DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the fabulous
Ilene Chaiken & showtime.
SPOILERS: Spoilers include all of season 1, leaning heavily on the season finale.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written in Tina & Bette's pov, enjoy!
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
How Tina Must Have Felt
I'm standing somewhere, leaning against Bette, who's guiding me along some kind of wooden path. I can't see a thing because this damn blind fold has made everything dark. I can hear Alice sniggering in the background, and then hear them all gasp as Bette stops me in my tracks.
It's a warm night. A dampness hangs in the air, and I can feel it clinging to the parts of my body that isn't covered by my white cotton skirt and silk halter top.
I have no idea what I'm doing here, and until Bette blindfolded me in the rental car, I had thought we were just going to explore.
I can hear the water swaying gently. "Bette?"
"Almost there baby" She promises me. "Careful we have to go up some stairs"
"Here I'll help" Shane offers holding onto one of my arms. They lead me up some steps, but everything seems to move unsteadily with every step I take.
"Ok hold on...let me just..." Bette babbles moving around before returning to my side. "...right ok. I hope you like this T" She unties the blind fold and I have to blink for a moment. Suddenly everything surrounding me is lighted by tiny fairy lights. I'm stood on a small boat with two decks, everything I look at is ivory or cream. There's plush red seats at the sides of the boat, bouquets of pink and white roses resting in every chair. I look around in awe, everything looks so beautiful.
"Oh Bette" I whisper taking everything in for the second time. She smiles kissing me briefly before sliding a rose into my hair. She holds my hand pulling me towards the stairs to the second deck. I climb up after her. The top deck is just as breathtaking as the first. A table and it's seven chairs take up most of the room. Everything's perfect. The delicate dishes, the champagne on ice. I hug Bette tightly. Everybody stands around smiling at me, not even Alice has a smart comment to make.
A man, I assume is the captain, talks to Marina in a language I can't make out. Their facial expressions tell me that they're joking, Jenny's facial expressions tell me that she's as amazed by Marina right now as I am with Bette everyday.
"Ok he's setting off" Marina informs us.
"Everythings so beautiful" Jenny speaks so softly that it's almost like she isn't here.
"Isn't it" I agree.
"And Bette organised all of this" Alice tells us. "She wouldn't let me near it. I mean I would have picked safari but then that's just me"
"Because safari is so romantic" Dana laughs. Alice pokes her in the side.
"Have you seen the food?" Bette asks. I shake my head. "Everything can be eaten with your fingers" She whispers from behind me. "Strawberries, pears, mangos" She uncovers bowls of fruit. "Melted chocolate, vanilla cream" She continues, seductively. "I didn't want to chance a three course meal on a boat" I turn around in her arms so that we're face to face.
"I'm glad you didn't" I stroak her face with my hands and kiss her my thank you. "I think you may just have qualified for best wife ever" She looks away sadly, but I tell myself to ignore it. Maybe Bette thinks that I'm letting her off too easily, but she's wrong.
"Should we eat now?" Bette asks.
"I'm ready, you guys?"
"Definitely. I'm always ready to sample a finger buffet" Alice jokes.
"Does every thought in that mind of yours generate into something disgusting?" Shane asks as she sits down. Alice sits down next to her, and Dana sits down next to Alice. With Bette and I clearly sitting together, Jenny has no choice but to be next to Marina. Bette pulls my chair out for me, I sit down, and she pushes it back in.
"Thank you baby"
Marina puts her hands on the back of Jenny's chair, and Jenny practically jumps into it before Marina has a chance to push her chair in. I see hurt flash for a second before she composes herself and sits down.
Bette pours champagne into my glass, and fills hers up, passing the bottle to Shane. The champagne tastes sweet and bubbly against my tongue.
"This is really good" Dana mumbles over a strawberry.
"Well they had all kinds of appetisers but I figured it would be more intimate if we had to feed each other" Bette explains her voice soft, but in some barely detectable way forceful. Shane shrugs dipping a piece of mango into the bowl of cream and waving it infront of Alice's face. Alice frowns at the dripping piece of fruit but eats it anyway.
