DISCLAIMER: Some other lucky beggar owns the characters. Sorry for treading on any toes
SERIES: Follows on from Chocolate, Huh?, Strawberries and Cream, Huh? and Archemides Principle, Huh?.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Katie issued the challenge to write a story of 2,500 words using her wallpaper gravity girl and analog as a scene. The deadline was midnight on January 1st, which you can see I missed by a mile. (I also wrote 4,000 words <smacks hand>) I did however gain an extension and my prize sits perfectly on the wall of my office <vbg>. Here, for Katie, and you my dear readers, is my payment. Thanks to Sarah for one very beautiful line... she will recognize it.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Crossword Clues, Huh?
By Debbie
It had been one hell of a day.
Janet Fraiser, MD, was just contemplating her locker with a heavy heart. The only item of clothing she had left was a pair of camo trousers and a green t-shirt. Suddenly, from the early morning contemplation of surprising her lover with a sexy pair of stockings under her short dress skirt, to now at the end of a long day, she was resigned to surprising her with this unflattering attire.
The day had gone from bad to worse in five quick steps.
1) Dress uniform ruined by Sergeant Jones being violently sick. The fact that it was due to an over enthusiastic night out rather than any off world contagion was beside the point.
2) Second skirt and blouse outfit ruined by the vomit of some off world plant that had decided to act like a sentient being. On cutting into one of its stems she had been surprised to see red blood instead of sap. Being a caring doctor she had immediately tried to tend to the apparent injury, and, for her sins, had been showered with this "vomit". The fact that the plant had then died was still weighing heavy on Janet's mind. Sworn to heal, she hated the idea that she might actually have killed.
3) Last skirt and blouse (how many spare outfits did she need to bring for heaven's sake) showered with some unmentionables from a very sick Lieutenant Browning. A dart from a hostile combatant on planet PX3 214 had poisoned him. The fact that PX3 214 had now been locked out of the base computer was little consolation for Doctor Fraiser or Lieutenant Browning's family. He had survived but would be in the hospital for quite a few weeks yet.
4) One set of BDU's ruined by one of her nurses deciding to swoon at the sight of a large needle being brandished by Janet herself in jest. The joke mis-fired on the good doctor. The fact that her nurse was happily pregnant after many years of trying was this time very welcome consolation.
5) Second set of BDU's ruined by one Daniel Jackson. Janet and Daniel had always got on well but since his return from Ascension, and the loss of Jonas Quinn back to his homeworld; they had struck up a deeper friendship than before. She thought there were two main reasons. First, the non-combative nature each of them shared. Although Janet was military through and through, understanding that sometimes combat was the only way, she actually preferred the "other" way in trying to settle any disputes, a preference she most definitely shared with Daniel. And second, the fact she appeared to miss Jonas Quinn more than the others. Jonas and Janet had made friends early in his stay, when SG1 were still a little wary of him, and she missed the camaraderie she had shared with him.
Recently, however, she had begun to feel a part of the SG1 team. She knew she would never truly be a team member; she was too far on the outside. But now that her friendship with Sam had grown more intense and was recognized by the guys, she at least felt a part of the support team. All this explained why Janet had been sharing a quiet end of the day coffee with Daniel and Jack O'Neill in the commissary. Janet couldn't remember exactly what they had been talking about, but she knew they had been joking at Sam Carter's expense. Janet had said something that was obviously deeply funny because Daniel had spluttered his coffee all over and jumping up at the shock had proceeded to knock his almost full mug of coffee all over Janet. The fact that it was probably Janet's own fault didn't stop her reprimanding Daniel as only a doctor can.
So, here she was, about to go home to a welcome evening with her lover, tired, underdressed, and grumpy to boot. Yet, as ever, she was being overly analogous about her daily work, Sam would be teasing her unrelentingly if she admitted how she had just catalogued her day. This thought, and an image that appeared of Sam in dirty work clothes, brought a welcome grin to the grumpy doctor's face. Going home maybe wouldn't be as bad as she thought.
