DISCLAIMER: Not mine. No money made. Maca, Esther and (to my great disappointment also Cruz), along with the entirety of Hospital Central, belong to Telecino. All I own is my brain and a very vivid imagination. I only lay claim to the journey I'm sending the characters on.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: After taking refuge in the Hospital Central fandom almost a year ago, I am delighted to see the growing interest for Maca and Esther in the international community, where Ralst's call for submissions finally convinced me to post this story here as well. It is originally being written in single chapters on the Spanish Maca y Esther board at miarroba (Ralst has kindly added the link to the HC link section, and if any of you speaks Spanish, I'd advise you to run and don't walk over there and take a look at the fan fic section) and is as of yet unfinished.
TIMEFRAME: uh… let's call it al Alternative AU, which is like an Über, but not quite. The Spanish folks on miarroba write nearly exclusively in this form.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

By Nordica aka Nique Bartok

Part 11

Morning found both Maca and Esther slinking towards Vilches' office with wariness. Treating members of the guerilla was strictly forbidden by their statutes, but with a gun being pointed at them, it wasn't as if they had had much choice.

Half across the courtyard, Mbele caught up with them, holding something out to Esther. It was a small, carved statuette of a lion, with a jagged mane and a proud, determined face. "This is yours," Meble said, handing the wooden sculpture over to Esther with a little bow, as if it was something important.

"Thank you…" Esther looked at Mbele in confusion.

Maca watched the scene with a smile, but before Mbele could say anything else, Vilches' voice rang out across the courtyard. "Are you two gonna get in here still today?! I want this over and done with, and then there are patients waiting. For all of us!"

So now they were seated across from Vilches, who was glaring at them from the other side of his desk. "Before everything else, let me just state that I'm bloody relieved that you two are all right," he said curtly before he took a deep breath, his eyes narrowing. "But what the hell were you thinking, treating a guerilla kid?! Do you know what happens when the government catches wind of that?" He glowered at them across the table. "They'll close us down. Do you get that? Clinic closed! – That is, if they don't decide to hunt us down as guerilla sympathizers first!"

"As if the government cares about anything that happens out here," Maca muttered under her breath, but Vilches heard her anyway.

"Don't get cute with me, Wilson," he growled. "Or do you want to explain to your precious little patients that there will be no more clinic since you 'Idealists without Borders' decided to get us closed down? By treating militia?!"

"He was just a scared kid, and his friend was hurt…" Esther tried to say, but Vilches cut her off.

"Really?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Well, then you'll be happy to know that right about now, the entire militia down in the jungle learns that in this clinic, guerillas get treatment – and then we'll get visits from all of their cute scared little friends with their cute little automatic guns!"

Esther fell silent. She hadn't thought about it on such a big scale.

"Oh, what the hell did you want her to do?" Maca exploded, jumping up from her seat. "He had his fucking gun pointed at her, right here." She put her hand against her own stomach. "What did you expect me to do? Say no and get her shot?"

"You know the rules," Vilches said, his voice terse, as if he really wanted to say something else instead. "Delay them, try to alert the team, don't treat them for real…"

"He was still a human being," Esther protested.

"With a gun," Vilches added. "I can't guarantee for your safety like that, don't you get that through your thick little skulls? What do you want me to tell your families? 'Oh, they decided to open up a little guerilla clinic, but it backfired'?!"

"Don't worry about my family," Maca said coolly. "And that kid was so scared, he would have shot her anyway." She gestured at Esther. "And you wouldn't have been able to do a fucking thing about it. There are no guarantees out here."

"He was threatening you just as much," Esther added, looking up at Maca and then giving Vilches an aggravated look across the desk. "Look. I'm sorry it was against the contracts, but guerilla or not, that kid was hurt, and his friend had a gun. – Can't we just be happy that we all made it out alive?"

"Yes, and that's only because you talked him into putting the gun down," she heard Maca softly say behind her.

Esther turned her head, startled by the oddly shy acknowledgement. "You were the one who operated on him," she reminded the doctor. "If that kid had died, I don't know what Amobi would have done."

"You're an odd pair, do you know that?" Vilches interrupted them, looking at them with something close to amusement. "And I know you don't need this speech. And personally, I'm just bloody relieved you're alive and breathing." He gazed at them seriously, letting his words sink in before he shook his head, leaning forward with his knuckles against the tabletop. "But after this, I need to sign a paper for headquarters that says that I gave you exactly this speech, so shut up and let me finish yelling at you!"

Before he could continue with his sermon, however, Mbele rushed into the room. "Maca – a newborn with fever. Hurry!"

Maca hurried towards the door and Vilches waved at her to go. "He's right, hurry! Save an innocent life for a change!"

That left Esther sitting across from Vilches on her own. She wished she could have left as well. Absently, she stroked her fingertips across the carved mane of the wooden lion that Mbele had given to her earlier.

But Vilches seemed to have run out of energy to yell. He just looked at her for a moment, and perhaps he simply didn't know what to say. Yesterday's happenings had clearly shook him up, as well. "I see you finally got one of these, too," he offered in the end, gesturing at the statuette in her hands. "The lion, huh?"

"Mbele gave it to me, earlier," Esther explained. At Vilches' nod, she asked, "Why? What does it mean?"

"That depends on whether you're into the animal spirit mumbo-jumbo," Vilches said dismissively. "If Mbele gave you this, it means that the Luba consider the lion to be your animal spirit. It's supposed to symbolize your energy, your qualities – a totem of sorts. At some point or other, we all acquired one of those." He motioned at the wooden gazelle on his desk. "The lion…" He looked at her for a moment, squinting his eyes pensively. "Seems the Luba deities aren't that off in assigning these spirit things after all. After what you did yesterday…" Then he shook his head, as if the implied compliment had been enough friendliness for a day. "Anyway, it's just voodoo." He shrugged with negligence. "The people here are simply big on wood-chopping, so don't worry about it."

Esther wasn't so sure about that. She looked at the elegant gazelle statuette that sat on Vilches' desk, and she remembered that she had already seen it there when she first arrived. "So this your totem spirit then?" she asked, gesturing at the figurine. "The gazelle?" It seemed a little odd for a man like him.

"Hell, no." Vilches snorted. "This is Cruz's." Cruz, who would now correct him, saying it was 'sacred artwork' and that it was called 'carving' and not 'wood-chopping' and that he should the hell lighten up, after all he had his people back in one piece and nobody had gotten hurt.

Vilches hated carving. And God, he missed Cruz.

Part 12

"What is Vilches' animal symbol?" Esther asked Mbele later while they were sorting through medical supplies. Esther had declared that the storage tent could use another good clean-up, and Vilches had only been too glad to assign Mbele to her orders.

"The water buffalo," Mbele replied with a grin, looking up from where he was stacking sealed boxes of surgical gloves and masks.

Esther had to grin as well. Now there she could see a connection to Vilches: stubborn, and with a temper. "Where does he have it?" she asked. She hadn't seen a buffalo in his office, only the gazelle.

"Oh no." Mbele shook his head, starting a new row. "Cruz took it when she left." He took a moment to count through the boxes he had stacked already. "Lovers exchange their symbols. It's a sign that their energies are linked."

Esther smiled, thinking the gesture very romantic. "That's pretty."

"It is how things are," Mbele said very seriously.

"What animals do the others have?" Now that she understood the system, Esther was curious about everyone's representation. "They do have animals, too, right?"

"Begoña has the hyena because she is smart and a survivor," Mbele said, packing the glove boxes tightly into a shelf. "Pablo's is the elephant – strong and gentle like himself."

"Is that why he has that tattoo?" Esther inquired, crouching down to align the bags with replacements scrubs on the lower shelves. "The one on his arm?"

"That's a healing tattoo," Mbele explained. "Did you see the scar he has next to it?" When Esther nodded, he continued. "Pablo got hurt in a skirmish with Shaba rebels shortly after he arrived, on a mission out down in the forest and he got treated by a healer there." Esther still didn't seem to get the connection, so he elaborated further. "A tattoo with your animal spirit is supposed to guard the wound from demons who could enter – your 'infections'– and later it's a reminder of the spirit that watched over you, a link to it. A link to your life energy."

Esther nodded, impressed with the explanation. Mbele's tales of indigene religion left her deep in thought. It was a world so remote from her own and yet, the way to look at things made just as much sense in its own way.

Still lost in her musings, she didn't notice how Maria entered the tent a while after Mbele had left to take care of lunch.

"I see they finally found you a totem animal," Maria said, gesturing at the small lion that was residing atop the medicine fridge. "Congratulations." She bent down, studying the wooden sculpture a little closer. "The lion. Suits you."

Esther didn't really think she had that many leonine qualities, apart perhaps from the stubborn curly hair. "What is yours?" she asked instead.

"The heron." Maria shrugged. "It stands for being smart and wise, or something like that." She clearly didn't adhere to the beliefs the way Mbele did. "Ever since you take care of things around here, I find everything I need in mere seconds," Maria added in an impressed tone of voice while she reached for a box of gloves. "They should give you a totem animal for that, as well."

"Like what – fire ants?" Esther joked.

"Those who leave nothing in their way but cleanly gnawed-off bones?" Maria shook her head. "I guess we'll stick with the lion."

That left just one member of their team whose animal Esther didn't now yet. "Do you know what Maca's symbol is?"

