DISCLAIMER: Jerry Bruckheimer, CBS and various others own CSI, not me. I just played in their sandpit for a while.
SERIES/SEQUEL: Fifth part of 'The Nina Simone Suite', following Little Visions of You, Mia-Anderings, Let It Be Me and The Human Touch.
SPOILERS: Set during and after the Season 5 episode "Snakes"
SOUNDTRACK: Nina Simone: Little Girl Blue (from the CD My Baby Just Cares for Me)
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
DEDICATED: For the one I love as always.

Little Girl Blue
By Celievamp

Mia's been playing this CD all week and I can't get it out of my head. Remind me to hit Warrick upside the head for getting her into that stuff. But it's getting to me too. This one song's stayed with me all day.

"Sit there and count your fingers
What can you do
Old girl you're through
Sit there, count your little fingers
Unhappy little girl blue."

That was me. Little girl blue. And I shouldn't be. Regrets. Unfinished business. A lot of what ifs and might-have-beens. It was time to focus on what I had.

So, Grissom and I finally had that talk. It's been bothering me for weeks the things I said to Ecklie and I know I was probably blowing the importance of it all out of all proportion and that Ecklie did what he did because he's a snake and he would have done it anyway regardless but, okay, I felt guilty.

So I wanted to apologise to him. Grissom, I mean. It went as well as any conversation not absolutely case related ever goes with Grissom.

"We really haven't had a chance to talk since the staff changes. I… I wanted to let you know that I said some things to Ecklie that might have done the team a disservice."

Grissom polished his spectacles for a moment, something he does to give him time to think what to say. "Ecklie wanted to break up the team and he did."

"He asked me if you and I had had our post-P-E-A-P counseling session," I admitted.

"And we didn't. Regardless, you should never have to cover for your boss. I'm sorry," he said gently.

"You've always been a little more than a boss to me," I blurted out and then stood slightly stricken as I realised how that might sound. I flashed an embarrassed smile and tried to explain what I meant. "Why do you think I moved to Vegas? Look, I know our relationship has been complicated. It's probably my fault. It's probably definitely my fault." Somebody shoot me now. Little girl blue indeed. I was fucking this up again.

"You, uh, completed your counseling, right?"

I nodded emphatically "Yeah. Yes."


"Let's just say that… sometimes I look for validation in inappropriate places," I said softly. There wasn't much either of us could say after that statement.

"Look… lets um…" Grissom started hesitantly and then stopped. Neither of us looked at each other.

"It's okay. Okay. You know what, we did our session," I smiled ruefully. The perils of working with someone who was even less of a people-person than I was. "Don't forget to document this for Ecklie."

"Right," he said, looking slightly bemused, as if he hadn't quite caught up with the fact I had just let him off the hook.

"Thanks," I said. And I meant it. I stood up to go. I almost made it to the door when he spoke again.

"You do seem a lot… happier lately, Sara. I like Mia. You and she are obviously good for each other."

"Yes, I think we are," I said. "You're okay with this?"

"Of course, why shouldn't I be? We're friends, Sara, always will be. Friends and colleagues." He looked like he believed it. I hoped he really did. That was how I wanted it to be.

I worked the rest of my shift. Mia would be waiting for me at her place. We would have four hours together before she had to start her shift. We would say hello, go get breakfast together at our diner then she'd come into work and I'd go and grab a few hours sleep.

I opened the door to her apartment and she came to greet me in the hall, holding me close for a long moment. "You smell good," I whispered, drinking in her scent. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"Pretty good," she said, snuggling into me. "Missed you though."

Mia was a snuggler. When we did managed to sleep together I usually woke to find her wrapped around me, her head pillowed on my chest, one leg and one arm slung over my body. I thought I would find it claustrophobic but I loved it. I never felt so safe before. I never felt so loved. And I never slept so well as I did when I was in her arms.

What did scare me was how used to it I was getting. I was getting used to not being on my own.

"So, did you talk to Grissom today?" she asked, almost playfully. She had asked me this every day for the last two weeks ever since I had confessed to her about how bad I felt for what I had said to Ecklie.

"Actually, yes I did," I said, pulling back a little and smiling at her. "And he was okay with it – with everything. Ecklie would have done what he had done regardless of what I or anyone else said. We talked a little about my counseling and stuff that's happened since and… the two of us." We were back in the bedroom by now. I kicked off my boots and sat on the edge of the bed.

"He seems okay with it. He certainly hasn't changed the way he treats me since we got together," Mia said. "In fact, I think it's made my relationship with the rest of your team better. It feels like I got adopted by several big brothers."

Big brothers. That figured. Warrick and Nick and Greg were the best. I trusted them to watch my back every day. And I trusted them with Mia as well. "What about Catherine Willows. Has she said anything?"