At exactly the same time, in Janet Fraiser's garage, a certain major was patiently waiting for a visitor. Her Indian needed stripping and her vintage Volvo needed a spray job. Her good friend Sergeant Siler was due any minute now. It made Sam grin when she realized that even she didn't know his first name. He was always ready to tinker with Sam's bikes, especially the Harley she owned. Not having the funds to actually own one himself, in return for his mechanical expertise, Sam allowed him the occasional jaunt on her Harley, especially when there was a young lady involved. Tonight, Siler had a date with the lady he had been chasing for months, one of Janet's nurses. It had been remarked how often he was to be found in the Infirmary. Well, it had all been worthwhile. Sam had promised, if they sorted out the engine problem and finished the spray job, he could have the use of her bike.
A knock alerted Sam to an arrival. Sure enough, Siler stood in the garage doorway. In his arms he carried a pile of Janet's blue surgical gowns and a pile of plastic gloves. Over his shoulder he carried a duffle bag of tools and, Sam hoped, the cans of paint that were needed.
"Hey Sam!" called Siler, "I got the stuff we need. I gather Doctor Fraiser has been pretty busy, so I don't suppose she'll be home for a while. Let's get to it shall we."
"So, the Doc's been busy has she?" replied Sam, suddenly worried. If Janet were in a bad mood, she probably wouldn't take too kindly to the mess Sam knew they were going to make. They always did. Reluctantly, she decided it would be easier to just get on with things. She could usually find a way of soothing Janet's frayed nerves, but to do that she would need to get rid of Siler.
As Siler asked her a loaded question, Sam spied the items in his arms more closely. She was stunned for a minute and could only manage the succinct, "Huh?"
"I said, 'You must be pretty close friends with the Doc, if she allows you to spray paint in her garage'. You know what happened to yours the last time we did this," repeated Siler.
"Yeah, very good friends, or we are at the moment. Now I've seen the items you've brought I'm not sure we still will be. What ever possessed you to raid Fraiser's storeroom?" laughed Sam.
"Well, you said, we needed some sort of protective clothing and what better than surgical gown and gloves."
"Jeez, let's get finished before the Doc gets home. She'll kill us," grinned Sam in reply.
Half an hour later Sam and Siler were happily tinkering with the bike, while the first coat of paint was drying. They stank of polymer paint, and were both covered in a beautiful silver color scheme, but, luckily, the blue surgical gowns had done their job. They would both still be capable of driving their partners wild, assuming they eventually got done of course.
Sam was silently thinking of a quiet evening spent with Janet when she heard the very lady's car pull up. Glancing at her watch, she realized it was already 6pm and the bike was only half finished. Mentally cursing the fact that Janet would probably be pissed, she awaited the repercussions.
Janet Fraiser pulled into her driveway and immediately spotted Sergeant Siler's car. She grimaced as she realized that was the end of any decent welcome home from Samantha Carter.
She slowly entered the house, feeling her feet drag with fatigue. All she wanted to do was have another shower, ones on base were never relaxing enough, and relax in the company of her girlfriend. Knowing this was not going to be possible she was trying to dredge up enough energy to be irate with Sam. Passing the hallway table she saw Sam had thrown today's mail on top.
Suddenly a genuine smile crossed her face as she spotted a letter from her cousin in the UK. She immediately decided she couldn't be bothered with getting all hot and testy, she was going to crack open a bottle of wine, sit with her feet up, read her letter from Sue (hopefully there would be a couple of Crosswords out of the London Standard enclosed), and wait to eventually share a shower with Sam.
That decided, she now had enough energy to be "pretend" irate with Sam and Siler. Walking gracefully to the garage doorway, she flung open the door and stalked through. Smiling inwardly, she grimaced at the two heads that automatically looked her way. The major looked as though she had been caught with her fingers in the cookie jar, and Siler, well, he was just quaking in his boots. Janet loved this feeing of power that flowed through her bones when Doc Fraiser was in control. She knew Jack O'Neill called her the Napoleonic Power Monger but she really didn't mind if it caused this reaction.
Noticing her foes strange garb for the first time, she thought quickly about changing her mind. How dare they commandeer her scrubs for something as mundane as… as what? She shouted firmly, "What the hell are you doing with my surgical scrubs?"