"Hmm what should I feed you?" I ponder out loud. I pick up a strawberry and dip it into the melted chocolate until it touches my finger tips, and then dip it into sugar. I place the strawberry in-between my front teeth and lean forward until Bette bites into the coated strawberry her lips brushing teasingly against mine. She presses her lips to mine, her lips licking off the remaining chocolate on my lips.
"Do we have to do that?" Jenny barely manages to ask.
"Only if you want to Jenny" Marina breathes out a dripping piece of cream soaked pear hanging in-between two fingers. Jenny looks at her with wide eyes not wanting to eat from Marina's hands but doing so anyway.
Alice looks on with interest nudging Dana who is holding up a piece of passion fruit. The piece of fruit falls into Alice's lap and she looks at it like it's an alien. "Thanks Dana" She dead pans.
"More champagne?" Bette asks, I nod and she refills my glass and her own. She feeds me a strawberry and then brings my glass of champagne to my lips.
The fruit and the champagne are devoured hungrily. Dana even manages to feed Alice something. The champagne has gone right to my head, and I know when Bette walks me over to the side of the boat, that I'm more than a little tipsy. The gentle breeze seems to make my body dance against Bette's. I hold her as tightly as I can, taking in the scent of her perfume and the chocolate still lingering on her lips. "I think I might have drank too much" She looks down at me kissing my nose.
"Maybe just a little?"
I shouldn't drink because when I drink I become vulnerable. Right now I'm clinging to Bette like she's about to say good-bye. "I love you" I whisper into her ear.
"I love you too"
I giggle. "I know. I don't think I told you how incredibly sexy you look tonight" I growl, snaring her lip in-between my teeth. I grab her ass with my hands and she laughs.
"Tina Kennard, are you coming on to me?"
"Don't look so surprised Mrs Porter. I'm always coming on to you" She grins kissing me, but both Bette and I know we're not getting anything tonight. I rest my head against her shoulder and I'm begging for our four poster bed.
"Have you seen Jenny and Marina?" Bette asks. I look around until my eyes find them entangled on one of those plush chairs. It's bizarre to look at them, or at least it's bizarre to look at Marina like this. Maybe it's the champagne but I have never seen Marina be so tender with anybody. She cradles Jenny to her, kissing her mouth, her cheeks, her neck, and the resilience just washes away from Jenny's face.
"Jenny looks happy"
"Marina has a lot to thank us for. Romantic cruise, strawberries, champagne" I nod into her chest. "Come on baby the boat's about to dock"
I've been awake for a while now, and even at this precise moment it's still early. I just can't seem to sleep. Last night was the first time, since we got back together, that Tina and I went to bed without making love. The exhaustion normally sends me right off to sleep, but I'm feeling so wired that I was only able to snatch an hour or so.
We arrived back home at about five, and now it's seven. I don't want to wake Tina but lying here is making me think things that I'd need Tina to be awake for. I'm trying to ignore them think of things to take my mind off of the woman sleeping beside me. I turn onto my side so that I'm facing her. She looks so sweet and innocent when she sleeps.
Tina really seemed to enjoy last night. I think it was definitely time that Tina let her hair down. And it looks like Tina and I are not the only couple in this villa anymore. I have to admit the whole Marina and Jenny thing seemed impossible to begin with. Marina has always been a hunter plain and simple. It's like every time Fransesca would leave on one of her business trips Marina would get a taste of freedom and some girl would have to suffer because of it, but I don't know Jenny really seems to have changed her. Getting rid of Fransesca now that seemed pretty impossible to imagine aswell. I guess nothing is ever really impossible. The way I see it is there has to be one person out there who makes all that impossible stuff seem possible. Somebody who you can spend the rest of your life with and not want to strangle them because they've become so boring. It takes a lot of finding but if you're lucky then it'll happen. I'm lucky, and I hope that Jenny is too.
