DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything
else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions
etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and
no copyright infringement is intended.
SEQUEL/SERIES: This story follows A Dream Can Come True, Believe, Wonderful, Like Someone In Love, I Scare Myself, This Girl's in Heaven, In Perfect Dreams, So Happy with You, Always and Forever, An Angle Smile Upon Me , Do What You Have To Do, Stay By Me, I'll Be, Your Guardian Eyes, The Little Things, Some Space, Some Time, One Day and Saying the Words.
SOUNDTRACK: "Cover me" by Bjork from the Album `Post'. `Carrie' and `Firestarter' are by Stephen King.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author
Proving the Impossible
Janet handled the Goa'uld artifacts gingerly as if they might bite. Truth was as I was the only one - as far as we knew - who could activate them, I would be the one doing the biting. We were in one of the secure labs on level 23, the ones we had designated for the testing of extremely hazardous materials. And there was little that was more hazardous than a Goa'uld hand device.
With Gairwyn's blessing I had taken the hand device and the healing device from Kendra's grave. I was as Kendra had been, I had made them work therefore they passed to me. As a result I was wired up to every piece of monitoring equipment Janet had so she could see what activating the device did to me. She fussed around me, making sure that all her tracers were attached and weren't too uncomfortable. I was wearing scrubs, more wires attached to cardiac monitors appearing from under the neckline. More were secured to my brow and my scalp to measure my brain activity.
I had described, with some trepidation, the almost-compulsion I had felt to put the hand device on, how with very little effort (though I had been unable to repeat it whilst we were on Cimmeria) I had exploded a small rock. I had made the healing device glow briefly but little else. I tried to describe how it made me feel to use them but it was difficult to put into words. powerful, alien, touching a part of myself that was not myself.
It had something to do with the naquada and the Goa'uld protein in my system, Jolinar's legacy. Quite what this meant in strategic terms, I did not know. We already knew that I could access Jolinar's memories to a certain extent and that I could detect whether someone was a Goa'uld if they were in my vicinity. And that either the naquada or the protein marker or some other change in my brain chemistry (undetectable by us so far) made me resistant to technology such as that of the Gamekeeper.
"Okay, I think we're ready to try again," Janet said. "Sam, the moment you feel tired or uncomfortable in any way we'll stop. I don't want you putting yourself in any danger. I mean it, Sam. If it starts to feel wrong or bad, stop."
I nodded, conscious of her touch on my bare forearm. As always I was so sensitized to her that I imagined I could almost feel the whorls and ridges of her fingertips against my skin.
"I'll be right over there," Janet said indicating the corner of the room where we had set up some thick Perspex shields, theoretically strong enough to withstand a C4 explosion. "I'll be able to see everything from behind the screen and I'll be watching your monitors all the time."
I had insisted on safety screens between me and those monitoring the experiments. I would have preferred them to be in a different room altogether but that wasn't practical. I knew the destructive potential of the hand device. I did not think for one moment that I would be able to achieve anything on that scale. But then I also had no idea of how to control it. Literally anything could happen. "Okay," I said. "I think I'm ready."
Another touch to my arm, her fingers brushing over the skin in lieu of the kiss I know she wanted to share with me. "Okay." Then I was alone. Another trip into the unknown.
I lifted my hand, pointed the device at the block of seasoned timber about eight inches square and two feet high that we had chosen as an initial target. I let my mind go blank, drift. I remembered how it had felt on Cimmeria, the almost-memory of Jolinar putting on the hand device, her mind focusing, drawing the energy from deep inside her mind and.
The block of timber burst into flame burning white hot before seeming to vapourise. Several alarms went off, quickly silenced. I wasn't even breathing hard.
"Just call me Carrie," I whispered with grim humour.
"More like the Firestarter," Janet's voice came from behind me. I had forgotten I was wired for sound. "That had a slightly better ending as well." Dr Lee came out from behind the shield and hosed down the smouldering stump of the timber with some CO2. I was careful to keep my hand pointing to the floor but it did not stop him looking very nervous. He set up the next `target' a sheet of four inch thick steel and scurried back behind the shield.
"Let's see how long you can sustain the beam," Janet said. "Are you ready to continue, Sam?"
"I'm ready," I said. I raised my hand again, stared at the metal willed something to happen. Seconds crawled past accumulating steadily into minutes. Something. Anything. If I had had the trick of this it seemed that I had lost it again.
"Don't try so hard," Janet advised.
I bit back momentary irritation and the device flared into life. It was as if my negative emotion had been channeled somewhere else. I hardly dared breath. I watched the metal begin to glow dark red, getting brighter and brighter as it approached melting point, watching the surface begin to buckle, waver. I could hear Lee's hushed tones as he counted off the rising temperature gauge.
If emotion could trigger it - something as benign as mild irritation - what would anger do, the kind of deep inimical hatred that the Goa'uld seemed to have for anyone who was not them? And as thoughts of the Goa'uld, of Apophis, of Hathor, of Heru'er, of Nirrti passed through my mind the metal glowed white hot and I heard the floor sizzle as molten metal began to drip onto it. Kendra had spoken of her `beast'. Was this what I had unleashed?
It felt wonderful, the release the headrush. why had I been so afraid of this? I could see why this was such an ego boost to the Goa'uld. I felt wonderful. I felt empowered. Nothing could stop me. No one. No.
The temperature was rising fast. too fast. I had to stop but how to stop? My fear, my adrenaline rush was feeding it, a vicious atavistic circle. The muscles in my arm seemed to have locked. I couldn't have lowered my arm even if I wanted to. I heard Janet tell me to stop. I wanted to I really wanted to but.