Sam immediately stuttered, "Uh Janet, we were only trying to keep your garage clean while we spray the Volvo. I did mention that was the job that needed doing."
"You did? When might that have been? Six months ago? You know I don't mind you using the garage, but my beautiful scrubs…" thundered Janet with a twinkle in her eye that Sam seemed oblivious to.
Watching the interaction between the two ladies, the sergeant didn't miss the twinkle and played along, "Uh, ma'am, it was all Major Carter's idea. She said you wouldn't mind. I admit it was me that stole them but I was only acting on orders."
Sam looked aghast at Siler. "I never, Janet, honestly"
Janet looked at Siler and realized he was play-acting. Well, two, could play that game. "Don't you Ma'am me, Sergeant Siler. You of all people know I don't allow my stock to be used for anything other than official use, and what the hell are you doing here anyway? I thought you were taking my dear young nurse out tonight. If I hear that you are treating any of my staff wrong, Sergeant Siler, I will have you in the infirmary for the biggest injection you have ever seen."
Sam couldn't help but chuckle at the look on Siler's face. The smile dropped from her face as she heard Janet continue, "And you can stop that chuckling, Major Carter. I am not averse to calling you into my infirmary for some extra horrible tests. So, don't try me."
At last Sam saw the twinkle she knew and loved. Realizing that Janet really wasn't angry she wandered across to stand by her left side. Grinning, she commanded, "Siler, get on with that work," while gently reaching up to touch Janet's right cheek.
Seeing that Siler was indeed working on the bike, she caressed her lover gently, whispering, "You had a bad day, I gather? What's with the camo trousers? You've not been offworld, have you?"
"No, Sam, it's a long story which I'll bore you with later. Assuming of course you are going to get finished in time for there to be a later," replied Janet equally quietly.
"Of course we will. I've been looking forward to this night off together for weeks. Anyway, I promised Siler he could use the Harley to take Alicia out, so we won't be too long now." The look of love and desire that flared in Janet's eyes as she looked up into Sam's face made Sam weak at the knees. She hoped Siler couldn't read faces because she could feel her own sappy 'puppy dog' devoted look firmly in place.
Siler, who was not known for his astuteness, but who, like all base handy-men knew everything that was going on in the command, didn't miss a thing and he grinned inwardly.
Janet smiled at Sam and said, "I'll be in the zoo with Sue's letter, hopefully she will have sent me some crosswords too. I'll leave the door open in case I get stuck on any of the clues. Is that ok with you two?"
Siler, who had been privy to Janet's addiction to crosswords before, and had occasionally managed to answer clues that even Sam had trouble with, nodded his head and shouted, "Ok, doc". He liked spending time with the two best friends; it always seemed like the family time he missed.
Sam smiled and nodded too, "Ok, Janet. I won't be long now and we can enjoy that chick-flick night we promised ourselves."
Glancing to see Siler was still hard at work, Janet whispered, "Chick-flick my foot, I'm in dire need of a shared shower, Major Carter." With that Janet left the two airforce officers to get on with their work.
Sam, now very hot under the collar, returned to the Indian and shared a look with Siler that spoke volumes.
Janet opened a bottle of well-chilled Spatlase, got herself a dish of dried fruit, and collapsed on the couch. Pulling her legs up under her she settled down to read her letter. Sure enough there was a selection of UK crosswords for Janet to complete at her leisure. Years before, while visiting her cousin in London, she had become hooked on the UK cryptic style puzzles. Fascinated by words, she had soon realized that British puzzles had their own style, being considerably more difficult than the American variety she had been used too.
Chuckling through the antics of her cousin's family, while listening in the background to Sam and Siler murmuring, she finally began to relax. Suddenly, the telephone rang. She allowed the answer machine to kick in and smiled when she heard the dulcet tones of her daughter and her friends; it appeared Cassie was staying at a friends. Janet's evening had suddenly become much more enjoyable.
The doctor picked her pen up and began to work her way through the puzzle in front of her. After half an hour she had filled in half the grid but, because she wanted to hear Sam's voice more than anything, she decided she needed some help.