Mulling over last night, my mind seems to enjoy reflecting most on feeding Tina, on being fed by Tina. My mind as of late is a pretty sordid place to be. Every thought I process that is about Tina involves nudity. My mind definitely needs to be censored. I'm thinking of Tina feeding me chocolate coated strawberries on that boat, but with only T and me on the boat. Then I'm thinking of the sounds of the ocean the fairy lights, the completely romantic ambience. But then my mind starts to think about maybe Tina undressing me while I'm eating these strawberries. Me undressing Tina. I can practically feel the breeze. Then my mind thinks actually Tina undressing me just isn't enough, Tina feeding me strawberries while we're both naked would be a whole lot better. But no not even that's enough for my mind because suddenly the possibility of eating strawberries off of Tina's naked body arises. Maybe I resent the gang just a little for bringing them along. I'm starting to feel pretty worked up right now, and it's no good. I'm turned on but I can't do anything about it, although I could do something about it but with T asleep next to me? No, no I'll just wait. I'm not an animal I can wait. I smile to myself. I can wait. I can wait right? I start to think of kissing T, of the last time we made love. I can't wait.
Almost guiltily I slip my hand underneath the sheet, feeling it slide down my body, across my stomach and down into soft curls of hair until I touch my core. I sigh with relief. I glance sideways at Tina, checking that she's still asleep. I close my eyes, exploring my sex with my fingers. I think of T, of her body, imagine that it's her touching me, stroking me. Tina is such a generous lover. The sex is always so intense. My fingers start to slide more easily as I grow wetter. My heart begins to beat quicker and I bite my lips to stop myself from moaning and waking T. My body starts to move as my arousal seems to course through me, moving my toes, my hips. My free hand clutches at the sheets as the speed of my moving fingers increases. I open my eyes and Tina is sat infront of me, her cheeks flushed, biting her lip with pleasure. She pulls the sheet off of me. "Let me finish this" She rasps, moving my hand away and replacing it with her own. Now both of my hands are clutching at the sheet beneath me as I feel Tina enter me immediately. In seconds I'm groaning her name, gasping for air as I come.
"I'm sorry" I apologise when my heart has finally slowed down.
"Oh don't be sorry. I could wake up to that every morning"
"Is that so? Well I think its about time I returned the favour" I wink, climbing onto her, placing her hands above her head.
"Yeah" I repeat kissing her briefly, teasing her with air kisses. "I think it's definitely time I returned the favour" I move my hands over her body with great interest. I've memorised this body. I've touched it, tasted it, imagined it, thousands of times. My hands move across her breasts. My fingertips teasing her nipples with gentle caresses. "Good?" I ask.
"Good" She giggles. Not good enough. I want her to not be able to speak. I replace my fingers with my mouth. Covering her erect nipples in damp kisses, every so often my tongue darting out. "Good?"
"Good" She groans. My lips travel downwards painting invisible patterns around her navel. I'm edging closer and closer towards my goal, and I can smell her arousal, practically taste it already. I part her folds gently and she's so wet that I'm amazed at how quickly she's got me turned on all over again. I slide my tongue across her sex, lapping at the wetness that I find. "Better" Escapes her lips, but it sounds strangled. Like it bothers her to get it out, like she's got other things on her mind, like she should. My lips cover her clit sucking it gently. "Fuck" She exclaims. I look up, my mouth still teasing her clit, and she's grabbing the pillow above her moving her head from side to side in ecstasy. I lick her harder, watching her, feeling her, as she writhes underneath me. It's starting to get to her. I slide my tongue up and down, pressing down hard. She starts to groan loudly, uncontrollably. I love it. I lick at her as hard as I can, my tongue focusing on her clit. The groans turn to gasps and I can literally feel everything she's feeling. The relief, the feeling of content, the quelling of all those desires that feel like there at breaking point.
"Good?" I ask, one eyebrow raised.
She's still breathing heavily. "Very good"
I have just two words to describe that experience, mind blowing. Waking up to the sight of Bette pleasuring herself is enough to make anybody's temperature rise. Waking up to Bette pleasuring herself, and knowing that she's thinking about me, now that is just indescribable. And I guess that word pretty much sums Bette up. She is just completely indescribable, because words just are not good enough.
