DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the fabulous Ilene Chaiken & showtime.
SPOILERS: Spoilers include all of season 1, leaning heavily on the season finale.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written in Tina & Bette's pov, enjoy!
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

How Tina Must Have Felt
By Naomi

Chapter Eleven

It was difficult, near impossible, but I've managed to drag myself away from T so that I can sort a few things out at work before we go away.

I've looked through so many brochures this week that I feel like I could draw you a map of the Island. I told Alice I was more than happy for her to sort this out for us providing Tina gets the best. We're staying in a luxury villa that Alice keeps reminding me is called The Gingerbread Cottage. I didn't know people had such lame names for properties but Tina seems to have fallen in love with it. I have to admit I looked at the pictures and feel in love with it a little myself. Expensive but so worth it.

I pick up my mail from James and apologise to him because I know I've taken the brunt of my emotions out on him when Tina and I were apart. He looks taken aback and I leave him open mouthed outside of my office. I take some paperwork out of my desk and the door opens. "Yes James you really weren't imagining that apology" I turn around my smile fading in a second. Candace is stood infront of me. I feel like I've been winded.

"I haven't seen you in so long" She takes a step towards me "I was worried" Whether or not my hate for Candace is justified it's there. I can't help but feel like if she hadn't come back into my office and told me that she wouldn't be able to sleep at night if she didn't kiss me then I might have been able to keep myself away from her. If she hadn't been so damn charming and confident. I shake my head because the memories of the time we spent together make me feel ill. How many times did I look at Candace's face and see Tina's?

"Tina found out. She saw us at the provocations opening"

"I'm sorry" She touches my arm, but I pull away from her like I've been burnt.

"No Candace I'm sorry. Tina's forgiven me, I love her I don't know why I ever thought I didn't" She studies me frowning. "I don't think it would be wise for us to see each other again"

"You don't think you'll be able to handle it?" She almost gloats.

"No I don't think Tina will be able to. You have to understand, she's my wife Candace, I was always going to go with her"

"Yeah I knew that" We both stare at the ground. "Well I guess I should go. I hope you're happy with her Bette" It almost sounds like a warning, but I ignore the hidden suggestion.

"I am" I watch her leave and breathe a sigh of relief. In a way I'm glad she came here. Now it feels like I've tied up all the loose ends. I can take this break with Tina and not have to worry about anything. I pick up the phone on my desk and dial Tina's number. "Hey baby" I greet her when she answers.

"Oh hey! When are you coming home Bette it's been..." She stops mid sentence. "...Forty five minutes"

"I'm coming back now. I just wanted to hear your voice"

"Good, and every things ok with work? They've let you have the time off"

"I told them I'd quit if they didn't"

"Really?" She gasps in shock.

"Mmm hmm, really" She giggles down the phone.

"Wow that's practically foreplay, come home now Alice is just leaving" I hear Alice's faint protests in the background.

"Really well you should know I apologised to James for being such an alpha bitch"

"Bette stop it" She plays along.

"Well I'm gonna leave now, I should be home in fifteen minutes at the most. Then you and me are going to pack for our holiday. Can you believe in two days we'll be in Barbados"

"I know!" She exclaims.

"Ok I'm going now I love you"

"I love you more"

"No way I love you more"

"I love you..."

"T put the phone down you're turning into Dana!" I can hear them struggling with the phone.

"Alice!" The phone goes dead and I smile. I walk out of my office meeting James as I close the door behind myself.

"Well, I guess I'll see you in a month. Take care of things for me"

"Definitely Bette and I'll just call you if..."

"No! no you can't ring. This is Tina's holiday I don't want to be doing business over the phone"

"Bette what's happened to you?"

"I don't know" I smile.

"Well whatever it is I like it"

Chapter Twelve

Isn't it amazing how airports can ruin a good mood? When we were driving here I was so excited squealing and giggling like a little girl. But now after checking in our luggage, listening to Alice argue with the man at the desk about how valuable her shoes are and how her suitcases had better not end up in Timbuktu, being forced to sit in these uncomfortable plastic chairs that my trousers stick to, my mood is dropping and quickly. I hate all this waiting around, and I'm starting to feel nervous about boarding this plane. I hate planes, Bette is the plane woman I'm more of the I'd walk if I could type of person.

