DISCLAIMER: Grey's Anatomy and all its characters are property of ABC.
SEQUEL: To This is Not the Way She Would Spend Her Christmas, This is the Way She Would Spend Her New Year’s (To Fix Christmas) and This is Not the Way Valentine's Day Should Turn Out.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
This is How Izzie Stevens Tries to Make Up for Everything
Izzie just wants everything to go back to normal.
And when she says normal, what she really means to say is that she just wants things to be the way they were.
She doesn't like the awkward silences that occur whenever she bumps into Addison in the stairwell or when they're caught alone in the meeting room. It's too hard to look at Addison; she can't even look at her retreating form without feeling lost, embarrassed, and just plain stupid, much less look at her in the eye. The awkwardness doesn't go away when they are with other people; in fact, it just gets worse.
Meredith always looks like she's either about to implode or explode from the tension, and George always looks from one of them to the other, as though expecting for something exciting to happen. A shed of a tear, a joyful reunion things that will never happen, as far as Izzie's concerned, because she's fucked it up too much. And Cristina? Well, Izzie hasn't been with just Addison and Cristina, and she's grateful, because honest is what Cristina is, and honest is not something Izzie needs right now.
Seriously. If she could, she would take back everything she said on Valentine's Day. Night. Whatever.
But what she really wants to take back were those three little words.
Those three little words that had been so easy to say, yet they had also been the ones that had scared Addison off.
She should've known better, she should've and she did. Yet she did nothing to stop the words from flowing out of her mouth; it had felt so right at the time. It was only the second after she'd said it that she realized she shouldn't have said anything at all. And if she'd known that this was the result, if she'd known she and Addison would spend the next two months avoiding each other, she wouldn't even have entertained the thought of saying she loved Addison. In fact, the thought wouldn't even exist! She would've made sure of it.
Now it's Easter morning, and Izzie's standing in front of Addison's hotel room door.
Actually, she's been standing there for a good ten minutes, contemplating what to say. She had a whole speech prepared about how she was sorry for saying she loved her, because she understands now that it was way too much, way too early. But now the words won't come to her. She doesn't think she can apologize; she doesn't think she wants to, or even if she should, because it had been a very in-the-moment kind of thing, and people generally do pretty stupid things in the moment. And she should be forgiven for that, right?
She takes in a deep breath and raises a hand to knock on the door, when the door to the room next to Addison's swings open, and out comes Addison, accompanied by no other than Neighboy (who in reality is neither a boy nor one that neighs).
Izzie calls the brunette with Addison "Neighboy" because well, the first time she came to the hotel to look for Addison, it had been a week after Valentine's Day. But she couldn't work up the courage to talk to Addison, so she finally left but not before she saw her with this brunette, returning to the room next door. She recalled the jealousy that struck her at that moment, and in her jealous rage she'd texted a message to George, in which she accidentally spelled "neighbor" as "neighboy." From that moment on, the brunette had been known as Neighboy. (They had briefly debated the validity of adding a "Mc" to make her "McNeighboy," but then they decided not to do that.)
But that was then.
This is now.
And now, Izzie definitely can't back out of talking to Addison because it's too late.
She wants to run, she wants to back out, but the conversation Addison was having with the brunette has ended, and Addison's eyes have come to fix on Izzie, questioning. She's been waiting so long to talk to Addison, and this is it the brunette with Addison has taken her leave, touching Addison lightly on the arm as she excuses herself. (And Izzie fumes inwardly at that, as childish as she knows she's being.)
This is the first time Izzie's been alone with Addison and been ready to talk.
Well somewhat ready.
It takes her a few seconds, but she finally remembers what she's come here to say.
Okay, maybe not quite that.
"I " Izzie pauses. "Okay. I had this whole speech planned out." She looks at Addison, who still looks interested in what she has to say. Relief washes over her, and she continues, "About how I want everything to go back to the way it was before before, well, you know and about how you can just forget what I said, and that we can pretend it never even existed, or crossed my mind, or whatever you want. Because I really like you, and I don't know, maybe you really like me too." She stops to take a breath, and looks down at her feet. "But now " She looks shy. "I just. Really. Want. To. Be. Kissing. You."
At some point during her speech, Addison had managed to take a few steps closer to her without her noticing.
So when Izzie looks up to see Addison's reaction, all she sees are gray eyes staring back at her, unblinking.
They are so close that Izzie could just Izzie is
Izzie's too lost in the feel of Addison's lips, Addison's tongue, Addison's teeth, that it's only when they come up for air that she realizes how fast her heart is beating, how weak her knees are and most importantly, how much she's missed Addison.
Because seriously? She's just beginning to comprehend just how much she's missed Addison. And it's a lot more than she'd thought she had.
When Addison moves to kiss her again, she stops her by placing two fingers on the other woman's lips.
"Are we ?"
Addison looks at her seriously. "Yes. We are."
When Addison tries to kiss her again, she stops her again.
Addison looks half-exasperated, half-amused.
"Do you want to take this ?"
Addison smirks. "Yes. Let's."
Addison leads Izzie to her room, and shuts the door behind them.
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