sign of trouble."

Someone comes out of the darkness.

Oh bollocks.

"Well hey John, how's it going?"

This guy always bugged me; I almost wish I hadn't…

"What are you doing here?"

Right, that's what's important here.

"Yeah what are you doing here? Last I heard you were shacking up with those nut job cult boys of yours."

He looks over at me.

"I still am."

Oh I get what's going on here.

"I see what's happening. You couldn't get the job done yourself so you got Mr. Bits here to join your little club."

"I have joined no club. Our objectives intersect for the moment, the deaths of the slayers."

"Yeah I get that. What I don't get is why I'm here at this little summit of evil."

"You're part of the plan."

"Right, okay then… I'll be on my merry way then."

Fuck this.

I start toward the cave entrance, a pretty stupid idea considering its day light.

"Ow, fuck…"

"Well that was a stupid idea."

"Yeah great minds think alike."



"Look, all right, I'm obviously not going anywhere for a while so why don't you just tell me the plan so I can tell you how much I hate it?"

Chapter 43
Angst – The Eighth Deadly Sin

Buffy's POV

Get up… You're too close to her… get up… get up before she suspects…

She flips me over her head but I manage to roll out of it and regain my balance.

Okay that was close.

We both stand up slowly.

Hey you know I think that's the first time she did that on purpose.

"Good, that's good. You're thinking about how you're fighting, which means you're trying to take control of the fight."

I throw a few simple punches which she handles easily. She throws a few of her own back.

It's more like sparing than fighting.

"And control is one of the most important things about being a slayer."

I throw two punches followed by a roundhouse kick which she manages to duck quick enough to try for a leg sweep.


I jump her leg sweep and we go back to standing fighting stance positions.

"And why's that?"


I throw 3 punches, two jabs and a spinning forearm.

"If a slayer's not in control of the fight…"

As she blocks my spinning forearm, I grab her forearm and twist it behind her back until my chin is just above her shoulder, my mouth right next to her right ear.

"She might wind up dead."

I use my free hand to pull her hair back and stare at her neck.

God what I wouldn't give to give her a… okay stop it; concentrate on what you're doing.

I let go of her arm with force and take a few steps back. She turns around, working the pain out of her arm.

She's got that look on her face, the one I saw last night but in a moment it's gone.

"If I had been a vampire you'd be dead by now."

"Stay in control…"

She throws three punches and manages to grab my hand, twisting it at the shoulder. She twists harder making me flip over, landing on my back.


I look up at her standing over me.

"I think I got it."

Is it weird that this is turning me on?

"But being in control isn't everything."

She twists my arm more, reaffirming her stance just above my head.

"It isn't?"

"N-No… because there's always one thing you can't control…"

It's time to take it up a notch.

"And what's that?"

I pull my legs up and double kick her in the stomach. She stumbles backward as I flip myself up off the floor and get into a fighting stance.


She regains her balance just as I come at her with a flurry of punches all of which she barely blocks.

"You can't control how people feel, and you shouldn't try."

I try for a roundhouse kick which she ducks, but I quickly drop down for a leg sweep which she jumps.

"Most of all, you can't control how you feel."

Faith counter attacks with a flurry of punches.

"So… what do you, do?"

"The only thing you can do."

"What's that?"

"You try and use what you feel. Use it to help you fight, to make you stronger."


She grabs my wrist and pulls me to her long enough to trip me up. As I fall I manage to throw her off balance, and she lands on top of me. We lie there for a few moments, bodies pressed together on the floor, lips inches from each other as our eyes lock. Her hands on either side of my body inch closer to me and I feel a couple fingers touch my sides. I could swear I feel her lean into me an inch or two. Just then like the idiot that I am, I open my mouth.


A moment of silence as her heavy chest rises and falls against mine.


Another moment of silence as I forget what I was gonna say when she leans in just a little more.

Oh right…

"Did you get it?"

Again a moment of silence as we stare into each other's eyes, then after a few seconds she starts to get up.

"Um… uh yeah… I…"

She puts her hand out to help me up and I take it.

"I think I got it."

I stand up and another uncomfortable silence befalls us.

We're getting pretty good at being uncomfortable around each other.

I work the kinks out of my arm from when she twisted it earlier.

I should really do something to relieve the tension… I got it.

"Hey Faith, how would you like to go for some ice cream?"

"Uh, well shouldn't we keep training?"

I dust myself off.

"Nah we've done enough for today. Now it's time for the best part of being a slayer, the splurging."

She smiles at me and I feel all tingly.

"All right, sounds like fun."

We turn and leave the gym area.

"Great, I know a little place in town. Its a little ways from here but it's the best place in Sunnydale."

After what just happened I could use a good sugar rush.

Chapter 44
Ice creamy goodness can sometimes leave you speechless

Faith's POV

Wow she eats like a pig. We've been sitting here in this little ice cream shop in town for a few minutes now, most of which she's spent shovelling ice cream into her mouth. I hope she doesn't always eat like that. I've barely made a dent in mine and it looks like she's almost ready for her second cup.

She looks up from her ice cream cup in what I could swear is her first breath in minutes, she gurgles ice cream as she speaks.


That's so cute.

She swallows the ice cream in her mouth and wipes the dribble off her chin.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just, well… I don't see how you can eat like that."

"Like what?"

"Well it's like you're inhaling it."

"I'm hungry."

"Okay yeah but how?"

"Well see, your body needs nutrients in order to continue functioning and a lot of the time you get those nutrients from food."

"No I mean, we had breakfast before we went over to the college gym. How can you be hungry?"

She starts scraping the bottom of her ice cream cup.

"I like ice cream…"

Yeah no kidding...

"And plus you know there's the whole hungry and horny slayer thing."

Maybe I shouldn't be asking.

