DISCLAIMER: The Facts of Life and its characters are the property of Columbia Pictures Television and Sony Pictures Television. Lost Girl and its characters belong to Showcase. Lip Service characters are the property of the BBC, no infringement intended.
SPOILERS: Lost Girl, Season One, Episode Five. Lip Service Series One.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
FEEDBACK: To FOLfan[at]ymail.com
THANKS: To Stacey for the Beta.
Jo & Blair Recap Lost Girl
Jo: I think I'm gonna puke.
Blair: This is just so sad.
Natalie: Bo really needs to hear one of Mrs. Garrett's lectures on self esteem.
Bo: (after having wild wolf boy sex with Dyson) What's a girl got to do around here to get some breakfast, huh?
Dyson: Breakfast? That might make things confusing.
Jo: What happened to the badass succubus we've come to know and love?
Blair: He won't even take her to breakfast. I might cry.
Bo: Fine. No breakfast. Is that a rule?
Dyson: I never much liked rules, but maybe we should have some.
Bo: Seriously? Feels kind of high school.
Dyson: I wouldn't know. I never went.
Natalie: She doesn't even know the most basic rules of dating like there are no rules, dumb ass wolf.
Jo: And don't shag Wolf Bastards.
Blair: Kenzi needs to have a heart to heart with Bo.
Natalie: Yeah, friends don't let friends hook up with losers.
Bo: Well, in the spirit of clarifying this, what else?
Dyson: Rule number two. No discussing our arrangement with other people.
Natalie: He did not just say that! Sick, douche bastard.
Jo: (lips on Blair's ear whispering softly)
Blair: (holding Jo's hand) That was an entirely different situation, Sweetheart, as different as night and day.
Bo: Exception, Kenzi. She already knows and she pouts when I fib.
Dyson: Okay, rule three. We come, we go, no questions asked, no sad goodbyes.
Natalie: What a tool!
Jo: Well, she's letting him do it, isn't she?
Blair: (fingers in ears) Tell me when the big, brave wolf man has finished laying down rules for the sad, pathetic, lovesick doormat.
Bo: And as far as seeing other people?
Dyson: Well, we're not exclusive.
Jo: I'll be back in a flash, I need to go break something.
Blair: Bo walks down the street and knees a guy for calling her a princess.
Natalie: Misplaced aggression.
Natalie: The guy has two friends . . . with guns. The three bad guys drag Bo into an SUV and take her to their boss, a dark Fae who feeds on other people's luck. The dark Fae is some sort of a bookie and he meets with Bo in a casino. He wants to hire Bo to find the human who ripped him off. He offers to let Bo spend ten minutes with his niece, who can see the past and foretell the future, in return for helping him. Bo, anxious for any information about her parents, agrees.
Blair: To prove his niece's power, Myers, the dark Fae, gives Bo a sample. During the reading, we learn about Bo's first sexual experience, which ends in the death of her boyfriend.
Natalie: That explains a lot.
Blair: I feel so sorry for Bo. It must be terrible to wake up after your first time and find that you've sucked the life out of your lover.
Natalie: (resisting the urge to jokingly tell Blair that she has another thing in common with Bo) Bo takes some security tape footage to Dyson, hoping he can help her with her new case.
Dyson: So we'll take this image from the security tape and we'll run if through the facial recognition.
Kenzi: (after popping Dyson with a rubber band) And she wets herself over your geek skills.
Jo: (having re-entered the room) You tell her, Kenzi. I'm gonna give up on Bo and start cheering for you, kid.
Blair: Joey, you've hurt your hand again.
Jo: Nah, I'm fine. I feel much better now.
Natalie: Make sure you get a screen shot of Kenzi shooting Dyson with the rubber band. It may be the only thing worth capturing in this entire episode.
Kenzi: I just barfed in my mouth. Dude, I can't believe I backed you with Bo. You made me look like a total tool. The worst part is you treated her like shit but somehow you're forgiven. That is why I am no longer on Team Dyson.
Jo, Blair, and Natalie: Standing ovation for Kenzi. Blair offers to open a bottle of Champagne to celebrate Kenzi's defection from Team Dyson.
Natalie: She even gave him an "I'm stupid" sticky note to wear. I'd marry Kenzi, if I was gay and if she was gay. Hell, I might marry her anyway.
Jo: Bo and Kenzi go to the home of the human who ripped off the dark Fae, but discover that he's been dead for two days and couldn't have been the man in the security tape.
Natalie: Trick tells Bo about Body Jumpers, Fae who can inhabit the bodies of recently deceased humans. While Bo talks to Trick, Dyson and his police partner play pool.
Detective Hale: That's your third energy drink and you still look like shit.
Dyson: Hale, she is relentless.
Jo: Smug bastard.
Blair: Calm down, Sweetheart. You can fast forward past his scenes if you like. Nat and I don't mind.
Natalie: Mind? I'd consider it a favor.
Hale: Listen, what's it like with a succubus? Tell me.
Dyson: You remember Daphne?
Hale: The nymph?
Dyson: Well, I lost her number and I don't even care.
Natalie: Someone needs to put the arrogant braggart in a cage.
