DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are
property of NBC and Dick Wolf.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Alexandra Cabot was back. It had been almost two years since she went into the Witness Protection Program following an attempt on her life. For her safety and the safety of the people she loved, she let everyone believe she had died. Everyone except Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson, her detectives and friends from the Special Victims Unit. Now she was back in New York to testify against the man who tried to kill her. She never thought she would be coming back to New York, much less standing in a hotel room with Elliot and Olivia.
The former A.D.A. was under 24-hour protection. Elliot had just finished his shift, he glanced around the room, making sure he hadn't forgotten anything. "If you need anything call. I'll be back in the morning to pick you up." Olivia closed the door behind her partner, double-checked the locks then put her overnight bag on the bed.
"Hey." Olivia walked over to her friend. She still couldn't believe Alex was here.
Other than their brief meeting earlier that day, Alex and Olivia hadn't spoken in almost two years. They both had so much they wanted to say to each other, but neither one knew how to start.
"Sometimes when I'm really homesick, I hum the Mr. Softee song." Alex was standing by the window looking out at the city she loved and missed.
"Are you making friends?"
"There's a claims adjuster at the insurance company where I work. We've been seeing each other. He's a good man." Alex wasn't sure if she should continue, but it felt good to finally be able to open up to someone who knew her. "And when we're in bed he whispers my name Emily."
"It's hard to be something you're not." Olivia wanted to be supportive, but it was difficult, given the fact that she was in love with the former A.D.A..
Alex could feel her emotions just below the surface. She needed to change the subject. "I just wish it was me prosecuting this guy. He's going to go out there and woo them with his Irish charm, and I can't even prove he shot me."
"You haven't seen this file." Olivia pulled a folder from her overnight bag and handed it to Alex. "There's some information in here you might be able to use."
Alex opened the file and glanced over the contents. "Where did you get this?"
"I have my sources." Olivia grabbed a book from her bag and sat down on the sofa to read.
The folder contained information on the man who tried to kill her. Alex stared at his picture. She, as well as another one of his victims, a young boy who witnessed his parents' murder, would be testifying against him tomorrow. After an hour, she put the folder on the table and sighed. Olivia looked up from her book. "Everything okay?"
"Hmm yes, I guess I'm just tired."
Olivia smiled, put her book down and patted the sofa next to her. "Come here."
Alex walked over to the sofa and sat down, tucking one leg beneath her. She turned and looked at Olivia. As she studied the detective's profile, she thought to herself that Olivia was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She tentatively touched Olivia's shoulder, rubbing it lightly. Olivia relaxed, leaned back and rested her head on Alex's shoulder. They sat in silence for a few moments then Olivia turned to look at her, "I've missed you Alex."
Alex brushed an errant lock of hair behind Olivia's ear. "I've missed you too. There's not a day that goes by that I haven't thought of you."
Alex was not normally this forthcoming with her feelings, but so much had happened since the shooting. She lost everything that night. Her home, her job, her friends, her family and the woman she loved. Sitting here with Olivia, enjoying the closeness, Alex knew she might never get this chance again.
"You know," Alex started slowly, "I've loved you for a long time. I always thought there would be time to tell you ..."
"Then you were shot." Olivia reached for Alex's hand.
"And everything changed." Alex responded sadly.
"After I thought you died I was beside myself. The night I found out you were alive I wanted to hold onto you and never let you go. Everything happened so fast, I couldn't talk to you." Olivia looked at Alex; they both had tears in their eyes. She swallowed hard and continued. "I never got the chance to tell you that I loved you. I wanted to tell you so many times. I don't know what I was afraid of, why I didn't say something. I was such a coward, I wish "
"Don't." Alex touched the detective's lips with her fingers. "We were both afraid. Being away from you, from New York, I've had time to think about us. I promised myself if I ever saw you again I would not hold back. Liv, not many people get second chances. Do you really want to spend what little time we have regretting the past?"
"No." Olivia cupped Alex's cheek and slowly leaned forward to kiss her. The kiss was soft at first, but deepened when Alex put her arms around the detective's neck and pulled her closer.