"The leopard," Maria answered, "And before you ask, it means 'beautiful, solitary and dangerous', according to Mbele, but if I were you, I wouldn't mention it to Maca."

Esther thought that it was actually a rather fitting description of Maca, but kept that thought to herself. She suddenly remembered where she had seen a leopard symbol on Maca before. "That necklace she always wears?"

Maria nodded. "Some healed patient gave it to her." She leaned against the medicine fridge, the box of gloves in her hands. "Did you see the diamond splinters it's got for teeth?"

Esther frowned. "Diamonds?"

"We're in the Congo," Maria laughed. "This is Diamond Central. But personally, I think a good meal and a mosquito net have a much higher value out here than jewelry."

Something else occurred to Esther. "But… Maca and Begoña did not exchange their symbols?"

"Oh, please!" Maria said derisively. "Maca isn't into all this tribal romance voodoo, and even if she were… I doubt she's serious enough about Begoña to do that. It's just Jungle Fever." She peered at Esther skeptically. "You've been talking to Mbele, haven't you?" Esther nodded, and they fell silent for a minute.

"I think Begoña wouldn't mind," Maria added finally. "She likes Maca. – But then, it might also be that she simply likes the idea of dating a Wilson."

"…dating a Wilson?" Esther repeated, not grasping what Maria was getting at.

"Wilson? The Cognac Empire?" Maria elaborated when she saw Esther's dumbfounded look. "That family owns half of Jeréz."

"Wilson…?" Slowly, things came together for Esther. "The vineyard Wilsons?" She blinked. "…Maca? Wait… Maca is the 'lost daughter in the Foreign Legion'…?" Esther blushed when Maria looked at her with a sardonic expression. "I used to read the gazettes when I had to wait at the hairdresser's," she stated defensively. Getting a haircut at a salon was something that suddenly seemed ridiculously decadent to her.

"I don't think we qualify as the Foreign Legion," Maria corrected dryly. "And as far as I know, she didn't get lost, but her family kicked her out for being gay. Not that she ever really talks about it – you know how she is, keeping to herself."

Again, Esther thought that the leopard fit Maca rather well – mysterious and reclusive. And beautiful, of course. She filed away the bit of information about Maca being gay. Despite the obvious affair Maca was having with Begoña, she hadn't been sure about that, thinking that perhaps out here, Jungle Fever crossed the borders of the sexes as well.

Esther picked up her little lion, feeling the solid wood against her palm. For a moment, she wondered what Miguel's totem animal might be, but she couldn't come up with anything. She stroked her fingertips across the large, carved eyes and the jagged mane of the lion, deciding that she would put it in the middle of her desk in her quarters.

Part 13

The group of refugees arrived in the mid-day heat, small dark dots on the horizon growing bigger in the thick, hot air that was trembling over the plain.

A young woman and two teenagers, carrying between them a young boy of perhaps five who was drifting in and out of consciousness, his right leg dangling off uselessly to the side, flies clinging to a badly infected wound on his thigh.

Maca pushed him to the front of the line immediately, trying to understand what had happened while Begoña snapped on a pair of gloves, placing the young boy on the medical cot.

Their village had been attacked by Shaba rebels, leaving the boy orphaned, the young woman related in a dialect Maca had difficulty to understand. Apparently, they had been traveling afoot for three days. Maca looked at the young boy, making the calculations in her head. Three days. It did not look good.

It was an operation Maca would have handed over to Vilches, if it hadn't been a little kid. She stroked a hand across the boy's forehead, trying to ease the fear in his unfocussed eyes. He had a very handsome face, even though it was gaunt from malnourishment. Upon sensing the fingers upon his forehead, he grabbed her hand with his own, trying to focus on her. And faced with the fearful expression in his eyes at that moment, Maca decided against better judgment that she would try to save his infected leg.

"I'll need to operate immediately if we want to have any chance at getting him through this," she said with decisiveness, casting a brief glance over at Begoña. "We need to hurry. Go get me Esther."

Begoña paused at the desk where she was assembling the necessary instruments on a tablet. "Why?"

"Why?!" Maca repeated incredulously. "Don't be silly, Begoña. We have no time for vanities! She has an anesthesia degree, you don't. And if we want to save his leg, I need the best nurse I can get for this job, and like it or not, that is Esther."

"Perhaps she's better at other things, too," Begoña said nastily.

"I'll forget you said that," Maca replied coolly. She sighed with annoyance. "Begoña… you know that with kids, we have to be even more careful not to overdose since we do it all manually. Esther simply has a lot more of experience with that than you do."

"Fine," Begoña snapped, throwing down her gloves. "I'll send her over." With that, she stormed out of the office.

"Ugh." That had not gone so well. Maca leaned against the cot, looking down at her latest patient and wondering what the hell was wrong with Begoña. Lately, the mood between them was tense, and more often than not, Maca felt nothing but stressed out by their affair.

"Begoña said you needed me?" A voice sounded behind her and Maca turned around to find Esther smiling at her. She looked good today.

"Yes…" Maca nodded, wondering why she would take note of how Esther looked. "Thanks for coming over right away."

"Oh, you're welcome," Esther said easily, reaching for a pair of gloves. She winked at Maca. "I like operating with you, you know."

Without even realizing it, Maca smiled back. And it was true, Maca had to admit, ever since the attack, she and Esther were taking care of most of their patients together and they formed a really good team – as if the danger they had gone through together had made them even more efficient in their work than before. And even outside work, they had begun to form a friendship of sorts. They had started to have lunch together when they ran late and Begoña was off operating with Vilches, and those meals had become something Maca found herself oddly looking forward to.

At times, spending time with Esther reminded Maca of the way things had been with Cruz: the way Esther wasn't impressed by her standoffish attitude on the bad days, and the way she joked around with her on the good days. But then, at times, it was something different altogether, with an odd undertow of tension that left Maca shy to speak out or even look at Esther.

"You're in a good mood." Maca observed while they were prepping the little boy for surgery. "Did you get a letter from Miguel with the mail transport?"

Esther nodded, still smiling. "And my mother sent pictures from home." She looked at Maca expectantly. "So, what do we have?"

"An infected leg wound, and probably blood poisoning," Maca said, focusing on their patient and willing away the images that Esther's mention of home had sparked – the mansion in Jeréz, and sitting out on the terrace with her parents in the evening, and playing with her brothers down in the wine cellars even though they were forbidden to do that. She hadn't had any contact with her family in well over a year. A few weeks into her stay, she had sent them a letter, letting them know where she was, but there had never been any reply.

"I want to try and save his leg," she added, and then she joked feebly, "One more case like this, and we both qualify for leg-iatrics."

It wasn't even a very funny comment, but Esther looked up at her and smiled in a way that lit up her entire face and the office around her. The sight left Maca dumbfounded for a moment and all she could do was stare at Esther in reply.

Esther didn't notice it, however, having leaned down to grasp the hand of their little patient. A few loose curls of hair fell across her face with the gesture. "What is your name, sweetie?"

God, she is so pretty… Maca shook her head in confusion, uncertain where that thought had come from.

The little boy needed two tries to speak, but then mumbled, "Azuka."

"Okay, Azuka," Esther continued, now in Spanish. "I will give you something that'll help to make you sleep and have good dreams while we will take care of your leg, all right?" The boy didn't understand her words, but just the tone of Esther's voice seemed enough to calm him down.

Esther looked up at Maca, and then she smiled back down at Azuka. "Don't worry," she said softly. "Maca is the best doctor we have around here."

Maca felt warmth rise up her cheeks at the compliment, but even more so at the way Esther had said her name.

She only knew that she wanted to hear Esther say it like that again, in that soft tone that had sent an odd tingle down her spine. Her body unhelpfully supplied the memory of how it had felt to hold Esther, that night after the attack, the embrace reassuring and exhilarating all at once.

The operation was tough, but Maca felt certain that she could do it throughout, and even though there were a few critical spots, Esther never once questioned her dedication to try and save the little boy's leg. They worked in silence, an easy give and take that needed no words and that, despite the harshness of the situation, felt really good.

More than usual, Maca took note of Esther's hands, drawn in by their movements that were deft and secure and yet so gentle – the way she checked Azuka's anesthesia, stroking his hair along the way, but also how she ripped off a piece of heavy surgical tape with one strong, controlled move.

In a brief flash, Maca saw those hands on her own shoulders, moving to slide down her arms… The image was so vivid that for a moment, she thought she could actually feel those hands against her skin.

Maca snapped herself out of it. This was Esther, for God's sake. Esther who was smiling so happily because she had gotten a letter from her boyfriend earlier, the same boyfriend – as Esther had told her over lunch the other day – with whom she planned to move in and start a family once she returned to Spain.

Telling herself firmly not to let her thoughts wander down that road, Maca concentrated instead on completing the last stitches on Azuka's leg.

Part 14

The door to her quarters opened with a scraping sound and Maca sat up in her bed, immediately alert. When she pushed the mosquito net to the side and squinted towards the dark rectangle of the open door, she saw Begoña stepping into the room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it.

"You didn't come by tonight," Begoña observed by way of greeting. "Or last night. Or the night before that."

"I'm just tired," Maca replied, the idea of sharing her bed with Begoña tonight not appealing to her in the slightest. "I worked a long shift today." In fact, she had sat at little Azuka's bedside for most of the evening, together with Esther, after they had found out earlier that the people who had brought him here, the young woman and the two teenagers, had taken off overnight, leaving Azuka behind on his own.