Janet shouted back into the garage, "Sam! Siler! I'm stuck, what about... 'A young woman accelerates past at 9.8m/s², two words, first word 7 and last word 4"
Sam and Siler looked up from what they were doing and shrugged their shoulders at each other. Sam shouted back to Janet, "Have you got any letters, any clues."
"The fourth letter of the first word is definitely a V," came the voice from the house.
At that, Siler jumped up, "Hey, Doc! I think I got that one. When I was training I was posted to a camp in England. We learned lots of physical values there. 9.8 m/s² is the value of gravity's acceleration, so I reckon it's Gravity Girl."
The two workers could hear the smile in Janet's voice as she answered, "Thanks for the science lesson, Siler. You've been spending too much time with Sam there."
The blonde and the big guy grinned at each other. Glancing at her watch, Sam suggested that they call it a day. She was itching to spend time with Janet, and she knew Siler was keen to get ready for his new date, Alicia. Cleaning up quickly, Sam led the Sarge through to the washroom.
A few minutes later he came out, and smiling at Sam he bid his farewells, then poked his head around the zoo door. He nodded to Janet and said, "I'm off, Doc. Thanks for the scrubs."
"Hey, Sarge! If you're gonna be coming round here more often, please call me Janet. And I can call you...?" questioned Janet with a twinkle in her eye. She had only asked this because she saw Sam listening at the door. As the base doctor, Janet knew the man's first name, but she also knew his intent on keeping it a mystery, and would never, ever betray his trust. But it didn't hurt to tease him for once.
Sam's ears pricked up when she heard Siler address Janet, for the first time ever, by her first name. Surely now she would get to hear Siler's name. She groaned as he continued, "Well, Janet, you of all people know my name, but please feel free to call me Sly whenever I'm around."
As Janet laughed heartily, Siler winked, mock saluted, and was gone.
Minutes later Sam exited the washroom to hear the roar of her Harley as Siler left for home. "What was all that about Sly?" she asked Janet.
"Oh, nothing, my precious. Just Siler telling me his name," answered Janet with a mischievous grin. "Are you gonna go get a glass of wine and join me on the couch, before my feet freeze?"
Kissing Janet's head as she passed, Sam proceeded to do exactly that. Then safely ensconced on the couch, she shared a leisurely real kiss with the good doctor. Pulling back she grinned, "That's better, Hon! How's the crossword going?"
"Not too bad. Maybe you can help with this one. An eight letter word, 'parallel thinking works well in some computer chips.'" replied Janet.
While Sam was pondering the answer, Janet had a brainwave. She was going to see just how clever Sam really was. It had been a while since they had shared any cryptic messages of their own, the last time being the night of Archimedes' bath. So, tonight Janet was going to proposition Sam using her crossword clues.
Suddenly, Sam piped up, "Got it. It's 'analog,' but you are filling in a British crossword, so it's 'analogue,' U-E at the end."
"Thanks, Hon, now back to your book, huh?" said Janet as she noticed Sam reading the manual for her Indian. "Didn't you manage to finish the bike then?"
"Ah, no! We stopped so Siler could spend some time getting ready for his night out. So, if it's alright with you, we need another afternoon in your garage."
"Hey! No problems, but no scrubs and I want my dinner prepared in return."
"Ok, Hon," grinned Sam as she leaned in for another kiss. Swiveling around, she tucked her feet under Janet's and settled down with the manual.
Seeing this, Janet sucked on her pen as she worked out the words she needed to encode. Jotting them down, she began to work out an appropriate clue for each word. The first word was going to be the most difficult, but suddenly it came to her. This was an English crossword, so... "Sam, what about this one? An 8 letter word, beginning in S and ending in A, 'Just as that man loses a cuppa to become a girl.'"
Sam groaned, "Janet! That's not a clue that's a mystery. Let's have a think. Cuppa, must be some kind of clue, it's not a real word. That's a cup of tea usually, isn't it?"
"Yep! So, we need to take it away from something. Ah, yeah, I see it now... 'as that man' minus the T is an anagram of you," grinned Janet.
"The answer is Samantha?" asked the major incredulously.
