8x04: Undercover Lover
Recap by Misty Flores
Previously on LHDP: When Aitor was pressured by Paco to make Sara hate him, he humiliated her in front of everyone by calling her a whore who sleeps with her witnesses. Pepa responded by dunking his head in a toilet. He confessed his love for Sara, something Sara overhead when she was crying in a stall. The hopelessness of that situation led Pepa to pin Silvia against a car, but they were interrupted by Curtis, who is now on his way to healing and thinks Pepa is in love with him. Pepa, not wanting to hurt him during his recovery, went along with it, and pleaded with Silvia for two weeks for Curtis to recover. Silvia agreed.
Meanwhile, Montoya was convinced by Curtis to tell Rita and her cousin the truth (that he loves Rita) but at the last minute decided to give Marga a chance and broke Rita's heart. Meanwhile, Sara got in trouble (again) and almost died (again) and Aitor had to save her (again). She gave him a coked up kiss for his trouble.
EPISODE 8x04: Undercover Lover
THE LOCKER ROOM
We open up with a monologue about muscles and kisses provided by Aitor, who is naked, as usual. As he speaks, he flexes in the mirror, and then starts to get dressed.
AITOR: I read in an article on the internet, that when we laugh we use 15 muscles in our face. Although we may not notice it, 15 muscles move every time. The same article said that when we shout, we use 13 muscles. And when we're on a bike, nine. And it seems that we kiss someone, that's when we use the most: 34 muscles. The article didn't say, but there are many types of kisses. Kisses of passion. Kisses of friendship. Kisses that don't say anything.
We see Curtis awkwardly kissing Pepa hello.
AITOR: And kisses that say everything…
Pepa and Silvia share a passionate, lingering kiss.
AITOR: And maybe that's why a kiss means so much. Because after you give it, there isn't a need to speak. Everything's already been said.
Aitor and Sara in a monastery. In present time, Aitor's dressed and ready to go.
PACO'S HOUSE
Outside Paco's house, Aitor runs up to Sara, asking how she is. She claims to be better, but admits she doesn't remember any of what happened. Aitor doesn't buy this, and tells her that although she still has feelings for Lucas, she's obviously falling in love with him too. Paco and Mariano interrupt to tell Aitor to hurry up. Aitor agrees, but before that leans in and tells Sara he's going to kiss her the next time he sees her. She can reject him if she wants to, but he's going to kiss her, and she won't have an excuse that she can't remember it.
He tells her that she's beautiful and leaves. Sara is disturbed.
THE BRIEFING ROOM
Everyone enters the briefing room. Pepa drops something and bends over, and as she does, her thong is very present. Curtis notices and as Pepa sits down, he leans over.
CURTIS: Pepa, darling. Take care when you bend over because… with your jeans so low and your thong so high… well sure, when you bend over you can see the string!
Silvia observing the scene, smirks. Pepa gets up and adjusts her jeans, and settles back down.
PEPA: Thank you.
Curtis gulps. Silvia grins, until she notices Sara beside her being emo.
SILVIA: Are you okay?
SARA: Yes.
SILVIA: Fight with Lucas via webcam again?
SARA: No, I'm fine. Seriously.
MONTOYA: Good morning, sit down please.
Don Lorenzo comes in and says good morning. Everyone responds.
MONTOYA: Good. We have today a maximum priority case. In a local monastery, a nun has turned up dead in one of their rooms. They're asking us for maximum discretion, understood? The first tests report an extreme likelihood that she died of a drug overdose.
KIKE: Holy fuck! Did she see God? Did she levitate?
DL: The only one that's going to levitate is you, from the ass kicking I'm going to give you.
Kike shuts up.
DL: Let's see… Silvia. We're waiting for the results of the autopsy to determine with absolute certainty what the cause of that death was. And listen, kids – good news. We've received permission for two of our agents to infiltrate the order. And then we can find out once and for all who, how and when those drugs got into the convent.
SARA: I can go! I can go undercover.
Everyone looks at her, surprised.
SARA: What's wrong? Just because I screwed up once, doesn't mean I'm going to do it again!
