Hombres Versus Wild
Recap by Misty Flores

 

SARA'S APARTMENT

Sara wakes up alone in bed, and muses as we also peek in other cast mates in their early morning rituals.

SARA [VO]: In the institute, in our fourth course, they explained to us the theory of a sociologist, Abraham Maslow who said that we all look for the same seven things in life. He called it 'The Hierarchy of Human Needs'. The first thing we look for is the physiological, the health that allows us to keep living our life. The second is security, to feel protected, sound in our own home.

Don Lorenzo happily looks over his brain scan. Mariano sleeps comfortably on Sara's old bed.

SARA [VO]: After that is love, According to Maslow, no one can live without feeling love, or without looking for love. The fourth is respect. For others to respect what we do - our decisions, even if we make bad ones.

Paco feels for Lola's empty side of the bed. Pepa, up early, shoots in the shooting range, still dealing with losing Silvia.

SARA [VO]: What follows is the need to understand, to seek explanations for why people make decisions that hurt us.

Rita opens her locker to discover Povedilla's picture with her baby. She winces and slams the locker shut.

SARA [VO]: The last human need is the spiritual - to feel part of something special and unique: the perfect plan of our lives. And the last is self realization, the need to discover our own worth - who we are.

Sara looks at a picture of her and Lucas, and puts it back on her bedpost.

SARA [VO]: It's been four weeks, two days, and 16 hours since Lucas has left for Carolina to become an agent for the CIA. Malsow would argue that he's taken with him the seventh of the basic human needs. But Maslow has no idea what it's like to wake up in Lucas' arms. So he can take his theory and shove it, because the only thing that we look for, the only thing, is the see the eyes of the person we love in the morning.

She shuts off her alarm and gets up.

--

PACO'S BEDROOM

Mariano wakes up Paco to tell him, freaking out, that DL has only been out of the hospital one week and he's in the kitchen making breakfast. DL comes in and Mariano hides under the bed again. DL kindly tells Mariano to get up, and he happily brings in a tray of breakfast in bed for the two of them.

Paco explains carefully that they're worried. DL explains to them he had a tumor in his brain that was caused by the physical trauma of getting hit in the head. DL tells him after two weeks of carefully following the directions of the doctor, he is now cured. The men happily react to his news.

Paco and Mariano once again offer up their kidney, but DL instead thanks Paco, because even though he's been living at the house for two and a half years, he always never thought this was his home, but when he woke up in the hospital, the only thing he wanted was to go home, to Paco's home, with Mariano and Paco.

The men hug, BFF's for life.

--

THE BULLPEN

Pepa heads down the stairs and spots Aitor. She smiles and heads over.

PEPA: Hey, Aitor.

AITOR: Hi.

PEPA: Listen so... since we haven't talk about ... I don't know what to call it.

Sara walks by and notices Aitor and Pepa talking. She watches them carefully.

PEPA: It was... a fling! With a social aspect - a favor. Whatever it was. It doesn't matter, just...

She smoothes his tie affectionately.

PEPA: Thank you.

AITOR: You don't have to thank me. It wasn't any sort of sacrifice for me, you know, Pepa?

She smiles.

AITOR: And I don't know, if... if the other day...

He glances around and leans in.

AITOR: If you need to slap on another layer of paint, you tell me date, time, and place, and I'll be there.

She laughs, but sobers.

PEPA: There's something I haven't told you.

He nods gamely.

PEPA: When we did it, Silvia and I had already broken up.

His smile fades, unsure how to take that.

AITOR: ... well... I'm sorry, Pepa.

She stares at him.

AITOR: It was ... more than a fling - it was a way of coping.

She inhales deeply and gives him a frank look. He looks away, but comes back.

AITOR: And you're okay, right? Everything's good?

Pepa smiles sadly.

PEPA: I'm existing. I've given her thirty calls that she won't answer, and she's determined not to take me back, not even if I fill her house with flowers to try and change her mind.

She looks at him matter-of-factly, and then gives him a friendly scruff on the head. Sara watches as Pepa kisses him amicably on the cheek, and heads away.

Aitor smiles bittersweetly and mouths his goodbye.