"We always work long shifts." Begoña walked closer. "That never stopped you before."

"I just spent three hours sitting at a critically injured boy's bed, and if he makes it, he'll wake up to learn that his family is dead and his relatives have abandoned him," Maca said angrily. "Sorry if I don't feel like some fun between the sheets at the moment!"

"Oh, so you found somebody else to blame again, great!" Begoña gestured in exasperation, her voice growing louder. "I'm sick of you being nothing but moody and standoffish with me!"

"Look who's talking," Maca bit back. "You are the one who's been snapping at me for weeks, over everything I do!"

"The little you still do with me, that is," Begoña retorted tetchily.

"Begoña, what is your fucking problem?" Maca asked in annoyance. "We see each other day in, day out – and we agreed to never demand things of each other. So what is going on?"

"Nothing." Begoña shrugged. It was true, they had promised each other to break it off if they started to make demands and put each other under pressure. But they hadn't made any plans for what should happen if one of them stopped to ask for anything at all. Begoña sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm just tired of all this."

"You know, Begoña…" Maca looked at the woman sitting next to her on the bed and tried to find any of the things that had once attracted her to the blonde nurse, but she came up empty. The attitude she had once found charming, she now considered immature and selfish. Maca knew she had slept with her, plenty of times, but now she found herself wondering what she had ever seen in Begoña. "I think we should break it off."

Begoña turned to look at her. "Just like that?"

"Yes, before we end up hating each other," Maca stated with gentle calm. "Just look at us. All we've been doing for the past few weeks is fight. Obviously, this isn't working anymore."

"Obviously," Begoña agreed coolly, but her shoulders slumped in dejection.

Maca knew she should reach out in comfort, hug her, anything – but she found that she didn't want to touch her, not at all. "I'm sorry," she offered instead, her voice kind. "We both knew this wasn't going anywhere in the long run. And I don't seem to be what you want anymore."

"More like the other way around," Begoña murmured.

Maca looked at her askance. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Begoña's eyes narrowed. "You are after Esther."

"Don't be ridiculous," Maca said, trying to ignore the sudden quickening of her pulse. "Esther is straight!"

"So was I." Begoña took sharp note of the fact that Maca, whether consciously or not, had not denied wanting Esther. "Or is that some sport you do?" she asked bitterly. "Seducing every new nurse who comes down here?"

"Please, stop trying to turn this into a soap opera plot!" Maca replied angrily, hating how Begona had hit a little too close to home with that last remark. "I'm not trying to seduce anyone!" Maca ignored the twinge of guilty conscience she felt at saying that. "And as for Esther, she has her boyfriend at home, remember?"

But later, after Begoña had left her alone, Maca had to admit to herself that she didn't like Esther's boyfriend one bit. She didn't know Miguel, but she couldn't stand him anyway. Thinking about what he might do to make Esther smile – smile in that precious way that lit up her entire face – made Maca's insides churn. And when Esther talked about him, she had begun to try and switch the topic, not wanting to hear any more about how great he supposedly was.

And yes, Begoña had been right. She was attracted to Esther. But not in the way Begoña believed, or in any way that Maca herself even understood.

With Begoña, things had been easy. It had been a challenge to seduce her, something that flattered her ego after Azucena had left it in pieces. And for both of them, it had been a chance to take their minds off the things around them. It had been nice and harmless and after breaking it off now, she didn't feel too sad. Actually, if she was honest with herself, she felt sort of relieved.

With Esther, Maca had no idea what she was feeling. It was friendship, admiration and attraction, all at once, and the attraction wasn't just about how Esther looked. Of course, Esther was gorgeous, that was kind of hard not to notice, with those sparkling eyes and that body with its tempting curves in all the right places… Maca shook her head at herself, feeling heat rush up her cheeks. But apart from all that, she felt just as drawn to the way Esther treated the things and people around her: with kindness, and passion, and grace.

When she spent time with Esther, it wasn't about forgetting things, but about sharing them.

Maca had seen so many sunsets out over the planes of Kasaï-Oriental over the past year that she hardly acknowledged them anymore. But last week, sitting out on the low wall around the village with Esther in the evening, it had been as if she saw it for the first time, and it had been more beautiful than ever before.

Part 15

The choked scream that rang out over the village the following evening came from the medics' quarters, making Karim leave his post at the entrance of the village and run. There was only one thing out here that made a white person scream like this.

Two steps into her quarters, frozen in shock, Esther stood with the oil lamp still hanging limply from her fingers, staring immobilized at the snake across the room that was rearing up its head in the lights, slithering closer while it swayed from side to side.

Her heart beating in her throat, Esther was unable to move, a flurry of images running through her head – walking to school on her first day on her mother's hand… her first surgery as a nurse… Miguel's anxious expression when she had told him she was going to Africa… her mother waving after her at the airport… Amobi pointing the gun at her, and Maca's frightened eyes… Maca sitting next to her at Azuka's bed earlier, performing a galanty show with her hands on the opposite wall of the hut, and the happy look in her eyes when Azuka clapped and smiled…

A knife whirred past Esther's ear, glinting in the light of the lamp as it flew across the room and solidly embedded itself in the snake's head, making it sink to the floor like a balloon slowly losing the air.

"You all right?" Karim's worried voice sounded from behind her.

Esther, still not daring to take her eyes off the animal, nodded numbly in shock. "Yes… I think so…"

Karim pushed past her into the room, prodding at the prone body of the snake with a stick and then nodded, satisfied to see it dead. Putting a foot on the animal's head, he pulled his knife back out of its skull.

Esther felt sick at the sound, slumping against the wall behind her. "Where… where did you learn to throw like this?" she asked.

Karim shrugged, wiping the knife clean. "Doesn't matter."

Esther shook her head. "Thank you, Karim… you saved my life…"

He waved off her gratefulness, instead looking around the room with watchful eyes. "There's a tear in your window gauzes," Karim said, pointing at the window openings. "I'll fix that for you right away – We have to be careful, the snakes get closer to the village before the rain season starts."

"Thanks, Karim…" Esther looked at the rip in the gauze in puzzlement, thinking that she would have noticed it if it had been there earlier. "I don't remember that…" She must have been so exhausted that it had escaped her attention.

"You go outside, get some air," Karim said to her. "I will take care of this here." He nodded at the body of the dead snake on the ground.

With another grateful nod, Esther left her quarters on wobbly legs, walking over to the office huts and, after carefully checking the ground around her, sank down behind them. She let her head fall back against the wall behind her, taking deep breaths while she gazed up at the endlessly starry sky above her.

Despite the thick, warm evening air around her, she felt cold and her medical knowledge told her that it was because she had suffered a shock.

"Esther – here you are!" Esther looked up to find Maca rushing towards her, a touch of panic to her voice. "There was a snake in your quarters?!"

"You really can't keep any excitement private around here for even five minutes," Esther joked feebly. When Maca came closer, she could see that the doctor was pale and seemed to be extremely shaken.

"Damn it, Esther, that's not funny!" Maca swore, crouching down next to Esther. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Esther nodded and tried to smile. "Thanks to Karim's secret life as a knife throwing circus artist, yes."

"Are you really sure?" Maca asked gently, leaning in to stroke a stray strand of hair out of Esther's face.

"I'm okay…" Esther smiled more confidently this time, warmed by Maca's protective worry.

Maca wordlessly sat down next to her, leaning with her back against the wall behind them and looking up at the stars as well.

For a while, they sat in silence, thousands of small golden lights sparkling above them. "I never knew there were so many of them," Esther stated with awe.

"Neither did I," Maca assented, thinking she had perhaps never really looked up at the stars before. She turned her head to steal a look at Esther's face in the darkness. It was then that she saw the light tremor that ran through Esther's body. "You're still under shock!"

"Sorry, it was my first snake," Esther retorted, a little embarrassed. An arm slid around her, and then Maca reached into one of her pockets with the other hand, producing one of her few, precious cigarettes. The tip of this one was already slightly crumbled, as Esther noted when she watched Maca place the cigarette between her lips.

The doctor took one long draw, the tip glowing orange in the night, before she passed it to Esther who took it without another word.

"I'm glad Azuka woke up," Esther said after a while.

"So am I." Maca smiled happily. "And the leg seems to heal just fine for now, so if we're lucky, he won't even have a limp."

Esther took one last drag of their shared cigarette. "What will happen to him now?"

"First, we'll let him heal completely," Maca said with decisiveness. "If we can do something against his malnourishment, all the better. Then, if no relatives are forthcoming…" She sighed, knowing how unrealistic that scenario was, in a region as shaken by crises as this one. "…an orphanage. But in that case, I'd like to take him up to the big one in Mbuji-Mayi. That should keep him safe from being sold for work in the diamond mines up North…"

Esther didn't know what to say to that. It was a sad truth, something that hunger and despair drove people to. She didn't want to imagine that the tender little boy who rested in one of these huts just across the courtyard could ever be subjected to that sort of fate. In the end, she changed the subject. "I heard you broke it off with Begoña?"

"That was only last night –" Maca turned to stare at Esther suspiciously. "How do you know?"