DL: I agree, Sara. Good. But I don't want you to take unnecessary risks. This time, you adhere to the protocol, understood?
SARA: Okay.
DL: Aitor. Where's Aitor?
SILVIA: Aitor's gone until tomorrow with Paco and Mariano. They're on another case.
PACO'S HOUSE
Aitor enters and sits at the table with Paco and Mariano. Paco sincerely thanks him for saving Sara's life, and offers him apology. He tells him that they're going after the uranium, but before they do, he needs to learn the rules to being part of the group. Aitor asks what they are.
THE BRIEFING
DL is not happy to hear of an unauthorized mission. He asks if anyone has a problem with him assigning the cases, and when everyone looks around guiltily, he assigns the case to Povedilla. Povedilla objects – he's a devout catholic and to impersonate a man of the cloth is a sin. DL has no patience for this and tells him to do it. He dismisses the group. Marga, Montoya's new girlfriend, greets him outside with a kiss.
Montoya offers her a coffee, a devastated Rita watches them leave.
Curtis calls out to Pepa as she goes. Silvia hangs back and watches.
CURTIS: Pepa! Should we go out tomorrow for a stroll?
PEPA: A stroll, Curtis?
CURTIS: I promise you, there will be no blood transfusions, no defibrillators or cardiac arrests! You can't tell me no!
Pepa smiles. Watching them, Silvia also smiles.
CURTIS: I've even bought myself a pair of lifts for my shoes!
That causes Pepa to crack up.
CURTIS: Seriously! It makes me 6cm taller, just like Sarkozy! Isn't he with Carla Bruni? Well I'm with Pepa. He's the President of France? I'm the King of San Antonio! Say yes. Say yes, woman!
Amused, Silvia offers her unspoken permission with a smile.
PEPA: Okay.
She pats Curtis affectionately and leaves, a secret smile for Silvia as she goes.
PACO'S HOUSE
Paco lays down the rules for Aitor. 1) They're a team, and look out for each other 2) Always trust your instincts 3)Respect the law, but when you're undercover, know when to bend them 4)There is no fight between them that can't be fixed and 5) they're a family.
Aitor is touched that they consider him family, and they give each other a group hug.
[*TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: WTF?! This is LUCAS' group hug with Paco & Mariano! Lucas better come back and kick some skinny AItor ass! First he's trying to steal Sara and then he takes Mariano/Paco? Oh HELLS NO.
And yes. I didn't realize I was such a Lucas fan until Aitor tried to take his place. ]
They leave for their operation.
CANTINA MARIACHI
(A note about this scene. Rita and Curtis are almost impossible to decipher. Bear with me.)
Curtis orders a burrito trio and two orange juices for him and Rita. They settle down together.
CURTIS: Who's got a date with Pepa tomorrow? Uncle Curtis! Ask me! Ask me what the secret is?
RITA: What's the secret?
CURTIS: Patience! I could have thrown myself at her neck and started eating her with kisses, well I'm not going to do it until she wants me to!
We see what Pepa ACTUALLY WANTS – its Silvia. They're pulling each other's clothes off in the lab.
CURTIS: Even if I have to get up every five minutes to jerk off in the bathroom. I've noticed she wants to go slow!
Not, really. She's going at it pretty damn fast with Silvia.
CURTIS: And you with Montoya, what?
RITA: Me with Montoya? Nothing. But if you ask my cousin how it's going with her, it's great!
Montoya pulls Marga into the bathroom locker room and into a stall.
RITA: Just this morning I saw him give her a big wet sloppy kiss!
Montoya and Marga and Silvia and Pepa go at it.
CURTIS: Haven't I told you already, Rita? He's giving her those big sloppy kisses because Montoya is a gentleman! Any day now he's going to break up with her like a true nobleman. He's doing it for you. He's going to leave her for you.
Rita starts to smile. Meanwhile Marga/Montoya and Pepa/Silvia fuck like bunnies.
CURTIS: What he wants is to be with you. And Montoya is a gentleman. A rare one: a gentleman! [The food comes] Thank you, gorgeous.