"Um… hungry and horny…?"

"Well yeah…. You, you used to have a saying. You used to have a saying; you said slaying used to make you hungry and horny at the same time. Why? Aren't you hungry?"

"Yeah but I'm not the one inhaling her ice cream like it was evaporating."

She shovels one last spoonful into her mouth as she gets up from our table.

"Tell ya what, you can go on making a milkshake, I'm gonna go get another cup of chocolate ice cream, even though it's going straight to my thighs."

She turns and walks over to the counter.

And what a pair of thighs they are... did I just think that? You know, I think I did. Well Buffy did say that slaying makes you hungry and horny. Maybe that's all it is, maybe that's all I've been feeling. Maybe all I'm feeling is this hungry and horny thing Buffy mentioned. She is kinda cute though. I'm just not sure how either of us feels.

I see her walking back over to our table.

There's only one way to know for sure.

She sits down across from me again. She gets into her new cup of ice cream.

"Buffy can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Oh, well… I need to ask you another question."

She smiles at me and something about the way she looks at me makes me all flushed inside.

"It's okay Faith, go ahead."

Okay here goes.

"Buffy are we in love?"

She freezes up, her spoon hanging from her mouth. After a few moments she takes the spoon out of her mouth and sticks it in her ice cream.

"In… you and… in l…. we, I… why…. why would… um… y…"

Maybe I shouldn't have asked the question.

"What's wrong?"

"Well… that's a weird question to ask."

"Is it weird because we aren't or weird because we are?"

"I… well, you… what makes you think we're in love?"

Okay, be honest, at least I can stop thinking about it if it's not true.

"B-Back there in the gym, when we were on the f-floor… I, I almost kissed you and… well you almost let me."

"Um…. I… was in the heat of the moment you know? It's… it's like I w-was saying before, slaying makes you hungry and horny at the same time."

Well I guess that sorta makes sense but…

"I… I only ask cause this isn't the first time I've wanted to kiss you and… and I don't think it's the first time you've wanted me to…"

I reach out across the table and our hands touch.

"Am I wrong?"

She looks down at my hand touching hers and then back at me. She's suddenly very calm.

"Faith I…"

She takes my hand in hers and I feel this electricity between us.

"I just… I don't know. I don't know how I really feel about… I just don't know. You're, you're right… I did want you to kiss me back there on that gym floor and… and I… I do feel something for you…"

She pulls her hand away from mine.

"But it… it wouldn't be right."

I don't move.


"It just, it just wouldn't be right."


"Because it just wouldn't okay…?"

Her raised voice disturbs a couple people and after a few minutes Buffy tries to go back to her ice cream.


"Look can we just not talk about this. It wouldn't be right and let's leave it at that."

She does have feelings for me, I knew it.

"I can't just leave it at that… I can't because I think I know what you're feeling… I think I know because I think I feel it too."

She looks up at me for a second, a glimmer of hope in her eyes which quickly fades.

"But I can't know for sure. Not without knowing that you feel the same way."

"Look Faith, if I do feel something it still wouldn't be right. Sooner or later, you'll get your memory back and there's no telling what would happen then."


"You can't tell me for sure that whatever you might be feeling won't change when you get your memory back, and… the truth is… I, I couldn't live with myself if… if I let something happen between us and, and then…"

"You don't know what might happen, no one does."

"I-I know but…"

She looks me in the eyes.

"I can't t-take that chance."

We stare at each other across the table for what seems like an eternity.

We're pretty good at this uncomfortable silence thing.


"It wouldn't be right, it just… couldn't. And you know it."

She looks down at her ice cream and starts eating it again, even though it's slightly on the congealed side.

She's right, I do know it. I thought about it… but that was before I knew she felt the same way, but…

"You're right; we can't get involved in a situation like this."

"It just wouldn't be right…"

She keeps saying that, almost like she's trying to convince herself.

"Especially with the end of the world coming and all…"


I sit back in my chair and start poking at my ice cream.

"So we'll just… just try and keep those, little moments from happening."

"Good idea."

We sit there, poking at our ice creams.

"Hey, I got a good idea. It's gonna get dark soon, how about I take you on your first official patrol since your amnesia? See if we can kill us some vampires."

"Sounds like fun."

"Okay cool, we'll leave as soon as we finish our ice cream."


I take a bite of my ice cream.

Well at least now I can stop thinking about it… Yeah, right.

Chapter 45
Dead, Undead

Spike's POV

"So what do you think?"

Well you gotta hand it to these morons; they really know how to make a failure of a plan.

"Sounds like a pretty good plan. But you still haven't told me the only part of the plan I care about, mine."

"Well, one important part is that we need to know more about the slayer's lives, so we can plan where and when to execute our plan."

"So what…? Seems to me you've got more than enough info on Buffy to write her biography. Buggers, you even know a few things she doesn't, what in all things unholy would you need me for? You know Buffy better than the palm of your right hand, something I'm sure you're QUITE familiar with."

Oh, touched a nerve did I?

"Shut up Spike. You're right, we do know a lot about Buffy, but Faith is another story."

"Faith, the other slayer…"

"Yes, we have virtually no information on her. We know she's a killer, we know Buffy put her in a coma… that's what gave us the opportunity for phase one… but beyond that, we don't know anything about her."

"Again I say why do I care?"

"You're the only one who can get near them without getting slain. You're gonna be our inside man."

Oh great, undercover work. Like an undead, more handsome 007.

"So… this all works out and I get you the info you want, the chip comes out, right?"

"If you provide us the information we need and we kill the slayers I shall remove your chip."

"Right then, I might as well get started. Tell ya what, why don't you go round up a couple of your cult-o-matic pals and I'll go see about going 007 for ya."

"What are you planning?"

"Just leave it to me."

Stupid ponce.

Part 46

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