DISCLAIMER: Law & Order and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and its characters are the property of NBC and Dick Wolf. Rizzoli & Isles belongs to Tess Gerritson, Janet Tamaro, and TNT.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was SHOCKED to find no one had done this yet. I'm still half convinced someone else has and I'm just missing it part of the Magnetic Resistance Universe.
SPOILERS: SVU up to Season-11 (including Loss, Ghost, and beyond); R&I 1st season, especially the episode 'Kissed A Girl' and season Finale
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To raedmagdon[at]yahoo.com
What Happens In Provincetown
By Rae D. Magdon
Serena let out a cheer and drank another shot of vodka, sinking back into the couch cushions and leaning heavily against Olivia's shoulder. Fortunately Alex, who was perched half way on Olivia's lap and using the arm of the couch to make up the difference, was merely amused. "It's six to four," the smaller blonde recounted aloud even though everyone could clearly see the score of the baseball game on the television screen. "Which team am I cheering for again?"
"The Yankees," Casey Novak lied, adjusting her baseball cap and crossing her arms over her breasts.
"The Red Sox," Jane corrected. She had just finished a victory dance, much to Casey's annoyance. "Remember? You said you wanted to cheer for the team opposite Abbie." Taking her seat on the floor, the Boston detective rested her head in Maura's lap and continued to watch the game from between the medical examiner's legs. Casey stuck out her tongue at Jane, who returned fire by reaching into the popcorn bowl and throwing several kernels at the redhead.
Olivia just shook her head and began stroking Alex's denim covered thigh. Although she didn't wear them often, seeing the attorney in jeans was a real treat. "I knew bringing these two together was a bad idea," she muttered, watching Casey and Jane make faces at each other. Maura and Alex were sipping wine while she and Jane nursed their beers, but Serena had insisted on something different. The former ADA enjoyed expensive wines as much as Alex, but when she really wanted to get drunk, she preferred vodka, and was much more inebriated than the rest of them. Alex, on the other hand, preferred her vodka in a stereotypical uptown girl Cosmo.
"All right," the detective said authoritatively, "that's enough for you." She stroked Serena's hair affectionately. "You're already going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow if you do a shot every time the Sox score."
"In that case, I hope you black out, Serena!" Jane said, whooping and spilling her popcorn as a well-placed bunt landed a Boston batter on first base. She took a pull of her beer, and Casey scowled.
"That was a hit, not a run."
Jane simply grinned at her. "I was thirsty."
Bleary-eyed, Serena tried to look around for a drink, but found that her glass was empty and a well-meaning Olivia had confiscated the bottle. "More," she demanded, sounding like a three year old as she gestured towards the bottle.
"No," Alex said, taking pity on Olivia and deciding to help her lover. "Why don't you close your eyes for a minute, Ser. You look like you can't decide whether to fall over or burst into song."
"Jane, stop that!" Maura's admonishment distracted Alex, Serena, and Olivia from the bottle of vodka. They turned to see Casey and Jane engaged in an all-out snack war. Casey had purloined a box of Chex Mix (which Alex detested but Olivia loved) and started firing at random. Several pieces had landed in Jane's hair, and unfortunately, Maura found that she was an unintended casualty of war.
The medical examiner frowned, brushing several pieces of popcorn and Chex from her skirt. "That's it, I'm cutting you off."
Jane wrapped a protective arm around her popcorn bowl, and then moved her beer out of reach when she realized that Maura might have been referring to her drink instead. "No," the honey blonde corrected, "from sex. If you don't stop acting like a child, I'm cutting you off from sex."
Obviously torn, the brunette bemoaned the unfairness of her situation. "But she's... she's... one of them!" she protested. Maura had no sympathy.
"Yeah, Jane, behave," Casey parroted, throwing another missile at Jane.
Alex aimed a smack at the back of Casey's head. "You'd better stop too, or I'll tell everyone all about the time when you and Jack"
"What?" a voice nearly shouted in surprise. Abbie, who had just returned from the bathroom, was stunned by the tail end of the conversation. "Casey, you slept with Jack McCoy?"
"Jesus Christ, no! I would never!"
Abbie breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. Even a straight girl's gotta have some taste, especially since you wouldn't fuck me, and everyone knows I'm gorgeous." She emphasized the last word with a deep southern accent and threw herself onto the couch next to Serena, making her stir where she was nestled against Olivia's side.