"Well, Begoña launching herself at poor Malik over lunch, declaring it was 'time for a real man again' was a good clue," Esther laughed, and Maca felt the sound reverberate through her entire body, almost missing what Esther said after that. "And other than that, you forget that your quarters are next to mine."

"Oops." Maca grinned sheepishly, hoping that Esther hadn't been able to hear the entire conversation between her and Begoña. But since Esther didn't try to move away, remaining comfortably seated with Maca's arm around her, Maca thought that she couldn't have overheard anything important.

They sat in silence, looking at the stars, and then Maca forgot to breathe for a moment when Esther leaned in slightly, resting her head against her shoulder. Incredibly aware of that precious weight against her, Maca gazed up at the night sky with wide eyes, fervently hoping for a shooting star so that she could wish for just a few minutes more of this – sitting here, with Esther leaning into her arm, feeling her hair brush softly against her neck.

Esther relaxed into the gentle touch, feeling the fright of earlier slowly seep out of her body and ebb away into the night. For a moment, she wondered how this near embrace had to feel for Maca, with her being gay and all that, but then she shook her head at her own stray thoughts – only because Maca was gay, it didn't mean that things had to be different for her all the time. Esther had hugged plenty of men in her life whom she had been nothing but friends with.

But still, besides the calm that Maca's presence was inducing, there was something else, something that was leaving Esther strangely aware of Maca's body beside her, of the fact that Maca was taller, of the arm that rested protectively around her shoulders, of the warmth that radiated off Maca's body. Esther wasn't sure what it was, but whatever it was, it had her cheeks grow warm with color.

Passing on his way to his quarters after a last inspection of their patients, Vilches saw the two figures sitting on the ground and stopped for a moment, frowning with worry.

When Maca walked toward her quarters later, a while after Esther had left to go to bed, Vilches was still sitting outside, looking up at the sky himself. "Be careful with what you're doing, Maca, all right?" he addressed her. "I didn't say anything about you having that fling with Begoña, but don't turn this into the Lesbian Jungle Date show."

"You know that Begoña didn't affect my work," Maca said coolly. "And being friends with Esther doesn't affect it, either."

Vilches nodded slowly. "As long as it stays that way."

Maca walked past him, but even though she had brushed off his concerns, she knew that Esther affected her work already, and more than just her work – when she had seen Karim carry the dead snake out of the medics' quarters, her knees had almost given way under her for a moment as she realized in what danger Esther had been.

She was feeling so much that it was frightening her.

After Azucena, Maca had believed for a long time that she couldn't or wouldn't want to feel anything like this ever again. And yet here she was, and if anything, she felt more than ever before. Sitting next to Esther earlier, she had been sure she could have fitted the entire planes of Kasaï-Oriental into her heart, so big had it seemed all of a sudden.

A muted scream from next door tore Maca out of her musings, and before she even knew what she was doing, she was standing in the door to Esther's room, checking the corners and the window gauzes for any obvious threats.

"Sorry…I had a nightmare," Esther offered weakly from behind the mosquito net as she recognized the figure in the doorway. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Maca shook her head. "I was still up." She lightened the small oil lamp before she walked closer and when Esther slid back the mosquito net, Maca, just for a moment, felt like one of the princes from a Thousand and One Nights, about to kiss the princess awake – a princess that looked incredibly good in a small top with spaghetti straps and with her hair curling down freely over her shoulders.

"I guess the whole episode with the snake shook me up a little more than I thought," Esther confessed, rubbing a hand across her forehead. "I'm not sure I can sleep yet."

"Me either," Maca admitted, thinking that she had been just as frightened as Esther, but she didn't say that out loud. Still, when she reached the bed, she couldn't help but reach out and tuck a stray lock of hair back behind Esther's ear, the touch a small physical reminder that Esther was safe and unharmed.

"Come on," Maca said lightly, sitting down cross-legged on the bed next to Esther and drawing the mosquito net closed around them. "I'll bore you with tales of my youth until you fall asleep."

"You're crazy," Esther laughed and Maca grinned a little dazedly in reply. She looked years younger like that, Esther thought, with her hair falling tousled around her face and in that haphazardly buttoned white shirt she wore.

"Oh, you'll see," Maca promised, her grin challenging now. "Wait until we reach the twentieth time I fell off a horse."

She reveled in Esther's answering laugh.

Part 16

A little more than two weeks after that, it was Esther's birthday. Initially, Esther had felt a little lost at the thought of having to celebrate out here, away from her friends in Madrid, from Miguel and from her mother, but the work at the clinic kept her so busy that she didn't have much time left to be sad about it.

Of course she hoped that the mail transport would come by in time, carrying a letter from Miguel for her, but with the rainfalls that had already set in up North, there was no telling whether the transport would make it this week, or the next one, or perhaps only the one after that.

Still, Esther had made it a habit to sit on the wall around the village whenever she could, gazing across the planes in hopes of discovering the dust cloud of the mail transport bus in the distance. She longed for some note from Miguel more than ever before. Recently, she felt as if she was slipping away from him, as if all the things she saw out here put a distance between the two of them that had nothing to do with space. It scared her. The other night, she had tried to picture his smile and the way he said her name, and when she hadn't been able to conjure it up clearly, she had stood up again, angry with herself. She had lighted the lamp and stared at his photo for long minutes, feeling incredibly guilty.

At least Maca had taken it upon her to try and cheer her up, joining her on the wall and attempting to entertain her during her vigil whenever she could. More often than not, Esther found herself actually laughing out loud during these times. By now, she had heard all twenty stories of Maca falling off a horse, and even one story of how she had once fallen off a cow, which had been during a bad joke her brothers had played on her.

Sometimes, Maca brought little Azuka along who had fast become their favorite patient. He wasn't able to walk again yet, but when Maca was in a good mood, she simply carried him along on her shoulders and sat him in his favorite spot on the wall next to Esther.

Seeing Maca like this, how she joked around with her and how she played with Azuka, it was indeed hard to reconcile this image with the initial impression Esther had had of the abrasive and arrogant Dr. Wilson.

Maca, on the other hand, was having a guilty conscience since she was not altogether unhappy about the delayed mail transport. This way, there was no Miguel and no letters, and instead it was up to her to make Esther smile, and making Esther smile had become one of her favorite things to do.

In the end, Esther's birthday was a work day like any other. They lost two patients in the clinic in the morning, a woman who had been battling an infection for over a week and a man who had barely been admitted, passing away from cachexy and exhaustion more than anything else before they had even had the chance to examine him properly.

Perhaps it was that harshness of reality around them that let them celebrate even more exuberantly in the evening, a little louder than they would have otherwise. Mbele and Malik had tried to make a dinner that was a little more special than usual and Esther smiled when they all sang 'Happy Birthday' for her – not pretty, but loud, and with smiles on their faces. And although Esther had expected to feel lonely and a little sad, she was surprised to find that she was actually happy, celebrating her birthday with her colleagues like this. It made her realize that she had become a part of this family of sorts over the past few months.

Her favorite moment of the day had been earlier, though, when she had been checking on Azuka who was learning to hobble around with the help of a small pair of crutches that Mbele had made for him. She had found him out in the courtyard with Maca, both of them with conspiratorial grins on their faces, and Esther had been hard-pressed to decide on whom of the two the expression looked cuter. Then Azuka hadn't been able to contain himself anymore, holding up a small package and waving with it excitedly.

Esther had crouched down in front of him, putting herself at eye level with him. "Well… what is this?"

"For your …day!" He had pressed the package into her hand with bright eyes. "We did it together! With Mbele!"

Over his head, Esther had caught Maca's gentle smile, the expression keeping her transfixed for a moment. When she had examined her gift closer, she had seen that it was carefully wrapped in a scrap of the brightly colored material they kept their scrubs sealed in. Azuka kept talking excitedly about how they had 'made it', but Esther only caught a word here and there – his Luba dialect was a little different from what she heard around the clinic and he talked very fast.

She actually felt tears brimming in her eyes when she unwrapped the small gift. It was a bracelet with carved wooden beads, some with curved lines, others with slightly wacky stripes, and one with a small lion's head that she could tell had been crafted by Mbele.

"Thank you, sweetie… it's…" Esther didn't know the Luba word for 'wonderful', so she had hugged him, pressing a kiss to his temple and blinking against tears all the while. Then Maca had been next to them, placing an arm around her shoulders and whispering 'Happy Birthday' and then she had helped Azuka fasten the bracelet around Esther's wrist.

Esther had watched the two sets of fingers on her arm, one small and dark with much lighter nails, the other one pale and slender, and even though the mail transport had not arrived in time, she found she was perfectly happy.

In the evening, she saw that the others had tried to find little gifts for her as well, despite their limited possibilities out here. Malik and Karim even promised to take her out to the planes one night, 'to see a lion up close'. Esther teased her colleagues by saying that anything was better than their singing, a remark that was met with much laughter.

"Wait… it's time for a birthday toast!" Vilches called out over the melee, and everybody raised their cups. "To Esther, our very own lion, who taught us many things, but most of all how to stack a medicine fridge so efficiently that there is always room left for chocolate!! Congratulations!"

As if on cue, Maca appeared at the entrance of the cafeteria tent with a stump candle in one hand and something on a polished surgical tray in the other. In walking closer, Esther could see that it was a small chocolate cupcake.

