DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Proctor & Gamble. The rest of the FAG belong to other people who aren't me. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

If Reva Shayne shows up...
By ralst


"Okay, what is Blake doing here?" Olivia demanded, her patience all but evaporated under the constant jabbering from the other femslash characters; if she'd wanted to hear harpies screech she could have stayed in Springfield and just had Reva over for martinis.

Natalia waved at her new boss, beckoning her over. "She's here with Doris," she explained. "Apparently they're the latest craze."

"I thought we were the latest craze?" Olivia wasn't about to be outdone by some hat wearing politician and her interrupting sidekick. "Do they even have any scenes together?"

Blake slumped down in the seat next to Natalia, her eyes wide as she surveyed the heaving mass of femslash characters in freefall. "Is it always like this?" Somehow, when Doris had explained it to her, she'd imagined a genteel afternoon of tea and sandwiches, mixed with a little light discussion of literary trends in the adult entertainment industry. This was far more like a rave or possibly an orgie. "Why are those two blondes trying to throttle each other?"

Peering towards the back of the room, where two women appeared to be re-enacting all eight hundred Rocky films, Natalia shrugged. "I guess Alex and Gabrielle's truce didn't hold."

"You don't have to stay," Olivia added, her tone far too casual to be seen as anything other than calculating. "I'm sure Frank could keep you company back in Springfield."

"Olivia!" Natalia visibly paled. "That's just mean."

Blake's complexion had taken on a decidedly green tinge but she valiantly ignored her gag reflex and turned on the blonde-brunette-blonde-brunette-hotelier, "Why don't you go play with one of your new toys!" She arched a knowing eyebrow and Olivia squirmed in embarrassment. "I'm a femslash character now, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Olivia tried to recall the number of the hitman she'd hired to take out Ava, but a knowing glare from her girlfriend persuaded her it wasn't such a good idea. "Fine." She and Natalia were simply in a slump, that was all, and as soon as their storyline stopped sucking, the writers would flock back and Blake would be nothing but comic relief. "But if Reva shows up, I'm outta here."

"If Reva Shayne shows her face within a hundred miles of this place I just might turn straight," said a newcomer.

"Do I know you?" Blake asked the question all three women had been wondering. "You look awfully familiar." The woman removed her hat. "Doris! Honey, where have you been?"

"Honey?" Olivia mouthed, the incredulity clear for all to see.

"Be nice," Natalia mouthed back, her hand landing on her girlfriend's thigh and effectively distracting her from the new couple. "Or you won't get your after-meeting treat," she whispered.

Olivia's eyes glazed over and her smile turned dreamy.

"God, they're being sickeningly sweet again, aren't they?" Doris asked, her voice pitched loud enough to wake the dead. "There aren't enough martinis on the planet to make sitting through that palatable."

Blake smirked. "They're in love."

Doris rolled her eyes but couldn't stop the small and indulgent grin. "Lucky them."

"Don't worry, Doris, we're femslash characters now, and any day we'll be breaking through the lust barrier and falling head over heels in love."

Doris tried to look sceptical, but one glance at the silently canoodling couple to her right forced the cynicism from her mind. "Yeah, I guess we will."

The End

Return to Guiding Light Fiction

Return to Spoofs

Return to Main Page