Pepa runs smack into NELSON.

Nelson: Am I next?

Pepa stares at him, confused.

Nelson: This is where they give out the kisses, right? And I'm pretty sure that my ticket makes me second. Hmm?

He smiles hopefully . Pepa is bemused and smacks him on the shoulder, then leans in and gives him his own kiss on the cheek.

She pats his face and heads toward the stares. Nelson is besotted, and runs after her.

Aitor watches them, and heads for Curtis.

AITOR: Look at him. Look at him! Look at Nelson, fuck! He's only been here two days and already there he is, there he is, selling his shit like a champion.

CURTIS: You know what's happening to the black guy?

AItor glares at Nelson making eyes at Pepa.

CURTIS: He's too confident. He's too secure! No one's given him any sort of shit yet.

AItor watches as Pepa leaves Nelson behind.

Curtis says no one's properly hazed Nelson yet - and they reminisce over all the stupid pranks they got pulled on them when they were new. Curtis says because Nelson is black, everyone's afraid to touch him, but that's going to change.

If they want them to treat Nelson as an equal, then dammit, they will treat him as an equal. He sends Aitor to get the necessary supplies.

--

AT THE SHOOTING RANGE

Aitor and Curtis give Nelson a gun for him to shoot, but before an excited Nelson can take his first shot, Paco and Mariano come in, and Paco takes the gun from Nelson, and tells him to let a veteran show him how it's done.

He shoots the gun, but there are only blanks. He realizes that his hand is now STUCK to the gun, thanks to a special glue that Curtis put on the gun. He's PISSED, but Mariano finds it hilarious.

--

THE BRIEFING ROOM

The group files in for the morning briefing. DL is happy as a clam to be there, but puzzled when he sees Paco there with a gun in his hand. Paco lies and says that he had a bet with Curtis that a Magnum weighed more than his regular gun. DL gives him the exact weight difference and asks him to sit down and put away the gun. Paco, of course, can't, but sits down as Montoya begins the briefing.

Montoya tells them that they were informed by the anti-terrorist unit that they suspect a new terrorist stockpile, with grenades and weapons that could be used to launch another terrorist attack on Madrid is being held in the sierra of Guadarama.

Povedilla, still studiously taking notes, even though DL is now completely better, begins to interrupt a whole heck of a lot to get completely accurate information, resulting in a lot of annoyed glances by Pepa (who has never been that great at being patient) and company.

DL finally tells him to stop interrupting, and Montoya hands Paco some pictures to pass out. Awkwardness results as Paco tries to hide his gun and hand out the pictures. Pepa finds this amusing as hell.

Paco then has to point out where they're going on the map as Montoya lays out the route they're taking to try and search this out. He picks a team of Rita, Aitor, Sara and Povedilla and plans to head out in about an hour.

DL also decides to go, as he took a class in orienteering and thinks he can be useful. Mariano asks if he's joking, as he just had a kidney removed. DL tells him he only pees with a kidney, he doesn't need it to shoot a gun. He then takes a moment to explain to the precinct that he was sick, but he's better now, and thanks them for their help.

Montoya tells the group they'll dress as campers to avoid suspicion and wraps things up. As the group files out, Mariano and Paco worry and grab Povedilla and put him in charge of DL's pills and health.

Mariano leads out Paco to try and get his gun off.

--

IN THE WOODS

As the group walks, Aitor asks Sara how her long distance relationship is doing. She jokes about long distance performances, and he offers his own moonwalk. Sara takes a moment to tell him she's heard he's performing great works of public service in the form of semen donation.

Dl interrupts the conversation to plow through them - he has to pee. He tells Montoya to go on ahead, but Povedilla and his first aid kit elects to stay behind with him to help him.

--

PACO'S OFFICE

Mariano tries to get off the gun as Paco worries that Dl will think him insane because he's got a gun stuck to his hand. Curtis gets off the phone and tells him Customer service tells him it will take twenty or thirty days for the glue to come off. Nelson decides he should try a more natural method.

A blood curling scream is heard outside the office.