Bette is sleeping right now. Worn out, no doubt, by our love making. The sex just keeps getting better and better. It's like my body, and my mind have finally just realised who I've been sharing a bed with for the past seven years. All those months without touching her were such a waste. But I'm not confusing our sex life with the reason we had, had problems. Granted it was one of the reasons, but I think communication was the biggest one. But now, I don't know, it's like I know how she's feeling and I know she knows how I'm feeling when we haven't even spoken a word to each other.
I'm feeling pretty worn out right now. The lack of sleep, the alcohol consumption from last night, are all taking there toll. But my mouth feels so dry that I know I'm not going to sleep unless I get a drink.
I kiss Bette's cheek and she stirs slightly as I tear myself from her side. The term joined at the hip comes to mind. I walk down the hallway as silently as possible. It was a long night last night, and I don't want to disturb anybody.
I reach Alice and Dana's bedroom, and it's silent but for the sound of them breathing. But even as I'm stood at Alice and Dana's bedroom door I can hear groaning. And it's bizarre how easily I find myself at Marina, and Jenny's bedroom door. I don't know what it is about curiosity but it's almost like it's torture to ignore some gossip.
"God Marina what are you doing to me" I hear Jenny moan. I think about walking away, but who am I kidding they would and probably have listened in on Bette and me. Jenny starts to groan over and over again, and I have to admit it's getting a little strange, but I want to know what's happening between them. You'd be surprised what you can tell by pillow talk alone. I mean do you just roll over and go to sleep, do you compliment each other, or do you proclaim your undying love? Everything goes silent, but for the sound of their erratic breathing. I hear the sheets shuffling.
"I know I have hurt you Jenny" Marina says.
"No let me say it. I have hurt you Jenny, but I have hurt myself aswell. I don't feel like this for alot of people, not even Fransesca. I know that I have made mistakes. But I can look after you. I can love you" I can practically see Jenny's eyes shooting around the room, darting in every possible direction, while her mind contemplates about a thousand things.
"I need to...I'll need to go slow. There's still things about you that I need to know Marina before I start a relationship with you"
"But...but I want to be with you"
"Oh Jenny" I can imagine them hugging, kissing. I walk away with a smile on my face. It's nice to know I'm not the only woman getting some. All I need to do now is find someone for Shane, and get Alice and Dana together.
I walk down the stairs, into the kitchen. Everything is spotless. I open the fridge, grab myself a glass, and pour myself some fruit juice.
I walk outside, the heat of the sun greeting me immediately. This is how I want to grow old. Bette, and me living in the sunshine drinking fruit juice beside the pool. I finish off my glass and head back upstairs.
I pass Jenny, and Marina's door and now it's Marina groaning. I stifle a giggle and tip toe back into my room.
Bette is sleeping on her side, her slender arm stretched out across my side of the bed. I can't tell you how sweet she is right now. It's like even when she's asleep she's dreaming that I'm there. I gently lift her arm and slide underneath it, wrapping it around my stomach, pulling us together. I kiss her frowning forehead, and then her lips, snuggling close to her.
"T, baby I need to sleep or I'm gonna faint" She croaks, her eyelids fluttering open.
"I know sweetie, I was just kissing you good morning"
"Good morning" She barely manages, sleep hanging off of her every word. I move closer to her, using her chest as my pillow. I love the sound of her heart beating, it's like my own lullaby. I fall asleep with the sound of it in my ears.
I'm catching up on some much needed rest on the beach. The sun is at its hottest, and I can feel the sand burning through the blanket that I'm sharing with T. It's pretty quiet on the beach today. A few honeymooners, holiday goers, and a man walking his dog. I love it like this. At home even when it's quiet it's noisy, it's never really silent enough. But in Barbados I can hear all the sounds I miss out on in America.
"Ok..." Tina begins, a mischievous smile on her face. I sit up because I know what that smile means.
