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SPOILERS: Every episode of Glee.
Who Do You Think You Are?
and now you want me one more time
The big red numbers mock me from their position on the alarm clock currently resting on my side table. Lying on my bed, waiting for Rachel Berry. What a great use of my time.
I still can't believe I kissed her. What was I thinking?
Raising my hand to my lips, I let my fingers linger there, recalling yesterday's moment of temporary insanity.
I'll just explain that to her. That it'll never happen again and she can just leave me alone for the rest of high school.
The doorbell shakes me out of my reverie.
And she's even early. What a shock. Slowly, I roll myself out of bed and make my way to the door. I'm nervous at the thought of facing her.
What if I lose control again and just attack?
It was reasonable that it wouldn't happen again, though. I mean, this was Rachel Berry. Not exactly a goddess of seduction.
I should be fine.
This is not a good idea, this is not a good idea.
I open the door.
Yeah, definitely not a good idea.
Somehow, Berry has turned into a normal girl. Rachel, wearing jeans and slim fit rocker tee, smiling shyly with her bangs in her eyes, was standing on my doorstep.
What the hell?
My mind starts racing. Rachel Berry looking hot?? I think my brain just broke.
She clears her throat and my attention is brought back to the present.
"H-hi, Rachel. Come in." Holding the door open wider, I gesture for her to enter.
She's smiling at me again as she timidly, but purposefully, makes her way into the house.
"Thank you, Quinn. I'm glad you actually answered it. I must admit I wasn't entirely sure you were going to uphold your promise for today."
I hesitated, sticking my hands in my pockets. How had she known? I had thought about just not answering, but it turns out I did have a conscience. That, and I knew she would never let it go until she got her chance to ramble on about it.
"Not that I'm not glad you did!" She moves quickly, thinking she'd offended me, reaching out to grip my arm. I step back, moving away from her slightly.
"Why don't we go up to my room?" I ask, trying to get over the awkwardness I was feeling. Even more, though, I'm hoping to keep her out of the way in case my parents came home unexpectedly. They're not exactly "jew-friendly".
"We can talk up there." I try a small smile to help make the process go easier.
"Yeah, sure. Lead the way," she motions, signaling for me to head upstairs.
"Okay. Want anything to drink before we head up?" I swallow, suddenly thinking of reasons to stall the inevitable. Why am I so nervous?
My mind moves quickly in a million directions. For some reason, I feel anxiety about having Rachel Berry alone in my room.
Well, this is certainly awkward.
"No, thank you, Quinn." She offers that shy smile yet again, finding the floor very interesting after a moment. "I'm fine, but it was nice of you to offer."
"No problem," I answer with a smirk and quickly lead the way to my bedroom.
Climbing the stairs, I try to calm myself down. My nerves are making me feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin any minute.
I stop outside of my door and wave my arm in a grand gesture. She walks forward and takes in the surroundings. It's almost comical; watching her lean in cautiously as though something's going to bite her head off. It's also sad in a way, knowing that she's constantly looking for the next slushee around the corner.
I sigh, watching her, and realize that I think she's cute. Like, really cute, in a way that totally and undeniably consumes me. I sigh again.
Nodding approvingly, she steps further into the room and makes herself comfortable.
On my bed.
My heart sort of skips a beat and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
Get a grip, I think. It's just Rachel Berry.
I walk in and close the door behind me, silently sending up a prayer before turning around. I make my way toward my bed and sit down close to the headboard, as far away as possible from Rachel.
"So " She looks at me as though expecting me to initiate the conversation.
Don't look at me, I didn't even wanna do this.
She must see something in my expression, because she decides to go first.
"Okay, I'll start." She sits up, crossing one leg in front of her and focuses all her attention toward me.
"Quinn, yesterday when I came over here, certain things happened. I feel like those things warrant a conversation, don't you?"
Rachel looks at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.
"Honestly? No. The only reason you're here right now is because I figured you'd never let it rest until you'd talked about it. A lot."
I couldn't help the comment, but it was truemostly. She was the only reason we were here right now. There's no way in hell I would have asked for this.
"Well," she sighs, looking down at her shoes, but quickly facing me again. She seems to have gotten a new wind. It's that look on her face, she gets it sometimes during glee club practices. She still looks hesitant, though.
"Nevertheless, we should talk about it." Her voice becomes softer and I feel goosebumps snake along my forearms.
Seriously, what the fuck..? Why does that keep happening?
"Alright, Berry. What exactly would you like to talk about?"