Granted, it was prepackaged, and a little crumbled, with the chocolate already beginning to melt against the shrink-wrap in the tropical evening air, but it was a real cake, with a real candle.

"Oh my God…" Esther was speechless, fighting against tears for the second time this day. "How on earth did you organize chocolate cake out here?" She looked up into Maca's face, seeing her shy, happy smile at the successful surprise and she found her own heart do a little summersault in reaction.

Esther took the tray, still kind of dazed, when Vilches interrupted them. "Wait, I need a picture of this --- Esther, give that cake back!" He waved with his digital camera, motioning for them to take a step back. "All right, Maca, now do that again… No, not like that…" Vilches had already had a glass or two of the strange African schnapps Mbele had conjured up from sources only he was privy to, and he was in a good mood. "No, Wilson! For once, try to look like a proper housewife handing over a tortilla!"

Everyone laughed and Maca played along, holding out the cake with a coy smile and leaning in to kiss Esther's cheek in addition. The flash went off just as her lips were grazing Esther's cheek and Esther felt a frisson zinging down her stomach at the touch, noting with dizziness how impossibly soft the skin against her own was, and her only clear thought was how good Maca smelled.

Begoña's voice tore Esther out of her haze. "Maca, I realize that seducing every new nurse for your trophy cabinet is fun, but for God's sake Esther is engaged," she said jokingly from where she was sitting next to Malik, half draped across his lap. She waved a finger at Maca, clearly having had a cup too many of Mbele's liquor already. "So stop hitting on her!"

"No, no, Begoña," Esther warded off the comment with an easy laugh. "She isn't hitting on me." She glanced up at Maca, still laughing, but then the laugh died in her throat when she saw how Maca looked at her at that moment, her expression a mixture of shock, guilt and disappointment.

The voices and the laughter around them suddenly sounded as if from far away as Esther remained caught up in that gaze for a long moment. And she realized that she had been wrong. Utterly wrong.

In the end she hardly tasted the precious chocolate cake that they cut into tiny slices so that everyone could have a piece. And when Pablo asked her to blow out the candle and make a wish, her mind came up empty, preoccupied with the image of Maca and the helpless guilty look in her eyes.

Esther's mind was a whirlwind and she didn't dare to turn her head and glance over at Maca, who was standing a few feet away now, with her face in the shadows. They didn't talk for the remainder of the evening, managing to avoid each other smoothly even among the small party crowd before Maca excused herself early, doing the first night round to check on their patients.

She ended up sitting at Azuka's bed again, watching him sleep quietly. Maca sighed. Only this morning Esther had been so happy over the little bracelet they had made her with Mbele, smiling at her unguardedly, and now Maca was afraid she would never see Esther smile at her like that again.

Begoña had ruined everything with her thoughtless remark. When Esther had looked at her then, defending her even, she hadn't been able to do anything but gaze back helplessly, and even though she hoped against hope that Esther hadn't seen her clearly in the low light of the cafeteria tent, she knew that Esther had realized what was going on. Otherwise she would not have avoided her afterwards until Maca had fled, feeling guilty and exposed. Which brought her to where she was now, sitting on the floor in front of Azuka's bed and wondering whether Esther would ever look at her again with that same ease and trust they had established over the past months.

Maca defiantly told herself not to feel guilty because she wasn't doing anything wrong. She wasn't trying to seduce Esther. But her bad conscience persisted because, God, she wanted to. She wanted it in a way that made her limbs feel heavy and her mouth go dry whenever Esther brushed by her too closely. Like earlier tonight, over the cupcake, when she had been unable to resist and had leaned in to press a kiss to Esther's cheek, closing her eyes at the sweet contact. And she had wanted to go on, to kiss her temple, and her lips, and her neck. She had wanted to bury her fingers in Esther's hair, pull her tightly against her and kiss her until she couldn't breathe, and then kiss her some more.

And as much as she told herself that she had never intentionally hit on Esther and that all the looks and gestures between them had been nothing but friendly, it wasn't quite true. Because for Maca, they had been something else as well. Every touch had been a wish for more, however impossible that wish might be.

Part 17

Esther looked after Maca when she saw her leave the party. Part of her wanted to hurry after her, asking her what was going on, but she remained where she was, uncertain about what to do.

As the evening wore on, she was more and more convinced that Begoña was imagining things. Perhaps Begoña was simply jealous of all the time Esther spent with Maca, or perhaps she wasn't over the break-up with Maca as completely as she told everyone.

The only thing that really gave Esther pause was how Maca had looked at her earlier, with an intensity that had permeated her to the bone, leaving her shaken.

But that Maca should be out to seduce her was a ridiculous idea. Maca was her friend. This was the same Maca who shared her cigarettes with her after tough operations, who told her about the times she had fallen off horses when they both couldn't sleep, who managed to get her a chocolate cake for her birthday in the middle of nowhere and who tried to make her laugh when she was in a low mood because the mail transport hadn't arrived. And in all these months, Maca hadn't made as much as a single insinuating remark.

Esther was still deep in thought when she entered her quarters later, after the party had dwindled down. She placed her gifts on her table, except for the bracelet that, after a moment's hesitation, she left tied around her wrist. Absently trailing the beads through her fingers, she decided to take a small stroll around the village, knowing she was too wired to sleep yet.

When she stepped back outside, she realized that it had begun to rain softly, small drops brushing against her skin as she crossed the courtyard. Even the rain was warm out here.

Esther took a quick look into the hut where Azuka lay, finding him fast asleep, the thin sheet pooled around his feet. She carefully tucked it around him again and walked out on tiptoes, almost colliding with Maca outside.

For a moment, Esther didn't know what to say. "He's sleeping," she finally offered, gesturing at the entrance behind her.

"I know." Maca nodded. "I was sitting with him for a while." She looked at Esther with a smile, in that way she had done countless times already, but she seemed oddly nervous this time, quickly averting her eyes and studying the ground around their feet instead.

There hadn't been any insinuating remark, Esther repeated her own earlier thought. But what if these smiles and these looks, this way they were acting around each other, had been something more on Maca's side all along? Esther thought back, remembering how Maca had comforted her the night after there had been the snake in her quarters. She remembered how shaken Maca had seemed herself. She remembered how Maca had tried to cheer her up over these past few days, going out of her way to make her laugh. And she remembered the happy smile on her face when she and Azuka had surprised her with their gift this morning.

She had never attached much importance to it, but now that she tried to pinpoint things, Esther realized that Maca seemed to smile a lot when she was around her. And the way she tended to look at her, with that oddly soft expression…

She looked up to find Maca's eyes on her again and found herself out of breath.

The rain started to fall heavier around them, and Maca looked up into the sky where thick clouds obscured the stars tonight, hanging above them like slow, large-bellied ships, their whiteness casting a muted light across the village.

"I guess the rain season is here," Maca observed. She reached out to pull Esther underneath the ledge of the nearest hut, and not a second too early as the downpour set in. They stood next to each other, pressed closely against the wall while the rain pattered down across the courtyard and seeped into the ground, leaving it muddy and slick.

Esther could feel the water soak through her shoes, leaving her toes wet. "Looks like a free shower tonight," she joked and when she looked at Maca, both of them had to smile and it was as normal and easy as it had ever been.

Esther shook her head. "I didn't even really thank you for the cake yet…"

"Well, I'm here now and it looks as if I won't be going anywhere for the next little while," Maca stated with a grin, motioning at the curtains of rain that were so thick that they obscured the view of the medics' quarters on the other side of the courtyard.

"Thank you, then," Esther replied teasingly, leaning a little closer and looking up at Maca through her eyelashes. And then she watched in amazement as Maca's expression changed, leaving her swept up in a wave of tenderness and desire.

Maca's eyes seemed near liquid in the dim light, and her lips were slightly parted, as if she was having difficulty drawing enough breath. The village around them seemed to disappear behind something other than the rain. It dizzied Esther, and she tried to clear her throat. "The cake was a wonderful surprise…" Their faces were very close to one another by now, and somewhere in the back of Esther's mind, there was the stray thought that it was still her birthday, and that she still had a wish to make.

"It was…" Esther swallowed, looking at Maca's lips so close to her own and she involuntarily leaned yet a little closer. "…perfect…," she murmured, not sure anymore what she was talking about, before she closed the last bit of distance between them and brushed her lips against Maca's.

And then she did it again. And again.

Maca didn't dare to move. She hardly dared to breathe, but when Esther's lips moved more confidently against her own and Esther's hands wound around her neck, she completed the embrace, wrapping her arms around Esther's waist and pulling her close. She stumbled against the wall behind them, nearly passing out at the sensation of Esther's body pressed against her own as she kissed her back without restraint, her tongue pushing hungrily past those lips and into the sweet mouth beyond, lost in sensation before she realized that Esther was hardly reacting.

She tried to calm her raging pulse, gentling her touch and kissing Esther with the utmost, most reverent care and then, for one perfect instant, she felt Esther's tongue shyly brush against her own, probing hesitantly in reply.

And just when Maca knew that she had encountered perfection and would die happily, Esther pulled back, holding Maca at a distance with a hand against her sternum.

Esther shook her head as if she was waking up from a dream. "I'm sorry."

Maca stared back at her with liquid eyes, completely lost in the moment. "Don't be…" she breathed.

"This shouldn't have happened." Esther frowned, taking two steps back, oblivious to the rain soaking her hair. "I have a boyfriend!"

