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SEQUEL: To This is Not the Way She Would Spend Her Christmas and This is the Way She Would Spend Her New Year’s (To Fix Christmas).
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
This is Not the Way Valentine's Day Should Turn Out
When Isobel Stevens first enters Seattle Grace Hospital early that morning (and she's not kidding when she says early), she can't help but wince visibly because, well. It's red and pink and white all over, and she should really speak to the decorator about this, because seriously. It's lovey-dovey, and it's Valentine-y, and it's far too early in the morning for either of those. It's far too early in the morning for red and pink and white, and the more she looks at the balloons and decorations, the more she feels a headache coming on. Quite simply, it's far too early for Valentine's Day, and she has enough on her plate without having to worry about patients who will most likely be complaining to her about their lack of a love life, or too much of one (and is it good to break up with someone on Valentine's Day? Which is a stupid question if you ask Izzie), or how they should be allowed to go home for one day because it's Valentine's Day and shouldn't they get a day's break from being hospitalized? Sometimes they may even inquire about her love life, and then she will get flustered.
This is exactly what happens when she goes on her first rounds. She doesn't know why her patients are already up; if you ask her, no one except for doctors or interns should be awake at this ungodly hour. And she's not entirely sure she can handle all the questions and complaints because hello? She has a girlfriend, who is probably expecting something special for Valentine's Day, and Izzie doesn't really blame her for it she hopes Addison has something special for her as well. But the problem is that she doesn't have all that money anymore to plan something special because she donated it to the clinic, and it's not that she regrets it, it's just that she thinks a little cash would be helpful as she's back to being a poor intern again. Basically, what she's trying to say is that she doesn't have anything in particular (much less anything special) planned for this Valentine's Day. She knows that Addison likes her muffins and cookies, because she can make a hell of a chocolate-frosted, rainbow-sprinkled muffin. But that wouldn't be anything special just something ordinary, and Izzie would really like to do something nice to show her appreciation to Addison.
She knows she shouldn't be thinking about this now, of course one slip and she could have an accident, and then she would not be allowed near patients ever again. Izzie's been off probation ever since last week when she drilled a hole into that man's head (and thus became a hero), and she's really enjoying being able to actually interact with patients now. She doesn't even have to shadow Meredith or George or Cristina, and even though she does have to check in with Sydney at least twice a day for the next few weeks, she's okay with that. Of course, she's a bit more worried than usual because she knows it'll only take one screw-up and she'll be back to shadowing or less. But even with knowing this, her mind can't help but wander towards the subject of Valentine's Day and her lack of plans for it, and needless to say she's really, really stressed. Her anxiety is only heightened when she sees Addison a few hours later when she's going over a patient's chart, because although usually Addison calms Izzie down, this time Addison pauses for a minute when she passes Izzie not too long, but long enough to whisper in Izzie's ear and make her wither inside. Because Addison? Has plans.
A minute later and Izzie is raiding the closet for some Advil because this headache is killing her.
When she finally thinks of something later in the day, she's relieved though not entirely relieved, because really. What if Addison's too classy for what she has planned? What if she just doesn't like it? She's a refined OB-GYN, and Izzie hasn't dated any OB-GYNs before, so this is quite new to her. (Not that she thinks Addison is like all the other gynecologists, because she thinks she's one of a kind.) Izzie ends up trying to think positively, because if she goes on like this, she'll have another headache, and there's only so much Advil she can take in one day. When she passes Addison much later in the day, she smirks, lowers her voice, and tells her that she has something planned too. Because she's a little excited and can't keep this excitement in, and she doesn't think she can be blamed for that because it's dessert on the rooftop; dessert with chocolate and wine and a teddy bear for Addison, and seriously? It's pretty damn romantic, if you ask Izzie.
Later that evening after dinner which was delicious and expensive and even though Izzie can do better she won't say anything, she won't Izzie brings Addison up to the roof of an old apartment building in which she once lived. She's pretty sure she's not supposed to be doing this, but she doesn't really care. It's Valentine's Day, and if she wants to spend it with her girlfriend on the rooftop, then she would legality be damned! The picnic blanket has already been lain out, and on top of it are the teddy bear, the box of chocolates, and the wine. Beside her, Addison gasps in what she takes to be surprised and just to hear that gasp, Izzie's glad she managed to survive the day without misdiagnosing a patient or doing something equally bad. Because for a few hours back there, she wasn't sure she would make it through the day. But she has, and now she's just ready to kick back, relax, and enjoy herself, with nothing but Addison and the city lights lighting the night sky to keep her company.
They talk for hours about previous Valentine's Days they've had, the good ones and the bad; about the hospital and the time when Addison was an intern; about Izzie saving that man last week About Izzie having a panic attack when she realized Addison had had something planned when she didn't Addison laughs at that. By this point in the evening, they're getting a little tipsy or at least Izzie is. Addison's lying on the blanket, and Izzie is propped up on an elbow right next to her. She's giggling at Addison's every word, tracing circles along Addison's arm, her lips coming dangerously close to Addison's. It only takes another second before Izzie finds herself kissing Addison, parting her lips to allow Addison's tongue to slide in. Addison does the same, and Izzie can taste the wine and chocolate on her. When they pull apart, Izzie feels a rush of emotion she can't really explain, and before she knows it, before she can stop herself, the words tumble out.
"I love you."
Immediately Izzie knows she's made a mistake not about loving Addison, but saying she does because the silence that follows is painful. They've only been together since the beginning of January, and maybe it's too early for intimate words like that. Maybe if she waited another month, or even a year. But Izzie thinks she does, she really does, love Addison. She's not just saying it because it's Valentine's Day, which is what she knows Addison is thinking, because Addison thinks like that. She loves her smile, her laugh, even the way she holds the scalpel. She loves her salmon scrubs (even though Addison hasn't worn them lately), her dark blue scrubs, her hair, her eyes, her hands She loves Addison. So even though she hasn't gotten a response, she says it again. Maybe if she repeats it, Addison will see she means it.
"Addy. I love you."
She's never felt so vulnerable, and she thinks that it would be okay if Addison lied and told her she loved her.
But even though she waits, Addison doesn't say it back.
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