Paco holds his swollen and red hand, furious with Nelson. Nelson tries to make amends by offering to take them all out for the night. Mariano and Curtis happily agree, and Curtis heard of this great new club in town. They decide to go.

--

IN THE WOODS

DL and Povedilla get lost and without cell service.

Elsewhere, the rest of the group decide what to do. Sara refuses to go anywhere until they find DL and Povedilla. The rest of the group agrees.

Povedilla's timer beeps off and he tells DL it's time to clean his wound. Begrudgingly, DL lifts up his shirt.

The group decides to split up and see if they can head them off - since there's only two ways DL and Povedilla could have come down. Rita goes off with Montoya and Sara goes off with Aitor.

--

PACO'S HOUSE

Paco is uneasy about going out, but Mariano is excited. He pulls out condoms, and decides that if a guy comes on to him, he's going to go with him. Paco tries on a variety of horrid shirts. Mariano tells him to change because he looks pregnant.

The other guys arrive. Curtis tells Paco he has to take off his wedding ring now. Paco haltingly agrees, but can't get it off. He tries to soap it off in the kitchen sink, but it falls in the sink. Everyone is stunned. He plays it off and gets them to leave, but he's clearly devastated.

--

IN THE WOODS

DL and Povedilla are freezing to death. Povedilla thinks they should cuddle together for warmth. DL hates the idea, but is so cold he can't help but give in. Povedilla cuddles with him. DL tells him not to get too close.

SARA AND AITOR run out of batteries, and AItor decides they need to give up for the night. Aitor tells Sara to take the sleeping bag. She thinks there's room for them both but he says it's not right since she's married, and he'll sleep outside the bag, since he's like a nuclear reactor, he'll be fine.

Sara snuggles into the sleeping bag and regards him.

SARA: Hey - there's one thing I don't understand. If Pepa's my aunt, and she has your baby? What will you be, my uncle?

She cracks up.

AITOR: Fuck, Sara, you're pissing me off!

She laughs some more.

--

AT THE CLUB

The boys wait in line with the ugly people. The bouncer won't let them in. Paco tries to talk to the bouncer, but the bouncer tells him they're not getting in.

CURTIS: This is what we get for coming without chicks!

MARIANO: Why don't we call your sister? Pepa opens doors! And you can't tell she's a lesbian!

Paco glares at him.

PACO: Why don't we call your mother?

--

IN THE WOODS

Rita and Montoya get ready for bed. Rita asks him if he prefers face to face, back to face or back to back. He really doesn't care. They snuggle in together and fumble for a bit in the confined quarters.

--

AT THE CLUB

Paco tries to talk to the bouncer, but he just pisses him off. The bouncer punches him.

--

IN THE WOODS

Povedilla and DL are freezing to death. Povedilla gets desperate and resolves to pee on his hands to warm them up. He offers to share his pee with DL, DL tells him to stay the hell away from him.

SARA AND AITOR-

Sara sees Aitor shivering his ass off. She rolls her eyes.

SARA: [mocking him] I'm an electric charge. I'm a nuclear reactor. [he stares at her] Come on, get in.

AITOR: If I get in the sleeping bag, Lucas will cut my balls off.

SARA: Well, either he cuts them off or they freeze. You decide.

Aitor considers it.

AITOR: Fuck it.

He starts to pull his shoes off.

SARA: Hey... about the sperm donation-

AITOR: Sara, sara! What happened with the sperm donation is really simple, okay? Pepa wanted to get pregnant, but she didn't want to get inseminated. She asked me for help and I helped her. Sometimes I don't remember WHY, but I helped her. Case closed. Do you understand?

She nods.

AITOR: Great. Can I get in?

He gets in. Sara laughs at him.

SARA: And if Lucas and I can't have kids, would you give me some sperm?

AITOR: No.

SARA: No?

AITOR: No.

SARA: You'll say yes to Pepa, even though you barely know her, but not to me whom you've known for much longer?

AITOR: I'm not a fucking sperm bank, Sara.

SARA: You're not a sperm bank for who? Oh, sure, because she's a lesbian it's not the same, is it?

AITOR: No because I couldn't bear to see you pregnant with my child.