Alice is flicking through a magazine, huffing and sighing, distracting Dana who is falling asleep beside her. I don't know what's happening between the two of them but their already like an old married couple. Shane is stretched out on a row of seats her eyes chasing the figures of passing women. Marina and Jenny are trying to avoid each other by practically sitting in the same seat. I'm sat in Bette's lap playing with her hair . "It's a shame Kit couldn't come"

Bette nods "I know I think she wanted to give us some time alone, she's just happy that we're together again"

"Yeah I know. So are you going to tell me what you have in your suitcase that you wouldn't let me see?" I ask my voice lowering.

"Nope. You're just going to have to wait until we get there"

I pout "But I don't want to wait"

"It's nothing special T, it's something for me that's really something for you" She winks.

"Like what?"

"I'm not telling you"

"Bette" I groan with frustration. "I'm bored I need something to think about"

She sighs "It's just lingerie T, I told you nothing special"

My mind immediately starts to think of Bette, this morning, hugging me from behind in nothing but her bra and panties. Then my mind starts to imagine her in whatever she's brought, taking it off slowly. "What kind of lingerie?"

"Granny pants T what kind of lingerie do you think she's talking about?" Alice mocks me.

"Do you listen to all of our conversations?"

"Of course" I roll my eyes at her.

"Leave them alone Al" Shane says.

"Just out of curiosity Shane, what are you going to wear on the beach?"

"Nothing" She answers non chalantly.

"I think that's a good idea" Marina purrs, because she always purrs. Words just roll off of her tongue and become erotic. Jenny's eyes go wide and she blushes.

"I hadn't planned on that" Jenny squeaks. Marina glances at her through those long lashes.

"That's the best part you don't need any planning. You just take off your clothes" Jenny becomes uncomfortable and I guess that's Marina's mission accomplished.

"Well I didn't just spend my hard earned money on a new bikini to go naked" Alice comments dryly flicking through the magazine again.

"Bette bought me a new bikini" I tell them kissing Bette thankfully.

"That's nice T" Shane is the only member of our little extended family that is still able to put up with cutesy wutesy Bette and Tina. Alice however is pretending to gag as I think.

Our flight is announced and now I begin to panic a little. "That's us" Bette says trying to stand up. I slide off of her lap and we hold hands.

We walk towards the terminal. "Oh I don't like planes" Jenny groans. "I get jet lag very easily"

"I'll look after you Jenny" Marina whispers. Jenny blushes again.

"Oh right...thank you" Marina smiles her eyes dancing over Jenny's worry stricken face.

"I know what you mean I always end up sitting next to some irritating drooling stranger" Dana pretends to gag.

"I can't believe it we're really going!" I squeeze Bette's hand tighter.

"T, baby, I can't feel my hand"

"Oops sorry babe" I bring her hand to my lips kissing it better.

Chapter Thirteen

The plane has long since taken off and it seems like both Shane and I can finally reclaim the feeling in our hands. Apparently neither Tina nor Jenny care much for plane rides.

I'm sitting by the window with Tina beside me, holding my hand instead of gripping it. Behind us Alice is with Marina. We figured it would be better to separate her from Jenny. If only to save Jenny from her blushes. So infront of us Jenny is sat with Shane clutching her hand and then not clutching her hand, mumbling apologies which Shane shrugs off. Dana is sat beside us in the next aisle next to some man who keeps falling asleep on her shoulder. Dana's eyes are wide with shock and disgust as she gently tries to nudge him off of her. Poor Dana.

I don't know how happy I am that everybody is tagging along. I had been planning on some serious alone time with Tina. But it won't be that bad, and I have a feeling that if the gang weren't there Tina and I might just collapse with exhaustion.

"You ok baby?" She snuggles closer to me.

"More than ok" I place one of her hands in-between both of mine. I am without a doubt the luckiest woman on this planet.

When I saw Candace yesterday I was petrified that my feelings for her would come seeping back. I figured there was just no way that things could go so well without a few speed bumps, a few major speed bumps. But then I guess that, that was what Candace was. A major speed bump, a test for both Tina and I, a wake up call. I'm glad to say I am now fully awake.

"Are you as excited as I am?"

"I don't think anybody could be as excited as you are baby"

"We haven't had a holiday in so long. I just can't wait to spend time with you"

"I know, and it's just going to be me. I promise. I've left my phone at home so no work no distractions"

She raises her eyebrows grinning. "You left your phone at home?" She whispers like I just did something illicit. I scrunch my forehead in confusion.