RITA: Well yes. Yes, Montoya's doing the right thing. But not with her. She's really falling for him.
CURTIS: Because these things don't finish overnight. Dammit, she's your cousin! He's not going to break up with her without a little anesthesia, right? He's going to do things right! He's miserable!
No, he's not.
RITA: And you think he's doing this without me knowing?
She sighs, encouraged. Curtis eats his burrito. Our couples keep having sex.
THE MONASTARY
Povedilla and Sara arrive and are greeted by the Mother Superior and the high priest. Povedilla is a little over excited and weirds out the nun and the priest.
IN THE BOONIES
Aitor and the boys arrive at the location, and peek in on the group dumping the uranium barrels. They decide they need to go down there to discover who is hiring them them to dump the chemicals.
THE MONASTARY
As the priest reads from the Bible and the group sits ready for dinner, Povedilla can't contain himself and starts talking. Mother Superior makes him give the blessing, and he muddles through. Then the priest collapses.
IN THE BOONIES
Aitor heads down to distract the men, pretending to be a cyclist who's lost his friends. Meanwhile, Paco and Mariano head into the crane to try to find info. But of course they make a muck of things and it starts moving.
Aitor gets a call from Sara, and tells her he can't talk. She gets offended and tells him she doesn't want him to call her or kiss her. She gets caught by Mother Superior, who takes her phone.
The group sees Paco/Mariano, and the trio flee on their bikes.
IN THE LAB
As Pepa pulls on her vest, Silvia, dress still unbuttoned, starts to lift the blinds.
PEPA: The shooting gallery. The freight elevator, the car, and now the lab. What's up, doing it in secret turns you on, doesn't it, Redhead?
SILVIA: Well no, you know what really turns me on? Imagining you and Curtis tomorrow hand in hand, on a romantic date.
PEPA: Oh, you're so funny, aren't you?
She gives her a playful slap on the ass and comes up behind her, putting her arms around her.
PEPA: I did it to break up with him. Because I don't want to hurt him. But I don't know how. But I'm definitely breaking up with him.
SILVIA: Fuck, Curtis!
PEPA: No!
They scramble.
SILVIA: Curtis is coming! Yes!
Silvia frantically rebuttons her dress while Pepa jumps on the autopsy table and grabs the sheet. Curtis hesitates but enters just as Silvia pulls on her lab coat.
CURTIS: Silvia… do you have a minute?
SILVIA: Well, Curtis, it's just you caught me ready to do the autopsy of the nun.
CURTIS: Yeah…
He comes in.
CURTIS: Look Silvia, you're probably going to find this very uncomfortable, but I don't… it's just I don't know what to do. I don't know. I'm as lost as an octopus in a garage, fuck! Tomorrow I'm supposed to go out with Pepa and… you're the one that knows her the best, right? You wouldn't want to help me out?
Silvia doesn't know what to say. She shrugs. Curtis smiles.
CURTIS: I want to go slow with her. I swear it! I want to go slow, but not too slow. I don't want her to think I'm an idiot. Because an idiot, I'm not! But I also don't want to go fast, dammit! If I go fast, what is she going to think? I'm only after one thing! To get on top of her!
SILVIA: Well, I don't know, Curtis. Be yourself.
CURTIS: Sure… that's easy to say, dammit. But all my life I've gotten my guy out on the first dates, Silvia, fuck! If there was a chance, out he'd come, you know? But … I don't know why but it seems to me that she might still be a little… penis-phobic.
Pepa reacts, Silvia blinks.
CURTIS: I'm… I'm going crazy, dammit! Look, Silvia. I think that… everyone in the world has one opportunity in their life to be happy, right? For things to turn out alright. And I… something inside of me tells me that I have that opportunity with Pepa. What do I do?
Pepa winces. Silvia sighs.
SILVIA: Look Curtis, the thing is, anything I tell you about Pepa isn't going to help you one bit. Because when it comes to Pepa, the tests in Cosmo, the surveys, the astrological charts aren't worth anything. No, Pepa doesn't fall into any category. I don't know. Do you want to know how Pepa is? Well look, Pepa… is a little schizophrenic, to be honest. She's with you and it's great, and then she's running off. And don't get her mad because she has a left hook like Tyson.