Sara's smile fades.

AITOR: And know that there'll be another guy there to carry you up the stairs. To see you get bigger. And buy him clothes, and name him. And to be outside of all the things I once dreamed of having with you. I can't. I won't be able to for many years, Sara. And if you don't understand that, then what we had was bullshit.

Sara stares at him, then turns and pretends to sleep.

--

Elsewhere, Povedilla pees on himself, and realizes he's actually stumbled upon a hole. He and DL uncover it and discover guns, grenades, coats - it's the stockpile.

--

Rita turns to snuggle into Montoya's back with his permission. He decides to tell her that she was right about a few things about him.

MONTOYA: Because in three years, I've been with a terrorist, I've lost a baby, and my last girlfriend became a lesbian. And from that, a few come out okay, and a few come out wounded. I came out wounded. And it scares me to get out there again.

Rita tells him he can have whatever he wants, because he's a very special person. He smiles and turns around and tells her that she's the special one, and he admires her.

She tells him that she's freezing her ass of, but she's very happy to be there with him. Until she realizes somethings poking her. He tells her it's his phone, and removes it, but looks troubled. It's not all his phone.

--

IN THE PATIO

The boys get drunk as Paco holds a package of frozen vegetables to his head. They giggle and laugh and bond.

Nelson tells him that he admires them all. Paco laughs, because Nelson's drunk off his ass.

--

IN THE WOODS

SARA AND AITOR have cuddled in the middle of the night. Sara wakes up and realizes this, and carefully pulls her hand back, but keeps her head on his chest.

Aitor wakes up, and realizes what has happened, and after a bittersweet look at his lost love, pulls his hand back from under her head. He pretends to go back to sleep as Sara opens her eyes and regards him, suddenly confused with her feelings for Aitor.

DL AND POVEDILLA wake up to the terrorists themselves standing over them. They convince them that they are actually who they're meeting up with.

SARA AND AITOR wake up, and have an awkward morning. Sara gets up to pee, Aitor struggles sadly with his feelings. While Sara is peeing, she sees terrorists in the woods. She tries to avoid them but ends up running smack into them.

MONTOYA AND RITA wake up and Rita complains at the phone is STILL poking her - and then realizes that it's not his phone that was poking her butt - but Montoya's erect dick.

He apologizes profusely, blaming it on a morning rush of blood, but she tries to shake it off and scrambles out of the bag - to find a mess of spooge spilled on the sleeping bag.

She's horrified, and Montoya scrambles to explain that it's yogurt. He licks it to assure her and tries to offer her some. She smiles adorably and shyly and shakes her head.

SARA is searched by the terrorists and they find her badge - they deduce the police are here. One guy tells the other to execute her with a silencer while he radios the others. Sara is scared out of her mind when she realizes she's about to be killed.

The terrorist radios to the guys with Povedilla and DL, who realize DL is a cop. DL pulls a gun on them, but the terrorists manage take the gun from him. They find his badge and decide to execute him too, but Povedilla dives for a grenade and in the process of THREATENING to pull the pin, actually pulls the pin.

DL keeps him calm and tells the terrorists that if they don't put down their guns, he'll tell Povedilla to drop the grenade and they'll all die.

SARA tries to keep it together as she faces her execution, but Aitor comes to the rescue when he shoots one guy and tells the guy holding a gun to Sara's head he has three seconds to put the gun down.

Sara sobs as the terrorist turns to try and shoot Aitor but Aitor clips his shoulder and Rita and Montoya run up to them.

Aitor grabs hold of Sara and calms her down, pulling her into his arms.

They hear an explosion and stare in horror.

But it's Povedilla and DL, who have talked the terrorists into giving themselves up and thrown the grenade to safety. They smile at each other in victory, when Povedilla's DL alarm goes off. They laugh and hug happily.

--

PACO'S HOUSE

Paco pulls apart his sink as he tries to get his ring out of the sink. After some work, he does.

He cleans it carefully and is about to put it on his ring finger, when he pauses.

After some thought, he slips it into his pocket instead.

End Episode

7x07: Lawyered - BAREBONES VERSION

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