"Wow" She looks at me with her come to bed eyes and I'm completely amazed. Her reaction to my demanding time off for her, my apologising to James, and now my leaving my cell at home. I've come to the conclusion that all the flowers, and chocolates, and jewellery I've bought her in the past seven years was a complete waste of time.

"Are you kidding T? You like it when I do this stuff?"

She places her hand on my knee stroking it seductively. "I love it" She rasps. The smile on my face grows impossibly wider as I lean in for a much needed kiss. To begin with it's tender, our lips just gently touching, the tip of our tongues meeting, but then Tina cups my cheeks in her hands, devouring my bottom lip with her luscious mouth.

Somebody coughs at the side of us and we both look up our lips still connected. We part quickly as the flight attendant looks down at her drinks tray. "Something to drink, something to eat?" She asks.

Tina and I both look at each other our cheeks red, guilty smiles painting our faces. "T you want something to drink?"

"Oh can I have a glass of wine?"

"You know what Bette let me get these" Alice speaks through the gap in-between our seats.

"No let me" Marina offers. Alice shrugs sitting back.

"Fine by me"

"Ok I'll just have a mineral water. Alice?"

"I'll have the same as T"

Marina looks at me expectantly. "I'll just have a white wine aswell"

Everybody turns to Dana whose looking down at the man sleeping on her shoulder, horrified as he snuggles into her. "I'll just erm..." She pushes the man a little and he wakes up. She looks away quickly. "...I'll just have a mineral water"

The flight attendant starts to hand around the drinks. "Do you want something to drink Shane...Jenny" The dip in her voice when she says Jenny's name is clear and Jenny shrinks in her seat.

"I'll just have a coffee, thanks"

"Jenny?" Marina asks again just, I think, for the sake of saying her name.

"I'll...I think I'm just going to have a coke. Thank you" Jenny splutters.

"You're welcome"

Marina pays the woman and we all thank her. "Allow me" I say opening Tina's miniature bottle of wine, and pouring it into a plastic cup.

"Thank you"

"You're more than welcome Mrs Kennard"

"How many rooms does the villa have?" Tina asks.

"Four bedrooms. But we get the master bedroom, with the four poster bed, and the en suit bathroom"

"Wow. Four poster bed, we are going to spend a lot of time in there"

"Oh we are. I am never letting you leave the room unless it's to go to the bathroom, and then I might just have to carry you because you are not doing anything on this trip. I am going to spoil and ravish you until you're sick of me"

"I could never be sick of you"

"Get a room!" Alice exclaims. T, and I rekindling the fires of our relationship has really given Alice some new material.

"All of this jealousy really isn't going to do you any good Al. You really need to get laid. Then you'll be happy, like Bette and me"

"Thanks for the advice Tina, but I can get laid whenever I want to. You don't necessarily need a partner for sexual gratification" She winks wiggling her fingers.

"I don't know nothing beats the real thing" Tina says holding my hand up and shaking it.

"Some of us can't get the real thing" Dana groans. We all smile at her sympathetically.

The captain puts on the fasten seat belt sign, and everybody buckles up their seat belts. Jenny starts to hyperventilate, and Shane grimaces sighing as she holds her hand up for Jenny to hold. "I hate this part" Tina grabs my hand squeezing it tightly. I never realised Tina has such a firm grip. "I'm not hurting you am I?" Tina asks. I shake my head. I am such a liar. "Good" She squeezes it harder, and I'm starting to hate this part aswell.

"Do you need to hold my hand?" The strange man asks Dana.

"What? Oh no, no I'm ok I'm good"

"Oh my god we're landing, I think the plane's landing" I bite my lip suppressing the laughter that's dying to spill out of my mouth.

"Yeah I think so T"

"Oh god, oh god" My hand starts to throb. When Tina gets pregnant again my hand is going to be broken when she goes into labour.

Chapter Fourteen

I feel like I'm seeing things for the first time. I'm not talking about my marriage to Bette, although that is pretty accurate, I'm talking about Barbados. It's so exotic and beautiful. I don't understand it but I feel comfortable here. You know when you go on a holiday and it's scary and strange because you feel so out of place, because there's so much more to learn, well I don't feel like that here. I'm looking at everything with wide eyes and I love it. I just know this is a sign of how much better my relationship with Bette is going to be.