"Abbie, I want some," she demanded as the Texan picked up her drink from the side table and took a long swig.
"No!" Olivia, Alex, and Maura ordered in unison. Unlike the detective and the lawyer, Maura had no interest in monitoring Serena's alcohol intake. She was more concerned with her girlfriend's attempts to wrestle Casey's Yankees cap off of her head. She suspected that Jane might try and destroy the "profane object", and had no desire to buy Casey a new one if she succeeded.
Jane pouted and moved to the other side of the floorspace in front of the couch, separating herself from the disgruntled Yankees fan. "You've won this round, Novak, but we'll still win the game!"
"It's only the fifth inning," Casey retorted.
"Really?" Olivia asked in surprise. Judging by Serena's intoxicated state, she had assumed they were in the seventh or eighth at least. She had been too intent on playing babysitter to bother keeping track. Since she was a Mets fan herself, Olivia didn't have a particularly strong stake in the game, and wasn't thrilled with either team.
"6-4? Dammit!" The Texan didn't follow baseball at all. In true Southern style, she enjoyed Football, NASCAR, drinking, and being a stereotype. She was only rooting for the Yankees this time because she liked irritating Jane. Similarly, Serena had decided to side with Boston in order to cheer against Abbie. That way, she figured, at least one of them would end up getting victory sex...
"We're winning," Serena said, her words fairly clear considering the amount of alcohol in her system.
"How about some blood for the alcohol in your veins?" Alex muttered. "I think it's time for you to start keeping an eye on your woman, Abbie. I'm taking this back to the kitchen." She stood, slightly unsteady herself from the amount of wine she had consumed, and carried her glass, Olivia's empty beer bottle, and the remaining vodka to the kitchen, wrinkling her nose as she glanced at it. It was the cheap tinted and flavored variety usually preferred by college students instead of financially comfortable, middle-aged women, and definitely not to her taste. "Ugh, I'll stick with mixed drinks when I go for vodka, thank you very much..." she mumbled to herself as she left the room.
"Abbie?" Serena asked in surprise, seemingly noticing her lover for the first time. She smiled broadly and changed positions, leaving her warm place against Olivia in favor of snuggling with Abbie.
The Texan grinned. "Sorry, Benson. I probably shoulda warned you that she's a cuddler when she's plastered."
"She was fine," the detective said generously. "I have a feeling she's going to hate herself tomorrow, though."
"Maybe," Abbie admitted, "But that doesn't mean I won't enjoy tonight. Alcohol usually makes Serena horny, especially vodka..."
Casey, who had decided to join the conversation during a lull in the game, put her hands over her ears and rocked back and forth. "Too much information!"
"Come on, Novak, you're gay-er than the rest of us put together except for the fact that you're straight."
The redhead shrugged. "Since I hang out with you guys all the time, some things were bound to rub off... I guess I caught the gay gene."
Maura clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "You know perfectly well that lesbianism isn't contagious."
"I dunno," Jane pondered, resting her chin just above Maura's knee and gazing slyly up at her lover. "You passed it on to me easily enough."
For a moment, Maura looked shocked and a little offended, but then she laughed. "I believe we are both equally culpable," she said, relieved that Jane had forgotten about taunting Casey for the moment.
Serena was equally distracted, and had forgotten about trying to find more alcohol in favor of attempting to slide her hands beneath Abbie's shirt. The Texan allowed Serena's palms to skim over her stomach muscles, but prevented them from climbing higher. "Easy, darlin', we don't want to give everyone a free show."
Serena's explorations stopped abruptly as she let out a squeal of delight. "Abbie! Remember when we faked having sex in Alex's guest room?" Unfortunately, Alex returned to the living room just in time to hear the tail-end of Serena's comment.
"Too much information! Lalalalaaa"
"Be quiet, Casey." Alex raised her eyebrows and gazed at Serena sternly over the tops of her glasses. Even while slightly drunk, she managed to be intimidating. "You were faking?"
Olivia confirmed Serena's story. "Yep. Apparently, Carmichael's more of a gentlewoman than we thought. She actually wooed the fair lady before bedding her while you were globetrotting."
"So," Maura inquired, "is it reasonable to assume that the household rules permit making love in the guest bedroom?" she asked. After all, Jane's behavior had improved significantly. For her part, Jane was just relieved that she had broken her lover's habit of referring to their physical relationship as 'sexual intercourse', a term she found extremely un-sexy. Making love was a little "gushy" in her opinion, but a vast improvement, and pretty accurate anyway.