Shane is sat in the sand, dressed barely in the tightest pair of shorts I have ever seen, and a bikini top. Sunglasses frame her face as she grins at Tina. Marina and Jenny are sat next to each other, Marina's arm placed around the back of Jenny's waist protectively. Alice and Dana are sat together, as per usual. Alice has a wary look on her face, and as Dana glances at Alice she does too. "...so if you had to, had to, pick one person out of this group that you'd have to sleep with who would it be"
"You of course" I say. She smiles and kisses me but shakes her head.
"No couples, and nobody that you've slept with before so you can't pick Bette Alice. So come on who would it be"
"Well since you brought this up I think it's only fair if you go first" Alice complains.
"Fine, I'd sleep with Shane" I glance sideways at her frowning. Shane winks at her, and Tina winks back.
"Shane?" I ask, she nods. "Why?"
"What do you mean why" Shane protests.
"Well I just think she'd be a very tentative lover"
"You bet your sweet ass I would be" I fix Shane with my meanest glare.
"I'm watching you"
I consider my options, Alice is out. Dana, Marina, Jenny, Shane. "Hmm I think I'd go for Marina" Marina smiles bowing her head.
"Oh really? And why, sweetie, would that be?"
"Well because she's so exotic, and open minded" Tina pretends to be offended but holds my hand.
Shane stares at everyone hungrily. "I could never go with Tina because when I think Tina I think Bette. I think I'd go for Dana" Dana's eyes bug out, and so do Alice's.
"Me?" Dana asks in disbelieve.
"Her?" Alice asks her tone matching Dana's.
Shane nods. "The way she babbles, and gets all flustered. I bet she's killer in the sack" Shane replies blowing Dana a kiss.
Everybody but Dana, and Alice laugh. "Dana?" Tina urges.
Dana gulps, blushing. "I don't want to"
"Come on everybody has to do it" Shane reassures her.
"Fine!" She closes her eyes "I'd pick Alice" She blushes furiously, and I'm shocked to notice that so does Alice.
"Alice?" Shane asks, and I know it's for the same reason that I was about to speak up. I honestly think Dana would pass out if she had to talk about why she'd sleep with Alice.
Alice looks down at the sand she's sitting on. She plays with it nervously before looking up. She speaks but nobody can make it out.
"What?" We all ask.
She shakes her head. "Dana" She huffs.
"And why is that?" Tina asks.
If looks could kill Tina would be in serious trouble. "Well she plays tennis so you know she's gotta have a good body, and you know...she's you know?"
Tina laughs "Nope"
"Like Shane said, she's cute"
"I never said that"
Alice rolls her eyes "Whatever"
"Marina?" Dana asks somewhat desperately, her cheeks still red with embarrassment.
She hugs Jenny to her. "Well if I can't have Jenny..." Jenny smiles in that adorable naive way and we all smile with her. "...I think I would go for Bette"
"Why?" Shane asks.
"Because, she knows how to treat a woman. And from what I've had no choice but to overhear in the past few days she definitely knows how to treat a woman in bed" She winks at Tina, and Tina nods in agreement.
"It's true, I'm a very lucky woman"
"Jenny?" Tina asks.
Jenny becomes shy, and Marina strokes her back comfortingly. "I think...I think that I'd probably go for Tina. Just because she's so sweet and kind, and gentle"
"Well that's true" Tina admits.
"That is true. T is very gentle"
"So are you though, you're like extra gentle" We kiss gently rubbing noses afterwards.
"Extra gentle?" Alice asks with disgust. "Great vocabulary you got there T" Dana nudges her in the side to stop.
"She'll start thinking up new ways to embarrass us" Dana grimaces.
Tina seats herself in-between my legs. "I am so thirsty" She complains "We really should have brought some drinks with us"
"Marina..." Jenny begins. Marina looks at Jenny adoringly.
"Yes?" She practically whispers.
"We could...we could go fetch drinks right? I mean all we have to do is go up some steps" Jenny babbles.
Marina raises her eyebrows suggestively "Sure, we'll go fetch some drinks" They both stand up holding hands.