Pepa laughs silently.
SILVIA: But then when she's with you, it's like it's the last day of her life. She's capable of taking all the night shifts just to keep you company. Or of inventing an operation to surprise you with a romantic picnic. Or calling an ex-boyfriend from her childhood to get herself pregnant for you. Well, that's how Pepa is.
CURTIS: Thank you, Silvia. Thank you.
Overwhelmed, he heads for the door, but turns back.
CURTIS: I'm leaving and I still have doubts! Do I take out my penis or don't I?
Silvia rolls her eyes. Curtis sighs and leaves.
Pepa uncovers herself and smiles at Silvia lovingly. Silvia smiles back.
IN THE BOONIES
The guys on their bikes are being chased by the big truck. Aitor veers off and instructs Paco/Mariano to follow him. He cuts off the truck and says they're going to stand there until the truck stops. The truck doesn't want to stop, and nearly runs Aitor over. As it bears down on him, he flashes to a thousand images of Sara, before the truck stops an inch away.
They arrest the guy, who tells him they made a big mistake. No one messes with their mafia and lives to tell about it.
THE LOCKER ROOM
Marga comes in, and laughs when she calls Montoya and discovers him waiting in the shower stall. They go at it again.
Rita and Curtis come in to investigate, and are aghast to hear Montoya/Marga having sex. Curtis tries to reassure Rita, that Montoya is only banging her because he's a gentleman, but Rita flees.
THE MONASTARY
Povedilla is woken up by a frantic Sara, who is freaking out over her feelings for Aitor. She lights a cigarette and bangs things until Povedilla calms her down, but by then it's too late. Mother Superior catches them, and after she orders Sara in her see-through nightgown out of the room, tells Povedilla he'll be reported.
THE LAB
Silvia does the autopsy of the nun with her father.
DL: Let's see, Silvia. Nuns do a lot of things, but that I know of, they don't inject themselves with pure drugs. How could she have so much of that in her system?
SILVIA: Well that's what I'm trying to figure out. She doesn't have one injection mark on her forearms, or her feet, or her abdomen. So it's not injected. But look.
She turns on the UV light and points at her gums.
SILVIA: You see? This pigmentation she has on all her gums.
DL: So she's an addict? You're saying a 70 year old nun was an addict?
SILVIA: No. The most probable explanation is that she intoxicated herself with something she ate with her hands. Look, she has her thumb tainted with pure drugs. Call Sara and Povedilla and tell them to look for drugs hidden in things. I'm sure this nun died because of eating something tainted with it.
Shaken, DL makes the call.
THE INTERROGATION ROOM
Mariano and Paco freak out about the fact that they've gotten themselves mixed up with the mob. Aitor suggests that to get to the bottom of it, they make the guy think that they're also corrupt and maybe they can figure out who is behind it.
CACHI'S
Leo (the manager) is frightened, but Nelson doesn't notice as he comes in, until two gangsters come up beside him and stick a fork in his hand. Ouchie.
SARA'S APARTMENT
Pepa, in a towel and with her hair wet, opens the door. Curtis gulps.
CURTIS: I may have showed up a little early.
PEPA: An hour and a half early.
CURTIS: Yeah. I'll happily wait for you while you shave.
Pepa blinks.
CURTIS: I mean… I mean… I'm not saying you were shaving. You don't have to do that for me! I love woman who don't shave! I like you with hair, without, with tufts, with bangs with… fuzz…
He gives up.
CURTIS: I'll wait for you out here.
Pepa closes the door.
Curtis waits, and practices some of his lines.
CURTIS: You're beautiful, you know? You're beautiful every day but today…
He tries to be suave.
CURTIS: My mom always said – beautiful woman, gracious man. And what my mother says- be careful! I'll buy you a Benjamin. Whiskey with ice! Because the guys-
He's interrupted when Pepa comes out. She's gorgeous. He's flabbergasted.
CURTIS: You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
PEPA: Thank you!
He tries to kiss her, she turns her head and gives him awkward kisses on the cheek.