We all arrived at the villa and I think even Shane lost her cool. When the brochure said luxury villa they really meant it. Our home for the next two weeks is a palace. Its marble everywhere, simple elegant white with brushes of gold. There's palm trees everywhere, the sky is a kind of blue that I have never seen before, and life is good. Life is so good. And don't get me started on the pool. I am never leaving this pool. I walked past it and right away my mind jumped back to Bette and I making love beside our pool. This pool has a waterfall one of those tiny waterfalls that can just about fit two people underneath. As you can imagine I'm still wondering who's going to join me. And then there's this private sun deck. It's so enclosed you could sunbathe naked and nobody would see you. I still haven't even looked at the rest of the villa. I'm still stood by the pool completely engrossed in the view of the beach. All I have to do is walk down some steps and my feet will touch the sand. I sigh contentedly, and feel strong arms wrap around my stomach.

"You like it baby?" Bette asks, her breath tickling the back of my neck.

"I do. It's...it's really beautiful Bette" I lean back into her. "This is going to be the best vacation ever" I can picture her smile, and that's all it takes these days to make Bette smile. If I'm happy then she is. And that's what I've always wanted. To make Bette happy, to be happy making Bette happy.

"I'm glad. Alice is flipping out, she's in love with the bathtub. She's lying in it fully clothed begging people to join her so she can see how many people she can fit in it"

I chuckle. "What's our bedroom like?"

"You mean you haven't seen it?" She wheels me around in her arms. I shake my head and she grabs my hand. "Well come on then" She drags me into the villa doors and up the marble steps. I can hear Alice as soon as I reach the top step.

"Dana come on! Shane's in here, get in and then we can see if Jenny and Marina can fit"

I laugh allowing myself to be pulled towards a room. "Ok close your eyes because you are going to love this" She places her hands over my eyes and leads me into the room. She takes her hands away and the pool is nothing in comparison to this. Every thing I look at is white. But not dull, pale white, the kind of white you get when the sun first rises in the morning and the room turns from dark to light. I don't know what to look at first. The balcony, the fitted wardrobes, the four poster bed. I jump onto the bed. Smoothing down the soft sheets with my hands and feet. Bette joins me. "I love this bed" I tell her as she plays with my hair. "I love you"

"I love you too" She rests her hand against my hip, and I shuffle closer to her. Even Bette's lips feel softer in Barbados. Her body begins to move against mine, as I keep my lips firmly placed against hers. I start to undo the buttons of her white shirt, kissing every piece of skin that I expose. "Baby?" She gulps, arching her body in the air as my lips meet her navel.

"Mmm hmm?"

"Maybe we should..." I pop open the buttons to her trousers and slide my hands into her panties. "...they're all just outside" She whispers.

"That's their problem" I cup her sex, slipping one finger into her folds, watching as the pleasure creeps over her face. "Besides you've had a hard day. I just want to make sure you're relaxed before we check out that beach" She snares her bottom lip in-between her front teeth and nods helplessly. I kiss her, my hand picking up its pace stroking her, touching her in the familiar way that only I know. I slide two fingers into her and she groans at the contact.

"Fuck" She gasps and I can already feel her tensing around my fingers. I love touching Bette, being with her like this, making her groan my name. I guess it makes me feel like I'm in charge, as she's lying here writhing under my touch, her eyes closed, her lips biting down on that lip to suppress her cries.

"Does that feel good baby?" I whisper. She starts to pant as my fingers caress her inside. Her mouth tries to form words but I watch them falter as the pleasure begins to take over her. I know that she's near so I claim her mouth with mine, kissing her softly as my fingers move quickly. Her panting grows louder, her hips buck harder, and then it hits her, her face changing. I watch her as the pleasure fades and she looks content, peaceful.

"Do you think anybody heard?" She whispers.

"Nawh, they're probably all down by the pool. Speaking of which why don't we get changed and join them. I'll let you rub sun lotion on me"

"Now that is an offer I can't refuse" We kiss briefly before climbing off of the bed, and searching through our suitcases. I pull my bikini out, and start to undress.

"Did you know we have a maid and a cook?" I ask pulling on my bikini bottoms.

"Yep. I told you, you are doing nothing on this holiday" She presses a kiss to the back of my neck, tying up the back of my bikini.

"We'd better hurry Mrs Porter we don't want people to talk"

"I'll be down in a second baby" She kisses my lips and I leave the room.