"Oh come on, Quinn. You kissed me. I feel like that deserves some type of ana-"
"Who says I kissed you?!" I don't like being accused of things, certainly not when that thing is the idea of me taking advantage of Rachel Berry.
"Because you did." She looks at me, completely nonchalant and honest, as if daring me to say differently.
"I didn't notice any protesting from your side!" I fold my arms across my chest and look down at the bedspread. Noticing my breathing getting heavier, I jump up from the bed and begin moving around my room, my brain in overdrive.
Wait, did I really start this whole thing without any help from her? Had I been too forceful? Maybe she was just being nice Oh, god, now I'm going to feel awful if I had a freak attack on someone who didn't even want it, but didn't want to say no. Maybe she was afraid of what I do..?
My heart dropped into my stomach with a large clunk. I slow my movements as a sudden fury builds up in my chest.
I'm angry. I don't know why, but I am angry. I start pacing the room again; if for no other reason than I'm completely confused and angry, but annoyed because I'm not sure why this is my reaction to what Rachel's saying.
"Quinn, I didn't say that," she says as she watched me pace in front of her, arms folded.
"I don't even know why you want to talk about this! It's not like it meant anything!! Like I'd ever be attracted to someone like you, Manhands!"
I whip my head around, hoping to yell at her enough to get her out of my house. It feels like my chest just imploded.
But making eye contact, I can see tiny remnants of tears threatening to build up in her eyes and I can no longer bring myself to say anything. At all. I feel my throat constrict and my mouth go dry.
"Please, sit back down."
I sigh, flopping back down to the place I was before and wait for her to talk some more.
Realizing that I'd just "followed orders" isn't helping my mood or my resistance.
Oh, what the hell? What happened to the Quinn that would crush Rachel Berry?
"Quinn, I really just wanted to know one thing. Why?"
"Why did you kiss me?"
"Again, why is it that I"
"Fine!" She looks frustrated, but doesn't break eye contact.
"Why did we kiss?"
Looking at her, trying to think of some reason to get her the hell out of my house without talking about all of my feelings, because I really hate talking about my feelings, I begin to notice that all the air in the room is draining away.
Feeling the oxygen leaving my body, I try harder to gather air, but my slightly gasping body is not gathering enough air to replace it. Panic attack, panic attack!
Rachel, seeing something's wrong, places her hand on my knee.
That is not helping.
"Quinn. Quinn, are you okay?"
I start freaking out more, trying to draw in air, but getting nowhere. She places her hand on my cheek, trying to understand what's going on. Looking me in the eyes, I see her expression change and Rachel starts blathering on about the photo hanging on my wall.
"See the house there in that frame behind me?"
I nod, still trying to gather air, but noting the building.
What is she
"See how it's green, but the composition makes it look darker to match the forlorn tone of the picture?"
Wow, I'd never realized that before. I'm nodding, studying it more closely.
"I especially like the daytime overcast to help spotlight that man, don't you?"
Yeah, I'd always loved the tone of that photo
Wait, did she seriously just do that?
She smiles, noting that my panic attack is subsiding. I look back at her and can't help but smile a little myself.
"No problem." She backs away a bit, but still looks at me, biting her lower lip. "So I suppose this means you're not comfortable with talking about what was behind your actions yesterday?"
I stare blankly, not responding to the question. I honestly don't know how to answer it.
"Okay. Well, I'm sorry that I caused that to happen Quinn, but I was just trying to understand what was going on. It's my mistake for making assumptions " Rachel trailed off then, not really finishing her thought.
I never thought I would see the day when Rachel Berry couldn't finish a statement unless forced.
Rachel got up as if to move and I suddenly panic, thinking she's headed to leave. Grabbing her arm, I try to stop her. She gives me a look of uncertainty, mirroring all of my feelings in her facial expression.
I start to pull her back toward me and as she places a knee on my bed, I move forward and gently capture her lips with mine. Slowly, I kiss her, moving my hand to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me.
I sit back down, maneuvering so Rachel can kneel in front of me and kiss her with more fervor. She responds, whimpering lightly as I glide my tongue over her lower lip. I pull her downward onto me, my hands on her, oh god, amazing ass, forcing her to straddle my lap and she moans, allowing my tongue entry.
The kissing becomes even more sensual and I feel heat flow through my body. Rachel's hips grind slightly against me in rhythm. I growl lightly in response. Her hands are at the back of my neck, pulling me impossibly closer.
Feeling the need to breathe, I pull back, gasping. Rachel's eyes look into mine as if trying to catch a glimpse of my soul, questioning my motives with the sexiest look I've ever seen.
I pull her back into me, lying us down to get lost in one another.
Talking could wait.
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