Alex was the first to pull back, resting her forehead against Olivia's shoulder. "I'm not sure of much right now, but I know that if I don't make love to you tonight I will regret it for the rest of my life."
Olivia stood and held her hand out to Alex. Neither one said anything as they walked over to the bed.
Olivia placed soft, gentle kisses along Alex's back, making her way up towards the blonde's neck and shoulders.
"Hmm that feels good." Alex was perfectly content, lying on her stomach, letting Olivia pamper her.
"You like?" More soft kisses behind her ear.
"I definitely like."
"What?" Alex rolled over onto her back. Looking up at Olivia, she ran her fingers through the brunette's hair.
"Butterfly kisses. At least that's what my mother called them. When I was a little girl, she would give me these tiny little kisses. She called them butterfly kisses." Olivia rolled over on her left side, adjusting the pillows to get more comfortable. "We'd go to the park, she'd let me play, and I'd look for butterflies. For some reason I liked butterflies."
"I bet you were hell on wheels when you were younger." Alex tried to imagine Olivia as a child.
"Actually I was pretty good when I was a kid then I became a teenager. But that's a different story. Anyway, where was I?" She gently rubbed Alex's stomach.
"You had this thing for butterflies."
"Right so I'd catch them and let them sit on my fingers or my hand, it kind of tickled. My mother would say, 'Liv those butterflies are giving you kisses you must be a sweet little girl'." Olivia smiled, recalling the pleasant memory. She leaned over and kissed Alex's shoulder.
"What a wonderful story. I'll never look at butterflies the same way again. Whenever I see one I'll think of you." Alex sat up and pushed the detective on to her back. Straddling Olivia's hips, she started kissing the brunette between her breasts.
"You know you've ruined me for anyone else?" Olivia ran her fingers through Alex's hair, gently massaging her scalp.
"How so?" Alex leaned into Olivia, placing small kisses on her neck.
"That what you're doing now. You barely kiss me and " Olivia's breath hitched as Alex sucked on her ear lobe.
"And what?" Alex asked seductively.
"Several hours of marathon lovemaking and just when I think I'm about to die, you give me a couple of kisses and I'm wet again." Alex smiled into the detective's neck.
"Is that a bad thing?" she asked innocently.
"Hell no." Olivia chuckled.
"Speaking of ruining you for everyone else, am I ruining you for anyone in particular right now?" Alex and been upfront about the man she was involved with, but Olivia hadn't offered any information about her personal life.
"Isn't it a little late to be asking that?" Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the situation. Here she was in bed with the woman of her dreams, they just finished making love, several times, and now she was being quizzed about her love life. "Would it have made a difference if I were?"
"No." Alex leaned over and kissed Olivia. "You don't have to answer. I shouldn't have asked." Alex could tell Olivia was uncomfortable with the question.
"It's a fair question. You were honest with me." Olivia placed her hands on Alex's hips, running her fingers lightly over the blonde's smooth skin. "There's no one special in my life. A date here and there, but nothing to write home about. I've had lunch with someone a few times but it's nothing serious."
"Anyone I know."
"Like I said, nothing serious." Olivia wanted nothing more than to change the subject. She knew Alex well enough to know that she would want more information.
Alex looked at Olivia suspiciously.
"Oh, come on Alex, I know that look."
"That look whenever you thought someone on the stand was lying, you would look over at the jury with 'that look' which meant you didn't believe a word they said."
"Oh that look," Alex said grinning, "I guess it means I don't believe you detective. But you don't have to tell me if you don't want too." Alex tried to sound indifferent as she repositioned herself on Olivia's hips. She bent down, giving the detective a kiss, playfully nipping her bottom lip.
"You're good counselor." Olivia said in admiration.
"Thank you." Alex responded smugly.
"Don't let it go to your head." Alex laid down by Olivia, snuggling into her body.
"How is Casey working out?"
"She's not you, that's for sure, but it's better than when she first started," Olivia ran her fingers through Alex's blonde hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear.
"Give her time. Sometimes it takes a while to find your niche. Special Victims can be a difficult place to work. Besides, it could be worse, you could have ended up with someone you couldn't stand."