CURTIS: My lady!
PEPA: Please!
She makes him go first. A delivery man comes over and Curtis reaches out to keep Pepa out of the way. He realizes he's grabbed a hold of her boob.
Pepa stares at him in bemusement. He yanks his hand away, laughs nervous, and continues.
THE INTERROGATION ROOM
Mariano and Paco try to pretend to be corrupt officers, but don't seem to faze the gangster. Aitor comes in and tells him they poisoned his cup with uranium from his barrels, and tells him they'll trade him a meeting with his boss for an ambulance.
CACHI'S
Leo and Nelson wait, held hostage by the mafiosos, as Curtis and Pepa enter and sit at the bar.
PEPA: Hello, Leo!
CURTIS: Would you give us two beers? But really cold!
Pepa notices Nelson in the corner.
PEPA: Fuck, Nelson! Is he going to eat that entire omelet?
CURTIS: It's a question of culture.
PEPA: What?
CURTIS: The tribesman eats whatever he wants to. Why? Because those guys eat well one day and the next?
He whistles, indicating they'd have nothing. Pepa laughs.
PEPA: You son of a –
CURTIS: Come on. I'm right, aren't I? You have the most beautiful smile.
His phone rings. It's Rita. He ignores the call.
CURTS: It's nothing. Rita. She's got a thing with Montoya and it's not exactly flowing properly…
They get their beers and thank Leo.
PEPA: It's not flowing? Well, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.
CURTIS: Hmm?
PEPA: This thing if ours isn't flowing, Curtis. We're friends. And co-workers. And honestly, you're great! But… we don't work. You and I, we're from different planets.
Curtis absorbs that.
CURTIS: From different planets? From different GALAXIES. And from different solar systems, right? I'm wearing lifts that are 6 cms high and you still tower over me.
Pepa smiles.
CURTIS: And that's why we're going to fight for this.
Pepa's smile stalls.
CURTIS: With everything we've got! I'm going to put all the meat on the grill. Everything I've got. You'll laugh at the barbeques the teenagers have on the weekend. They're kiddy affairs! I'm going to put on T-bones, I'll put on sirloin… all the sausage and meat that it takes, Pepa. I'm going to do it. We can do it!
Pepa has no words. She doesn't know what to say, faced with the magnitude of Curtis' delusion. Her phone rings. She looks down.
SILVIA: [text]: The lab has its' perks but we can try the locker room now. What do you think?
Pepa sighs at Curtis. It's not even a choice.
PEPA: It's the precinct. I have to go, Curtis. I'm sorry.
She gets up and leaves him behind.
PEPA: See you later, Leo!
Curtis gets up to leave.
CURTIS: Put this on my tab and I'll be back.
He glares at Nelson.
CURTIS: Get a dessert while you're at it. We wouldn't want you to go hungry! Man, that black guy can eat!
He leaves. Nelson begins to cry.
THE INTERROGATION ROOM
Aitor and the group convinces the Mafioso that he's going to die. They agree to exchange a phone call to his boss for an ambulance. He falls for it. They call the boss and are horrified when they realize he has Nelson.
Don Lorenzo finds them, and they hide the Italian as he orders Aitor to go down to the monastery because they can't contact Povedilla or Sara. Aitor reluctantly goes.
THE BULLPEN
Marga obliviously goes on and on to Rita about Montoya boning her all over the place. A miserable Rita confesses to Curtis that she's getting fed up with waiting for Montoya to do the right thing.
THE MONASTARY
A freaked out Povedilla is confronted by Aitor as Aitor fills him on what Silvia found. Povedilla tries to leave because he's going to get charged, but Aitor makes him stay and find out where the drugs are.
Aitor and Povedilla step outside and Aitor sees Sara. Povedilla jets.
THE BULLPEN
As Mariano and Paco try to sneak out the Italian to exchange him for Nelson, DL catches up with them to yell at them about not giving him a heads up about their mission. He demands to know who the Italian is, they lie and tell him he's the Chief Inspector of a precinct in Italy. DL is delighted and begins to show him a tour of the precinct.