Maca watched helplessly as Esther walked away through the downpour. She knew she should regret what had just happened since it had probably ruined any chance at explaining away her attraction, but she simply couldn't bring herself to do that. She let herself fall back against the wall behind her, acknowledging the flurry of butterflies in her stomach. When she touched her fingers to her lips, still somewhat incredulous, a helpless smile edged itself onto her features.

Miguel's birthday letter arrived two days later with the mail transport. Esther read it with a very guilty conscience, holed up in her room, but through the close meshed window gauzes, she could see Maca out in the courtyard, prowling back and forth across the limited space. She was smoking.

For once, Esther wished there were curtains in front of the windows so that she could pull them close, keeping the world outside at bay so that she could be alone with Miguel's words.

Part 18

"Scissors," Maca stated in a clipped voice, not looking up from where she was suturing a badly lacerated palm.

"Here you go," Begoña said and even though Maca couldn't see her, she could hear the smile in her voice. Begoña's cheerful mood had been grating on her nerves since this morning and now that it was almost time for lunch, she was ready to strangle her.

Esther hadn't talked to her all of yesterday. And today, Maca hadn't even seen her yet because she was off operating with Vilches since the early morning, just like she had been yesterday. The only interruption had been the arrival of the mail transport, with a letter from Miguel, of course. The young man Maca was treating flinched as she pulled the last stitch tight.

Maca decided that whether Esther wanted to or not, they would have to talk. Her own mood seemed to worsen proportionally to Begoña's chirpy attitude who was just then wishing their patient a wonderful day. Maca wordlessly closed the line for lunch break after that, shaking her head when Begoña asked whether she needed any help with cleaning up.

She leaned with her hands on the desk for a minute, letting her head fall forward and asking herself what she would do if Esther refused to listen to her. Out here, among such a small team, they couldn't afford any internal feuds. With a deep breath, Maca squared her shoulders and went in search of the woman who had occupied her thoughts all of today and yesterday, and all of the long night in between.

She found Esther behind the operating theatre, washing her hands. She looked exhausted, and Maca's first instinctive impulse was to reach out and put a hand on her back but, she didn't, linking her hands in front of her instead. "How did it go? Are you okay?"

Esther turned around to look at her, and Maca could see that she apparently hadn't slept well, either. "The operation was fine."

The resigned tone made Maca's heart drop to her stomach, but she knew they had to resolve this one way or the other. "Esther – can we talk?"

"Sure." Esther nodded, but she took a small step back, pushing her hands into the pockets of the nurse's gown she was wearing.

"Look, I'm sorry," Maca said quietly, walking closer. She didn't know what she could do other than apologize. "I'm sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have done it."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Esther pointed out, smiling a little sadly. "I was the one who started it." She shook her head. "But you're right, it shouldn't have happened." If she noted how Maca couldn't suppress a small flinch at that statement, she chose to ignore it. Instead her expression was full of honest confusion when she looked at Maca. "I'm sorry for putting you through this. I don't know what came over me… the rain… and you looked at me… and I was so flattered… and… it just happened." Her gaze became wondrous. "…I just don't understand why you would want to kiss me like that."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Maca had to smile at that. "See, and I don't understand how anyone would not want to kiss you like that," she stated softly.

Esther raised a hand in front of her, as if to defend herself from the heartfelt remark that was threatening to leave her short of breath in its sincerity. When Maca said things like that, with that expression in her eyes, Esther was prone to sudden shortages of rational thought. "Is Begoña right?" she asked, wondering whether Maca knew how confounding she was. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

"No. I'm not," Maca hastened to reassure her. She wanted to reach out again, to take one of Esther's hands to put more emphasis to her words, and she barely managed to stop herself. Instead, she tried to convey her sincerity with her eyes. "Esther, I promise, I'm not trying to seduce you," she swore. "And I never was." She didn't add that if circumstances were different, she would love to try.

"As long as we have that set straight," Esther said, a trifle nervously. Her doubts and her reserve were crumbling in front of that expression in Maca's eyes, those eyes that had haunted her for the past two nights. Now, looking into them again, all the sly schemes of seduction that Begoña's nasty remark had painted out seemed like farfetched conspiracy theories.

"Yeah…straight…" Maca muttered under her breath.

"So are we still friends?" Esther asked hesitantly. Actually she had been meaning to ask Maca what she was feeling, and whether she was indeed attracted to her, but it seemed kind of presumptuous to think that a woman like Maca would fall in love with her.

Esther only knew that she didn't want to lose Maca and the friendship they had formed. Yesterday's shift had seemed endless without talking to her, making her realize what a huge part of her daily life Maca had become.

And now today, Miguel had written that he had found an apartment for them. They had spent a long time looking for a place, even before she came down here, and Esther knew she should be happy about it, but it seemed so unimportant now. Instead she couldn't think of anything else but working things out with Maca. For the past two nights she had lain awake, trying to reconcile the Maca she knew, the one who was her close friend and confidante, with the woman who, out of the blue, had kissed her so passionately two nights ago. She had arrived at the disquieting conclusion that the two lay a lot closer to each other than she had thought.

"Of course we are friends," Maca assured her, even though she didn't feel quite as cheery as she tried to sound.

"Oh thank God," Esther breathed in relief. "So… are you coming to lunch with me? – I missed you yesterday. And it was so dreary with nobody but Vilches glaring at me from the other side of the table without a word…!"

Maca laughed, falling into step next to her. The 'I missed you, too' that was on the tip of her tongue remained unspoken.

Part 19

It was about a week later that Maca found herself ensconed in very close quarters with Esther again as they were jolted back and forth across the front bench of their transport bus that Mbele was steering along without even batting an eyelid. It was early still. They had left at dawn to drive to a market of sorts in a village a few hours away from the clinic. Maca had a long list from Vilches with all kinds of goods that might be of medical use, while Esther had her own list since she was probably the only one in the entire camp who knew exactly what was in their storage tent and what they needed to restock. The fourth passenger they had along was little Azuka who, despite the bumpy ride, was fast asleep in Esther's arms.

They had had to reopen the stitches on Azuka's legs twice more, and since they were already running low on supplies, they couldn't really give him any anesthesia for it. But Azuka had been so brave that Maca had promised him a drive in the car, and this odd shopping spree of sorts was as good a chance to keep her promise as any. Esther, who was in charge of this trip, had initially been reluctant about the idea, but between Maca's and Azuka's beseeching looks, she had been unable to say no in the end. Vilches had grumbled something about becoming too attached to a patient, to which Esther had only replied that they could hardly get anymore attached to Azuka than they already were, and that it should be their goal to make the little time they had left as enjoyable as possible for him.

It had been another one of these moments where Maca looked at Esther and just felt herself melt away. Of course, she was careful not to stare at her that way when Esther might notice it. She didn't want to make her uncomfortable or put their renewed friendship at risk.

If Begoña's snappy mood was any indication, she and Esther were doing fine. And they were, for the most part. At work, it was easy. They had never talked much during it, and there was always a patient they could focus on if they exchanged a look that was a little too long, or if their fingers brushed together in handing over some instrument or other.

Outside work, things were a little more difficult, with Maca trying to keep a bit of a distance while she actually wanted to do just the opposite. It didn't help that Esther was being the most caring and understanding friend imaginable, respecting the distance Maca needed, but at the same time making it very clear that she had no qualms about being close to her. If anything, that made Maca want her even more.

Another chuckhole in the road sent Esther sliding into her and Maca bit her lip when she felt Esther's thigh against her own through the thin layer of their clothes. Her entire side tingled at the contact. Of course, there was also the thin summer dress that Esther was wearing today…

Maca sighed inwardly. When she had sleepily walked up to the transport bus before their departure, all it had taken was one look at Esther and she had been wide awake, thinking that it should be forbidden to look that criminally good in a simple dress, and at five in the morning at that.

Maca gazed out onto the road, musing at her continued luck to fall for women who were not only straight, but also in relationships with others. At least Esther wouldn't suddenly announce that she was about to have a child with somebody else after having promised over and over again to get a divorce and start a new life with her. Even if things were different and Esther and she were involved, she didn't think that Esther could ever be as cold about things as Azucena had been. Esther wasn't the person to cheat on someone, or to treat someone badly out of cowardice. Which was just one more thing that made Maca fall for her even harder.

She looked at Azuka who remained fast asleep in Esther's lap. What wouldn't she give to be allowed to sleep like that, with her head on Esther's chest, and held in Esther's arms.

As soon as they arrived on the market, however, Azuka was wide awake. Since they still had to be mindful of his leg, he walked between her and Esther, holding onto a hand of each of them and excitedly directing them to one booth or another. Esther smiled at Maca across Azuka's head, and Maca gazed back at her happily. In some distant part of her brain, there was the stray thought that this was a bit like a family outing – walking alongside a woman she was in love with, a child between them… It was something she had always hoped to find someday, if she was lucky. Granted, she hadn't expected to have that thought in the middle of Africa, of all places, walking next to a woman who was straight and with a child who soon would have to leave them, but just for a few minutes, walking across the blinding chaos of the market in the midday heat, she allowed herself to indulge in the faraway fantasy.