Janet let Sam relax once again before interrupting her once more. "Hon? I'm struggling again. 'A group of people talking to each other might walk in this direction', 11 letters, first I, sixth C, ending in E.
"If I'd known you were gonna bug me like this I'd have stayed in the garage," muttered Sam with a twinkle in her eye.
"Come on, Babe, you know you love it. Here take this pencil and jot it down, you know it helps," replied Janet, smirking. She twisted around and pulled Sam's feet onto her lap. The major loved having her feet massaged, and Janet knew this would soothe Sam's supposedly ruffled feathers. It would also prepare the way for her plan.
Before Sam could give her the answer to that one, she threw out another clue. "I've just worked out another one for myself. 'Roses and violets go together with candy to arrive at this endearment: I love you.' So, the eighth letter in yours is U. Any ideas yet?"
A bemused face looked across to Janet, "I love you, huh? That's a funny crossword answer. These English folk seem mighty odd. This one is on the tip of my tongue, it's coming Janet, honestly."
Janet chuckled evilly as she dragged her mind out of the gutter with the thought and the vision she had just been given, 'You will be, Major, you will be.'
"Here ya go, I think it's intercourse," said Sam as she shook her head at her lover's antics.
Janet began to wonder if she was being too obtuse for her Sam. Sometimes she despaired of ever seducing the tall blonde, although she usually got there eventually. Tonight she had two words to go before she would have to be much more direct. The problem was, she thought, she was getting rather desperate for Sam and wasn't sure she could wait much longer. So she decided to throw the last two clues to what she really wanted out in the air at once. "Sammy, my darlin'," she whispered, trying a bit of verbal seduction too.
"Yes, Hon," replied Sam, sure that the crossword was finished and that they could now start really enjoying themselves.
"Um, I only have two answers to find. Can I leave them with you while I go get some more wine? Six letter word meaning 'a charioteer forces the ceremonial players to leave' and a six letter word meaning 'a polite request for what I really want.'" With those words Janet kissed Sam rather more deeply that she usually did when she was only popping into the kitchen. She smiled at Sam and left her with the newspaper.
Stunned by the kiss, Sam began to ponder the clues. Then she saw it. Janet's crossword had only half the answers filled in. She saw Gravity Girl and she saw Analogue, but there were none of the other words to be seen. Looking at the pencil marks in the margin, a blush crept up her chest and face as she read the words in Janet's haphazard handwriting, Samantha, Carter, I love You, Intercourse, Please. Sam grinned inwardly and got up to go and follow Janet.
Entering the kitchen she saw Janet laughing to herself as she lounged against the counter-top. "Janet Fraiser, you are the most infuriating woman I know. There I was, ready to share a shower with you and all you could do was ply me with crossword clues. You are a sneaky, devious woman. I hate you," said Sam with the most loving smile she had worn in ages taking the sting out of her last words.
"Oh, shut up and kiss me, you goof," was Janet's unconcerned reply.
As their lips met in a powerful massage, three words hit Sam more deeply. Janet had written, 'I love you.' Words she had never actually said to Sam this second time around in their relationship. Feeling Janet's tongue circle her own in their all too familiar dance, the blonde felt the truth of the heat coursing through her. Reluctantly she pulled back and whispered breathlessly, "Do you mean it, Jan?"
"Huh?" murmured Janet into Sam's mouth, lost for the answer Sam was seeking.
"You wrote, 'I love you.' Do you mean it?" beseeched Sam, suddenly wanting the answer to be 'yes' more than anything she had ever wanted before. More even than being involved in space travel.
Kissing Sam slowly, deeply, and with more emotion than ever before, Janet whispered, "Yes, Sam, I love you . . . with all my heart."
With tears in her eyes, Sam replied, "And I love you too, Janet, more than I think even I realized."
Trying to lighten the mood a little, Janet whispered in Sam's ear, "And your answer to my request, missy?"
Sam didn't bother to waste time answering the question. Leaning forward, she gave Janet another searing kiss while lifting her bodily from the floor and carting her off into the bedroom.
"Crossword clues, huh?", were the last words from either woman for a very long time and they were drowned out by the sounds of laughter and love.
The End