Jo: Wolf Boy walks over to Bo, who greets him with a saccharine sweet smile and cheerful voice. Kenzi, our hero, looks like she's barfed in her mouth again. Bo practically throws herself at the creep and he warns her to remember rule number two.
Natalie: Sick, wolf bastard.
Jo: When Hale tries to tell Kenzi how she should act in a Fae bar, she tells him that she doesn't give a rat's ass what he or anyone else thinks, only Bo. If only Bo had half the good sense of her sidekick, this show would be awesome.
Natalie: I've fallen in love with a girl and her name is Kenzi.
Jo: Bo and Dyson find the Body Jumper and then Bo reports back to Myers, telling him that it was a Fae who ripped him off, not a human.
Natalie: Bo and Kenzi go undercover at a gambling club to gather information and Kenzi has to save Bo's life again. I'm going to write letters to the producers until they recognize Kenzi as the real hero in the show.
Jo: Yeah, let the wimpy wolf-lover be the sidekick.
Blair: I can't believe Kenzi takes Bo to Dyson.
Natalie: It's not Kenzi's fault. Bo is injured and needs sex in order to heal.
Jo: While Bo suffers, needing to feed, Dyson interrogates her.
Blair: He finally strips and has sex with her, like he's doing her a huge favor. It doesn't seem as though either of them are enjoying it.
Natalie: Poor Kenzi has to wait in the room next door with Hale, listening to Bo and Dyson go at it so hard the plaster falls from the walls.
Jo: Trick walks in and finds out that Dyson and Bo are still having sex with one another. Dyson complains that rule number two has been broken. I'd like to break something of his.
Natalie: While Dyson and Bo run around aimlessly, Kenzi solves the case and discovers that Myers' nephew is the one betraying the dark Fae.
Jo: Having completed her part of the bargain by solving the case, Bo is allowed to see Myer's niece again. The Oracle tells Bo that her mother was betrayed by the one she loved most, was placed in prison, escaped, and yearned to find her lost child. Then the Oracle gets spooked by what she sees and tells Bo that 'she' is coming. The Oracle tells Bo that Bo will have to take sides when 'she' comes. The Oracle warns Bo not to tell anyone what happened, that Bo is a major player in the fate of all Fae and that Bo is in danger.
Blair: (upset by the dejected look on her partner's face) Joey, why don't you start watching Lip Service with Nat and me? There aren't any wolves. Heck, there aren't even any men, except the ones that want to have sex with lesbians and they're kind of pathetic. You can fast forward past the parts with D.S. Murray. She's never on screen more than five minutes an episode anyway. She may not even be in this episode at all.
Natalie: (bobbing her head back and forth and waving her arms behind Jo's back in order to get Blair's attention) I don't want to watch episode five again tonight, Blair.
Blair: You've seen it already?
Natalie: Yeah. You don't want to watch it tonight.
Blair: That's okay. Jo will watch it with me.
Natalie: (gasping for air and shaking her head furiously) No. You don't want to watch it tonight.
Jo: Get a grip, Nat. I'll go make some popcorn. Cue up the DVD and we can watch it when I get back.
(Jo leaves the room)
Blair: Natalie, what is your problem?
Natalie groans as she hurriedly starts the DVD.
Three minutes and twenty-four seconds later.
Blair: (grabbing Natalie's Team Frankie t-shirt by the collar, almost strangling her friend) I am going to say this once and never ever again. Jo can never ever forever see D.S. Murray doing that. Do you understand?
Natalie: (freaked out that Blair was so upset she was channeling dialogue from Lost and Delirious) Don't you think I know that?
Jo: Are you guys ready?
Blair: (throwing her drink into the DVD player) I'm sorry, Jo. I'm afraid I accidentally ruined it.
Jo: Hey, don't worry.
Blair: What makes you think I'm worried?
Jo: You look flushed. I don't care if you ruined the DVD player.
Natalie: (stifling a giggle while Blair glares at her) That's it. She's flushed because she ruined the DVD player.
Jo: I can probably fix it. I'll go get my tools.
Natalie: I can't believe you wrecked your DVD player. Why didn't you just scratch the DVD?
Blair: (protectively holding the DVD to her chest) Are you insane?
Natalie: You don't think she can really fix the DVD player, do you?
Blair: Of course she can fix it. Jo can fix anything. You know she's going to arrest us when she watches it. I'm sure there's some sort of town ordinance that makes watching sex scenes that steamy illegal in Peekskill.
Natalie: Yeah, I was almost ready to throw out my Team Frankie t-shirt until . . . you know.
Blair: (sighing) Cat didn't say it back when Sam told her that she loved her.
Natalie: Are you going to watch the rest of the episode? Jo can't possibly be that jealous of a fictional character.
Blair: Natalie, look into my eyes.
Natalie: Damn, your pupils are dilated still?!
Blair: Jo's going to arrest us for sure.
Natalie: I could edit out the first few minutes of the episode. Jo would never have to know.
Blair: Do you know how to do that?
Natalie: Well, since my freedom depends on it, I think I can figure it out by the time she gets the DVD player fixed.
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