"No… nothing beyond work related stuff anyway. But she's still settling into the new structure as well. It's gotta be hard on her too. And…" Mia stopped, looked away for a second.

"Tell me, Mia. What did she say?" I knew Catherine Willows could be a class A bitch when she wanted to be. I had been on the receiving end of it often enough, especially in the early days.

"I think she has feelings for you, Sara. And I don't thing she realised how strong they were until she found out that we were a couple. And maybe she feels like she missed her chance with you."

"Feelings for me! That's…" My voice trailed away as I thought it through. There had been moments, I couldn't deny it. After Eddie was murdered, when I hadn't been able to put the case together for her she had spoken so harshly to me before realizing how badly I felt that we couldn't crack it. And then she had gone out of her way to tell me that she didn't attach any blame for what had happened to me or the team. It was just the way things worked sometimes.

That damned song…

"Sit there and count the raindrops
Falling on you
It's time you knew
All you can ever count on
Are the raindrops
That fall on little girl blue"

"I was never sure," I said softly. "I was never that certain exactly what I felt for her myself." I shook myself. "Anyway… that's all in the past now. I have you in my life, and I ain't looking anywhere else." I kissed her thoroughly, letting my hands travel across her slim hips and waist, down over her beautiful backside.

"Good to hear," Mia said softly. "I wouldn't want it any other way either. You're quite enough for me, Sara Sidle." She pulled me down onto the bed, opening my shirt and kissing her way down my front, her hands palming my breasts, fingers gently rolling and squeezing my nipples through the material of my bra. It was exquisite torture.

I reached for her nightshirt, pulled it up to reveal her naked body. Mia was so beautiful, her dark skin smooth as satin, soft. She sat up a little, pulling her nightshirt over her head and flinging it in the general direction of the hamper. I let my hands glide over her taut belly, her ribs, her beautiful breasts, up to the column of her throat, cupping one hand around the back of her neck to pull her down to me again. She rolled us so she was on the bottom and I was straddling her. I took the opportunity to take off my shirt, copying her action by tossing it towards the hamper. I reached round behind me to unclasp my bra, pulled it off and lost it as well. Her fingers were rubbing at me through my jeans, pressing the seam into my clit. I pressed down on her fingers feeling that sweet wet friction begin. No one had ever been able to get me as wet as she did. I undid the fly on my jeans, slipped my hand inside as she raised herself up and began kissing down my bare stomach, gently biting and nibbling at my flesh.

"So beautiful," she whispered. "God, Sara, you're so beautiful. You taste so good." We shifted position again so that I could lose my jeans and socks and then with both of us naked we curled around each other touching and kissing, biting and licking. We were still learning each other's bodies, the little signs and often almost subliminal signals that told you more, less, harder, softer, there. There. I was a quick study but she… she was phenomenal. I came first and hard, smothering my squeal of her name in the flesh of her shoulder, almost biting her. The force of my orgasm was enough to bring her over the edge as well, her breath hot against my cheek as she whispered my name over and over again. I rested against her for a moment, as she ran her fingers through my hair, gently bringing us both down. I heard her laugh softly.

"What?" I asked.

"You're a wild thing, Sara. I look at you when you're working in the lab, so serious, so quiet and it amazes me that these two sides of you that I see, that I love, can exist in the same person. You are amazing."

I know that I'm blushing. I can feel the heat rise in my skin. I've always felt awkward at compliments, never known quite how to take them, how to accept them. She knows that I'm embarrassed and smiles at me and almost shyly I smile back. "I love you Mia," I said. And stopped.

That was the first time I had ever said it to her. And I meant it. It wasn't just words. It was real. "I love you," I repeated softly. We were sitting facing each other now, almost in each others laps. She nuzzled my cheek, my lips. We kissed for a long time, then drew slightly apart, our foreheads resting against each other.

"I love you too," she whispered. "I love you too."

Little Girl Blue – Nina Simone (From the Album 'My baby just cares for me')
   (music & Lyrics Richard Rodgers, Lorenz Hart)

Sit there and count your fingers
What can you do
Old girl you're through
Sit there, count your little fingers
Unhappy little girl blue.

Sit there and count the raindrops
Falling on you
It's time you knew
All you can ever count on
Are the raindrops
That fall on little girl blue

Won't you just sit there
Count the little raindrops
Falling on you
'Cause it's time you knew
All you can ever count on
Are the raindrops
That fall on little girl blue

No use old girl
You might as well surrender
'Cause your hopes are getting slender and slender
Why won't somebody send a tender blue boy
To cheer up little girl blue

The End

Sequel Death is Just a Name

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