Chapter Fifteen

I step out onto the balcony and am immediately greeted by the afternoon sun. I lean over, looking down at my friends, and my lover surrounding the pool. Dana protesting that the water will be too cold, that she can't catch a cold, Alice pushing her in anyway. Shane relaxing on a sun lounger talking to T. I look at her and my heart aches because the smile on Tina's face has remained there for so long, and for once I have something to do with it. These people are my life, minus Kit of course. I have everything I could ever want and I'm still finding it impossible to understand why I nearly ruined all of that.

Tina looks up her eyes finding mine. She blocks out the sun with one hand and waves at me with her other. "Come down baby Marina made cocktails" I smile and wave back at her.

"I'm coming"

"We know Bette we heard you" I pretend I don't know what Alice is talking about and walk away from the balcony.

"Alice I swear I am going to drown you if..." I chuckle to myself Tina's words faintly ringing in my ears as I walk along the hallway to the stairs.

"Jenny, you can't ignore me forever"

"I'm...I'm not ignoring you Marina. It's just a little awkward even you have to see that" I stop by the opened bedroom door.

"I don't feel awkward around you. I don't want you to feel awkward around me"

"Don't...don't do that"

"Don't do what?" Marina asks veining innocence.

"Don't look at me like that"

"I can't help it Jenny" She whispers, and in the years that I have known Marina I have never heard her whisper in the pleading way she just has. It's always seductive and erotic with her. I walk down the stairs feeling a little guilty about listening in on their conversation. I don't know who I feel more sorry for, Marina or Jenny. I don't think Marina ever imagined that she'd develop feelings for Jenny that went beyond lust, and I don't think Jenny ever thought that Marina would either. After my experiences my advice for them would be to go for it, to screw the worries and the insecurities because that is exactly what turns you into what I had become.

I walk outside a light breeze dancing across my body. Dana is in the pool with Tina and Alice trying to shield herself from Alice's splashing. I sit down on the pool side, dipping my feet into the warm water. Shane joins me. "It's awesome here" Shane comments, scanning the sky. I nod kicking my feet in the water. Watching as Tina and Dana force Alice underneath the mini waterfall.

"Yeah it is"

"You're not regretting bringing us along?"

"Nope. You guys are my family, I wouldn't want this to be any other way" Shane smiles.

"I knew that you'd get her back. Tina without the Bette, Bette without the Tina. Not working"

"Those weeks without her, I have never felt so incomplete. Screwing up really puts things into perspective"

"Everybody screws up sometimes. What's important is you fixed things, both of you did"

"And I'm going to keep on fixing things. I mean I've been in love with Tina for seven years, how could I not have known that this was exactly what she needed? Look at that smile. I haven't seen her smile like that in so long"

"And it's funny because she said exactly the same thing to me before you came down here" I smile at Shane, playfully nudging her shoulder with mine.

"I've booked us in for a moonlight cruise tomorrow. So there should be plenty of eye candy for you to pick from. That is unless you like the look of the maid?"

"Why settle for one?"

"Baby what are you doing just sitting there come in, swim with me" Tina swims up to me resting her hands against my knees. Shane winks at me as I ease myself into the warm water. My hands circle her waist and hers encircle my neck. "When you said you were going to spoil me you really meant it"

"Only the best for my baby"

"Well this time next year I'm taking you on holiday" It makes me happy to hear her talking about next year. There's been days when I haven't dared to imagine next week with T.

"I'll look forward to it" She brushes her damp forehead against mine, her eyes smiling more brightly than her lips.

"Dana you nearly blinded me, it's only fair if I get to dunk you under the water as well"

Dana backs away. "Tina did it aswell"

"This is Tina's honeymoon Dana"

"She should get two dunks for that" Tina suggests. Dana grimaces holding her hands up.

"You're right T. Tsk, tsk Miss Fairbanks Tina and Bette are kind enough to invite you here and you repay them by trying to drown Tina?" Alice advances on Dana like she's a hunter and Dana's the prey. Big fish, little fish.

"Tina tell her" Dana whines. Tina shrugs in my arms. "Bette?"

"Alice I think that maybe you need to go under, it's been a while" Shane teases standing up from the pool side. She gives Alice maybe a second to react before she jumps into the pool. Splashing all of us, most of all Alice.

"Why is everybody always picking on me?"

Part 16

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