DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended.
SEQUEL/SERIES: This story follows A Dream Can Come True, Believe, Wonderful, Like Someone In Love, I Scare Myself, This Girl's in Heaven, In Perfect Dreams, So Happy with You, Always and Forever, An Angle Smile Upon Me , Do What You Have To Do, Stay By Me, I'll Be, Your Guardian Eyes, The Little Things, Some Space, Some Time and One Day.
SOUNDTRACK: "Come to me" by Bjork from the Album `Debut'
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author

Saying the Words
By Celievamp

I was already beyond the point of exhaustion. Ten days labouring in the Naquada mines, under constant threat of death from a wannabe Goa'uld and his daughter, worrying about Daniel, barely fed, given only tainted water. I think I was entitled to feel a little under par. But good old Captain Carter. I came back, showered and changed, got a few minor injuries seen to and immediately got down to work in my lab, assessing the naquada ore that Shayla had sent back with us as some kind of half-assed apology for messing with Daniel's head.

And now in return Daniel was messing with my head. "You've never really known love, have you?"

He didn't know about Janet. No one did. We are so careful to keep it off base careful to keep below the radar. I knew it was the sarcophagus talking, Jolinar's memories had told me as much. What it did to you, how it destroyed anything that was good about you little by little. but it didn't mean that his deliberate cruelty didn't get to me. He knew enough about me to push my buttons. He'd met Jonas after all.

He slammed his fists down on the workbench and I felt a shiver of fear run through me. More button pushing. I'm a strong, capable woman. I have excellent hand-to-hand fighting skills. But the idea of violence for the sake of violence scares me. Especially violence towards me by men with whom I have an emotional connection.

That's one of the reasons I'm so comfortable in my relationship with Janet. I know she would never willingly hurt me. And I am hyper careful around her. When I went cavegirl I almost remember what happened. I tried to use my physical strength to dominate her. But something in that steady gaze stopped me, calmed me. She told me later that I was almost purring as her touch gentled me. She got me through Jolinar, reaching me when no one else could. I love her and she loves me. Those are the important things. What anyone else thinks about me isn't important. Janet knows that I love her. And I know that she loves me. It is one of the certainties in my world.

"You've never really known love, have you?"

I wish to hell I'd just turned to him and said "Actually yes, Daniel I have and its wonderful."

I wanted to tell him so badly. I want to tell all of them, everyone that I meet that Sam Carter is in love. But I can't. And I worry sometimes. How often do I tell Janet that I love her? Do I actually say the words? I try to remember the last time I told her. And I know I've just spent the last ten days on an alien planet in somewhat trying circumstances but I can't remember. I have to tell her. I have to tell her how I feel.

Her hands are strong, soft and warm, easing gently over my bruised shoulder and arm as she gently massages away the stiffness and the hurt. I have rarely been as scared as I was today. I never thought that Daniel would attack anyone least of all me. But he was hurting so much, messed up by what the sarcophagus did to him. By what Shyla did to him.

The look on Sam's face when she found out what had happened. My tigress. If she hadn't already been more than aware that Daniel really wasn't himself I think she would have gone for him. It wasn't until we got home that she told me of her own encounter. And then I was angry on her behalf. I know he couldn't help it, that it was the sarcophagus talking but he hurt my Sam. He hurt my girl. And no one does that.

She senses my mood and plants a soft kiss on the back of my neck. "You're tensing up again, undoing all my hard work," she said. "Try to relax, Janet, your tendons are like concrete back here." Her hand caresses down my bare back and I let it all go.

She is quiet for a long moment, concentrating on the massage. "I love you, you know. So much. But I got to thinking. I know we have to be careful, have to keep this secret because of the regs. But do I let you know enough how I feel about you, just how much you mean to me?"

I try to turn my head but my sore neck and shoulder don't want to co- operate. "Of course you do, Sam. I have no doubt of your feelings for me. Even if you don't say it, I just have to look into your eyes and I know. You love me. And I love you. I know it's difficult to operate the way we do. would it be easier if we did tell the rest of your team. I mean they're not likely to report us or anything. Daniel and Teal'c, they're not even military!"

"I can't tell them and not tell the Colonel," Sam said. "I've thought about it believe me. And what Daniel said really got to me, I know. But I don't want to chance well, breaking the charm, I suppose. Bursting the bubble. You and me and Cassie. You're the important ones. As long as you know how I feel then everything's okay."

She smoothed her hands over my shoulders one last time then bent to kiss me again her lips warm and soft on the top of my spine. "And speaking of Cassie I promised to help her with her homework. I'd better present myself before she comes looking. You try and get some sleep, okay, let the painkillers do their job."

My eyes are already closing. "I love you, Sam," I whisper, pillowing my cheek on my forearms.

"I love you too."

The End

COME TO ME - Bjork (Debut)

Come to me
I'll take care of you
protect you
calm, calm down

You're exhausted
come lay down
you don't have to explain
I understand

You know : that I adore you
you know : that I love you
so don't make me say it
it would burst the bubble
break the charm

J u m p o f f
your building is on fire
I'll catch you : I'll catch you
destroy all that is keeping you down
and then I'll nurse you : I'll nurse you

You know : that I adore you
you know : that I love you
so don't make me say it
it would burst the bubble
break the charm

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