"At least Casey's approachable. If we need something, she does her best to make it happen. And I haven't wanted to hit her lately, so that's a good thing." Alex laughed into Olivia's chest as she got a vision of Olivia cold-cocking the new ADA.
"Can you imagine if Trevor Langan had been a prosecutor working Special Victims? Cragen would have had to take your gun away." Alex laughed. "Remember the time you tracked me down at the restaurant and I was having dinner with him?"
"We needed a warrant." Olivia added.
"You looked at me like I was a traitor, and if looks could kill, Trevor would have been a dead man."
Olivia swatted her arm. "I wasn't that bad."
Alex propped herself up on her elbow and looked at Olivia. "Uh huh."
"There's that 'look' again." She leaned over, kissing Alex on the forehead. "Was that a date?"
"Is that why you looked like you wanted to kill him? You were jealous, weren't you?"
Olivia grinned. "I'll take the fifth on that. You didn't answer my question about Langan."
"Trevor and I would run into each other at functions and seminars. I guess you could say we were friendly acquaintances. Believe it or not, he's actually a nice guy once you get to know him."
Olivia remained silent.
"He's a defense attorney Liv he's just doing his job. There are respectable defense attorneys and unethical defense attorneys. I would put him in the respectable class."
"How did we get on this subject?" Olivia did not want to talk about Langan.
Alex Laughed. "I don't remember."
"So counselor, we have some time to kill any suggestions on what we should do?" Olivia seductively ran her finger across Alex's collarbone then over her shoulder.
Alex grabbed Olivia's hand and held it still. "You haven't answered my question."
"What question?" Olivia feigned ignorance.
"You know the 'I've had lunch with someone lately but it's nothing serious' question."
"Oh that question."
"Yes, that question." Alex looked at Olivia and rolled her eyes. "You didn't think I had forgotten, did you."
"One could hope. You're not going to quit asking are you?"
"Probably not. I'm an ex-ADA, what do you expect? And besides, you've piqued my curiosity." She kissed Olivia's palm then place both their hands on the detective's stomach.
Olivia nervously bit her bottom lip. "I don't think you would approve." She answered shyly.
"Why wouldn't I approve?" Alex waited for Olivia to answer, but the detective remained silent.
"Oh my God you're seeing Elliot aren't you?"
"What!" Olivia nearly choked. "Don't be silly. It's not Elliot. What made you think that?"
"Elliot told me earlier that he and Kathy separated. You spend a lot of time together, he's a nice guy, nice to look at "
Olivia shook her head. "You have a vivid imagination counselor. Get your mind out of the gutter."
"Alright, so if it's not him then who is it? Fin?"
Olivia looked at her as if she were crazy. "Are you going to go through everyone in the squad?"
"Maybe." Alex answered playfully.
"I'll tell you. But promise me you won't laugh."
"Why would I " before Alex could finish her sentence Olivia stopped her.
"Okay, I promise, now tell me." Alex held up her hand as if she was taking an oath.
Olivia whispered the name so low that Alex could not understand what she was saying.
"Olivia, you know I couldn't hear that." Alex slapped Olivia's stomach playfully.
Olivia smiled and repeated the name again, still too low for Alex to hear. Alex knew that Olivia was teasing with her. She would need to take a different approach she bent down and gave the detective a long, passionate kiss.
"Did you like that?" Alex asked seductively.
"Oh yes." Olivia reached up for another kiss but Alex stopped her.
"If you want more kisses then give me a name. No name. No kisses."
"I'm waiting." Alex began to tap her fingers on Olivia's stomach.
"Okay, but remember, you promised not to laugh." Alex gave her an impatient look.
"I had lunch with Langan a couple of times." Olivia held her breath waiting for Alex to respond.
At first Alex's face registered confusion. She looked at Olivia for signs that she was joking, but she could tell the detective was serious.
"Langan? As in Trevor Langan? You're dating Trevor " Alex could not finish her sentence, she was laughing too hard.
Olivia punched Alex lightly on the arm. "You promised you wouldn't laugh."