Alex nodded. "For you two, yes. Even if Abbie and Serena were faking that time, I know for a fact that they've put the guest room to good use on more than one occasion... despite my repeated requests that they restrain themselves." She frowned and shook her head as another memory resurfaced.
"You should have knocked," Abbie said, capturing Serena's wrists and kissing her fingers to try and distract the blonde from her attempts at disrobing them both. "And why are Maura and Jane in the guest room, anyway?"
"Because Maura is politer than you are," Alex fired back. Abbie gave Alex a fake wounded look until the attorney added, "you and Serena are in the master bedroom. And you can even fuck if you change the sheets."
This was news to Olivia. "Then where are we sleeping? Not with them, I hope."
"In the living room..." A solid thwack from the sound system followed by the roar of the crowd caused Casey to jump out of her seat, throwing her bag of Chex mix in the air as she lifted her hands in the air triumphantly. Several pieces landed on Alex's lap, and she sighed, shaking her head as Casey pumped her fists and cheered. "Apparently covered in snacks. I didn't know that the forecast called for heavy snack showers."
Casey blushed, shooting Alex a sheepish grin. "And where am I sleeping?"
"I'm afraid you're in here with us. Sorry, Case, I couldn't justify putting you in a king sized bed all by yourself."
"I'd offer to let you share with me and Ser," Abbie offered, "but I don't think you want to risk it with the kind of mood she's in..." The Texan didn't have to explain further, because she was currently trying to pry Serena's lips away from her collarbone.
"You are more than welcome to sleep in the guest bedroom with us, Casey," Maura said, surprising everyone. "Jane and I are sober enough to... restrain ourselves."
Casey stuck out her lower lip and shook her head firmly. "No way. I'm sure you're fine, Maura, but I refuse to get in the same bed as a Red Sox fan."
"Fine," Jane shot back. "I didn't want you there anyway."
"If it's any consolation, you get the couch," Alex said as she tried to collect some of the spilled popcorn pieces and Chex mix from the carpet. "Liv and I are sharing the blow-up mattress..."
"Which isn't very comfortable," Olivia added.
Jane snorted. "Aw, they're cute... finishing each other's sentences. It's like bad lesbian TV."
Casey was preoccupied with another thought. "Have you had sex on the blow-up mattress?"
"No..." Olivia answered. "Why?"
"I'll take that instead. The couch is covered in popcorn kernels, Serena is trying to get lucky on it right now, and Abbie might have let slip that you two have used that couch for nefarious purposes."
Another crack, followed by cheers. "YES!" Jane whooped, leaping to her feet and doing an insane victory dance that made Maura bury her face in her hands. "Enjoy losing and enjoy the blow-up bed, Novak!"
The only three people who weren't distracted by Jane's victory dance were Serena, Abbie, and Olivia. The Texan was having a very difficult time keeping Serena's hands out of inappropriate places for a public gathering, and the detective was amused at her friend's predicament. It wasn't often that Abbie found herself caught in a compromising situation that she hadn't orchestrated. Olivia winked. "Get outta here, Carmichael. Take it to the bedroom and get lucky since I can't."
Not wanting to draw any more awkward attention to herself, Abbie helped Serena off the couch as the blonde finally succeeded in unzipping her jeans and slipping a slender hand inside. "Gah! Okay..." With a little bit of effort, Abbie managed to coax her drunk charge down the hall towards the master bedroom.
"Throw the sheets in the wash when you make me coffee in the morning!" Alex hollered after them before letting her head fall onto Olivia's shoulder and closing her eyes.
"I think both of those requests are wishful thinking," Olivia said, tucking Alex's hair behind her ear and kissing her temple. "Twenty bucks says Abbie stumbles out of our room at about twelve thirty tomorrow afternoon with a serious case of bedhead."
Alex didn't bother opening her eyes. "Our checking accounts are linked. Betting you money is worthless," she said without moving from her spot. "I'll bet you the first orgasm after this insane crowd leaves tomorrow afternoon." Olivia spared a glance at Jane and Casey, who were pantomiming a spirited debate with their hands while Maura tried to keep the situation under control.
"All right, blondie. You're on."
"You mean in."
"In?" Olivia frowned.
Alex cracked one eye open lazily. "In me, while you're giving me the orgasm I'm going to win from you. Start thinking about how you're going to pay up."
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