"Could you get mine after you've had sex? I don't want it to be warm" Dana asks in all seriousness.
Marina looks like the cat that got the cream she nods her head elegantly and allows herself to be dragged away by an eager blushing Jenny.
"Well nobody was expecting that to happen" Alice says sarcastically.
Tina and I are on the balcony. Tina is sat in my lap, and we're just looking at the stars. This stuff always seemed so corny to me, but on holiday whatever feels good goes. I never really looked at the stars in America, but as I'm sat here listening to Tina breathe, feel her heart beating against mine, I'm beginning to wish I did.
"Alice...I think we need to talk" I hear Dana say. I look at Tina and she puts her fingertips on my lips. I nod in understanding.
"Dana wait until we get home" Alice protests, and I think that this might be the first time that Alice hasn't wanted to talk.
"No Al, I waited until we came here to talk to you because there never seemed like there was enough time back home. I need to talk to you before I lose my nerve" I feel like I shouldn't be here, like this is going to be a really private moment. But if I move now then maybe Dana won't tell Alice what she wants to say.
"Dana..." Alice interrupts.
"Alice would you let me talk for once!" Tina and I glance at each other wide eyed.
"Ok" Alice murmurs.
"I need to...I need to sit down" Dana explains. They move over to the pool and sit crossed legged at the pool side.
They sit in silence for a long time. Dana glancing at Alice, and then looking away, Alice glancing at Dana and then looking away.
"Dana if you're not going to..."
"Would you give me a minute Al, I'm thinking! Christ! I don't want to fuck this up, ok?" Alice nods, speechless. I know what you're thinking. Alice speechless? Not a chance, but apparently alot of things I didn't think were happening have been happening. "I think I realised, even before you kissed me, that Tonya and me would never work out. You know I was starting to think I'd be alone forever. When she started clinging to me it was be with her or be alone. I never would have thought that you had..." She lets the sentence hang in the air, and disappear into the silence.
"Feelings for you?" Alice asks, though her usually perky voice has all the tell tale signs of emotion. It's so quiet that I can hear Dana gulp.
"Tina and Bette breaking up, and getting back together, it made me think. I'm always running away from things the second they get difficult. And I could be the usual geeky Dana, and ignore this, pretend that when you kissed me I wanted you to stop, or I could be honest because what if we have something as special as Bette and Tina?"
I can feel a knot developing in my throat, and I hold Tina tighter.
Alice looks down into the turquoise water silent. "I..." She coughs back the emotion in her voice. "...I love geeky Dana" She practically whispers.
Dana blushes "I...I mean...you know...oh god here I go" Dana blushes harder as she babbles. Alice looks at Dana with something I've never seen before in her eyes. She brings a hand to Dana's cheek, nervously, and it's one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. They kiss timidly, Alice taking the lead. But then Dana becomes hungry for more. She snakes an arm around Alice's waist. When they part they're both smiling shyly. "Maybe, maybe Shane could sleep alone tonight?" Dana stammers blushing all over again.
"I'd like that"
Dana smiles immediately. "Ok" Alice takes Dana's hand in her own.
"Come on" Alice whispers. They walk inside and Tina looks at me teary eyed.
"Oh they're so cute" She coos.
"I can't believe it Alice, and Dana. I mean I know I've been teasing her about it, but I never thought anything was really, really, happening between them"
"I don't know, they're pretty much joined at the hip"
"All we have to do is find somebody for Shane, and this will officially be the best holiday ever"
"You mean it isn't yet?"
"Oh it's the best holiday for me. But can you imagine all of us stepping off of the plane as couples" She becomes excited at the idea, and I have to laugh.
"You're the new Alice" I kiss her bare shoulder "Are you still sore?"
"Oh all over. We shouldn't have fallen asleep sunbathing"
"Does it hurt when I do this?" I ask kissing her shoulder again.
"Hmm a little. Maybe it would feel better if you rubbed the lotion all over me?" She suggests, one brow raised. I pout, gently caressing her shoulders.
"You know, I'm hurting too"
"Awwh baby, we'll just have to do each other"
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