THE MONASTARY
Aitor accuses Sara of going undercover to avoid him. She says she's not interested in talking about them and is only interested in the job. He tells her what Silvia said, so it has to be something she ate. Sara says all the nuns eat the same thing, it would have affected all of them.
Meanwhile, Povedilla waits nervously, reading the Bible he was given. He receives a visit from a man of the cloth.
Aitor and Sara talk about the case.
Povedilla is accused of breaking his vows by Mother Superior and tries to defend himself.
Sara and Aitor try to figure out where the drugs could be and Sara begins to realize that the Bibles might be the link. She runs to the box of Bibles, and rips the paper off and tastes it. The pages are filled with cocaine.
THE SHOOTING GALLERY
DL shows off his precinct to the Italiano and playfully challenges him to a shooting match. The Italian shoots off six perfect headshots. He stuns everyone and takes his leave with Paco and Mariano.
THE MONASTARY
Povedilla, who has been coked up thanks to reading the Bible with his fingers, barely makes sense now to the priest and mother superior.
Sara and Aitor realize the Bibles are shipped from South America. Sara takes off to alert the nuns, but Aitor runs after her and tells her they're not done.
Povedilla struggles as the nun asks him if sleeping with a young nun is normal behavior. Aitor and Sara stare at each other. Aitor kisses Sara. She pushes back, but he tells her if she doesn't want him to turn him away.
Povedilla is quiet.
POVEDILLA: Do you know what's not normal? You want me to tell you what isn't normal? Huh? It's not normal to think that making love is a sin! That's not normal! It's not normal to think that God doesn't love the lesbians and homosexuals! That's not normal! It's not normal that the church covers up abuse of children and doesn't allow priests to marry. It's not normal – the riches of the Vatican, or the rings or the gold or the money thrown at publicity campaigns, and it's absurd that meanwhile 30 million people in Africa contract Aids because they don't use condoms.
He goes on.
POVEDILLA: Gentlemen, God gave us 2 arms and two feet and he also gave us the capacity to love, to want to touch each other, to feel with your fingers an accelerated heart beat with excitement – and that, Gentlemen, can't be a sin.
Curtis, armed with a teddy bear and a bouquet of flowers, goes into the locker room, a big smile on his face, trying to surprise Pepa in the shower.
Rita talks to Marga, telling her she needs to tell her something.
Aitor continues to berate Sara, telling her to reject him if she doesn't love him. She slaps him.
POVEDILLA: Gentlemen, love… love isn't easy, and you're trying to make it so much harder and more complicated as if it's not complicated enough, as if it's not enough that all of humanity complicates it already.
Rita tells Marga that Montoya doesn't love her. Curtis comes closer and closer, until he hears laughter, SILVIA'S laughter, in the shower, and hears Pepa calling her redhead. His smile fades.
POVEDILLA: Because, Gentlemen, to love is to also understand rejection. To understand that you're going to get hurt, you're going to suffer, you're going to cry. It's to understand that things are very different from holy matrimony.
Aitor keeps telling Sara to reject him. She starts to hit him, sobbing, but he only holds her closer.
POVEDILLA: Today, you marry and you live happily ever after? False!
Curtis is heartbroken. Marga asks Rita if she loves Montoya. Rita says she does. Very much.
POVEDILLA: False, Gentlemen! As much as you want to keep proclaiming it. You know what I think? I think you don't know what it means to love, because if I've learned something after all these years, it's that if to hold someone so tight that you don't know where you begin and they end is a sin? Gentlemen, I'm a sinner.
Sara loses her strength. Aitor kisses her. Sobbing, she begins to kiss him back.
POVEDILLA: . Because the only God I believe in is love. Do you understand? Love.
Curtis leaves the flowers on the sink . Marga, crying, leaves. Rita watches her go miserably. Aitor and Sara continue to kiss each other.
End EPISODE
NEXT: Episode 8x05: It's the attack of the lovesick – Aitor continues his affair with Sara, only to be caught by Don Lorenzo. Rita steps up her campaign to win Montoya, and Curtis, desperate to keep Pepa anyway he can, proposes a threesome with Pepa & Silvia.