When Azuka grew tired and started to limp more heavily, Esther lifted him up on her shoulders and he beamed, enjoying to have the overview over everything around them. He started to play with Esther's hair that, for once, she let fall freely over her shoulders. Ever since her cut had grown out, she tended to braid it back at work in some way and Maca enjoyed seeing Esther like this for a change. She loved the way her hair had become more curly, framing her face in untamed waves.

"Lion hair!" Azuka declared happily, trying to imitate the braids he had watched Esther make.

"Right, you keep that up and I'll have a mane like a real lion," Esther laughed. "And then I'll have to eat you for lunch!" She made as if to slide him off her shoulders to devour him, and Azuka squealed in delight.

Maca laughed at the endearing scene and the sound of that laugh gave Esther a little jolt to the stomach.

It wasn't the first one. Even since she had kissed Maca – for reasons she still couldn't quite fathom – it seemed as if she had opened Pandora's box. Not because Maca did anything, no, Maca was true to her word, avoiding anything that could look like she was hitting on her. She didn't even touch her anymore in the way she had before – placing an arm around her shoulders in comfort or stroking a strand of hair back from her face. And Esther found that she missed those small, affective gestures acutely. She hadn't even realized how much she had grown accustomed to them until they suddenly didn't happen anymore.

More than once over the past week Esther had had to stop herself from putting a hand on Maca's arm in emphasis, or throwing a little punch to her shoulder when she was teasing her. She didn't want to make Maca uncomfortable, respecting the bit of distance the other woman had put up.

It wasn't something Esther could bring up in conversation, either. She might have done it before her birthday, but now she was hesitant about it and, again, she noted how a certain ease was missing from their interactions ever since.

By some unspoken agreement, they had never talked about that night again, or about that kiss. Maca had never brought the topic up, so neither had Esther, although she was curious about it. She wondered if all women kissed like that, thinking that in that case, it was strange that there weren't a lot more lesbians. Or perhaps there were, and she just didn't know it. She knew so little about these things. Maca had certainly kissed many more women in her age – a fact Esther didn't like to dwell on – so what had happened between them was probably not as confounding for Maca. But it confounded Esther.

She supposed it was normal that it had her thinking, after all, she had never kissed another woman before. And she didn't remember that there had ever been a woman who had shown an interest in her, least of all one as amazing and beautiful as Maca, who certainly could have anyone she wanted. Kissing one more Esther García along her way wouldn't make a difference, but… but! But the way she had kissed her… with such abandon… it had made Esther feel as if she was the only person in the world to ever get kissed like that.

Glancing down, she saw goose bumps rising up her arms at the memory, even in the thick heat of the market around them. God, but how could any lips be so soft, it wasn't fair…– Esther cut the thought off right there. She didn't know what was wrong with her lately. It had to be the climate, or perhaps there was something in the air, a virus for Jungle Fever that she had caught.

She thought of Miguel who was back in Madrid, waiting for her. Miguel, with whom she had celebrated their three year anniversary before she had gone to Africa. Two more months, and she would be back in his arms. Tow more months, and she would go home. And she wasn't about to ruin her life only because her mind was out of control in this heat, after being holed up with so few people for so many months. She wouldn't start to confuse admiration with attraction, and friendship with lust. – She wasn't Begoña, damn it!

But as she watched Maca easily heft a few more bags at the next stand, her leopard necklace sliding out from underneath the small t-shirt with the motion, Esther couldn't stop her mind from running off, wondering how it might be to slide that sweat-stained shirt off over Maca's head… how it might feel to lie underneath her… to feel her weight on top of her… to feel her hands on her body… and to kiss her again, to kiss her back for real this time, without holding back…

Esther shook her head, blushing furiously. The rain, although there had been plenty of it since, had not quite managed to wash the memory of that kiss off her lips.

They returned to the clinic in the late afternoon and Esther used the next few hours to unpack supplies and take new inventory of their storage tent, the bland task dousing any unwelcome ardent thoughts. The clinic was officially closed for the day, admitting only the most urgent cases while the doctors had to fill out their bi-monthly reports.

That left Vilches, Maria and Maca sitting in the cafeteria tent betweens stacks of papers, wearing expressions in varying degrees of grumpiness. Esther decided to put the quiet time to good use and write another letter to Miguel, but she had barely started when Azuka came hobbling across the courtyard on his crutches, asking her what she was doing.

Esther lifted him next to her onto the bench. "I'm writing a letter to Spain."

Azuka nodded seriously. "Far away, across the sea. With a plane!" It was how they had tried to explain to him where they came from.

"Exactly." Esther reached for another pencil and tore an additional sheet out of her notebook. "Do you want to write a letter, as well?"

Across the courtyard, Maca watched the tender scene and felt her heart clench in reaction. If anything, today had proven to her that she was hopelessly in love with Esther.

If it had just been a bad case of attraction, she might have tried for an affair, consequences be damned. She wasn't oblivious to the shy, curious glances Esther had given her today, still feeling them on her skin. And she hadn't forgotten that Esther had kissed her back on her birthday, even if just for a moment. A single, indescribably perfect moment.

Maca sighed. Under other circumstances, she might simply have run with it, pulling out all the stops just to see how far she would get – and she usually got very far, as evidenced by her fast affair with Begoña. But Maca cared about Esther too much to turn her life upside down like that over a fling that couldn't go anywhere.

And, if Maca was honest, she was protecting herself, as well. She didn't think she could bear to be just a case of Jungle Fever for Esther, who had a settled life waiting for her back in Spain. Esther had Miguel, and in two months, she would go home to him, while Maca herself would have another half year down here in which she could torture herself thinking about what Esther was doing meanwhile. Probably happily strolling down the streets of Madrid with her boyfriend.

Maca gritted her teeth in frustration. If she was already feeling this jealous now, she didn't want to imagine what state she would be in if Esther had tried for a little exotic adventure with her.

Thankfully, Esther had stopped talking to her about Miguel at length, obviously sensing that Maca didn't like to hear it, but she didn't try to keep things hidden from her, either. So Maca knew that Miguel had found the two of them an apartment, and even though she knew she had no right to it, she hated Miguel with a passion. She knew that she shouldn't let it bother her, that she should stop spending all her free time with Esther and that she should stop caring so damn much, but she couldn't. She simply couldn't.

Again, she glanced over to where Esther and Azuka were still writing their 'letters'. By now, Azuka was sitting on Esther's lap and just then he looked up at her, pointing at something on his paper with a smile. Esther leaned down, reaching up with one hand to tuck her hair that had fallen forward with the movement back behind her ear, and Maca could feel the movement in her own fingertips.

She hadn't done it that often, but she remembered acutely what it felt like. With helpless jealously, Maca realized that Esther was most likely writing to Miguel.

Miguel, and always Miguel! He couldn't possibly want Esther as much as she did. She wanted to be the one to brush the hair out of Esther's face, the one to kiss that bare shoulder… She wanted to be the one to pull her head back by her hair, exposing that neck to her lips… licking away that drop of sweat… She wanted to brush down the straps of that summer dress… She wanted those arms around her, those legs entangled with hers, feel those hips curve into her palms… She wanted to be the one to make her voice tremble… her breath hitch…

"You all right, Maca?" Vilches asked with a smile, jerking Maca out of her entirely inappropriate daydream.

"Just peachy," Maca grumbled, fixing her gaze back down on her papers.

Vilches grinned, perversely relieved that he wasn't the only one to stomp through this camp in a state of hopeless frustration. He looked over to where Esther was sitting with Azuka. The tension between her and Maca had been palpable ever since that birthday party, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Maca had a crush on the smart nurse. And he thought that Esther wasn't as unmoved as both women liked to believe.

Vilches shook his head, reaching for the next form he had to fill out. Here he was, alone, in the middle of the jungle, caught up in the lesbian version of 'Jungle Date Camp', complete with group showers and jealous ex-lovers. And while he could have instantly named five colleagues back in Spain who would have given their right arm to witness this, he was homesick for being ordered around by a woman with mood swings who was nine months pregnant.

Part 20

A little more than a week later, Vilches left with Mbele for Mbuji-Mayi to organize more supplies and medication, leaving Maca in charge of the clinic.

Esther didn't know whether it was the added pressure of that much responsibility or something else that had Maca on edge. She was tense, and if Esther hadn't known that she had a lot of additional work to do in Vilches' absence, she would have thought that Maca was avoiding her at times.

She was more short-tempered as well, and at times almost as arrogant as she had been when they had first met, only to apologize later. Esther had tried to talk to her, asking her whether she could perhaps take on some extra work to unburden Maca, but Maca had only dismissed her with a standoffish, "I don't think that'll be helping."

And then, in the evening, she had apologized to her again, sitting with her on the wall around the village long into the night with Azuka, until long after the little boy had fallen asleep in her arms.

In some ways, Esther was relieved when Maca was in a bad mood and snapped at her because that made it a little easier to gain some distance. Distance that Esther badly needed.

Of course, when Maca's temper was hitting someone else, it was a display that Esther secretly enjoyed. A few days after Vilches' departure, a family had brought in a young girl who was on the verge of bleeding out over an amateurish circumcision. It was one of the tougher cases, even though certainly – sadly – not the first one of the kind they saw out here.

Maca, who had been grouchy all morning anyway, had paled at the sight of the girl. It had been touch and go a few times during the operation, but after they had managed to stop the bleeding and Esther had staggered out of the operating theatre feeling sick to the bone, Maca had walked out very quietly, her entire body coiled with tension. And then she had outright exploded in the family's face, putting the fear of every deity Esther could think of into them. Mbele had had trouble with translating everything, and Esther was sure he had left some things out.