"But ," Alex could barely talk, she was laughing too hard. She took several deep breaths, attempting to compose herself. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh."
"Uh huh." Olivia stared up at the ceiling, arms crossed. She had expected Alex to be surprised about Trevor, but she did not expect her to find it so funny. Olivia was now regretting her decision to let Alex in on her secret.
Alex tried to stifle a giggle. "Liv, I'm sorry for laughing. It's just you don't even like Trevor."
Olivia looked up at Alex. The blonde smiled in return hoping to put the detective at ease. "So when did you start sleeping with the enemy?"
Olivia shot up in bed and nearly knocked Alex off the edge. "Who said I was sleeping with him? I never said that. Just lunch. That's all!"
"Olivia I was joking "
Olivia cut Alex off before she could finish. "Very funny. I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Alex realized she had pushed Olivia too far. "Liv, I'm sorry." She put her arms around Olivia's neck and kissed her lightly on the cheek. When Olivia didn't respond, she placed another kiss next to her ear and whispered again. "I'm sorry Olivia."
"S'okay. I guess it is kind of funny when you think about it." Olivia put her head on Alex's shoulder. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and held her close.
"I go into Witness Protection for a couple of years and all hell breaks loose. What happened while I was gone?" Alex placed a small kiss on top of Olivia's head.
Olivia shrugged her shoulders.
"How did you go from not being able to stand the man to dating him?"
Olivia looked up at Alex. "We're not dating and I still don't like him much."
"Uh huh so you're not dating. Do you always go to lunch with someone you don't like?"
"Only if it's a nice restaurant and they are the one's paying." Olivia answered with a wide grin.
"Very funny Liv. Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Trevor?"
"It's a long story Alex. One that I don't care to get into right now."
"Okay." Olivia could tell by the tone of Alex's voice that she was hurt.
Olivia reached for Alex's hands, slowly raised them to her lips, and placed light kisses on her fingers. They had both been so content and happy just a few minutes ago. Now the situation had spiraled out of control. This was not how Olivia wanted their evening to end.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you Alex. Just the opposite. I want to tell you everything." There was a hint of sadness in Olivia's voice as she tried to explain what she was feeling. "We've missed so much already and we don't have much time. I don't want to lose another second with you. I don't want to talk about anyone else or think about anyone else right now. I want you all to myself I want you."
Alex understood what Olivia was saying. This was their time together, although brief, this was all they had. Alex was here to testify, but after the trial, she knew she would be going back into witness protection; a new place and a new identity. Tonight was not the beginning of a relationship with Olivia. Tonight was unfinished business, a chance for them to be together as lovers, something they didn't have the courage to do before. Time is a funny thing, Alex thought to herself; when you realize time is running out it gives you the courage to be yourself.
Alex lay back down on the bed, pulling Olivia on top of her. She wrapped her arms around the detective's neck and kissed her. "I'm all yours Olivia. Let's make some memories."
They had had plenty of time to make love slowly, exploring each other's bodies, but Olivia needed something else right now. Realizing their time together was limited; Olivia could feel the tension in her body. She knew this time their lovemaking would be neither gentle nor soft. Her body needed more.
"Alex, I " Olivia started, but she was not sure how to tell Alex what she needed.
Alex could see the turmoil in the detective's eyes. She reached up, cupped Olivia's face and lightly stroked her cheek. "What's wrong Liv?"
"I need "
"It's okay Olivia, you can tell me." Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's bangs, brushing them away from her face.
Olivia straddled Alex's hips and grabbed her hands. Pushing her back against the bed, she pinned Alex's arms above her head. Alex could see the raw desire in Olivia's eyes. The intensity of Olivia's gaze almost scared her, but she knew Olivia would never hurt her. Olivia leaned her forehead against Alex's shoulder, breathing heavily, struggling with her desire to possess Alex and her fear of loosing control.
Alex loosened her hands from Olivia's grip and placed them on her shoulders, pushing her back. "I know what you want Olivia. I can see it in your eyes. Don't "
"I'm sorry Alex." Olivia looked away, embarrassed and afraid.
"Why? Olivia, please look at me." Olivia lifted her head to look at Alex.