Then Janet's hand was touching me stroking down my back in that tender comforting gesture she used when I was upset or particularly uptight about something. "Let it go, Sam. Just let it go."
And I did. The light pouring from the crystal died away, the air around me began to imperceptibly cool. I realized that I was parched as I sank to the ground, even in my weakened state careful to keep the crystal pointing to the floor. Dr Lee was already taking readings from the still glowing metal sheet. I had punched a hole right through it in a matter of minutes.
"Get this thing off me, please," I whispered. My fingers were shaking too badly for me to do it on my own. Janet unclasped it from my hand, replaced it in the secure case then led me to a chair and poured a glass of water. Seeing that my hands were still shaking too badly to hold it securely she held the glass to my lips allowing me to take a few careful sips. Her fingers were cool on my wrist, monitoring my condition the time honoured way despite everything the sensors were telling her.
After a few moments I felt a lot better, fine in fact. Dr Lee had been number crunching. He started to tell me the findings but I let his voice wash over me. Janet still held her fingers to my wrist. I concentrated on that instead. I realized how badly I needed her touch, how badly I had needed to know that I had not made her afraid of me. She let me have some more water, trusting me to hold the glass myself this time.
Something Bill Lee said intruded."Say that again," I said.
"Your power output - at it's height you were putting out the equivalent of, well, it was pretty incredible," Dr Lee said showing me the printout.
"But that's impossible. that would. " the ramifications dumfounded me. "Where was it coming from? Was there any sign that I was drawing it somehow from the SGC power supplies?"
"I can double check but there was no obvious sign," Lee said. "The light's didn't flicker, we didn't experience any brownouts."
"I'm sorry - what does that mean?" Janet asked.
"It means that at one point I was putting out roughly enough energy to probably power the Gate," I told her. "But we have no idea where I was drawing it from." Just another law of physics out of the window. It was getting to be a regular occurrence around here. Another mystery.
"I think you should stay in the Infirmary for a few hours to be monitored," Janet said. "There's no evidence that it has damaged you but. it's got to have had some kind of effect."
"Okay but I think any effect is likely to be cumulative from prolonged use and probably in the case of the Goa'uld it's mitigated by the sarcophagus," I said. Dr Lee nodded in agreement. "And I won't be doing that again any time soon." I shivered. Janet's hand rested on my shoulder for a moment and the sense of comfort was immediate. I could not begin to understand how lucky I was to have her in my life. The stuff I had put her through these last few months anyone else would have cut and run. She must really love me.
What she did - what she can do amazes me - and yes, scares me. I'm only human. Now it seems that the woman I love more than anything isn't quite human any more. She can make Goa'uld technology work. Monitoring her whilst she vapourised a block of timber, drilled a hole through solid steel in a couple of minutes was heart stopping. I can safely say that despite all of our monitoring equipment we are no closer to finding out how she does it than we were before we started. Her pulse, internal temperature, heartrate remained exactly the same. Her body profile was that of a person at rest, relaxed even. Yet she was channeling enough energy. Any physical changes were due to what she was doing to the immediate environment - the temperature hiked nearly 60 degrees in that room - not to the immense amounts of energy she was channeling.
It bothers her. I can tell. I'm being very positive about it all. If I show any kind of doubt, any intimation that what she can do scares me to death it will hurt her badly. And I never want to hurt her. She is so strong for everyone and it is the least I can do to be strong for her. The very least.
It will take longer to analyse her brain activity. The amplitude of her output did change, the wave form was deeper but unless she was putting out something that our machines weren't calibrated to detect there was nothing out of the ordinary even whilst she was melting carbon steel.
In a couple of days when I'm sure she's properly rested we'll run some tests with the healing device. I have a couple of volunteers lined up for her to work on. I want to see if the age of the injury is also a factor. There is evidence from the sarcophagus that the older the injury the less effective the sarcophagus is at healing it. When Daniel went in Pylus's sarcophagus it healed his immediate injuries and was apparently beneficial for his chronic eyesight problems. He was able to forgo lenses for a couple of days at least. But once he was back and over the sarcophagus withdrawal his eyesight had returned to its previous state.
It scares her, this power so unexpectedly gifted to her. She thought she knew who she was. And now she's not so sure. The memories she retains from her encounter with Jolinar, the emotions that are not her own, I know they confuse her. I know she is both desperate to understand and terrified of getting in any deeper. But the quest for knowledge will win out, I know. Already she has asked if Dr McKenzie and I can help her to retrieve more of the memories and in a more coherent fashion than she is at present. She is an excellent hypnotic subject we know and there are techniques in biofeedback and lucid dreaming that she may also find useful. But we also have to work through her fears.
She has told me a little of her dreams, of a man who watches her. Intense eyes. The emotions she feels towards him scare her. Love, exhilaration, fear. It confuses her. But when she is in my arms all that confusion melts away. With me she is sure. With me she is safe.
And this will never change. I hope she knows that. I have to make her understand. I am here for the long haul. I am here for as long as she wants me, needs me. She is the most fascinating, the most exhilarating woman. And after she's done her six impossible things before breakfast, she comes home to me.
And I promise you, my sweet Sam, I will always be here.
COVER ME - Bjork (Post)
While I crawl into the unknown
I'm going hunting for mysteries
I'm going to prove the impossible really exists
This is really dangerous
But worth all the effort
I'm going to prove the impossible really exists
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