Seeing everyone shrink away in front of Maca's wrath had been a sight to behold, and Esther felt justified on behalf of the poor girl whom Pablo had carried into a patient hut on gentle hands while Maca was still breathing fire and brimstone.

And seeing Maca all bossy and tough and furious was – much as it embarrassed Esther to admit it – actually appealing, in an entirely inappropriate way. It looked good on her. But then, what didn't?

Later that day, however, Esther had found Maca in Vilches' office, sitting in his chair, crying. The cases that involved children were tough on everyone, but Maca always still took them a little harder, as if she should have been able to protect her little patients from becoming hurt in the first place.

Esther had felt helpless – pointing out that the girl had survived and that she was in proper medical care now wasn't what Maca wanted to hear, and it wouldn't make the abuse undone.

In the end, she had just walked up to Maca, who hadn't even reacted to her entrance. She had pulled Maca's head against her stomach, embracing her protectively, and had simply held her while she cried, now and then dropping a comforting kiss to her hair. And she had felt good, proud even, that Maca trusted her enough to let her hold her.

There had been nothing charged about the situation, just a gentle, quiet connection that had calmed Esther in return, as well. It had also made her realize how much she really missed the easy touches they had used to share. But as soon as Maca had calmed down, she had pulled back, wiping her eyes and saying that she had to get back to work, filling out the papers about the young girl's case.

To Esther's regret, it had been the only occasion where Maca had allowed her that close. After that, there had been no further touches, no hugs, not even the occasional hand on the shoulder. At times, Esther imprecated that kiss that had driven this odd wedge between them.

And to make things worse, Maca was her damnably honorable self. She hadn't mentioned the kiss again, she had kept at a respectful distance and she was simply being the same attentive, charming friend Esther had come to rely on. And it was driving Esther crazy.

At times, she thought she was losing her mind. Even though Maca did nothing, absolutely nothing, to further it, she was stumbling across her own distracted thoughts whenever she was near her. She was sure that Maca had all but forgotten about their kiss by now, but at the oddest moments, like when Esther stood in the lunch line behind her, she noticed things like how Maca's hair smelled, and how her shirt sat snugly against her torso. And then, in her mind, she felt Maca's arms around her again, holding her tightly against her body, and those insistent lips against her own…

And that wasn't the only thing. Suddenly, Esther noted acutely how Maca was taller than she was. She had on various occasions found herself mesmerized by her hands, even when Maca was doing the most mundane things, like packing away instruments or eating her dinner. And in staff meetings, she caught herself staring at Maca's lips when she spoke, not even hearing the words.

Damn Maca and her ardent eyes. Damn Maca and her sensuous smile, damn Maca and the way her hair fell around her face, damn Maca and how her legs looked when she came walking back from the showers in the morning in a towel that was unmercifully short.

Damn Maca for ever kissing her like that, poisoning her mouth with that sweetness und putting this whole idea into her head. And now that she had it stuck in her mind, Esther couldn't forget about it again. When Maca looked at her, it made her lose focus, as if everything except for Maca faded into the background. When she caught Maca smiling, it made her weak in the knees, as if she were a teenager with a crush. And when she heard Maca laugh when she played with Azuka, it left her aching, yearning for something that she couldn't have named if asked.

She kept staring at Miguel's photo in the evenings, trying to hear his voice in her ear, saying her name. But all she heard was Maca.

Only six more weeks now, Esther reasoned, just six more weeks and she'd be back with Miguel, in their new apartment. She'd pick up her nice, calm job at the private clinic again. And when she would be looking at photos from Africa with her mother, some evenings after dinner, Maca would be just another of her former colleagues, like Vilches and Pablo and Maria, and Esther would shake her head at herself at the memory of that weird bout of attraction she'd felt for a few weeks. For a woman! Even now, it seemed too crazy to even consider. And then, of all people, it had to be Maca Wilson, who until a few weeks ago had been sleeping with another nurse!

"Esther, quick!" Pablo shook her out of her musings. "Maca needs you! Complicated birth."

Esther started running.

"The baby is wrong side up," Maca stated nervously when Esther entered and tied her scrubs closed.

Looking into the frightened, exhausted eyes of the mother-to-be, Esther noted how the eyes were too deep in the skull, the woman's face – she was barely more than a girl – emaciated with cachexy.

"I don't know how long she's been in labor, her sister brought her in like this. It's her first child." Maca's voice was clipped. "And she's bleeding. We can't do a Caesarean this way – I'll have to try and turn it."

Esther nodded grimly, holding onto the hand of the woman who was already teetering at the edge of unconsciousness from the strain. "Okay, just hold onto my hand, and scream if you want to scream," Esther advised the woman, but even though she knew these phrases in Luba by now, she wasn't sure whether the woman was perhaps too far gone to even hear her.

The woman didn't scream when Maca tried to turn the child, but Esther did, feeling the bones in her hand crack together.

"You okay?" Maca asked tersely.

"Fine," Esther stated equally curtly, fighting the edge of nausea as a dull pain shot up from her hand.

"She'll have to push now," Maca murmured. "I can't move it more, and if she keeps bleeding…"

But after a few minutes, Esther felt the hand of the woman grow slack in her grasp. "Damn it, she's too weak!" she swore.

"The head is fine, I need to get the shoulders…" Maca bit her lip in concentration, sweat beading her forehead. "You need to push."

Esther stared at her askance.

"Onto her stomach," Maca explained. "Now!"

Esther had to throw her entire weight into the movement, terribly scared to hurt the young woman who was already frighteningly thin. In the end, the woman screamed just once, but that scream was already mingled with the first shout of the newborn. Succumbing to exhaustion, the new mother slid into unconsciousness and Esther hastily had to call Pablo and Maria to take over and try and stop the bleeding, while Maca cleaned up the baby and examined it.

"It's a girl," Maca stated softly, gazing down at the small creature with awe. "God, just look at her… isn't she perfect?" She looked up at Esther, her eyes shimmering with emotion, and Esther literally felt her whole world come undone around her with that single glance, shifting and bending everything she knew into a new order.

"Yes," she agreed dazedly, feeling a sensation of completeness settle over her as she melted away under Maca's gaze and her first, unbidden thought was that she would want to have children with her.

Esther froze. She tried to push the stray thought away, wanting to blame it on the emotionality of the moment, but deep down, she knew what had happened, what, as she realized now, had been happening all along.

She was in love with Maca.

Pablo and Maria were still working on the mother in the background, but at least they had managed to stop the bleeding. Esther excused herself, asking Begoña to take over for her before she exited the office on shaky legs, overwhelmed with emotion. She needed to be alone.

In the end, she found refuge behind the last row of patient habitations, at the outer corner of the village. She let herself slump to the ground, sitting with her back against the wall behind her. She could have used one of Maca's cigarettes now, but Maca was the last person she should be seeing at this moment.

She didn't understand how this could have happened. She was with Miguel, Miguel whom she would see again in a scant few weeks. And Maca… Esther closed her eyes. God, Maca. And even though she knew she shouldn't be feeling this, that it could never be, she was helpless to prevent it.

Esther valiantly tried to draw up Miguel's face and the way he used smile at her, the way his eyes twinkled when he looked at her. She recalled the smell of his skin and his aftershave, and how he cleared his throat before he said something that was important to him, like when he had asked her to move in with him. But even though Esther saw him clearly in front of her, the image didn't elicit any sensation other than a fond sadness and vague regret.

Miserably acknowledging her own defeat, Esther blinked away the first tears that began to trail down her face, their saltiness stingy against her overheated skin.

She willed herself to feel something for him, desperately telling herself that she loved him, and for many good reasons, but she came up empty.

All she could feel was Maca. Maca, and the world of emotions that had surged through her in merely watching her smile at the newborn baby girl. She had felt humbled, but at the same time oddly invincible, as if she could take on the whole world in just one instant and would at the same time always know where she belonged.

And it was with Maca.

Esther pressed her palms against her eyes, wincing at the pain in her crushed left hand. She tried to stifle a sob, and then a second, but then she was crying helplessly. She couldn't do this any longer. Being around Maca was wrecking havoc on her, but at the same time, she couldn't imagine being away from her.

Esther tried to reason that it was just the situation, being away from home and in a strange environment, with no one around her but the clinic team, more or less cut off from civilization. It wasn't surprising that she relied on them and that they had become disproportionally important to her. It was even understandable that she had developed an attraction to one of them – Jungle Fever, just like Maria had told her when she had barely arrived. Of course, that still didn't explain why she hadn't fallen for Pablo, or for Mbele, but for Maca.

Maca. Maca, and always Maca. Esther let her head fall forward between her knees, her tears rolling off her cheeks and dripping onto the ground.

Just six more weeks, she reminded herself and she couldn't believe how quickly the time had passed. Even though she knew she would be home soon, the knowledge didn't quite connect with her yet. The idea of being in another place than this seemed unreal and faraway, like a mirage flickering across the planes in the midday heat. At the moment, she couldn't imagine being anywhere else but here.

Esther wiped at her cheeks, rising from the ground before someone could find her here like this. Just six more weeks. She wondered why she didn't feel more relieved.

Part 21

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