DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, no infriengement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: X:WP was given a second month as 'Fandom of the Month'.
SERIES: Part of the 'Femslash Advocacy Group' series of spoofs.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

I'd like to thank...
By ralst


Gabrielle smirked at the glowering lawyer before turning to address the gathered assembly, "I'm glad you could join me today for this historic event."

"Pffff," Alex snorted.

"Xena and I would like to take this opportunity to thank all you little people, and your equally little fandoms, for moving aside to make room for out greatness."

Five sets of hands held Alex back as she started to froth at the mouth and lunge for the smug bard.

"As the Queens of femslash," Gabrielle continued, her words directed at the seething lawyer, "we have learnt to expect a certain amount of reverence from other femslash characters, but to have it made official is just another of our many blessings."

"She's laying it on a bit thick, isn't she?" Scribbs asked a dozing Nikki Wade.

Nikki shrugged. "Grandstanding," she said around a yawn. "She only does it to get a rise out of Alex."

"Those two should just get a room," Scribbs opined.

Xena and Olivia turned on the two English women, their matching looks of death earning a small chuckle from their intended victims; Xena sighed and wondered how she'd been reduced to a raving blonde's ineffectual sidekick. Olivia merely squeezed out a tear and waited for everyone to take notice and give her an award or two.

"If you've all finished." Gabrielle ruffled through her notes. "As I was saying, Xena and I are pleased and humbled -"

"Fat chance," Ash whispered.

"- to be chosen for such an honour and will do our best to further the course of femslash the world over."

Gabrielle made a slight bowing motion and waited, impatiently, for the cheers to begin. After five minutes she gave up and started passing out copies of the Femslash Enquirer; the one with her on the front cover, to the assembled women.

"I know she's a little crazy, but that Callisto is smokin' hot!" Sofia confided to no one in particular.

"She's a biter," Sara warned.

"Is she ever," Xena grinned.

It was Gabrielle's turn to pull out the look of death, as she ripped the magazine from Xena's hand and promptly tore it in two, right through Callisto's maniacally grinning face.

"Hey! I haven't read that one." Xena pouted. Gabrielle usually forced her to read all their press but Eve had snatch that particular magazine from her hands before she'd had a chance to even glimpse at the cover; a short argument, between Eve and her father, had ended with Gabrielle telling Xena that she didn't have to read this one issue, and Eve running off to have a word or two with a passing Amazon.

Alex wrestled herself from restraining hands. "I don't see what all the fuss is about," she seethed. "Some of us have three times as many stories as others, after all." She looked directly at Gabrielle, her tone increasingly superior.

"You want to talk story numbers! I'll give you story numbers!" Gabrielle threw herself at Alex, her hands unerringly encircling the other woman's throat. "We are the queens! We are the qeens!" she screamed, her hold tightening with ever syllable.

Nine pairs of hands reached for the surprisingly strong bard and managed to pull her screaming and shouting from Alex's white and trembling body.

"I could have you arrested for that," Alex croaked.

"But you won't," Xena warned.

Alex looked ready to disagree before Olivia added, "No you won't," with a look that just screamed you do and you'll be sleeping alone for a month.

"No, but I could."

Wendy nudged Sofia in the ribs. "Is that it? I thought you said the fights last for hours?"

Sofia put her arm around the brunette, prompting twin looks jealousy from both Catherine and Sara, and whispered seductively in Wendy's ear, "Trust me, they've only just got started."

With a shiver, Wendy tuned back into the action, her arm snaked around Sofia's waist as she snuggled closer to the detective; thinking that she might just have to become a regular at these meetings, if this was the result.

The End

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