DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything
else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions
etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and
no copyright infringement is intended.
SEQUEL/SERIES: This story follows A Dream Can Come True, Believe and Wonderful.
SOUNDTRACK: Bjork "Like Someone in Love" from the album `Debut'
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author
Like Someone in Love
Life is what happens to you when you're making plans
It feels like the universe conspired to bring us together. Now it's conspiring to keep us apart. Over and above our insane work schedules. What Oannes did to me, messing with my mind, my emotions. I seriously thought that I was going crazy. I know Janet was afraid for me. My reactions were so extreme, my grief for Daniel magnified to the extent that I could barely function. It wasn't helped by the fact that at the same time I was coming to the realization of how much I loved this woman.
All I have to do now is tell her. How difficult can it be? I was going to do it when we came back from the mission to Oannes planet. I was going to invite her out for a drink, maybe a meal. I was going to tell her how I felt.
But then Daniel died again. And the horror of that wiped just about everything else out of my head. But even in my brainwashed misery I was aware of her every move. She took such good care of me. She held me when I cried for Daniel. She didn't tell me to suck it up or be a brave soldier. She let me be me. And she wasn't disgusted or annoyed at my show of emotion. She showed me such compassion, such understanding. As she did with everyone else.
Every time she touches me it feels personal, special. I want to believe that there is more behind it. But she is that way with everyone, from the General down to the janitorial staff. People cannot believe how we lucked out getting her here. Warner may be a good clinician but it's very difficult to warm to him. Dr Fraiser… Janet… oh my god, I can't believe how `warm' she makes me just thinking about her.
Apart from the crying jags, the flashbacks were terrifying. Water triggered them. Even something as simple as the watercooler in the briefing room. And the shower. I was becoming hydrophobic by the time we figured what was going on.
"What fate Amaroca?" A love that spanned almost the entire recorded course of human history. I can't imagine it. Though as I look up into deep brown eyes, see that sweet smile I realise that maybe I can.
I will tell her how I feel. Tonight.
This isn't the time or place for declarations of love, but she looks so lost. If I thought it would take her mind of it... but it's not fair to dump my needs on her right now. I know she's reliving what happened over and over again. If it did happen as she described it there was nothing any of them could have done. But try telling any of SG1 that at the moment. Survivor's guilt, PTSD. Hell, who knows what going through that thing twice a week really does to you. The Colonel looks angry, Teal'c is somber even for him. And Sam… Sam just looks lost and alone.
And the General wants them to get out their straight back on the damned horse. I begged him to reconsider, give them a few more days downtime at least. And I realised just how much the military mindset in these matters annoys me sometimes. If there was more realization that these people are flesh and bone with delicate nervous systems beneath the training and the machismo then we'd have a damn sight fewer psychiatric cases on our hands. I think it took Colonel O'Neill breaking the window's of his car with his hockey stick to make the General realise that this was a little more serious than he had first thought.
So instead he's sending them to secure Daniel's apartment.
At least it gave them time to talk to each other and realise that they were all experiencing exactly the same flashback, triggered by the sound or sight of water, particularly bubbles rising in water. And they admitted that whilst they all firmly believed that Daniel was dead, they each had the equally unshakeable conviction that he was alive as well.
Sam volunteered to be hypnotized. And the truth came out. I wasn't there for the session I came in after hearing her scream and found her cradled in her CO's arms, both of them crying. And then they were off to go get Daniel back from Calimari man as the Colonel dubbed the alien who had kidnapped Dr Jackson and brainwashed them into believing that he was dead.
So he's back, in the Infirmary over night for observation as he was a little hypothermic when we got back and has a low grade chest infection. The others are with him. I don't think they'll leave for quite a while yet no matter how overbearing I get with them. They seem to need reassurance that he is indeed alive and back with them. The story he told of the love lorn alien waiting for thousands of years for his beloved to return got to all of us, I think.
I found myself looking at her and thinking: what would I do if I lost her? Even now with nothing said between us and no commitment made it would hurt. But if we did get together, did make a go of a relationship. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her.
But I've come too far to turn back now.
I will tell her how I feel. Tonight.
BJORK - LIKE SOMEONE IN LOVE From the album Debut
I find myself out gazing at stars
like someone in love
Sometimes the things I do astound me
mostly whenever you're around me
I seem to walk as though I have wings
bump into things
like someone in love
Each time I look at you, I'm limp as a glove
and feeling like someone in love
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