I Scare Myself

DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended.
SEQUEL/SERIES: This story follows A Dream Can Come True, Believe, Wonderful and Like Someone In Love.
SOUNDTRACK: Thomas Dolby "I scare myself" from the album "The Flat Earth."
SPOILERS: Set during Hathor and Singularity, Season 1
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author

I Scare Myself
By Celievamp

No sooner had we dealt with one intergalactic bitch than another raised her snaky little head.

And it was putting a severe dent in my newly rediscovered love life.

Two nights after they brought Daniel back from the dead, or at least from his extended vacation with Calimari Man, I finally had the chance to have that conversation with Samantha Carter. Daniel had been released from the infirmary that morning, his team mates also much improved by the knowledge that they were not going insane. The flashbacks that had been haunting them had hopefully gone for good.

Liberated, Daniel had gone off to the Commissary with O'Neill and Teal'c for `cake'. I had expected Sam to go with them but she gave them a rain check saying she had something to finish up first. Ten minutes later when I popped out of my office to put some documents in my secretary's mail-out tray she was standing in the corridor evidencing great interest in a series of notices about proper hygiene procedures. She appeared to be talking to herself under her breath, psyching herself up for something.

"Sam?"

She turned to me, flashed an uncharacteristically nervous grin. "Oh, hi Janet!"

"Did you need to see me about something? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Janet. Really. I er… well, I wanted to ask you… erm… you know what, you're probably really busy right now. I'll see you later, okay."

"Sam… " I caught hold of her hand as she turned to go. Actually flee was probably the better description. What had the indomitable Captain Carter so spooked? "Look, something is obviously bothering you. Why don't you come into my office? It's got to be more private than talking in the hallway like this."

I almost towed her into my office and pushed her into sitting on the couch then perched on the edge of my desk. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

She gazed up at me. And I froze. She had that same look in her eyes as she did when she was one of the Touched. Just before she began purring as my touch gentled her skin.

"You remember everything that happened, don't you?" I asked. "When you were Touched… when I was looking after you."

She took a deep breath, then nodded. "I remember everything, Janet. How I felt. What I did. What I wanted. Who I wanted." She gazed at me, and the feeling that went through me at being the focus of those incredible eyes was indescribable. "And I know you felt the same."

"I did. I do. So what do you think we should do about it?"

"Well, we need to talk… not here. Would I be taking things too fast if I invited you out to dinner on…"

My phone rang. Caller ID said it was General Hammond. Apparently there was some woman who had been apprehended trying to break into the Mountain who claimed to be the goddess Hathor and wanted her sarcophagus and her Stargate back.

"Lib-id-in-ous," Samantha Carter whispered, her warm breath caressing my bare skin. "I think that's my new favourite word."

I giggled, reached up to caress her cheek. "You were amazing, you know. The way you stood up to her…"

"You were the amazing one," Sam said. "Who knew that ol' Doc Fraiser knew one end of a gun from the other." She kissed me to take any sting out of her words. "And looked so damn hot in BDUs."

After three days of insanity trying to find a way to stop the goddess of sex, drugs and rocknroll taking over the male dominated SGC as her own personal seraglio, Captain Carter and I were finally getting to finish that conversation we had started in my office. Only in that time the conversation had got bigger, wider ranging and a whole lot more complicated.

I gasped as Sam continued to kiss me. She seemed to get inordinate pleasure out of seeing me naked. As her doctor of course I had seen her naked a couple of times and knew her body well. From the first I thought she had a spectacular figure, lean yet lush at the same time. As a lover, as her lover it came closer to worship. And it seemed she felt the same about me.

She was being gentle with me as I had realised the hard way I had yet to learn the value of knowing when to duck. In the firefight to capture Hathor and free our men from her domination I had caught a stray bullet. It was just a flesh wound, thankfully, but my right arm was pretty much out of action. And Samantha Carter had designated herself my right arm until I was healed again. Mind you, if this was being gentle I couldn't wait to find out how intense things would get when she really got serious.

Part of me distantly wondered if Hathor's nishta was affecting us even slightly. The rest of me didn't care. I felt wonderful. The main reason for that raised her head to smile at me. "How are you feeling?"

"No pain," I smiled. "Part of me is amazed at how far we've come considering the length of time it took us to admit the truth."

She giggled softly. "If you hadn't dragged me into your office I think I'd have still been standing in that corridor rehearsing what I was going to say to you. Though those notices were pretty informative."

I swatted her arm. "Goof. So you're okay with this?"

"Better than okay. I know we're going to have to be careful but I think what we have is worth taking a risk on. I have you and I have the best job in the world." She leant in for a kiss. "I won't deny that it's a little scary but being without you would be even scarier." She closed her eyes for a moment, as if trying to recall something and then began to sing.

"I scare myself just thinking about you
I scare myself when I'm without you
I scare myself, to think what I could do
I scare myself -- it's some kind of voodoo...

but it's so so very different when we're together
and I'm so so much calmer; I feel better
'cause the stars already crossed our paths forever
and the sooner that you realise it the better
and then I'll be with you and I won't scare myself
and I'll know what to do and I won't scare myself
and my thoughts will run and I won't scare myself
and I'll think of you and I won't scare myself"

"Wow," I said softly. Another first, being serenaded by Samantha Carter. "You really are a woman of many talents."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," she quipped.

"So you think this was meant to be?" I asked.

She nodded, shifting so that she laid on her tummy beside me, her head resting on her crossed forearms. "I think so. The first time I met you it felt as if I'd known you forever. I…" she yawned, murmured "sorry. Think you wore me out."

"You should get some sleep," I said. "SG1 has a mission tomorrow, doesn't it."

"Mm-hmm. Going back to P8X987 - Hanka. Supply run for SG7 at the Observatory. Should only be there a couple of hours."

"Do you want to come over when you get back?" I asked, brushing my fingers through her thick blonde hair. She nodded, smiled sleepily. "Could get used to this you know. `Mazing how everything changes so quickly."

I had occasion to remember those words a week later when Sam brought Cassandra to live at my house.

The End

Thomas Dolby - I Scare Myself – The Flat Earth

I scare myself just thinking about you
I scare myself when I'm without you
I scare myself the moment that you're going
I scare myself when I let my thoughts run
and when they're running
I keep thinking of you
and when they're running
what can I do?

I scare myself, and I don't mean lightly
I scare myself, it can get frightening
I scare myself, to think what I could do
I scare myself -- it's some kind of voodoo...
and with that voodoo
I keep thinking of you
and with that voodoo
what can I do?

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