"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong. I know you love me Olivia and I know you would never hurt me. I also know you would never take anything from me that I didn't give to you freely."
Alex placed her finger on Olivia's lips. "No Olivia. Listen to me." Alex held her gaze.
"I love you all of you. You don't need to hold back with me."
They stared at each other for a moment, neither one making a move. Finally, Alex reached up, placed her hands on Olivia's breast and started kneading them roughly. Olivia arched her back, her breathing becoming ragged. Alex lifted herself enough to reach Olivia's breast with her lips. She started sucking on Olivia's nipple, then bit down lightly on the erect tip.
"Oh God " Olivia's body was on fire, her heart pounding in her chest. She thought she would loose all control when Alex bit down again.
Alex grabbed the back of Olivia's hair and guided the brunette's mouth to her breast. Olivia began sucking and rubbing Alex's breasts. She pulled back slightly, but Alex held her head, pushing it back down to her breast. "Do it ... don't hold back." Alex encouraged her to continue. Olivia sucked harder on Alex's nipple, then bit down lightly. "Harder ... don't stop." Olivia nipped Alex's erect nipple again. Alex groaned, arching her body upward, clasping her fingers behind Olivia's head.
Olivia could not hold back any longer. She pinned Alex's body beneath hers, parting the blonde's thighs with her right knee. Olivia could feel the pool of wetness between Alex's legs. She applied more pressure with her knee, adjusting her own body so she could rub her center against Alex's leg. Alex responded by bending her knee slightly upward between Olivia's thighs. She began thrusting harder against Olivia's leg. Their hips moved in unison; rocking, grinding, thrusting against each other.
Olivia's hand traveled down Alex's smooth stomach until her fingers reached the blonde's damp curls. She felt the wetness between Alex's legs and rubbed her center with the palm of her hand.
"Yes " Alex whispered. Olivia knew the blonde was ready. She slid her index finger into Alex's slick center, her thumb stroking the outside.
"More " Alex pleaded. Olivia entered another finger, then another. Alex could feel Olivia's fingers moving inside of her. "Faster harder," Alex was breathing heavy, her chest rising and falling. She moved her hips to the rhythm of Olivia's stroking. "Oh God don't stop."
Olivia plunged her fingers in and out of Alex's slick folds while she ground her wet center on her lover's leg. Alex thrust her hips harder against Olivia's hand. They continued to move together, in unison.
Olivia bent down and kissed Alex forcefully. Alex responded by deepening the kiss. Thrusting her fingers in an out of Alex, Olivia knew her lover was close to the edge. One last deep, hard thrust into Alex's wet center. Alex's body tensed, she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, digging her nails into the brunette's muscular back. Olivia withdrew her fingers, keeping her hand between Alex's legs.
They lay there quietly for a moment, listening to each other breath. Olivia placed a delicate kiss by Alex's ear. "I love you," she whispered softly.
"Hmm " Alex snuggled into the brunette, placing soft kisses on her neck.
Olivia kissed the top of Alex's head. "Sleep."
"Shh its okay. Let's get some sleep."
"Okay." Alex wanted to protest, but she was too content, too relaxed. She rolled over and turned on her side. Olivia pressed up against Alex's back and wrapped her arm around her. Alex held Olivia's hand, tucking it close to her chest. "I love you Olivia."
Olivia pulled Alex closer and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you too."
They both drifted off to sleep.
"Benson." Olivia answered the ringing phone.
"Everything go okay?"
Olivia recognized her partner's voice on the other end of the line. "Yeah," she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and yawned, "what time is it Elliot?"
"About six-thirty. I wanted to give you a call before coming over just to make sure you were up and moving."
"Thanks Elliot. We'll see you at eight."
"I, uh, can make it eight-thirty if you want give you and Alex a little more time," he added quickly.
Olivia knew her partner was grinning on the other end of the phone. She thought about responding with a smart remark but changed her mind when she looked down at the sleeping woman lying on her chest. "Thanks Elliot, don't forget the coffee."
"Sure thing Liv."
Olivia hung up the phone and ran her fingers through Alex's hair.
"Eight o'clock that should be enough time for a quickie." Alex kissed the detective's chest.
"Actually, we have until eight-thirty. Elliot thought we needed more time." Olivia played with Alex's hair, curling the ends around her finger. "I thought you were still asleep."
"Nope. Wide awake and ready for the next round." She kissed Olivia's chest again and moved her hand up to cup the detective's breast, running her thumb over the nipple. "Elliot knows about us?"
"He knows that I love you. I'm sure he has some idea about what happened last night," she answered sheepishly.
"He's a man," Alex laughed, "two women alone in a hotel room I'm sure he filled in the blanks."
"Oh, don't go there." Olivia covered her face with her hands. "The thought of Elliot having fantasies about us is too much for me to handle right now."
"Sorry." Alex smiled and pulled Olivia's hands down.
"I was going through a difficult time after you went into witness protection and needed someone to confide in. Elliot's my partner he's family," she sighed.
"What did he say?" Alex was curious.
"Told me I had great taste in women." Olivia grinned.
"Hmm so do I." Alex leaned over and sucked on Olivia's erect nipple.
"Oh God " Olivia's breath hitched. They had made love all night and into the early morning. Olivia did not think she could go anymore, but now her body was responding again to Alex's touch. "Are you trying to kill me?"
"Don't tell me I wore you out already. I thought you were in better shape than that." Olivia could feel Alex smiling into her chest
Olivia laughed, "I thought I was too until last night."
"Well, if you're not interested ," Alex started to get out of bed.
"I didn't say that." Olivia answered quickly and grabbed the blonde around her waist.
"So, I take it your answer is yes?"
"That is most definitely a 'yes' Counselor, but I think a change in venue is in order."
"Oh really? What did you have in mind?" Alex asked mischievously.
Olivia was enjoying the light banter; she was going to miss this. Before the thought had time to settle in her mind, she got out of bed quickly. "The shower. We only have an hour and a half before Elliot gets here. I figured we could bathe and fuck at the same time." Olivia said abruptly.
"Olivia?" Alex sat on the bed and gave Olivia a questioning look.
She turned to look at Alex and took a deep breath. Olivia cleared her throat, trying to too fight off the tears. "I'm going to miss this, waking up with you, being with you everything about you."
Alex walked over to Olivia and pulled her into a tight hug. She gently rubbed Olivia's back as the detective cried softly.
"I'm afraid of how much it's going to hurt when you leave again." Olivia whispered, barely getting the words out.
"I know Olivia I'm scared too, but everything will be okay." They stood there for several minutes holding each other.
"I'm sorry." Olivia wiped her eyes, embarrassed she had broken down in front of Alex. "I didn't mean to get all emotional on you."
Alex wiped a tear from Olivia's cheek. "You don't always have to be strong Liv you can be yourself with me."
"That's one of the things I love about you." Olivia held Alex's hands, rubbing her thumb lightly over the blonde's fingers. They stood silently, looking at each other.
"This is harder than I thought it would be." Now it was Alex's turn to be honest.
"Any regrets?" Olivia asked softly.
Alex wrapped her arms around the detective's neck, kissed her cheek, and whispered in her ear. "Never."
Olivia pulled back and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I'll always love you Alex."
"Me too, Olivia." Alex leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "So you said something about a bath and a fuck?" She said playful, in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Olivia grinned. "You said 'fuck', Alex. I don't think I have ever heard you say that word before. I'm shocked."
"Get over your shock detective," Alex laughed, "and get in the bathroom."
Olivia shook her head and smiled. "And you are so forceful I never figured you for a top."
"Stop stalling the bathroom." Alex stepped behind Olivia and began pushing her towards the bathroom door.
"Alright, alright I'm going, I wouldn't want to disappoint you."
"Good, because I plan to finish what you started last night." Alex playfully slapped Olivia's backside.
Olivia turned around and grabbed Alex's hand. "Is that a promise Counselor?"
"Are you ?"
Before Olivia could finish her statement, Alex pulled her into the bathroom. "Less talk and more action detective we don't have much time.
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